The English Tutor

Josie groaned as the sinking feeling of her sadness tried to invade what is supposed to be one of the best days of her life. Josie was alone, she was biting her lip in pain with no one that she loved to hold onto as the pain continued to build. Josie wished she could have someone holding her hand as she was bringing her kids into the world. Her sons would be in the world soon. Soon Josie would have a family of her own, a family that would never leave her, abandon her, or ever think she wasn't enough. 

Josie wanted to call Lizzie but they were fighting, and well Penelope was on a date and Josie had no intention of cutting her ex's date short. Josie wanted to call the babies' father but then she remembered his reaction when he found out she was pregnant. He told her to get an abortion, which Josie considered but then decided to keep her babies. Then again she ran into him when she was three months pregnant and he once again ignored her, he simply walked past her as she wasn't the mother of his baby.

"Doctor Gilbert here is going to examine you. How are you doing?" Josie turned around to see the nurse that had been helping her since she arrived at the hospital. With a brunette doctor walking in behind her.

"Peachy." The teenager forced the words out as she desperately gripped the bed under her. "I want the epidural." Josie cried she had been set on doing this birth naturally but now she wanted any drug that would make the pain ease. She had toughed it out for five hours. It was time to throw in the towel and take the needle to her spine. 

"Sweetie," Josie focused on the doctor that had her attention focused on what was going on between her legs. "I wish I could give you the epidural but you're crowning."

"What does that mean?" 

"It means it time for you to push sweetie." Josie gave the woman a nod. She listens carefully as she was told when she could push. Josie was grateful for the nurse that was helping her, the woman was supposed to be off two hours ago but stayed to hold her hand when the contractions were unbearable. 

"You're doing so good baby." Josie smiled at the nurse, she knew she was going to remember Nurse Vicki her whole life.

"Alright, Josie we have a little boy." Doctor Gilbert told her over the cry. Josie wanted to fall asleep she was exhausted but she knew in a couple of seconds she had to begin to push again. "You have a name?" 

"Emerson." Josie smiled when Vicki took the baby from Doctor Gilbert and let her see him. Josie was in awe with the tiny baby she had just giving birth to. He was so pure and innocent. Josie reached for the moving hands. "Hi Emerson, I'm your mommy." 

"They are going to get him clean while we get his brother." Josie gave Vicki a nod and focused on the doctor. 

"Alright Josie, time to push again." 

Josie groaned as she pushed, once she was told to stop she did. She repeated the push and stop a couple more times. She needs the baby out of her. She was ready to take a nap. 

"Josie I need you not to push okay." Josie could feel her chest fill with worry as she noticed Doctor Gilbert's face betraying her calm voice.

"Why?"

"You're baby is breached." Josie looked at the doctor confused. "I can see the foot and delivering a baby like this is dangerous. We are going to need to  do a c-section, but I have to push your baby back in okay." 

"Okay." 

"Sweetie this is going to hurt, I am so sorry." Doctor Gilbert had had to push multiple breached babies back into their mother's uterus to save them. She wasn't sure if it was the fact that her best friend Caroline had a daughter the same age, or the fact that Josie was the youngest mother she ever had as a patient. "If you need to scream, cry, or cuss at me you do it, okay sweetie?" Josie gave her a nod and she proceeded to push the baby back inside. 

"Oh god, it hurts!" Josie took ahold of Vicki's hand and squeezed. "Stop please." 

"I know it hurts." Doctor Gilbert knew this was a time-sensitive matter anything could go wrong in seconds if she made one wrong move but she also knew the only way she could do this was if Josie was okay. "I know sweetie. Right now to make sure your baby is born healthy I have to do this. I promise just a couple more minutes of pain and I will have your baby on your chest with his brother." Josie gave the doctor a nod. 

She endured the minutes of pain until finally, it stopped. Doctor Gilbert had successfully pushed her baby back in. Josie observed as they put medication into her IV, and a couple of minutes later they were cutting right above her uterus to get the baby out safely.

When the doctor walked away Josie could feel the panic building within her. She was not hearing the baby cry. Emerson had cried she couldn't understand why this baby wasn't crying.

"What's going on?" Josie was young but she knew that a baby not crying when they were born wasn't good. She had done her research it could be many things but she did not want to overthink.

"Josie," The teenager looked over at the nurse who handed her Emerson. "I know you're scared. Do you want me to be honest with you?" Josie vigorously nodded her head yes. "You second baby was a little girl," There was that word Josie thought 'was' it meant something is wrong. "but she's not breathing. Doctor Gilbert is trying to get her to breathe." 

"Please save her," Nothing but desperation dripped from her voice. Josie kept her grip on her son but her gaze refused to leave the doctor and nurses that were hard at work with her daughter. "What's happening?" Josie was desperate to the attention of those working on her daughter. 

The nurse took Emerson. Josie remained watching in horror. The doctor approached her with a baby wrapped in a blanket but Josie had not heard a cry, she knew this was the bad news. Josie felt tears rush down her cheeks. Of course, the universe had screwed her over once again.

"I'm sorry." Josie toned out everything else that was said by Doctor Gilbert after that. Her daughter had not made it; they couldn't get her to breathe. They encouraged Josie to hold the baby, to bond. It was supposed to help her with the grief. It was supposed to make her breaking heart feel less broken, but Josie wasn't sure that was possible. Josie carefully placed the little girl on her chest, the blanket had unwrapped itself she was skin to skin with the lifeless child.

"Please don't leave me." Josie cupped her tiny head gently. "Elliot, your name is Elliot. You have brother, but I'm sure you know that because you both were in my stomach together. If you have to stay away it's okay, I won't be mad. When you get to where you going there's someone waiting for you. Do me a favor tell them I love them. And you stay with them till I get ... till I get to see you again one day." Josie placed a kiss on the top of Elliot's head. "Mommy loves you." 

