Chapter 1
The line between a ghost story and a love story is thinner than one might think. It blurs at times. Sometimes more, sometimes less, but it does. When we fall in love we create a ghost, a ghost that accompanies us in one way or another. It doesn't just go away.
Love comes in different shades, just like ghost stories do. Everything has their dark side and as much as we'd like to ignore it the same counts for love. Isn't it just two sides of the same fabric, an illusion that we seek to uphold?
Love can haunt you and scare you, it takes you to lengths you wouldn't have thought you're capable of and it paralyzes you to the point of no return. It's a gamble. Ultimately a gamble for life and death. And lines get blurred so often to the point of not recognizing it for what it is any longer. Because with every person there comes a shadow, and just because you might not be paying any attention and you might not see it, does not mean it isn’t there at all. Same thing really with love.
The love they had, had been one out of the books, yet so extraordinary and unique in its own way, a way there hasn't ever been a story about. This love was what trumped the hate and the curse itself. A love so profound she felt it becoming stronger with every breath and every heartbeat. It defined them. It resembled the moonflower in every way possible, a love so rare and unique yet short-lived. It dies out, but just like the moonflower life and death are tightly intertwined and they're coming back to life at some point, it's not a matter of if but when. At some point, they'll be together again, in whatever way that might be. And that exact thought is what kept both of them going albeit the distance and different circumstances they found themselves in. They choose to be around each other, choose to be in each other’s orbit, even if the other can´t physically be there. Some would call it an obsession, or simply letting weakness come through, but for Jamie, that´s been the only way to go considering. Everyone tends to deal differently with life and the obstacles it throws at you. Holding on was what kept her going and the only thing that seemed to do justice to Dani´s sacrifice and her selflessness, the way she has left this world to enter another.
When Jamie told her about the moonflower she didn't hesitate to give her a shot, she just knew when she first laid eyes on her, watched her interacting with the kids, talking to her about serious topics, and the way she held herself up to her own standards day to day, being as selfless as she could be, it captivated her. It wasn't up to her on that first date, she gave it all to Dani. She opened up and laid it all out, for her to take on, because she knew the only way for them to be together is for Dani to be ready. And when she gave her the go that night, Jamie knew it right then and there, she'd always be worth the effort and she'd do it all over again if she had the chance to. What unraveled before her since that day was more than she'd ever hoped for.
Dani was being trapped in someone else's soul. A mixture of good and bad. The past and the present brought together. Thoughts and experiences mingling, making it hard to stay herself. Yet somehow she managed to see herself, clearer than ever, and with the love taking over every cell of her body, warming it up within the depths of the cold lake, she couldn't help but feel free again. She felt like she understood the pain this lady has gone through and in some mysterious way she could settle her rage. Rewinding and redefining it all piece by piece until she let her go. Like a puzzle, it somehow fit.
A cold and crisp autumn morning crept upon Bly Manor, just like it always had, serene yet eerie silence as if the whole property was swept up in a deep slumber. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary except for the smile on Dani's face, for no one to see but herself. What nobody had noticed either is the way she's been breaking the curse, and no explanation could ever be found but that she broke the law just like the lady once did.
By believing so hard it seemed to take over her body and soul, it seemed to help her through everything, even the curse of the lady that's been haunting the manor for decades on end. And although the lady hasn't had a face anymore and seemed to have lost every ounce of her being, she could feel her emotions and her reasoning behind all of this, despite the time span. The rage and the devastation, manifesting themselves in her stubbornness, not wanting to ever let go of it. And as much as love created the curse it broke it. Two opposites of the same coin, flipping it to get out.
So she stepped out of the lake, taking a deep breath in and even though one would assume she must've felt traumatized, she felt nothing but peaceful. She saw everything differently now, the garden, the manor, the way nature seems to engulf the craziness and make it less tangible. She spread her arms and let out a laugh, spinning so carefree as if she had won the lottery. And maybe she had. Though there's one thing on her mind only, only one person to be frank. Jamie. The love of her life, the one that's been dragging her out of this lake by doing nothing but loving her unconditionally. Every day she came to the Lake and has been for a while. It's been a few years since then, the fight taking its time, after all, it's been decades of torture for the lady in the lake. After some time Jamie has stopped coming altogether, but she never stopped hoping for her to return and she never stopped loving her as much as she always has, that's what Dani was a hundred percent sure of.
