Chapter 2
Anastasia was still laying on her bed when a knock on her trailer's door alerted her, causing her to sit up straight. She quickly rubbed over her face before calling out. "Enter!“
The door opened, her father walked inside, a smile on his face.
She asked him, sure she already knew the answer before even posing the question. "How is the general mood of the audience tonight, papa?“
Pjotr's smile widened, his tone cheerful. "It's great, Nastya! They are in high spirits. Looks like Ireland isn't as conservative as we feared.“
Anastasia felt relief wash over her at his words. Perhaps, tonight would be tolerable, after all, and her performance would not be a complete disaster.
She got up from her seating position, smoothing out her suit which earned her an appraising look from her father. "Looking handsome as ever, Nikolai. Ready to hit the stage?“
The young woman now fully in character answered him in the distinct low candor of her alter ego. "Let the show commence!“
Pjotr stepped aside, holding the door of the trailer open for his daughter like a gentleman.
Nikolai chuckled and bowed his head. "Thank you oh so kindly. I do believe I am able to open the door to my own trailer by myself still.“
That made the old man chuckle as well. He was always surprised when Nastya was in character, posing as Nikolai changed her personality 180°.
'If only she could see what I see.' he mused to himself.
Kate's eyes were glued to the stage, making Phoebe next to her shoot her odd looks which her older sister, fortunately for her, did not take note of.
Gretchen and Edward had so far been enjoying themselves as well, especially Gretchen was positively surprised by tonight's performance. She did not regret having tagged along, after all.
The curtains opened again and gasps filled the audience. Kate gaped in astonishment.
There on the stage stood a young gentleman in a suit, his wild long mane framing oddly feminine features, strange metal pieces adorning his left eye and right cheek directly in front of his ear. The eyepiece crescent-shaped and the one on his cheek starburst.
Piercing big blue eyes curiously wandered the audience, plump, luscious lips opening, a surprisingly deep, melodic voice, sending shivers down the whole of Kate's body, a fire starting in her loins.
"Have you ever been gazing up at the stars at night, wondering what may lie ahead up there in the vast galaxy?
"When I was little my father used to tell me stories about people just like us who lived up there, wondering about life here on Earth.
"Do you believe in miracles?“
Kate was hanging on this fascinating young man's every word, nodding at his question which she then realized thanks to being an avid reader was what was commonly referred to as a 'rhetorical question' and demanded no answer.
Yet, Kate felt as if she owed this seemingly wondering young man an answer, many answers to all his questions about the stars and galaxy he seemed to have a fondness for.
"Nikolai, my father told me one day when I had just turned six years old, we are going to explore the galaxy together one day. That's a promise!
"We are going to build a starship and fly there, as far as we can possibly go and explore a whole new world, get to know new people, make friends and find a new place to stay. What do you say?
"I, of course, agreed right away. So, dad and I started to build Voyager and with it we went on a new adventure every single night, exploring the galaxy and seeing the stars from up close.
"We befriended alien life forms, establishing connections that proved invaluable and as a sign for my love for the stars and special relationship with it, and the galaxy, the moon, and a star were forever etched into my skin. Like the most beautiful, haunting memory.
"One day I am going to go back there. My father is long gone, but I would hate having to go out there alone.“
Kate felt herself blush, her heart beating painfully hard against her ribcage as the piercing blue eyes seemed to meet hers, his voice sounding like an invitation. "Would you like to come with me and join me on my trek to the stars?“
Her heart was screaming 'yes' seemingly a thousand times, wishing he had actually meant her. That accent of his, the rolling of the r's in such an endearing fashion.
Just where could he possibly be coming from and that name of his, Nikolai, it sounded so exotic and charming, just like his whole appearance.
'I wonder how they created these metal pieces on his face. They look very aesthetically pleasing.', Kate mused to herself.
Her parents gazed over at her without her knowledge, Gretchen disliking the way her eldest, otherwise so well-behaved daughter seemed to be so interested in this woman dressed in drag.
Phoebe nudged her sister, unable to keep her mouth shut any longer, whispering into Kate's ear, her tone teasing. "Whatcha thinking 'bout that lad, Katie? Charmin', eh?“
Kate turned over towards her little sister who's eyes were fixed on her, checking for her reaction. With Nikolai having left the stage Kate felt oddly empty, already missing his presence and that pleasant voice.
She blinked at her sister, shrugging her shoulders. Having been too engaged by that breathtaking performance she had been unable to register what the youngest Janeway had just said.
Noticing this Phoebe chuckled in content, grinning to herself, sing-songing. "Katie and Nikolai sitting on a tree. K-i-s-s-i-n-g“
Kate's face turned red in both fury and embarrassment, lightly swatting at her annoying little sister's arm. "Why you lil'...“
Gretchen Janeway who noticed the exchange between her daughters turned over to them, her formerly blue eyes had turned gray, her disappointment clearly visible to her daughters who were shivering at the infamous death stare their usually calm and gentle mother was shooting them, her tone icy. "What has gotten into you girls today and don't you think I didn't notice your lil' exchange during breakfast this mornin'.
