Alex had always been anxious.
It started with trying to keep his sexuality a secret, but as he grew up he opened that up to people, bit by bit.
First, when he was fifteen,it was Luke and Reggie. His brothers hugged him and told him how proud they were that he was brave enough to tell them.
Next, when he was a week from sixteen, was Julie and Flynn. Flynn yelled “Finally!” And thrust a gay pride pin into Alex’s hand with a big smile.
Then, just after he turned seventeen, it was Julie’s dad, Ray. He was the adult Alex knew for the least amount of time, even though he’s known Julie as long as he’s known Luke. Ray cried with a smile, telling him that he was proud of him and honored that he would trust him enough to tell him.
A week after telling Ray, he told Luke’s parents. Emily and Mitch just smiled and hugged him, promising he was still the same boy they had known for years.
The next day was his own parents. He was hopeful, until the first slur left his father’s mouth. He was thrown out of the house, his parents hurling his things into the yard as they screamed profanities and more slurs at him. It was after ten o clock at night, Alex called Luke because he didn’t know what else to do. When Alex heard the car pull up, he looked through his tears and saw Ray hurrying him to the car, positioning himself between Alex and his parents like he could protect the boy from their words. Julie, Flynn, Luke and Reggie quickly picked up all the things they could, piling into the car and going back to the studio. Luke and Julie held Alex while he cried, and Ray quietly took Alex’s things to their spare bedroom, moving the boy into his home and even more into his heart. The first time he heard Alex whisper the words to himself, when everyone had fallen asleep, “What am I going to do now?” Ray told him he was there. Volunteering to be there for him and help him finish school and whatever came next. Alex hugged Ray and they cried together.
After a few weeks, Alex had grown less anxious, and now, three years later, living with Luke and Reggie, life was better than he expected. He had Luke and Reggie. He had Julie and Flynn and Ray, not to mention Carlos. And now he had Willie. But there was one other constant on his mind. His eleven year old little brother, Charlie, was left behind in that house that night. He talked about Charlie a lot, no matter how long it had been since he left. Willie would listen with a fond smile, sometimes writing or signing questions as Alex spoke.
That morning, Alex came to the realization that Charlie’s fifteenth birthday was a week away, and Alex refused to miss another one. He stood by anxiously, as Flynn and her little brother, Damien, called Charlie. Her brother still has class with him, has been his best friend for years, and Alex was eternally grateful as he convinced Charlie to have his parents hire the band his sister managed. No one mentioned it, but everyone was aware not to mention Alex’s name to the Joyners. When Wayne and Jolene called Flynn, forgetting her over the years, about hiring the band, she casually mentioned Ray’s photography business, and they offered to bring him on for the party as well. Alex hoped it would work. And if it didn’t, his found family would still be there.
Alex couldn’t relax after that. He spent the entire day on edge. At home with Luke and Reggie, at family dinner with the Molinas, even at rehearsal as Willie and Flynn watched them practice. Everyone knew that seeing Charlie would mean the world to him, but no one knew what to say to calm him down. As practice finished, a soft knock on the door signaled Ray before he pulled it open, one hand tucked behind his back. “Dad-“ Julie started, but Ray held a finger to his lips as he approached Alex. The drummer was writing and scratching out and rewriting lyrics to make the perfect song for his little brother.
“Alex.” He said it softly, but the blonde young man’s head snapped up at the sound.
“Dad-“ Again Ray held a finger to his lips, over the smile he held at Alex calling him dad. It had started a few months after he moved Alex in with them, slipped out and Alex had panicked over how he would react. But Ray took the title proudly, becoming the surrogate father Alex and Reggie never got to have. Whenever he had the chance, he called the three boys ‘son’.
“Alex, I want you to look at something.” Ray pulled his arm out, propping an old photo album on the coffee table as he sat next to Alex on the couch. The others slowly clustered toward the table to see the pictures. The one on display was from Halloween in sixth grade, right after Flynn moved to the neighborhood and joined their group. They were all dressed as members of the Justice League, Alex in the middle dressed as Batman, with a four year old on his shoulders dressed as Robin. Alex suddenly felt a lump in his throat. “That night, when you guys came here to watch a movie and I was putting him to bed, he told me that you reminded him of Batman. Because you were always there when he needed you, even when he couldn’t see you.” Ray flipped a few pages to their middle school graduation, Charlie clinging to Alex’s back, their blonde hair falling in their faces as they laughed at Luke attempting to walk on his hands. Then he flipped again, to a shot from just a few days before Alex came out, at Flynn’s house, Charlie and Damien were trying to tackle Alex and Reggie in a game of flag football. Ray’s next words were soft and gentle as he put his hand on Alex’s shoulder, “I’ve never agreed with what your parents did when they forced you to turn your back on him. And I know you know that, just like I know you never really turned your back. You were always the constant in his life growing up, and on some level, I promise you, on some level he will not truly believe you abandoned him. And no matter what happens, we will be there for you. I will be there for you, son.” Alex threw his arms around Ray’s shoulders and sobbed into the older man’s neck. Ray returned the hug with the same ferocity as everyone wiped tears from their eyes.
