Armour
Sometimes when Anne dressed, she felt as if though she was dressing in armour. When the cravat was tied, she felt ready to face the world and anything it would throw at her. She wasn’t vulnerable she was brave and vigorous. No one could hurt her – she would rise above it. She was shielded from mean words and the raining bullets of rumours, hatred and prejudice. Anne felt safe. But as soon as she undressed for the night she felt as though her armour had been stripped from her and her heart ached. Things of the day would replay, and she would grieve or laugh or whatever feelings arose – she was only human after all.
It was natural to be upset, but during the days with her armour on, not much could sway her.
She was a warrior, she had to be, or she couldn’t live true to herself. She would have been brought down by all the ill-words and doings against her a long time ago.
“Do you ever feel like you’re being watched?” Catherine asked at tea that same morning and Anne raised an eyebrow,
“All the time. When you look this good, you get used to it.”
Catherine wasn’t sure it was a jest, but Ann laughed at her kindly, before she gave Anne a look that went from head to toe wearing a smirk – she agreed with Anne’s sarcastic comment, she couldn’t take her eyes of her most of the time.
“I thought…” Catherine trailed off, blushing as if she remembered it might be quite a rude thing to point out but Anne Lister understood exactly what she were about to say and smirked,
“But you were asking because you think I’m odd, masculine and wondered if I am bothered by the stares. The answer is no. I’m not. I feel empowered wearing what I do because it reflects a sense of me. I am however a little insulted at the masculinity part – because why cannot a woman be intelligent and smart? Or express her style for that matter.”
“I just wondered if you felt annoyed by the stares.” Catherine confessed and Anne smiled,
“Sometimes. But on the whole no. It’s great being me, I’d say it’s rather the circumstances and what’s around me that sucks in those cases.”
Marian rolled her eyes at her sister,
“You don’t always have to pretend to be so tough, Anne. We all know you hate it when people mistake you for a man.”
“Well, that’s a different thing entirely because men are vicious things often and stupid at that too and to be likened with one of them is insulting. However, I also feel – it’s fine when they notice the height or see me from behind and say ‘Sir’ but when they look right at me and still thinks ‘Sir’ is the right option – then that’s just plain idiocy.”
“Not all men are stupid! They are individuals – they aren’t all the same. They have different interests, minds and style.” Catherine protested and Anne smiled,
“Mm. It’s funny you say that, here’s a surprise for you, that’s how women work too. But we aren’t taught to be individuals by society – we are taught to be meek and obedient wives, sisters and daughters. So next time someone insults me to you, you may reply; No, Miss Lister is not odd- she is a human being and she just so happens to have different interests to you and a mind of her own – she’s an individual and shouldn’t be judged by the generalisation society has created and formed.”
“I’m so confused.” Marian whispered to Ann, “Is she in a fight or not?”
“She is and she’s winning.” Ann mumbled.
“But it’s not the same with women.” Catherine argued, and Anne pulled a hand over her face,
“God give me patience!”
“I think you mean strength.” Catherine pointed out and Anne removed her hand from her eyes,
“If God gave me strength, everyone would be dead.”
“Okay… but I still think you’re wrong.”
“Well, that’s up to you – whether you would like to remain ignorant or not.” Anne smiled and Catherine frowned, annoyed,
“You enjoy silently judging everyone, don’t you, Miss Lister!?”
“When have I ever done anything silently?” Anne asked and Ann and Marian raised their teacups,
“Cheers to that!”
Anne stood this fight down too and patted her waistcoat – it was good to be armoured sometimes and it was equally good to have someone take it off time and time again.