Now she needed to get away, to get to Jamie, to see her again, feel her again, just lose herself in her embrace forever. What they had, kept Dani going. As much as she loved her friends, they weren't as close and her family was practically nonexistent, so she was basically on her own, if not for Jamie, the light at the end of the tunnel. She was a fresh gust of air in spring and the very time they locked eyes, she just knew they were gonna be around each other for a very long time.
What she didn't know is the connection they had and the way she felt wasn't one-sided, it went far beyond her own imagination, which is exactly why Jamie came back to the lake that morning because of a really weird dream. She's had those for a long time, thinking and dreaming about Dani and their future, her coming back eventually. Not being able to distinguish between reality and fantasy anymore and quite frankly not caring anymore either. But they were always just memories, reliving their past. It was like hitting rewind over and over again. And as much as she loved spending time with Dani in whatever way there was, she always woke up in sweats, totally out of breath, feeling as if she'd drowned and sometimes she wished she had. It always hurt and never became any more bearable, not like people always said it would. The last one has been an odd one for her and Jamie just felt it in her gut, that this was it, however this turned out, she had just one thing on her mind, returning home. And home to her is where Dani is. Returning to the place where it all began.
Which is how she found herself arriving in a taxi just a few minutes later, thinking this might be some other kind of sick joke, her consciousness playing games again. She didn't want to believe it, there wasn't a logical explanation for it, yet their love seemed to defy all odds there are. To an outsider, it would seem crazy, but to Jamie, it made perfect sense.
She stumbled out of the car, nearly falling face-first into the gravel. She felt an electrifying atmosphere surrounding her, causing an itch in her fingers, that cursed all the way through her body. She ran and it seemed endless to her, she couldn't wait to get to the lake, to see it, although she actually didn't know what exactly she expected to see there. How high are the chances of Dani getting out and actually standing at the lake waiting? Sounded highly improbable, even to her. That's why she ran even faster, to outrun her own thoughts and fears and doubts, to not think at all. A few seconds later, completely out of breath she arrived at the edge of the lake, and everything seemed normal up until the point where she saw her standing on the side, glancing at the lake as if nothing had ever happened. That's when she could finally breathe again, not even realizing how she held her breath when observing the lake. She felt lightheaded but she needed to stay present, now more than ever.
Dani felt her presence and turned around, seeing a stream of tears rolling down Jamie's cheeks uncontrollably. She took slow steps towards her, until they're mere inches apart, feeling her presence, her warm breath on her lips. So close, yet so far. Jamie's hands shaking at this point, every breath rippling through her, shaking her to the core. Scared to not feel her, for the dream to be washed away like a wave.
So it was Dani reaching out first, grazing her cheek very gently, whispering her name in a way that never ceased to amaze her and send chills down her spine. She looked into her cerulean eyes seeing them shining so brightly it seemed to hypnotize her. Now she couldn't hold the sobs in any longer, feeling her touch and her warmth she just knew. Words couldn't explain what she felt and what she knew just by that touch and the look in her eyes. The connection they had so special there was no communication needed to get her point across. Next thing they knew they were making out profoundly for what felt like an eternity, but they both would've lasted even longer than that. It was a mess of tears and laughter, desperation showing its finest face. A little later they held onto each other so tightly you wouldn't be able to fit not even a slice of paper in between. They seemed to have connected, merged into one being, one soul, one love. That is all they have ever wanted and wished for.
*It's you, it's me, it's us* never have those words been any more true than now. It wasn't about possession for them like it's been with the others, it was about a promise, an understanding, and a mutual level of love and respect.
"Poppins" is all she could muster up saying into her neck after some time has passed. Her voice hoarse and weak from crying.