The day of the party, Alex was pacing again. He heard Luke mutter something to Reggie about the runway strut. Reggie kissed Luke’s cheek before coming over to Alex’s side. “Man, I know you’re nervous. And I wish I knew what to say to you, but I just hope you realize that we’re here for you. The whole time. We aren’t going anywhere.”
“Thanks.” Alex said softly, bumping his shoulder into Reggie’s as he kept pace with Alex’s steps. “I know there is no reason to be anxious. By the end of the day, Charlie will want me around, or he won’t. And there’s nothing I can do to change that. But my parents, the song-“
”The song is amazing, Alex.” Reggie said calmly, interrupting Alex before he had a chance to say his spiraling thoughts out loud. “And your parents, they might be happy to see you.” Alex shot Reggie a very unimpressed expression at the obvious lie. “Okay, they probably won’t be happy to see you. But Charlie will be. I know that.”
”You can’t possibly know that.” Alex said softly, “But thank you.” Reggie nodded with a smile as the door opened, revealing Willie and Flynn with big smiles. “Willie? What are you doing here?” Willie raised an eyebrow at Alex.
’What do you mean? I’m not leaving my boyfriend on such a big day. I’m playing roadie for this event.’ He signed as he made his way across the studio. Alex’s smile grew as Willie made it over to him.
”Thank you.” Alex said, again, kissing Willie as Reggie and Luke aww’d at them. Flynn grabbed his band mates, pulling them from the garage as Alex gave her a grateful smile. “I need you to do me a favor today.”
’I’d do anything for you, baby.’ Alex smiled as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend.
”If things get loud with my-with my parents, I need you to get Reggie away. Okay? He’ll probably fight you about it, but I’ll have Luke with me. Can you try to do that for me?”
’Of course. I’d rather be with you, but if that is what you need then I’ll do it.’
”I would rather have you with me, too.” A tear slipped down Alex’s cheek and Willie reached up and wiped it away. “I can’t let Reggie slip. I’m sorry. He’s gotten so much better with loud noises and fighting since he got away from his parents, I just can’t be the reason he goes back to jumping at everything.”
Alex turned away, staring at something on the far wall, and Willie could see his mind running through the worst possible scenarios. Willie tapped the taller boy on the shoulder, waiting until his boyfriend was looking at him again to start signing, ‘Listen to me, Alex. Nothing that happens today will be your fault. You are so much stronger than you think you are, and Charlie is going to remember you, and he’s going to see that you wanted to be there for him. I will keep an eye on Reggie, I promise. But I’ll also be right there if you need me.’ Alex pulled Willie into him again, hugging with all the strength his arms could muster and silently thanking Reggie and Julie for spending the last few months teaching him to sign so he could understand Willie without his notebook.
”Alex, Willie,” Julie’s gentle voice came from the still open door, they looked up at her smiling face as she pretended not to notice the drying tears on Alex’s face, “It’s time to get moving.”
At the Joyner’s house, there were so many people that it was easy for Julie and Flynn to keep Wayne and Jolene distracted while the boys set up. Ray kept coming up with new poses for Charlie and his best friend so they wouldn’t see Alex yet. But Alex didn’t miss the look Charlie and Damien exchanged. Once this was over, he and Charlie might have more to talk about than he thought. Alex let his hair hang on his face as he sat behind his drums, attempting to will his nerves away. A camera shutter behind him told Alex that Ray was there. “I’m scared, dad.” He barely muttered the words, but he knew Ray heard them when he felt a hand on his shoulder.
”It’s going to be okay, son. I promise. I’m here.” He gave his shoulder a squeeze before Luke gave the signal that everything was ready to go. “I can’t wait to hear the song.” He whispered before moving away from the small stage that was set up in the large yard. Alex looked through his bangs, seeing Willie and Flynn place Charlie front and center with Damien, who was grinning from ear to ear. Julie’s voice filtered through the speakers.
”This first song is really special. It was written special for the birthday boy, from someone who cares about him more than words could express. This is Leave You Behind. Charlie, this is from Alex.” The crowd was dead silent as Alex pushed his hair back, but he didn’t dare to look out, he brought the drum beat in hard. Luke and Reggie joined him and soon the words he’d spent the last week agonizing over filled the air.
”I never meant to run away
I miss you more every day
If I could I would have stayed
I don’t know what I can say”
Alex looked up, Charlie’s mouth was hanging open as he clung to Damien’s arm, his eyes were watery. In the back of the crowd, Alex could see his parents seething, wondering how they were tricked into letting him back to their house. He shook his head and focused on Charlie.