"Enough is enough. If ya'll continue on like this you'll get grounded till ya sorted things out. Am I making myself clear?“
Both Kate and Phoebe's eyes were filled with terror at the prospect of getting grounded indefinitely, nodding obediently, answering in unison. "Yes, ma'am!“
Gretchen Janeway leaned back in satisfaction at her daughters' reaction, her tone having softened again slightly. "Good. Is the show over now, or will there be more still?“
She looked at her oldest daughter expectantly who merely shrugged, unable to answer her mother. "I wouldn't know, ma. It's my first time watching a theater performance myself, remember?“
Her mother nodded slowly. No further had they to wonder about the matter as at this moment the curtains parted once more, revealing a stunning exotic-looking woman.
All eyes were fixed on the woman who walked the stage in feather-light steps, her hips swaying ever so gently, sending a jolt to Kate's groin, making the young girl blush in embarrassment.
This was bad! Hopefully, her parents didn't notice her reaction. She'd have a lot of explaining to do if that should be the case and that was still the best-case scenario.
Phoebe Janeway smirked at her sister's obvious struggles, muttering under her breath. "Now that's more like it...“
Kate turned over towards her sister, much to the youngest Janeway's horror having heard what she'd deemed inaudible, her tone sharp as a razor blade. "What was that, short one?“
Phoebe visibly flinched at both the insult of her height as well as her sister's harsh tone, her voice audibly shaking as she replied to her in the smallest voice. "Nothin', Katie. Just been thinkin' out loud, is all...“
Kate wouldn't have any of that, however, her death glare she'd obviously inherited from her mom back on her face once more, frightening poor young Phoebe even more who by now was shaking in her seat, hoping against all odds that her sister wouldn't find out that she knew what was most likely her best-kept secret.
Meanwhile, merely a good hundred meters away a certain blonde sat in her trailer, her heart heavy with the painful memories and flashbacks her performance had evoked.
She never noticed it during her performances, the fact that she was in costume, acting as someone else, someone so unlike herself protecting her while in character.
Once the show was over and Nastya was back in the quietude of her trailer the memories and darkness came in a rush, making it hard for her to breathe.
When would this ever stop? The young girl had long stopped believing in a God.
'Would there be one why would he allow people to suffer like this? It is illogical.
'There is no God and there is no heaven, only the hell we create for ourselves. I am forced to re-live mine every single day.'
Her head was throbbing, causing her to groan out in agony.
A soft knock could be heard on her door which barely registered in her hazy brain.
Forcing herself to sit up she called out, her voice not as self-assured as usual. "Enter!“
The door opened, a familiar beautiful face framed by luscious black locks peeking in hesitantly, her voice laced in concern the young woman asked. "Sweetie, may I come in?“
Nastya nodded, knowing around the older woman she didn't have to play pretend which was a huge relief considering her current state. "Please, Dee.“
The older woman who was known to her theater family as Dee entered and sat on the bed next to Anastasia, carefully taking the young girl's trembling hands into her own, rubbing over the backs of them soothingly, effectively calming the shaken blonde's nerves, the tension slowly falling off of her shoulders which slumped over.
Dee's voice ever gentle she asked her younger friend carefully. "Did the big black wolf come back again, sweetie?“
Anastasia sighed and nodded, her big blue eyes filled with the deepest sadness the woman sitting next to her had ever seen or felt in her entire life and that was to say something, seeing as how Dee had worked with lots of deeply traumatized people in her life.
Only thanks to the perfectly balanced self-care program the dark-haired woman had invented for herself throughout the years was she able to somewhat distance herself from the profound sadness and depression emitting off of her young friend.
Anastasia's voice was unsteady, the hurt of a lifetime lacing it. "I feel so worthless, Dee. When is this ever going to stop? Will there ever come a time I can truly be free, content even?
"I am not even deluding myself in hoping to find happiness, but to feel content for once in my life would be great for a change.“
Dee's tone had grown impossibly gentler, ignoring what the younger woman's father had told her bringing her friend closer to herself, engulfing her in the warmest, most loving hug Anastasia had ever received.
The young woman was stunned to silence at the overwhelming emotions that hit her like an avalanche, the tears she'd held back for years running down her face all at once, snot running out of her nose, staining her beautiful face and her companion's dress which the latter did not mind, or even notice as she ran her hands through the silky blonde locks of the younger woman in her arms ever so gently all the while whispering words of reassurance in her ear.
A soft smile formed on the older woman's face upon noticing the even breathing from the girl in her arms who had fallen asleep due to all the stress and exhaustion of the last few days.
Careful not to wake the sleeping blonde, Dee gently tucked the younger woman in her bed, laying down next to her, her friend eventually hugging her once more much to the older woman's delight.
'That is a first.'
