Arthur wasn't often alone.
Most of his days were filled with training and fighting, which always meant the knights were present.
Other parts of the day he spend with the council – which included the council members.
Other days he was captured and tortured and then there was always a bandit or sorcerer present.
Arthur woke up to the sound of Merlin's voice and went to sleep with the same. Not in a nasty way. Merlin was just always there to wake him up or send him off to sleep.
And Merlin was always there when Arthur called for him.
Okay – almost always. Merlin had the horrible tendency to be incompetent and disappear at random times of the day.
Still…. there was hardly any room for privacy.
People expected him to have a fixed opinion about everything. And often, they expected to know what those opinions were.
Not to mention most of his people bowed to him without questioning these opinions.
How was Arthur supposed to have his own opinions, if he was constantly faced with people whose expectations he had to fulfill? Or who kept changing their opinions based on what they thought Arthur wanted to hear. He was constantly manipulated. Or felt manipulated, because some of these people were really sneaky. Arthur tried to reach their expectations. It was an unconscious thing. Everybody does that.
Arthur preferred people who challenged him openly. Talked topics out with him without raising expectations at all. Who just showed him his options, so he could calculate more realistically.
There was a huge difference between a noble who told him he had been wronged in some strangely subjective way and a servant who showed him the unfair payment calculations for all servants regardless of gender or religion or heritages compared to each other.
Arthur preferred challenges. People who didn't hide their hopes for the future. Who showed him how Camelot could be better than it ever was.
That was one of the reasons why he fell in love with Guinevere. Granted, that didn't work out well, since the maidservant already had a relationship partner. But he loved the way she verbally slapped him for being an arrogant prat.
For dismissing servants. For mistreating the poor. For not knowing he did that, because he was too used to his priviliges.
It was a shame that Morgana and her had been a secret thing for years until Arthur became king and it was suddenly save for them to come out. Not that Arthur was mad at Morgana. He was a little jealous, yes. But in the end he accepted that he didn't have a chance with Gwen. And even if it didn't work out between the two ladies – not that Arthur thought they wouldn't, they were such a lovely couple - but even then, he wouldn't try Gwen.
There was some kind of unspoken rule between Morgana and Arthur that demanded that neither of them would try a relationship with each others exes. That rule simply existed to avoid any kind of family drama that could result in either of the one trying to kill each other.
They were all the family they had left. And Uther Pendragon had left most of what they were a mess. Morgana was still hardly talking to him for some reason. And Arthur didn't want to strain their friendship any more than it already was.
It was just that – as king – people had certain expectations of Arthur.
And those were hard to combine with his own desire for love. True love. Not a love match – like Uther had tried to force him into, before he died.
Arthur felt restricted in his choices. He didn't have the privacy to meet new people he could fall in love with -
And since he was supposed to produce and heir (a sentence he always found revolting. You produce food, and weapons and gifts. Never family members.), his choices were practically limited to women.
Which Arthur had figured out – wasn't necessarily a factor he wanted to base his choices on.
What he needed was time for himself. He needed time to think.
And so he decided that at least once a week – he would have the day off to wander around in the woods by himself. Enjoy the dark and the calm. And try to figure out how he wanted his future Camelot to be. What he wanted himself to be.
He would walk around in disguise and Merlin would tell the knights he was studying or doing paperwork or something else utterly useless.
Merlin always waited for Arthur to come back. Just in case something may happen.
Merlin was a good friend. If Arthur was honest with himself – Merlin was the best friend he ever had. It would make an awful lot of sense that Arthur had developed a small crush on him over time.
Okay – maybe small was an understatement.
But as he said already – his options were limited.
His ideal partner would be a woman, with a kingdom that proved to be a powerful ally. Ready to have at least one child with him.
Anything less would be accepted as long as one of the traits was granted. Meaning: The person was either rich, powerful, or had the potential to get pregnant.
Those traits were far from a completely powerless serving boy with absolutely no useful assets except for his wits.
Arthur loved him for being exactly that. Merlin's not-acceptable-aesthetic made him perfect in Arthur's eyes. It calmed him down in a way.
It took the pressure of him. And it made him certain that he didn't like Merlin because of anything he could provide – but for the person he truly was.
Arthur wouldn't be using him, if their feelings ever happened to be mutual. Which he was certain they weren't. (Obviously. Who goes around assuming your crush likes you back? That's not how anxiety works. Lmao.)
Unfortunately – as the king – it was apparently Arthur's job to use people for his kingdom's advantage.
And if that wasn't enough – it brought him to his next frustration.
Child care.
Arthur sighed as he mindlessly averted some lower hanging branches. It was already dark. It was also pretty cold. The air felt icy on his skin and the stars shone brightly between the bare crowns of the trees.
Arthur's eyes were used to the dark. And he preferred cool and silent November nights like these.
They also promised coming home to a warm room, freshly cleaned. And hot milk with honey ready to warm him up.
Merlin with a welcoming smile on his face. Arthur smiled to himself.
Arthur wasn't the type to have childen. He couldn't imagine it. He couldn't imagine being a dad.
However, he could imagine Merlin with a child.
Arthur shook his head. He was here to think about his future– not Merlin.
Merlin occupied his mind far too much already. Arthur was taking the night off to clear his head. Not to walk the same circles he walked all week.
So – Arthur with a child. Arthur wasn't good with children. He was scared of newborns. Mostly because the things were fragile little blobs of a human.
How those little worms ever grew up to be knights or bandits or whatever else you could be as an adult – was beyond Arthur. (A.N.:// ahh, yes. The two genders: knights and bandits)
That he himself had been a blob before – kind of terrified him.
And then there were young children. Not that Arthur talked to them often. But children didn't care much about status and respect for royals, unless their parents were present.
So, Arthur had a few encounters with some – let's say unshaped minds. Curious about anything, they were. They had so many questions. And Arthur found himself unable to answer half of them.
Because one wrong word – honest or not – and you had an angry mother on your neck, accusing you of ruining a childhood. Or that these children were 'too young' to know anything beyond the color of the grass and the shape of a cube. (Arthur had told the people to tell him, if they were concerned about something. And mothers were always concerned.)
Other questions Arthur could just genuinely not answer.
On a more memorable occasion, a child had asked him: “why is magic outlawed.”
