Trigger
GAME HOES
SleevesRBS can I get an f in chat
SassyWitch f
ItsYaBoi f
HeySailor f
WhatsurPoison f
SleevesRBS ty
ItsYaBoi What’s up, my guy?
SleevesRBS midterms are rough this go
SleevesRBS 300 series of classes are no joke
SassyWitch Oh mood
ItsYaBoi I remember those days.
SleevesRBS yeah, yeah we get it. Masters
ItsYaBoi Darrow has 2 degrees.
WhatsurPoison WHAT?
SassyWitch no suh
HeySailor ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
WhatsurPoison What in the actual heck?
HeySailor school is ez when ur doin online shit on base
HeySailor n wit free clep tests cuz military
MissJester Ew what is a clep?
ItsYaBoi Lol. It’s a test that lets you skip lower-level college classes.
MissJester oh lmao
MissJester Lol. I thought it was like…
MissJester YoU kNoW~
SleevesRBS never change jessy
MissJester English is weird okay
DarkAngel Mood.
HeySailor rt
HeySailor but yea education benefits ftw
FjordTough agreed
DarkAngel The truths in this.
SleevesRBS you know what as long as darrow isn’t an English major im okay with it
HeySailor comm n business
SassyWitch Darrow is the Ugg boots and vest of the “I need a degree” choice list
FjordTough I mean
HeySailor I accept this so long as I get my psl
MissJester Darrow, no!
HeySailor ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
DM: TeaLeaf and Widogast
TeaLeaf bitch you staying over tonight
Widogast It is a late game, so that may be a better idea.
TeaLeaf I’ll charge my headphones ¬‿¬
Widogast Molly.
TeaLeaf I’m just saying gay rights
Widogast Just for that, I will make sure you cannot drown us out unless you stay at your parents.
TeaLeaf oh sweet, free porn
TeaLeaf maybe I can stream so people can listen in
Widogast For a moment, I actually thought I would one-up you.
TeaLeaf ᕙ( : ˘ ∧ ˘ : )ᕗ
Astrid (1:55pm): Three doubles next week. No go on the date
Molly (1:58pm): dislike, unsubscribe
Essek (2:02pm): I’m sorry to hear that. Maybe the week after. Molly, I could still come down to see you, as I get Astrid time at school.
Molly (2:03pm): sounds gay
Astrid (2:04pm): Pictures of you two, please?
Molly (2:06pm): Pose with the model? Yes please.
Essek (2:10pm): Molly.
Molly (2:11pm): baby
Astrid (2:11pm): Baby
He was used to this by now. The games were usually the same at the start. Get to the front of the stands with a good view of the rink. If possible, he would move to the boards and try to get Fjord’s attention before heading up. Keg would usually keep eyes on the food and jackets as they do this, grumbling over their softness. He would smile and wave at the people who knew him by sight or by his jersey and ignore the snide remarks that still followed. It had been a few months, but there had been little let up on this aspect of being together, but he tried to Push past it. Fjord had it worse, and Caleb was aware of that. Though his boyfriend rarely told him the extent of the comments and stress put on him, Beau would often vent about it. She had to watch both Fjord and Yasha go through levels of disrespect constantly, and he knew it overwhelmed her. It overwhelmed him, too.
He hated the fact that there were still some doors closed with them. There was the lingering guilt of not being trustworthy. Or maybe it was doubt that what Fjord felt ran as deep as his own. The voices of bygone hours creeping back in with their poisonous whispers. It all floated around the same thing: what was he keeping back. A part of him knew that it was hard to talk about the past. The logical side that had struggled with his own grief and debates on if this was all self-controlled suffering. But the stronger part, the side that thrived on pain and self-sabotage, had other ideas. That this was temporary. And that in the end, Fjord would be another person to leave for the laundry list of reasons that he had hidden away in his anxiety-ridden mind. He wanted to know, but also feared what would happen if he pushed.
Caleb startled out of his thoughts when a soft knock came to the glass behind him. He jumped and turned to see Fjord staring at him with his mouth guard hanging from the side of his mouth. The redhead blushed and gave a wave. Fjord moved the mouth guard into his mouth in a practiced and mildly disgusting manner before blowing a kiss and skating off. For a moment, the pit that was opening sealed slightly.
DM: SleevesRBS and Widogast
SleevesRBS keep an eye on fjord tonight he has been off all day
His own mind had been distracted for much of the game. His mind was somewhere between the previous thoughts and the fact that midterms were creeping up and he was not sure what to do for one of his papers, still. The whistle caught his attention, and the second line came on the ice, Fjord’s line, so he pocketed his phone. They were playing a team that keg had explained was rough to begin with. She had talked about the last time they played them the year before and the number of fights that had happened. She was in the middle of predicting with Lu what would happen this time when Molly had leaned forward and quietly noted she had missed a spot while shaving and subtly used Lu’s eyebrow shaping blade to catch the missed spot. Now, he had wondered exactly what she would have said.