She gently placed a kiss on her forehead, muttering. "Thank you for trusting me enough to do this, sweetie. I promise I won't abuse your trust.“
When Nastya woke up again a few hours later Dee was still sleeping soundly next to her, sending the softest smile to the usually stoic blonde's face.
She carefully sat up, retrieving her worn brown leather journal from its hiding, silently opening a new page, starting to write.
May 17th, 1847, Carbury, Ireland
Last night's performance, to my relief, was a success. Papa for reasons I am unable to comprehend once more knew just the place to start our tour through this country. He truly has a gift in that matter.
What he simply refers to as 'intuition' has proven to be most helpful, even life-saving in many situations before. He truly had earned his title as a magician.
One day I might find out how this 'intuition' thing of his works out. Truth be told, I am rather curious about the workings of it.
After my performance, as well as it might have gone, I once again had a 'panic attack' as Dee always refers to those episodes of painful flashbacks I tend to get.
She came to my trailer and effectively calmed me down, so much so, in fact, that I must have fallen asleep.
When I woke up again just now she was still lying there next to me, sleeping peacefully. For the first time in forever, I did not have any nightmares.
Dee, much like papa, but in a whole other way is truly a miracle. Sometimes I suspect them to not be mere humans due to their seemingly 'superhuman' abilities.
How else could her mere presence rid me of my nightmares? Her healing methods are rather unique, that much is for sure and it is not surprising to me that she was hunted for being a witch in her home country with talents like hers.
I do not believe in witches, yet why did I have this unnerving feeling of being watched during the whole of my performance tonight?
The eyes of the audience being fixed on my person typically never have any effect on me while I am posing as Nikolai. So why did it feel like one particular pair of eyes was watching me with an intent I had never before witnessed anyone watching me?
Curious. I must truly be losing my mind to have such odd, unexplainable, highly illogical feelings. I guess being around the family has rubbed off on me, after all.
That is all for now. I just heard a sound coming from the direction Dee is resting in.
целую и обнимаю анастасия Kisses and hugs, Anastasia
Kate had been lying awake the whole night, unable to fall asleep due to the images of that young man from that night's performance etched into her mind, just like that pleasant deep voice and alluring accent.
'That's impossible! What're you thinking? You must be outta your mind, Katie.', the young woman told herself, groaning out in frustration.
She got up and left her bed, finally, deeming it was useless trying to sleep tonight.
After retrieving her diary from its hiding she sat at her desk, the moonlight illuminating the spot just enough for her to be able to write a new entry.
She quickly checked the time on the pocket watch her dad had gifted her for her graduation, reassuring herself that it was already a new day before opening a new page in the inconspicuous journal, leaning slightly forward in her chair so she'd be able to see better.
May 17th, 1847, Carbury, Kildare County, Ireland
Dear diary,
You won't believe what I have to tell you! Last night I went to the theater performance, as I'd told you in yesterday's entry, and guess what?
The most hauntingly beautiful young man had a solo performance there. Yes, you read that right. To call him handsome wouldn't do him justice, since his face was the most gorgeous thing I'd ever been allowed to lay my eyes upon, honest.
Oh, what do I do? You know what I told you time and again, diary. My feelings and view on the matter haven't changed.
I'm still very much and solely attracted to and interested in girls. Then how can it be that I feel like without this Nikolai, that's his name, by the way, my life is incomplete?
The moment he'd left the stage once his performance was over last night I felt so empty and I immediately missed him, no that is the wrong word.
Missing does not even come close to what I am feeling. I think it is what my beloved romance novel authors commonly refer to as 'longing'.
I'd never felt this way in my life and used to wonder how it felt, deeming it to be one of the most romantic emotions out there. Boy, was I wrong!
How I wish I could simply stop myself from feeling this way and tell this foolish heart of mine to forget all about this young actor.
Unfortunately, I know that is a thing of the impossible...
Oh, my dear diary. What do I do? I feel like I'm gonna lose it if I won't ever be able to see this man again. Hopefully, work will be able to distract me, at least for a little bit.
Phoebe was already teasing me during the performance last night. I swear, she knows something! How can this be though?
I've always been very discrete and secretive about this matter. Then how come when this other performer, an admittedly stunning exotic beauty named Dee entered the stage Pheebs acted all suspicious, looking my way in that enragingly teasing manner of hers?
It's impossible! I must be seeing things already.
That's it for now. I'll keep you updated on those strange new emotions of mine and the situation with Phoebe as well.
By the way, I almost forgot to tell you. Ma threatened to ground Phoebe and me, shall we not stop our bickering anytime soon.
She's had about enough by the looks of it. That stare of hers is no joke, brrr. I was actually freezing when she shot it at us.
I can only hope and pray that lil' sister of mine will stop provoking me, else we might get grounded for eternity and I can't by any means let that happen!
I'll crawl up the walls if I'll be forced to stay indoors 24/7. I swear...
See you again soon.
Kate