And truth be told – Arthur still had no answer to that than “because it corrupts”. For an adult – that answer may be enough. But the child kept asking.
“What is 'corruptsing'?”, the child had asked in a high and wondrous tone, unable to pronounce the word 'corruption' right. So Arthur just told the child that magic made people evil instead. It was an easier word for them to understand. Not that it was any more accurate.
Then the child was totally confused. And Arthur didn't know why this was irritating at all. And honestly- didn't these parents teach their kids about the evil of magic?
And then the child had said: “Why are they evil? Because I told mommy that Tommy is evil, but she said Tommy's just mean.”, they pouted.
Now – Arthur didn't know who Tommy was. Or what he did that another child would excuse him of being evil. But that question struck him somehow.
It struck him, because the only answer in the back of his mind was: “Because they have magic.”
And that didn't answer the question at all.
Now – Arthur wasn't stupid. He was raised by Uther Pendragon. And under his rule – many sorcerers had attacked Camelot. Many powerful sorcerers and magical creatures had caused nothing but pain and destruction.
But – if truth be told – so had non magical beings.
And since Uther had died – attacks in general had gotten less and less.
Sure – magic wasn't legal. But some of the cases that Arthur had to hold judgment over – had just made him wonder.
There had been a woman brought before him, because she had used magic to help a wounded man on a farm. The man himself had vouched for her. His wife had accused her of bewitching her husband.
Arthur hadn't really known what to say or do. Because the man didn't seem affected by the magic, other than that his broken leg was healed.
And the woman had not once tried to use her magic to get out of her handcuffs or attack anyone. She just ensured the wife that she was not in any way interested in the husband. Neither for personal or any form of goal whatsoever. She had just wanted to help. And now she feared for her life, because her magic had been made public to the king of Camelot.
After keeping all three people in the dungeons, Arthur had observed that the only issue between them had been the jealousy of the wife. Not the magic itself.
So he had let them go. Despite the illegal crime.
Arthur was beginning to understand that his father's rejection of magic, the law against it – had created more enemies than it had helped Camelot.
Sure – magic must have been chaos before the purge – but instead of banning it, he should have put regulations on it's use!
The longer Arthur was king – the more these contradicting occasions seemed to occur.
During Uther's rule, there had only been a few memorable one's that Arthur could recall.
Like the magical orb that had saved his life from Nimueh, when he tried to save Merlin's life all those years ago.
Or the strange sorcerer who claimed to have put Arthur and Gwen under a love potion, when Gwen was accused of sorcery (again). That one was especially strange, since Arthur knew for certain that Gwen hadn't been interested in him then... and Arthur himself had been about to move on.
Uther had been the only one convinced by that strange old man.
Seriously, where did he come from? Where did he go? (A.N.:// Where did you come from, Cotton Eye Joe! ….. Sorry, I couldn't stop myself - .)
The man WAS a sorcerer. There was no doubt in that. How else did he manage to vanish right before he was supposed to burn on the pyre?
Why did he even wait that long to magic himself out of that situation? It was like he wanted to HELP Arthur. And as a man with powerful magic such as that -
Arthur shook his head.
Then there was the basted. A magical creature that brought havoc on the entire kingdom of Camelot. She killed two knights. And a bunch of commoners.
Yes, she. Arthur had seen her. Right before the moon shone upon her before she turned into a beast. She had screamed, before her body had torn herself apart for the second time that night, when Arthur and his men had her finally cornered.
She had escaped that night. Arthur still wondered where she was. Or what she did after that. Was she still in Camelot?
Apparently not, or else there would have been more deaths reported. He DID hear about a few dead found cows and deer somewhere outside the walls of Camelot, where the farmers had their lands.
But no human bodies. Arthur had originally wanted to put an end to all this – to her – until he found the marked page in one of Gaius' books.
A book about magical creatures. Arthur had just wanted to make sure that he knew how to destroy the thing.
The marked page however – it send shivers down his spine. The woman had been cursed. She couldn't control what she was doing. She was cursed to slaughter whatever living being was close to her at night.
She probably never wanted to hurt anyone. But that bounty hunter who brought her to Camelot had kept her in a cage that would not have hold her.
Then she had to hide in Camelot, because the guards were searching for her everywhere.
Of course it took her some time to escape.
And of course it had been impossible for her to stop herself from murdering innocent people.
Now she most likely lived outside of Camelot. Not harming a single human, because she had distanced herself from them. She never wanted to hurt anyone.
She was the one who had been hurt.
Arthur had made it official, that the beast had been slain. His father was still alive then.
Now Arthur was king.
The reports of animal deaths however – they had stopped about two years ago.
Which meant that something must have happened to her.
She either left, broke the curse …. or died.
But Arthur didn't want to know. He sincerely hoped that whatever had happened, had changed and saved her. He didn't think about her often. But whenever he thought about the evil of magic -
he kept wondering what her story was supposed to tell him.
She had been cursed – so that magic had been evil.
But she never meant any harm. She never used her power to attack Camelot (on purpose). So she wasn't corrupted by it.
Arthur shook his head and sighed deeply, as he sat down on a random log that must have fallen to the forest floor during the last storm....
Or hunting trip. There was an awful lot of branches falling from trees whenever he faced bandits.
It made Arthur wary of them.
Uncertainly, he looked up at the tree he sat underneath, to check how sturdy the branches looked.
Only to be met by a couple of yellow eyes.
Arthur jumped to his feet, hand on his sword (which he always kept with him. He was the king of Camelot alone in the woods. He was an easy target. He needed to protect himself.), pulling it out it's sheath in a fast and practiced movement.
His stand was sturdy and calculating and the adrenaline in his veins sharpened his senses.
“What are you!”, she demanded, but the answer was a small screech, as a – thing – fell from the tree.
Arthur stepped back.
The thing was about as tall as a small dog. Completely white, with scales and wings. And yes – yellow eyes.
It was a dragon.
Arthur's breath hitched, as his sword fell to the ground. Himself with it.
He had hardly survived the last dragon he had faced. This one may be small, but that didn't make it any less dangerous. And Arthur remembered his own panic from last time.
He had been certain he'd die that day. He still didn't know how he defeated the thing.
And the giant thing had been supposed to be the last of it's kind.
Giant yellow eyes stared into Arthur's, as the dragon slowly moved forward. Curiously trying to inspect Arthur's face.