"I'm here now, I'm here" is all she whispered into her ear softly and Jamie knew she somehow managed to break the spell, how she did it, God knows, but she didn't care. All she cared about is Dani being with her again, being herself again. For now, she'd stick with that, living it day by day, one step at a time, and cherishing everything there is and will be in store for them.
That's what she always used to do, as hard as it may have been at times, it's the only way they had to go since there was no assurance/guarantee for them whatsoever. So she never questioned, pitied or coddled her, she was just there for her, by her side, ready to take every necessary step of the way, if she let her that is. And she found out, that's exactly what Dani needed in her life. She didn't want to be pitied, coddled, or put under pressure, she just wanted to have some safety and to know that Jamie is always by her side, not judging her. That's what she loved about her, among many other things.
Later the same day they found themselves back in their flat, the same exact flat Dani escaped from years ago to take it upon herself to do the final and inevitable deed of sacrificing herself for the lady of the lake. It held so much emotion, Jamie couldn't have ever given up on it, too much history has been made there, to just let it go. And living with the hope of Dani's return, she also wouldn't want to miss this chance, as slim as it might've been.
"How're ya feelin' Poppins? You fancying some dinner that's probably rubbish anyway?" she said with her thick Cockney accent coming through, the one Dani fell in love with in the first place. That and her curly brown hair being all over the place and her smile that could power a whole city by itself plus her oddly charming style, always unapologetic about it. Her overalls and snug T-shirts underneath, just looking so cool and she´d never get tired of that.
She was coming back to her old charm, the Jamie she's always been around her. The one that always respected her privacy, not wanting to intrude or overstep in any way. So didn't try talking about it, because she felt like Dani wouldn't feel up for it and she also didn't want to risk losing her again, so she just pretended everything was fine, just the way it has always been. If she wanted to talk she would and that's what she counted on and what she was completely fine with at the moment.
"I guess I would, though I'm not sure I'll survive that." she joked.
"Careful there, I might now" she replied, raising her brows challengingly.
"For you, I might be able to make an exception and risk it." And so they were back to their old banter, slowly radiating towards each other, they couldn't help it.
“Oh, c´mere” Jamie whispered before she wrapped her arms around Dani's waist, kissing her softly, moaning slightly when Dani's tongue begged for entrance.
So they continued their passionate dance, the dance they became almost perfect at throughout the years and though they've been separated for quite a while, it's like nothing has ever changed. And weirdly enough, she didn't even think of it any longer.
People are like moonflowers, an exhaustive effort to plant them, nourish them, and only very little show for it. But sometimes, once in a blue moon, someone just might be worth the effort. That one line Jamie said on their oddly charming first date in the woods, the one that captivated Dani in a way she never thought possible, it turned out to be more than true for the both of them.
A little later that same day they found themselves back in their bed, and oh boy could they still remember that day Dani was upset at Jamie for not managing to set up the bed, like at all. But how Jamie loved seeing her furious, Dani couldn’t stay mad at her for long when she always managed to distract her in just the right way. In retrospect them making out against a plain mattress and having the time of their lives just put a smile on her lips.
And just like in old times, they ended up being one tangled mess, wanting to be as close to each other as possible and watching an old movie together. They couldn't even remember the name and quite frankly they didn't care, they both let out the breath they didn’t know they'd been holding, letting out all the stress and pressure that's been building up and they knew only great things were coming from now on. However much time it would be, they didn't know and just like every single person on this earth how could they? But they didn't care, they still lived day by day, not ever getting tired of each other and their love only grew stronger if that was even possible.
Two weeks later
Quite the routine has settled in. Dani and Jamie were both back in their shop, working with the plants and loving them as they used to all those years, not once out of sync. They both felt at peace, now more than ever. But what Jamie didn't know is what Dani had planned.
That night just when Jamie came up to the flat, after getting held up taking care of some rescue plants, she didn't see Dani anywhere and after calling out and not hearing a single noise, she was scared. Just like years ago when Dani was just gone, no goodbye, no preparation whatsoever, just gone. For a fleeting moment her heart sped up and her breath caught in her throat, her ears ringing and she had to stop herself from going down that rabbit hole again. Not this time, it's different now, she told herself. And when she saw a tiny piece of paper and read it out loud, it all just faded away.