The puck dropped in the away team side and Caleb felt his heart stop. Fjord had hip checked someone out of the way only to get spun on spot by the other player. As the crowd geared for a potential fight, a shot was taken and reflected off the cross bar of the net and into Fjord’s face. The man crumpled to the ground instantly and the ice stopped. A hiss from his left told him he had taken Yasha’s hand into his and was gripping tight. In his pocket, his phone buzzed nonstop, potentially the chat reacting to the moment a few seconds late from the delay. Essek was whispering something to Molly, who was frozen and all the color from his face gone.
The time passed. The players took a knee, and the medical staff and coach came onto the ice, running carefully across the scuffed ice. He stayed limp as they looked him over. One of the medics stood and headed back off the ice while the other dug through his bag. The team’s second coach now came on the ice along with Beau. Her eyes found theirs and he saw the pain even from the distance. She subtly lifted her hand up with fore finger and pinkie extended like the old symbol for a phone then turned to her friend.
After what felt like an eternity, Fjord stirred. He went to move, and the medic put his hand softly on the larger man’s chest to keep him in place. Caleb was on his feet. Not even the ushers told him to sit back down, as they knew who he was. Two more medics came out with a stretcher and they watched as Fjord was taken out with the assistance of Beau and to the somber applause of the crowd. His phone buzzed a few minutes later. Then Yasha’s rang and she answered.
“Yeah. Yeah, he’s right here. I’ll… Yeah okay. Breathe, baby. He’ll be right there.” She hung up and gave his thigh a shove. “She says go to the side doors and they’ll let you in.”
He did not remember getting the bleachers or to the doors, but Beau was waiting for him with her face looking ashen gray. She grabbed his hand and pulled him through the doors and the back hallway. He had always distantly wondered what the guts of the rink looked like. He passed a number of side rooms. He was sure one was the laundry room and another the workshop for their sticks and skates to sharpen. A meeting room. A second room with more chairs. And then a few doors that he assumed led to the locker rooms and showers. They walked down a different hallway and into a part of the building that was lit bright white and had the standard antiseptic feel of every doctor’s office. The school logo was painted on the wall, but it did nothing to remove the feeling of it being for medical care. On one of the beds was Fjord, sitting with support from one of the medics while the other was doing something.
As he got closer, the man realized he was stitching Fjord’s face back together. Caleb felt a wave of nausea hit him and Beau grabbed his arm.
“Please don’t faint,” she grumbled.
He laughed weakly and followed into the room. They were silent while the medics finished patching him up. Caleb blanched at the state of his mouth with a number of teeth missing and his nose, eye, and mouth already bruising.
“If you are going to hurl,” the younger medic stated with a smirk, “feel free to do so in the metal bucket to your left.”
Fjord laughed softly as they tied off the last stitch and he looked over at Caleb. The one eye that was fine looked apologetic at him.
“You better not say you’re fine enough to go back out,” was what came out of Caleb’s mouth rather than asking if he was okay. Thankfully, Fjord laughed more.
“I am on concussion watch for the next few hours, so no worry about that.”
“You’re the boyfriend, then,” the same medic asked. Caleb only nodded. “Fjord is high as a kite, so he has been pretty prolific in his… explanations of why we can trust you to keep him up.”
“I…. ah…”
“Nothing worse than what we’ve heard before,” the older one promised before giving him a rundown on how to care for Fjord over the next few hours. The younger medic added that Molly had experience in this already, so he would be helpful if they were still roommates.
“Yeah, I ain’t givin him uo for nothin,” Fjord drawled lazily.
“Will… is there anything I need to know about his… uh…” Caleb weakly motioned at his own mouth.
“Nah, darling, the teeth were fake. Ain’t had real teeth on that side of the mouth for years. I just need to set something up with the VA get em replaced. Ain’t no big deal.”
“Soft foods,” Beau muttered darkly.
“I want a hamburger.”
“I’m going to turn you into hamburger,” Beau growled and crossed her arms.
“Already look like hamburger,” Fjord muttered and smiled. “Beau don’t be mad. I’m fine!”
“You are so high,” Caleb marveled. The man flashed a smile that was still too brilliant for how gruesome it looked.
GAME HOES
MissJester Updates? Please?
NottListening Fuck I just saw the clip is he okay?
DragonQueen What happened?
MissJester Fjord got hurt bad in the last game…
DragonQueen Oh babe…
ItsYaBoi @SleevesRBS
DarkAngel She was sent back out because the coach was with him.