The it opened it's snout and Arthur was certain he'd be a crisp of a man within a second.
Goodbye Merlin. Goodbye beautiful world.
“Are you lost?”
Arthur's eyes blinked open and he lowered his arms that he had raised over his head for his own protection.
As ridiculous as it may sound, he looked around. There was nobody there. Only that dragon creature that still looked at him like it was waiting for something.
But that was impossible!
“Are you lost?”, the dragon asked again.
Arthur's eyes widened immediately. He inhaled a scream, so that only a high pitched noise escaped his throat.
The dragon jumped at the sudden sound, before it sat down in front of him again. It's long tail dragging behind it, twitching from side to side. Waiting. Calculating.
“What are you?”, Arthur asked – more to himself than the Dragon itself. Because dragon's. Did. Not. Talk!
“I'm Aithusa.”, the dragon said cheerfully. It had a high voice – much like that of a young child.
Great – like Arthur wasn't already terrified of children.
“You shouln't be out here.”, the dragon said. It – 'they' – Arthur corrected himself (because this creature could talk, so they must be some kind of person) – were swallowing some letters of some words. Which didn't make it harder to understand them. But it made them sound a lot less dangerous.
“Hi, I'm Arthur. Why shouldn't I be here?”, Arthur asked. He felt oddly distraught by this conversation, because he was still expecting to be eaten alive. At the same time, the more he looked at the dragon, the more adorable he found them.
The dragon tilted their head. “Papa said it's dangerous. Because it's dark. You don't know where you're going. You can't see at night. I can.”
Arthur opened his mouth to respond, but found himself unable to respond to that.
Until he gathered his courage again.
“Your – your Papa?”, Arthur asked irritated. The creature had a father?
The dragon nodded.
“Where is your papa?”, Arthur asked worried. Is it another dragon? A sorcerer maybe? Something else entirely? Should Arthur be even more terrified than he already was?
“Papa has work. And my granny is tired. She sleeps now.” Aithusa mischievously
grinned at Arthur. “I'm not supposed to be here either.”
They had a grandmother too. Arthur was going to faint.
Ah well... what did Arthur have to loose. “Are – are your father and – and your grandmother dragons too?”, he asked nervously.
Aithusa blinked curiously. “Am I a dragon?”, they asked with wide eyes. Grinning happily, like a child who was promised their favorite toy for their birthday. “Dragon's are so cool! Am I really a dragon?”
They jumped up and down, almost tackling Arthur further into hiding.
Arthur stared and scrambled back to his feet. Now that he thought about it – the dragon was extremely small.
“How old are you?”, Arthur asked.
Aithusa smiled widely at him, baring a sharp looking row of teeth at him. “Five!”, they said happily and held up a paw of four sharp nails.
They frowned, like the paw wasn't supposed to have four nails only.
The Dragon rose to their full height, by leaning on their back feet and holding up one more nail of the other paw, so they held up the right number for Arthur.
“You are five?”, Arthur asked exasperated.
So it really was a child dragon. Aithusa let themselves fall back on their front feet and nodded very seriously.
“And you? You look old! Like papa old.”
Arthur blinked and frowned. “I'm not that old.”, he said irritated. How on earth was he arguing about this with a child dragon?
“Wait a second, Aithusa. How don't you know you're a dragon? What did you think you were?”
Aithusa looked at him curiously and Arthur wondered for a moment, if maybe they had thought they were a human, or another magical creature, because they were raised by one?
“Papa said I was magic.”, Aithusa said earnestly.
“Papa said that I'm like mommy. But that mommy didn't have a choice to be magic like me.”
Aithusa looked sad all of a sudden.
“Your mommy?” Honestly, Arthur had no idea how to respond to that.
“Mommy isn't here anymore.”, Aithusa looked really sad now. “Papa said she was sick. She died when I was three.”
Arthur felt extremely uncomfortable now. Aithusa's mommy was dead.
Honestly the entire situation was completely surreal. How was he supposed to comfort a dragon child like that?
Also what did that mean, she didn't have a choice to be magic like them?
Did their father have a strange intimate relationship with a dragon, because by the gods, Arthur did NOT want to imagine that.
“I miss mommy. Papa says I remind him of her. So I like being magic sometimes. I think I'm more like her then. She was always magic at night.”
Arthur blinked. “What are you when you're not magic?”, he asked and felt the weird arrangements of words leave a strange taste in his mouth. So their mother wasn't always a dragon.
Still the weirdest relationship Athur had ever tried to imagine....
Okay – admittedly – his fathers last marriage with the troll Catrina had been worse. Arthur could deal with this.
Aithusa smiled.
And then something completely strange happened. It was dark. Too dark to see anything properly. But Aithusa stood up on their legs again. From their eyes, a soft glowing illuminated their white scales. And slowly, their form shifted into something smaller. Softer. Skinnier.
A human child. Pale skin, dark hair, bright brown eyes where the soft golden glow faded back into darkness.
They were small. Vulnerable. Naive.
Oh so naive.
The child had magic. WAS magic at times, apparently.... or rather a magical creature. Magic was against the law.
Arthur wasn't just a stranger he met at night in the woods... he was also the king of Camelot. Where the use of magic was punished by death.
Only that Arthur knew he couldn't punish this child for BEING something.
The child was five years old, for god's sake!
“Do you want to see my friends? I made butterflies. They glow!”, Aithusa suddenly changed the subject and sure enough, a couple of colorful butterflies emerged from their hands into the cold dark air.
Arthur stared at them. Still caught of guard and at the same time, completely mesmerized by the sight.
Aithusa smiled encouragingly at Arthur. Who was still completely unable to do anything. Let alone move.
“Didn't your father tell you not to talk to strangers?”, Arthur finally cleared his throat.
Because that was literally all he could think of. This child was far too trusting. Then again, they were five.
Aithusa looked up again, looking Arthur up and down. “Yes - but you don't look strange to me.”
Arthur's heart instantly melted. It hurt how innocent this child was. He couldn't hurt them. Not that that he ever would have tried to. Just – according to the laws, he should.
“No. Aithusa, listen.”
Aithusa nodded, as Arthur took all his courage to bend down to them.
“A stranger is someone you don't know. Someone you never met before. You don't know their name. You don't know who they are or if they know your parents.
Strangers can be dangerous.”