”When the world beats down
Know that I am always around
The worst thing I’ve done in my time
Was leave you behind”
Alex had worried over the lyrics, but the way Julie and Luke sang them made him proud. He knew that when it was over there would be hell to pay. But right now he needed Charlie to know that he was still there for his little brother. Alex stood up from his set as Flynn played a background track of drum beats, mic in his hand, as he came to the front of the stage.
”I didn’t mean to run out on you
It wasn’t a time I got to choose
I’d choose you through space and time
I never meant to leave you behind”
The song ended in an eruption of applause from Charlie’s friends, but Alex didn’t hear any of it as he watched his little brother bound up onto the stage. Charlie pulled Alex into him, their height difference much smaller after the years he was away, and he tucked his head into Alex’s shoulder. “I never thought you just left Alex.” Charlie said softly, “I was going to find you the day I turned eighteen.”
Alex opened his mouth, but suddenly a scream from the back jolted the boys away from each other. “CHARLES GIDEON JOYNER YOU LET GO OF THAT ABOMINATION RIGHT THIS SECOND!” For a split second, Alex cringed at the word, but then his brain realized it was a time he needed to stay strong.
”Mom, please-“ Alex started, as his parents appeared in front of them, his father roughly pulling Charlie away.
”I am not your mother!” She screamed, “And we will not have you rubbing your affliction on our son!”
”It’s not an affliction, mom!” Charlie yelled, yanking his arm away from their father. “Alex is gay and you need to accept that!”
”We don’t need to accept anything of the kind! No child of ours is going to be gay!” Their father screamed. Alex saw the way Charlie’s face changed, from upset to determined.
”Well then you have no children.” It was like the air got sucked from the backyard, one second Alex registered his father arm moved, and the next he held his face as he moved in front of Charlie, the crack ringing through his ears. “Alex!” Charlie grabbed his arm, pulling him away as his face burned. Alex saw Flynn and Willie move Reggie away as his shoulders started to shake at the noise, but Reggie still fought them. Alex could hear him saying he needed to be there. “How could you!?” Charlie screamed, still cradling Alex against him. Alex blinked, and suddenly Luke, Julie, Ray and Damien were beside them. Luke and Ray stood between their parents and them as they were yelling insults.
”Charlie, I’m so sorry.” Alex gasped out, “I didn’t want you to deal with this. I wanted to be there for you.”
”No, don’t be sorry, Alex. I was awake that night. I was so proud of you for telling them. I hated them for throwing you out. Not that it matters now, they’re gonna throw me out.” Charlie wiped at his eyes, and Alex realized he was crying.
”It’ll be okay!” Julie said brightly, “What’s one more Joyner joining the Molina family? Right, dad?”
”Absolutely, kiddo. I got some very nice shots, by the way.” Ray said, flipping through his camera. “Jules, why don’t you and Damien take Charlie up to pack some of his stuff? He can stay with us, or maybe Alex until something is figured out.”
Charlie’s eyes went wide, “Could I really?” His voice was so soft that even in the tense atmosphere Alex had to laugh as he nodded. “Now I can finally do this!” Charlie beamed before grabbing Damien’s face and kissing him soundly.
The night after they made it back to the studio, Ray and Alex sat down and made a plan for Charlie’s living situation. So that he could finish his time in the same high school, they agreed he should stay with Ray, but Alex insisted on paying rent for him since he wouldn’t let Alex do it when he lived there. Alex and Charlie cried for hours, out of happiness to be reunited and sadness over their parents, before a knock sounded on the studio doors. Flynn poked her head in, “Hey guys, can we come in?” Alex nodded, and Flynn pulled the door back to reveal the rest of the band, Willie, Damien, and the Molinas. Willie waved, smiling brightly. Alex beamed back.
”Charlie, I want you to meet someone who is almost as important to me as you are.” Alex said seriously, but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face. “This is my boyfriend, Willie. Talking to him can get a little weird.” Laughter ran through the room as Willie faked a pout. “He can hear, but he can’t speak, so he signs a lot.”
”Oh!” Charlie exclaimed, signing to Willie. ‘Thank you for taking care of him for me.’ Alex’s eyes opened wide and Charlie grinned sheepishly “Damien taught it to me. Flynn taught him.”
When Alex looked at Flynn and Damien, they shrugged. Flynn spoke up, “I knew you’d want them to meet eventually. So I figured I’d make them prepared.” Alex mouthed a thank you as he looked back at the man he loved and his little brother.
It might’ve been a rough journey to get there, but as Alex looked around at the family he’d found as he played with Willie’s hair and listened to Charlie talk skateboarding with him, he realized he couldn’t have asked for better people to share that journey with.