Go down to the backyard and meet me there. Xo
Now she was just confused, what the hell had she come up with? Just as proposed, she went down the stairs to the small garden in the back and what greeted her right there just took away her breath. Dani being all glammed up, in the most beautiful red dress she's ever seen and a path of candles going right to a Pavilion she didn't even know existed. She went to Dani who held a hand out to her for her to grasp and they silently walked to the Pavilion. Once they reached the inside, Jamie couldn't believe her eyes. All she could see were moon flowers blooming all over the Pavilion, surrounded by fairy lights and she saw a small couch standing there as well. She was so in awe she couldn't take her eyes away. But once she did and turned to Dani again she noticed her down on one knee and she just knew.
"Jamie, although we've done this before, now I want to make it right, I want to properly ask you. Back then the spell has been hovering over us, circumstances very much different... All those years you've been with me, you've been nothing but loving and supportive and very patient and I can't thank you enough for that. You were also the one person dragging me out of that lake. Seeing you by the lake, feeling your presence for years is what kept me going. It's for you I came back, to see you again, to feel you again and to be with you. The love you show me every day makes me the luckiest woman on this planet and you deserve only the best. And while I can't promise you that, I'll try giving you that every single minute we spend together, because you're my soulmate. You're my best friend and the love of my life, as cliché as that sounds, but I don't care. You're all of that and more and I want to spend the rest of my life with you by my side if you let me. Now that it's possible to legally get married, I'd also love to see you in a white dress, walking down the aisle, if you're up for that, that is. I'm fine with whatever you're comfortable with. But back to the real question at hand, Jamie, will you marry me? For real this time?"
Though she knew what was coming she hadn't seen those words coming out of her mouth, which is why she just opened and closed her mouth for a few frantic seconds, realizing she lost her ability to speak, too blown away by that speech and that whole preparation. Those flowers, hard to get and even harder to nourish and keep alive, after all, she had been the one showing her and telling her about these exact same flowers all those years ago, yet she seemed to take it upon herself to show her just how much she cared and for Jamie that was even more of a sign than any speech or any kind of commitment could be. So she just nodded through the tears, sharing one messy and teary kiss before wrapping her up in her arms tightly. "Of course Poppins, of course, how could I ever say no" She whispered after some time. And oh boy, how Dani couldn't imagine ever etting sick of Jamie calling her Poppins, although it´s been annoying her at first, she has grown to love it.
"Can’t wait to be Miss Clayton, has a certain ring to it, don't you think."
Dani let out a laugh at that. She as well had been crying, just being confronted with their journey, and seeing Jamie's reaction made her day, no scratch that, it made her life. She wanted to do something special, so every time she “went to get something from the shop” or went “upstairs to deal with some things”, she just went to the small backyard instead, the one Jamie didn't even know about, which was crazy considering her love for nature. But Dani couldn't complain, she used this as her chance and she wanted to go all out, Jamie deserved that and so much more, and to hell with it if she didn't try to come as close to that as possible. She would fight for their love. After all, Jamie has fought for her constantly, albeit her being buried on the ground of the lake for many years. She has never lost hope, despite the hopeless circumstances they found themselves in.
The beautiful thing about their love was not being as dependent on the other. It wasn’t up to Dani to make her happy or the other way around. Of course, it did make them happy, but they were two very strong women on their own, coming together and choosing to walk their path, hand in hand, instead of blocking each other’s way or holding the other back like many people in this world seem to do. They just supported each other, loving unconditionally without creating a chain that drags around their ankle. It was that love they always wanted to find. The healthy and right kind of love.
The next few weeks they spent planning their wedding. They didn’t want it to be huge, they also couldn’t invite as many people given that Dani’s parents weren’t able to come and hers weren’t even there anymore. Which didn’t mean there wasn’t any family. They made their own family, back in Bly. They found people that grew on them and showed them that family isn’t up to the people you’re raised by and blood-related to, but the people you choose to be around, the people you want to have in your life. And those could start out to be strangers. After all, aren’t strangers just friends you haven’t met yet?