Aithusa blinked. “Oh.”, they said and looked at their hands, before stretching out their right arm.
“Then, can you tell me your name?”
Arthur winced internally. “My name is Arthur. I'm the king of Camelot. Has your papa told you about me? I could bring you home if you -”
Aithusa's eyes went wide with wonder and sheer excitement.
“You're papa's friend!”, they exclaimed and now it was Arthur's turn to flinch.
Aithusa's father was his friend? Did they know each other? Or was Aithusa's father just telling them that for.... whatever reasons he may have to tell them that.
“My papa talks about you ALL the time.”
“He does?”, Arthur asked in shock.
Aithusa nodded enthusiastically. “He loves you.”
Arthur paled. Should he be concerned that there was apparently a magic sorcerer with a DRAGON child hiding under his nose being in love with him?
Arthur shook his head shortly. Aithusa probably exaggerated. Because their father must be talking about him in a positive way. Aithusa probably meant a different kind of love.
He had just been so focused on thinking about his love life lately, it was the first thing he associated with that sentence. Surely that must be it.
“Really? What does he say?”
“Papa says you're the best king ever! You're kind and generous and brave and fair. And he says you'll make the kingdom better. And unite the lands. And create Albion, where everyone is free and happy all the time!”
Arthur grabbed for his heart unconsciously. Another reason why he was terrified of children. They had a way to sneak into other people's hearts without their consent. And then innocently squish his heart until it bled rainbows and unicorns.
“Your father has high hopes in me.”
Aithusa nodded. “That's why he protects you! Because you protect the world.”
Arthur's mind went blank, as only a long sound of 'awe' stretched on in his mind. So adorable.
He cleared his throat again.
“Maybe I should bring you home first, right? I can protect you until we're there and then I protect the world.”
Maybe a child dragon didn't really need protection. But Aithusa's eyes lit up excitedly as Arthur said this and immediately grabbed for his hand.
“It's that way.”, they pointed ahead into the dark woods.
Arthur nodded and let Aithusa lead the way.
Normally, he wouldn't have done this. He had just WARNED the child of talking to strangers. And even though Arthur knew he wasn't the kind of danger that this child should be afraid of – he still feared that he was setting a bad example. Just because HE was okay, the child might come to the conclusion that their parents warning wasn't worth listening to.
But he couldn't just leave the child alone in the woods! There was no other adult around. And if there was – THEN Arthur needed to be concerned.
----------------------------
Turns out, Aithusa didn't strive too far from home. There was a small hut just passed the border of the forest. A secret passageway underneath fallen rocks and trees lead out onto a small field.
It was clear that whoever lived here had just enough nature around them to take care of themselves.
And the place lay beautifully close to a lake.
Arthur blinked a couple of times, as small magical looking orbs roamed the place.
You could see the stars from here and the moon shone brightly from the sky.
He could hear chirping sounds in the distance and heard the wind whisper in the grass.
“What are these things?”, Arthur asked, trying to touch the tiny glowing objects.
“Don't touch them!”, Aithusa warned and batted Arthur's hand away.
“They don't like being touched. They are the Shee! Papa says they are mean little beasts. You can't really see or hear them, because they are really fast, but they glow in the dark.
It's their magic.”
Arthur nodded in irritation. He had the inkling feeling that these Shee people were watching him. Like they knew him or something. Or maybe they just didn't expect him here.
“AITHUSA!”, Arthur flinched, as did Aithusa as an old woman ran towards them.
She looked old. But oddly familiar. Had Arthur met her before? He didn't think so.
But she ran up to Aithusa and practically ripped them from Arthur's hand.
Protectively, she hugged the child and send Arthur a frightened glance.
Now – that was an interesting reaction. A mother who misses their child wouldn't normally be terrified by the person who brought them back.
But this woman wasn't Aithusa's mother, as their mother was dead. She must be the grandmother. And she must know that the fact that Arthur had a sword meant that he was a dangerous person to her and her grandchild. Especially since Aithusa had magic.
“Hello.”, Arthur said awkwardly.
“My name is Arthur. Arthur Pendragon. I just – brought them home!”, he held up his hands, to make sure she knew he wasn't a threat.
“Arthur is papa's friend!”, Aithusa smiled at her. “I like him. He's nice.”
“Arthur? KING Arthur?”, she said and inhaled a deep breath. Arthur blinked and smiled, feeling anxious all of a sudden.
“Yes. I found Aithusa wandering the woods. It's – erm – it's dangerous out here.”
There was a pregnant pause between them, before Arthur thought it was probably a good idea to let her know, he knew about the magic and STILL meant no harm.
“Even when they can turn into a dragon.”, he added.
The woman clasped her hand on her mouth in mild shock. Then looked at Aithusa, then Arthur, as if she understood what this meant.
“Oh, jolly.”, she said, but ultimately relaxed. “Aithusa, how many times do I have to tell you, you aren't supposed to shift!”
“Sorry.”, Aithusa pouted.
“It's fine.”, Arthur said and waved it of. “I mean – I was a bit shocked but – they seem like a good child.”
The woman looked Arthur up and down, then smiled kindly. “I think I see why Emrys has such faith in you.” Whatever that meant.
“You must understand, Aithusa can control themselves. They just -”, she cleared her throat.
“They inherited the curse of their mother. She – my daughter you see - was a bastet.
She turned into a magical creature at night. Her husband, Emrys, he was the only one who could help her manage her condition.
When Aithusa was born, we weren't really sure what effect the curse may have on them. Or if it was inheritable at all. It is, so it seems.
But their father's bloodline came through as well. Emrys is the last dragon lord. And therefore kin with the dragon's. We assume that the strong bloodline of the dragon lords also helps Aithusa control their powers. And gives them the ability to become something other than a bastet.”
She smiled awkwardly. “Oh, I'm sorry. I suppose that was a bit much. I shouldn't be telling you about this. Emrys warned me, I -”, she was a mess.
Obviously overly concerned about Aithusa and desperate to explain the situation to Arthur to make him trust her.
“No. No. That's – that's good to know.”, Arthur replied diplomatically.
Inside his mind, alarm bells ran off. The bastet was dead. And Aithusa was her CHILD! And apparently there was still a dragon lord left! GOD there were many questions on his mind now.