Josie placed her forehead on the little girl's. Josie could taste her tears. Josie wasn't aware how long she sobbed but she looked up shocked when she heard a small cry. She focused on the little body she was holding, another small cry escaped it. Tiny arms beginning to move.

"Oh my god." Josie chuckled as she let out another sob. Doctor Gilbert rushed to her side. Josie would have never believed something like this could happen but she had just witnessed it. They had told her her daughter had died but the baby in her arms was crying, breathing. 

They took the little girl from her and checked her. After a couple of minutes, they handed both the kids to her. Josie was in love with her little ones, she would get through all the pain she has been through again if it meant she had her kids. 

The next morning Josie decided it was best to call her friends, even Lizzie who she was no longer mad at, and inform them that the babies were born. Josie decided to give the twins' father a call.

"Josie," the boy said excitedly as he answered the phone. "I have been meaning to call you, but I was nervous. I'm so sorry. I set up a nur-"

"Landon?" Josie said in a broken voice cutting off the boy's excitement. She needed to make sure he was going to believe the lie she was going to tell him. "They're gone." 

"Josie, what do you mean?" 

"Our baby. They're gone. Landon they died." Josie glanced at the two kids sleeping safely next to her in the small hospital cribs. She was doing this to protect them. "I'm sorry Landon." 

Josie did not wait to hear the boy's response, she hung up the phone.

    Josie assured Jade that she was welcomed back to see her anytime. Hope on the other hand had told Jade she did not need to worry for Josie because she was being taken care of. Before Jade made her way out she hugged the twins then made her way to give Josie a hug and a kiss on the forehead. 

Josie could not help but chuckle at the bothered look on Hope's face. "Baby are you jealous?" Josie could not hide the amusement in her voice. 

"Not jealous just territorial." Hope corrected with a small pout on her lips. She helped Emerson off the bed who was tired of sitting there. 

The teenagers brought their attention to the door when they heard Pedro's voice. The curly-headed boy ran in and hugged Josie. Josie wrapped her arms around the boy tightly. When he pulled away Josie took a good look at him out of habit, anytime they went a while without seeing each other she would check him for any signs of physical harm. She knew Keelin and Freya would never hurt him but old habits were hard to kill. 

"Hi sweetie," Freya hugged Josie and Pedro together knowing she wasn't going to get the boy away from his former foster sister. They hadn't broken the news to Pedro yet that Josie would not be going home with them. "Keelin is finishing some paperwork she'll be done soon but she said we could start without her." Freya passed out the food, a bacon cheeseburger and sprite for Josie, a meatball sub for Hope, chicken nuggets for the twins and Pedro, and for her and her wife some zucchini fries and tuna melts. 

"Hey sorry to bother," the voice came from the door. "Since Christmas is in a couple of days we like to drop off some present we heard there were two kids here?" Keelin pointed to the twins as she walked in. "Great Landon, on behalf of Malivore Tech, will bring those in." 

Josie's eyes widen when she heard the name. It couldn't be her Landon, the one she had a run-in with at the fundraiser right? Landon was a common name, right? Josie looked over at her kids who were happy with their food. She wanted to shout over the room to get them to come over to her but she didn't. Josie sighed when Elliot met her gaze as if the child understood she made her way over to her mother. 

Josie thanked Hope who helped Elliot get onto the bed and quickly Emerson was making his way to Hope. 

"Josie?" 

"Fuck." Josie mumbled under her breathe. She looked up to meet the curly-haired teenager who she knew was the father of her kids. 

"Fuck." Came from Elliot with a chuckled. Everyone in the room laughed, as Josie's eyes widen with fear, she was sure Elliot was only repeating what she had mumbled under her breath. 

"Elliot!" Josie could not help the hint of shock in her voice

"Buy mommy you-" The child began to say. 

"I know baby." Josie did not want to make her child feel bad when in reality she was the one to blame. "That word is bad and mommy should have not said it. I'm sorry." Josie kissed the girl's cheek. She focused her attention back on Landon. 

"Mommy?" Landon looked at Josie. The last time he talked to her he was drunk. He was trying to forget the pain of losing his kid. A kid he didn't want at first but after a couple of months of therapy, he realized he wanted to be a father. He wanted to be there for the baby. He had even built a nursery in his house. He was going to offer to take Josie to live with him but that day he finished the nursey Josie called him telling him the baby died. "I want to ask but I'm too afraid, to get my hope up," Landon didn't care that there were other people in the room he wanted to know about the little girl sitting with Josie. The little girl's whose soft eyes have no left his. "How old is she?" 

"Landon." Josie silently begged with her eyes hoping he would drop the subject.

"Josie how old is she?" 

"I think you need to go." Hope stated sternly. 

"This doesn't concern you." Venom spilled from his voice, but his soft, caring gaze never left Josie and Elliot. 

"Mommy?" Josie sensed Emerson becoming uneasy with Hope, she took the boy and placed him next to his sister. The twins stayed still with their mother. 

"Mommy?" Landon looked at the two little kids sitting by the girl who had told him they lost a baby. The kids couldn't be any older than one maybe two, and if he remembered correctly his kid would have been around the same age. "Josie, how old are they?" 

"They're one Landon." Josie didn't have it in her to fight. She pulled her kids in closer to her. 

"Josie, are they mine?" Landon wiped his tears. He was still grieving over the loss of a child he never met but if these two were his that meant Josie lied to him. Josie had been the reason he was in pain and a recovering alcoholic. 

"What do you want Landon?" 

"The truth." 

"Yes, you're their father." Josie thought the boy in front of her would run and accuse her of lying instead he stood there in awe staring at her and the two kids who were playing together.