“I'll leave Aithusa to you then. Just -”, Arthur took a deep breath. “Make sure they don't -”, he waved at Aithusa. “Loose control.”, he wisely added, instead of saying 'attack anyone.'
The woman nodded.
“I will go back to Camelot now.”, Arthur nodded.
Aithusa looked disappointed. “But you'll come visit, right? I know Papa would be very happy!”
Arthur returned the look rather surprised. And in obvious disbelieve. He doubted this Emrys person would want him around. Not after he had hidden all this from him for so long.
Also, Arthur didn't know anyone by that name.
Arthur crouched down to be eye level to Aithusa once more. Then he ruffled their hair.
“Of course.”, he said, unsure if he even meant it.
----------------------------------------------
“Arthur! Finally! Do you even know how late it is?”
Merlin looked like a mad housewife, honestly, Arthur noted distractedly, as he finally returned to his chambers.
And then flushed, as he recognized that thought.
“Seriously! Five more minutes and I would have send the knights after you! You do know that there could be bandits outside? What if something happened to you -”
Merlin was ranting, but the anger didn't just cause guilt in Arthur's mind. It also made him feel welcomed and wanted and – dangerously enough – loved.
Today Arthur's heart just kept swelling so it seemed.
“I'm the king of Camelot, Merlin. And our best fighter. I can take care of myself.”
“Not against a dozen bandits, you can't! Or magical beasts! Not on your own! Where did you even go?”
Arthur blinked, contemplating whether or not to tell Merlin.
After all – Merlin was an easily frightened man. Granted, that made the fact that Merlin fought the most dangerous creatures alongside Arthur even more amazing.
The man was loyal by default and cared deeply for his friends and family. Arthur wondered what Merlin would have done to those 'bandits', if Arthur had ever been captured by them.
He was kind of curious to see that part of him.
“I met someone.”, he said, obviously in thought. Merlin looked at him, suddenly quiet and eager to listen. But Arthur got the strange feeling that Merlin was misreading his answer. Because Merlin was pressing his lips into a thin line.
Then his expression changed into something obviously annoyed. He sighed.
“So this entire time you've been chatting up a girl and didn't tell me? I could have covered for that, you know? Then you could have stayed the night...”
Arthur blushed furiously.
“First of all – MERlin. There is no need for you to be jealous. I didn't hook up with any girl tonight.”, Arthur rolled his eyes. Like he had time for that.
Merlin huffed. “A guy then.”
Arthur blinked as he turned to Merlin. “WOULD you be jealous if I met up with a guy?”
Was Merlin interested in men? THAT was question Arthur would love to have answered, right this second. Merlin looked caught of guard by the question.
“Depends on how you treat him.”, Merlin said cheekily.
Arthur searched Merlin's face for something. A hint that he meant it the way that Arthur thought he meant this...
That Merlin wasn't jealous of Arthur having a partner...
But jealous of the partner for having Arthur.
There was a beat of silence, that Arthur took to regain his composure.
He coughed awkwardly. “Erm.... I didn't meet ANYONE. Ok? At least not in that way.
I found a – I met a -”
Arthur was stuck between saying “child”, “dragon” and “dragon child.”
He decided to say: “dragon.”
Merlin's head turned to him very fast. “Holy shit, are you okay?”
Arthur laughed. “Relax. They were a child. Five years old. Can you believe it?”
Merlin froze. “What?”, he said, and Arthur noticed the way Merlin's eyes widened in panic. How was a child dragon more terrifying to him than an adult one?
“Yes. They – erm. They could shift into a human form.”, he added and Merlin noticeably paled.
“What – erm... what did you do? I mean they? What did they do? Did you kill them?”
Merlin's breath hitched. Every previously hint of humor gone from his voice entirely.
Arthur's eyes widened in terror. “No. Are you nuts? Merlin, I know you're terrified of everything that is somehow involved with magic, but this was a CHILD.
They were born like this!
My fathers laws.... I -”, Arthur took a deep breath and ran a hand through his hair.
“Merlin, I've been doubting the laws on magic for quite a while now. And I – I don't think my father truly knew what he was doing when he banned it from the realm.
Just – this child didn't attack me. Quite the opposite. They talked to me like they wanted to help me. I don't think magic is evil anymore.
I CAN'T believe that after everything I've been through.”
Arthur turned around to look at Merlin again, not expecting THAT expression.
Merlin's mouth was slightly parted, his eyes widened in a way that practically screamed surprise and sudden affection.
Wait – affection? Arthur's breath hitched.
“Seriously... that child was so adorably I keep wanting to adopt them.”, Arthur joked to release the tension in the room. Only that Merlin's eyes went even wider.
“Or you could marry their mother.”, he said slowly, waiting for Arthur's response.
Now that Arthur thought about it ….. he COULD adopt a child and proclaim them his heir.
“Or their father...”, Arthur added deep in thought. Because what did that woman say?
Emrys was a dragon lord? A man of power then.... His people would definitely be digging that.
It would send a positive message about magic all over the lands though.
Was that a good or a bad thing?
Merlin's face reddened. 'Is he mad now?', Arthur wondered at the flustered expression.
'Or maybe jealous...', his mind unhelpfully added.
“Anyway...”, Arthur said and shook his head from the thought. “I was thinking of visiting them tomorrow. Maybe you want to come with me? Maybe we'll meet their father.
Apparently his name is Emrys and he works for me apparently. Do you know someone by that name? I'd love to talk to him.” Arthur looked at Merlin, who blinked rapidly. His mind obviously swelling from a few hundred thoughts at once.
“No. No I don't. But erm... You can visit this dragon child of course, Sire. I won't stop you. But I have some chores left to attend to er -”
Arthur blinked. “Oh come on, Merls. I'll give you the day of. No need to be scared. They're just a child.”
“No, seriously. I have important business with Gaius.”, Merlin rejected again.
Arthur frowned in disappointment. The child would love Merlin for sure. All children loved Merlin. And it would certainly be easier to deal with them with Merlin at his side.
“Alright. Fine.”, Arthur gave up.
“But I expect my chambers in top condition when I get back tomorrow.”
“Of course, Sire.”, Merlin nodded and went to help Arthur get dressed for bed.
-------------------------------------
In the end, Arthur met up with Aithusa regulary for the following six weeks.
And he must say – he had never been that fond of a child in his entire life. Aithusa loved to play dragon... which given the circumstances made an awful lot of sense.
And the place he lived in – now snowed in as Winter had broken out quite strongly – was absolutely worth a visit.
Arthur felt strangely at home here.
Mrs. Emily kept inviting him to Dinner. And so Arthur skipped his meals in the Castle to spend some time with the small family in the woods.
Not once was Emrys there when Arthur arrived.
And he wondered when or rather, IF Aithusa's father was ever home at all.
Mrs. Emily assured him that Emrys always came home after Arthur had left already. And that both Emrys and Aithusa now never shut up about him.
Which she both adored and found absolutely annoying.
Arthur felt a bit guilty that he was apparently such a strong presence in her life. Especially considering that she was the mother of Emry's dead wife and Aithusa's mother.
He felt like an intruder. Even though she assured him that he had been a strong topic in the household even before Freya had died.
“She protects Avalon now. I know it. She has become a guardian.”, Mrs. Emily once said in an emotional outburst.
Arthur nodded, not really understanding what that meant.
Anyway.
Arthur got along with Aithusa really well. They showed him magic tricks and never in his life had Arthur seen magic be used in such adorable and memorable ways.
They made light shows out of it. Figures they could play with, like other children would make dolls out of socks.
They played with fire and water and nature in general.
Arthur felt like he had walked into a dream world. Every snowflake, every stone, every breath felt so full of life and he never thought he would ever feel like that about anything.
He wished he could share this experience with Merlin as well.
He wished Merlin was here to see magic turn the snow into little cats and snow angels and other figures that Aithusa came up with.
Maybe then Merlin would be less afraid of magic.
But until Arthur could convince him to join, Merlin kept making excuses to stay in the Castle instead.
So Arthur finally figured to do the only reasonable thing...
Bring Aithusa to Camelot.
But how would he do that, if Aithusa was a magical creature? Or.... at least half of them.
Simple... he released the ban on magic.
You cannot imagine the chaos that fell upon the council room the day Arthur announced it.
About half the knights protested immediately.
The other half was mostly just shocked, but otherwise accepted Arthur's decision with doubt.
A few..... looked positively relieved.
Wait... relieved?
Arthur blinked his own curiosity away, as he saw Mordred basically laugh in disbelieve.
The other council members – small reminders of Uther's rule, had gotten completely pale and instantly began chattering among themselves.
Morgana however – sitting at Arthur's left with her Gwen holding her hand – began to cry.
And if that wouldn't have shut the entire court up, Arthur didn't know what would have.
“'Gana! Oh honey, it's okay.”, Gwen, immediately rushing to hug her girlfriend.
Morgana basically sobbed.
She had never – not once – not that Arthur could remember at least – cried.
“Sis, is everything alright?”, Arthur asked, forgetting where they were and loosing his formal touch.
Morgana was trembling, but she was laughing. In relief. Much like Mordred, who also rushed to her side. (They had grown to be close friends.)
“Oh, yeah. I'm fine. I'm just – why?”, she said this almost accusingly, but her smile betrayed her.
“Because I think father was wrong about magic – I – what are you doing?”
If Arthur had never seen Morgana cry, it was hardly compared to being hugged by her. Her chair was basically kicked aside, as she flung herself at her brother.
“Thank you!”, she whispered in his ear.
“What for?”, Arthur asked in alarm. Morgana's lips were quivering a bit, as she released herself from her firm grip on Arthur and raised her hand at the candles on the table.
She muttered a few words in a language Arthur recognized and almost even understood. Because he had heard Aithusa use it.
The candles burned up high.
Arthur scrambled to his feet. His mind blown with the realization that – Morgana had magic.
“This makes so much sense.”, he breathed, remembering all those times Morgana had fought for the rights of the sorcerer's that were accused to being burned.
The way she had challenged Uther.
The council members however, weren't as chill about the whole thing. They were basically trying to flee. Except for a few people.
And Arthur could only guess how many of them had magic too.
Or grown up to see it used in good ways.
“You're not mad?”, Morgana asked, eyes glinting in relief.
Arthur shook his head. “No. Of course not. I think I understand.”
“Since when?”, she asked. And Arthur knew, she wasn't referring to how long he knew of her magic, because it was obvious that he didn't know anything at all.
“A few weeks ago. I've been planning this ever since.”, Arthur explained, but found it hard to explain.
“I want to invite a young wizard to Camelot. And I don't want to endanger them with the laws.”
Morgana send him a smile.
From the corner of his eyes, Arthur noted that Merlin was smiling at him proudly – and once more – with a very fond expression that kinda threw him off guard.
He almost sputtered at this.
“I can't wait to meet them!”, Morgana said and dried her tears.
And this was when everything went to shit.
---------------------------------
Mrs. Emily stormed through the doors to the council room, panic in her voice when she addressed the king personally, while also ignoring the guards who were trying (and failing) to stop her.
“BANDITS!”, she shouted, completely out of breath and basically fell into Merlin's arms.
Who caught her without a second thought.
“What do you mean bandits?”, Arthur asked, almost raising his sword, like the bandits had followed her through the gates of Camelot. (Well, if the guards couldn't stop a single grandmother who had nothing on her to protect herself – then the bandits should have easy game.
Then again – Arthur had gotten to know Mrs. Emily.)
“Bandits! They found our home!”, she was on the verge of crying as she basically begged …. Merlin?
MERLIN? Why the hell was she staring at him? Wasn't she talking to Arthur?
“They have Aithusa.”
Arthur's world came crushing down in this very moment. As he remembered who and where he was and what this meant. “Oh no.”, he mumbled.
Morgana looked confused. “Arthur? Do you know her? Who is this woman?”
Arthur didn't know what to do. “Morgana, I'm sorry, I have to go.”
He HAD to save Aithusa! He HAD to!
“Merlin, gather the knights, we're -”
But Merlin was already rushing out the door..... not the direction where Arthur was about to send him.
“Merlin – the armory is on the other side of the castle – I need you to -”, Arthur half ran after him, but Merlin had disappeared.
“Sir Leon -”, he redirected his orders. He had no time to question what Merlin was up to, or where he just went.
-----------------------------
Arthur rode ahead of the knights, following the direction that Emilia had send him.
That technically wasn't enough to find the bandits, but he found some tracks not too far away from the secret passageway that lead to Aithusa's home.
The tracks lead to a camp not too far into the woods. They must have gotten here a couple of days ago, but Arthur wasn't interested in their traveling schedules.
He was searching for a sign of Aithusa.
And he found it quite easily.
Sword drawn, Arthur closed in on the bandits, who were holding a knife to the terrified child.
It took Arthur a second to react to that, as he could already hear someone walking through the bushes behind him.
There he was. Merlin.
Covered in rage and bloodlust.
Arthur, who was only now noticed by the bandits, cursed himself for being so distracted so easily.
But Merlin's fury was basically visible.
Arthur was about to shout at Merlin for distracting him, and asking him how he got here so fast without a horse, when he realized that Merlin wasn't even looking at him, but the bandits.
And his eyes -
Arthur knew the blue in his eyes, he knew the depth of that gaze. That was calculating and wise.
The gold in them looked so out of place in his trusted manservant.
The power radiating from his fury was crushing him internally.
Arthur couldn't even think about the bandits, but only how his knees buckled from that gaze alone.
He could understand why the bandits immediately grabbed for their weapons.
“HANDS OF MY CHILD!”, Merlin's voice rumbled through the forest and the bandit holding Aithusa hostage literally let the knife fall. Aithusa – who had been carried by him – fell to the ground as well and scrambled to their feet. They – in their dragon form – shook their head and rushed over to Arthur, whom they had noticed as well.
Only now did Merlin notice Arthur.
Arthur – who could only stare in shock and amazement. Protectively, he let Aithusa climb onto his shoulder – like they had practiced over the last view weeks.
Merlin send Arthur an apologetic glance, his face twisted with regret, but that was easily ignored as he directed his eyes back at the bandits.
“Try that again and I will destroy all of you.”, he said, causing Arthur to stumble backwards a little.
All his senses were screaming at him to run. And he knew that the bandits got the same vibes.
The bandits – shaking off their internal confusion, raised their weapons. But Merlin didn't even need to utter words to send them flying backwards. Effectively knocking half of them down. Only one hand raised.
The other half seemed to realize that their senses weren't betraying them and this was indeed a life or death situation.
“Run.”, was the last thing Merlin ordered, before the remaining bandits grabbed their essentials and left the camp in a hurry.
Arthur stayed. Because he knew – Merlin wasn't going to hurt him.
He knew – because he trusted him. His sense however, were still urging him to do something, anything.
Only then did his mind catch up to what Merlin and Aithusa both said earlier.
“YOU'RE Aithusa's father?”, Merlin breathed out.
Because holy friggin shit!
Merlin was married!
Merlin was a widower!
Merlin had a child!
Aithusa!
Aithusa was Merlin's child.
Merlin was Emrys...
Merlin was a dragonlord!
Merlin had magic!
Arthur blinked. “Genius, brain. Really genius. The fact that he has magic is the LAST thing you just realized?”, he thought to himself and almost laughed.
Merlin winced and the power slowly faded out.
“I'm so sorry Arthur. I should have told you. But – god.”, he looked up and closed his eyes, like he was afraid of ARTHUR now.
He had literally no reason to be.
“Freya was already a bastet. I couldn't have introduced her to you. You thought you had killed her! And I married her. And she was a magical creature. And when she died, I would have introduced Aithusa to you – but Aithusa is ALSO magical... how was I supposed to explain that?”
He looked at Arthur now, pained.
“I couldn't bare to loose either of you.”
Aithusa looked between them in confusion.
Arthur bridged his nose with his free hand. “Sorry, Merlin, please. I get it. Stop talking. I need to process this for a second.”
Merlin licked his lips in anticipation.
Aithusa whined at Arthur's side. “You killed my mommy?”, they asked and Arthur basically flinched.
“What? NO!”, he exclaimed. Thrown off his processing game.
“I told my father I did, so he wouldn't make me keep searching for her! I knew she was alive!”
Merlin opened his mouth to say something, when in that moment, the knights arrived and came crushing through the bushed.
Late – as per usual.
“We'll better go home.”, Arthur shook his head. “We'll talk there.”
Merlin fidgeted from one foot to the other.
“Leon, this has been dealt with already. Please go back to Camelot. We'll meet you there.”
-------------------------------------------------
“This is home to you?”, Merlin asked with wide eyes, as Arthur lead him and Aithusa through the passageway to the lake of Avalon.
Aithusa had fallen asleep on the way there. While the knights had just been confused they were being send of into one direction and then send back just when they had arrived.
But Arthur didn't have it in him to consider their annoyance.
“As close to home as anything has ever been.”, Arthur said.
He marched through the cold snow towards the empty hut, where a fire was barely kept lit. But it was still warm inside. And Aithusa stretched themselves in front of the chimney, as Arthur lay them down on a bunch of pillows.
They sat down in silence, watching Aithusa breathe in silence.
“You should have told me.”, Arthur said quietly.
Merlin didn't respond. Until he did.
“I couldn't risk that.”
“Why? Didn't you trust me?”, Arthur asked, honestly a bit hurt. Though part of him knew this wasn't what Merlin had intended to do.
“Of course I trust you. I trust you with my life!”, Merlin argued, but guiltily looked at Aithusa.
“Then why?”, Arthur asked.
“I didn't want to hurt you.”, Merlin muttered.
Arthur scoffed.
“You've been hurt so much, Arthur. I didn't want to add this – these lies – this conflict to your list! I didn't want to manipulate you for my own goals. There have been too many people you trusted who did! This wasn't about me!”
“Merlin, if there is one thing I have learned, it's that everybody manipulates everybody for their own goals. We do that to survive. To better our own lives. Or to punish ourselves, depending on what kind of person we are.
We are nice to others, so that they will be nice to us.
We are angry at others, so that they are angry at us, so we have a reason to be angry at them.
We argue with others, just to see them react to it. Because we want them to smile or be mad or anything.
Everything we do, we do because we think of what WE deserve or what we want. In the end, it all leads back to us.
That is NORMAL, Merlin.
We are ultimately the center of our lives. Because we are the ONE person we HAVE to live with for the rest of our lives. Our world revolves around us. We can't change that. And it affects us in many ways.”, Arthur sighed. His mind a bit far into the philosophy of what is the human psychology.
“Being selfish isn't a bad thing.” Arthur said quietly. “It depends on what your goals are.
Wanting others to feel bad for your amusement is a bad thing. Wanting to make other people happy and help them, because that makes you happy too, is a good one.”
Merlin send him a glance. “But you would have had to make a decision! Me or your father. That wasn't FAIR, Arthur! I didn't want you to have to make that decision in the first place!”
Arthur sighed. “Merlin, at least then I'd have a choice!”
Merlin frowned in confusion.
Arthur looked at him intensely. “Merlin, listen. Some decisions HAVE to be made. You didn't have the right to keep that from me!
Especially if your freedom, the freedom of your family and maybe the rest of the kingdom depend on it!
You stood up to me the day we met for a servant I mistreated! That I bullied! You basically made me make the same decision that day. You made me choose between using my power for or against the weak. And that was a decision I'm glad I made! I am proud of that! But I wouldn't have done that had you not stood up to me. My father didn't care about servants. Ever since that day, I fought for you. Because I thought that YOU fight for what is right.”
Merlin's breath hitched.
“It's not the same!”, Merlin replied, irritated.
“How is that not the same?”
“It's easy to walk up to a tyrant and tell them where they are wrong! YOU are my friend, Arthur!
If I can't convince the tyrant, they get rid of me. But if I can't convince you, I loose you! And if I did convince you, you would have lost your father. And I couldn't do that to you!”
Arthur shook his head.
“No.”, he said and shook his head vehemently again. “If I lost my father over reason. If I lost my father for standing up to him for what is right and just and what he himself taught me a kingdom should be – then that would have been on HIM! Not you!”
There was a pause.
“I understand why you made your decision, Merlin. But honestly – this wasn't your decision to make! It was mine.”
“I too had a decision to make then. Turns out it doesn't even matter what I decided. It would have ended horribly either way.”, Merlin covered his face.
“You could at least have made a decision that would've lead to your own happiness.”, Arthur sighed.
“Maybe I thought I didn't deserve that happiness. Not like that.”
Arthur smiled. “Well, then I think you made a bad decision after all.”
Merlin chuckled.
They kept watching Aithusa, as the fire prickled within it's place. Throwing golden shadows on Aithusa's white scales.
And Arthur thought about the other decisions he was supposed to make.
What did he want for his kingdom? What did he want for himself? What selfishness was the best option for everyone?
He blinked. When he thought about love (he turned his head to watch Merlin look softly at his child), his options had suddenly changed, hadn't they?
The kingdom wanted him to marry someone of either power, richness or the ability to have an heir.
Arthur just wanted to marry someone he loved. Regardless of all that nonsense.
But Merlin -
Merlin was …..
Arthur's eyes softened, as he realized something.
Merlin was powerful. Merlin already had a child and if Arthur were to marry him, they were both kings. And who was to decide which king had to be the father of the heir?
And Merlin may not be rich – but when Arthur looked around and saw the world that Merlin had created apart from his life as a servant –
As a man who was a court physician, a dragonlord, a father, someone whose magic could create everything the kingdom needed to survive - Someone who cared about others, about the future, about Camelot.
Merlin made him richer than Arthur could have ever hoped to be.
And Arthur loved him. Had loved him long before he knew all that.
Merlin was perfect in every way. For Arthur he had been perfect from the very beginning. Now he would be perfect for the kingdom too. There was nothing – literally nothing – standing in his way now.
Arthur felt himself breathing, but the air wasn't getting to his brain on time.
“Merlin?”, he said without knowing of what to actually say.
Merlin looked at him and Arthur's heart jumped as their eyes met.
“Can I be selfish with you?”, he asked.
Merlin cringed with a smile. “Depends. Is it a good or a bad thing?”
Arthur didn't smile. He couldn't. All of a sudden he was terrified.
“Would you marry me?”
The fire cracked, as Merlin's eyes widened. “What?”, he asked, completely thrown of guard. But Arthur couldn't find it in him to regret his question. He felt his heart beating fast screaming at him that everything about this was just right.
He was doing the right thing. He was doing what he wanted. What he needed. Suddenly there was no inbetween.
“Arthur, you can't just throw that at me! What is this about? You know I have a child! You know I'm already married. She may be dead, but I'm not sure if I'm ready. You deserve someone who chooses you first! You know this could be too soon. I don't even know if I'm ready for anything beyond – I -”, Merlin began to stutter in the end.
Arthur smiled. Merlin was being adorable.
“I don't care about that.”, quickly he shook his head. “Let me rephrase that. I care about all of that.
And I care about my kingdom and what it needs. It needs an heir. It needs me to find a powerful spouse. It needs someone who makes Camelot richer than it is now.”
Arthur paused and saw Merlin grit his teeth.
“But none of that is why I'm asking you.”, Merlin looked up at him. Hope and fear equally presented in his eyes.
“I'm not asking, because of what I deserve. This isn't about that. It's – it's about what I want.
And Merlin I know I can't replace Freya. I'm not a fool. I'm not a replacement. I'm not asking you to forget about her. Quite the opposite. I want you to share what you had with me.
Because quite frankly, I am a bit annoyed that I never got to know her.”
Merlin's eyes were almost sad, but he chuckled at that. Partly amused, partly overwhelmed by all this sudden wisdom of Arthur.
“I want to rule Camelot with someone I trust. Someone I love and care about. I want to know, that should something happen to me, I could easily leave the kingdom in their hands.
And Merlin, I want you in my life. Magic or no magic. Child or no child. Actually scratch that. Aithusa is adorable. I'd love to raise them with you.
I trust you more than anyone else in my life.
And most of all, I want you to be happy. I can wait, if that's what you need. For your decision or us in general. We can stay friends, if you're happier that way. And if I weirded you out just now, so that you want to scream of leave, then I will have to learn to live with that.”
Merlin's amused smile fell a little. But there was still affection there.
“But this is a decision you have to make. And before you tell me what a horrible prat I am -”, Arthur inhaled deeply.
“This isn't about what you deserve either.”
It was quiet, before Arthur spoke up once more. “So, Merlin. What do you say? What do you want?”
Merlin glanced at Arthur. Eyes wide with fondness and affection and utter honesty.
“You'll never be alone again, you know that right?”, Merlin's eyes glinted as he grabbed for Arthur's hand and squeezed it tight.
Arthur smiled. “That sounds perfect, actually.”