DarkAngel Oh, shit. I have Caleb’s phone. He dropped it when he left to see him.
HeySailor @everyone updates plz
HeySailor plz
HeySailor ?
SleevesRBS they left for urgent care a bit ago try fjord’s phone?
4 Missed Calls From “Doc B”
Astrid (8:41pm): Cay? Any updates?
Wulf (8:44pm): Caleb, are you alright? How is Fjord?
GAME HOES
ItsYaBoi Gunther just texted me! He has been given an all clear and was sent home from Urgent with a note for training and classes a while ago. Coach gave them an update after the game.
2 Missed Calls From “Doc B”
Doc B (8:30pm): wat r ur meds tonight
Molly (9:00pm): Update finally. He has been cleared a while ago and Caleb had forgotten his phone with Yasha. They’ve been at the apartment for a few hours.
Astrid (9:02pm): Omg thank goodness.
GAME HOES
MrPalomares2 Sorry for the panic, everyone. He is okay. We are watching Avatar to keep him awake. The show, not the movie. @HeySailor check your texts
HeySailor good 2 go
ItsYaBoi Thank fuck.
DarkAngel Keep us updated. On Molly, too, he was not doing well.
Dynamis I’m here all night.
GreenTea You have my number if you need me, Essek.
The go ahead to sleep was given around midnight and Fjord had his notice sent to his classes for the next two days delivered by the athletics department that he would be missing class for medical reasons. The pounding in his head was there, as was the constant throb of pain from his face. The dizziness and floating feeling had subsided when they laid down. He was feeling off. He had been all day following an argument with his aunt and uncle. But now, there was something too understated and too familiar about what was happening in his body. It felt off for an unknown reason. His body felt heightened and disconnected. Caleb had been shaken but settled when Molly and Essek joined them. Essek had agreed to stay over for Molly’s sake. His best friend had a panic attack in the bleachers after the hit, and his boyfriend did not want him alone. For an apartment that was filled, it was silent.
He had drifted asleep at some point. That was clear as he felt like he knew he was not home. But it felt like home and it felt so real. The dry air on his exposed skin. The weight on his body that was all over but comfortable. His lips were chapped, and he licked them out of habit. Each time, they tasted like the talcum and salt dirt of a desert. He was waited for something and had been for a while. They were paused out on a road, spaced out 10 meters from the vehicle. He had taken a knee and was watching the flat land around him for movement among the scrub brush. But why was he there?
Oh right. Something had been spotted on the side of the road. It looked suspicious and with a high number of IEDs in the area, they called it in, and had cordoned off the area. That was why he had been out of the vehicle waiting. It was dangerous to sit inside the parked spot for too long. They were simply waiting for the EOD guys to come and handle the potential bomb on the side of the road. His eyes went over to the spot that they had seen it. Two of his buddies were standing guard. It was a large group of them, and he had rolled through with Motor T on this augment. It was hardly the first time Fjord had been out of the wire, but this felt different. Pop shots from the outpost guard position and randomly called mortars were one thing. This was something else.
Waiting was worse than the action.
He heard something. A shuffling and looked over his shoulder again. One of the younger Marines they had been moving with had seen something in the distance and moved to get a better view beyond the scrub brush. Then a flash. He had moved before his brain caught up with instinct. His friend had been blown back with his legs mangled. As Fjord and another took hold of the man’s flak jacket to hoist him over Fjord’s shoulders, he felt his foot depress into the sand the wrong way. He looked down and shoved his friends away, yelling that he was on a pressure plate. Darrow, the medic for the unit, carefully moved the injured Marine away from the spot as Fjord stared dumbly at his foot.
Pop shots began to ring from the area. The whiz-ping of bullets flying too close echoed over the sound of his heart pounding. Sabian, another Marine he and Darrow got to know apparently decided to act without thinking and all but tackled Fjord from the pressure plate. His body curled awkwardly to take the brunt of the explosion. The Kevlar had blown off his buddy’s head with the strap giving way to the force. It collided with Fjord’s face along with the intense heat. He remembered the weight of Sabian on him as Darrow ran through the firefight to pull them to safety.
He remembered…
“Fjord!”
The man jerked in his spot violently. His eyes had been open, but only now did he see what he had been living in real time. Caleb beneath him, pinned by the chest with Fjord’s forearm and his fist firmly planted into the shoddy headboard of the bed frame. The plywood cracked from the impact and his knuckles burned. He blinked once. Twice.
And practically threw himself off the bed with his chest heaving. Caleb looked up at him with his eyes blown wide and his own breathing out of sorts. Tears pricked Fjord’s eyes as he stared at his boyfriend who watched him back unmoving. The image of fear had never before been so perfectly depicted in his mind. The bedroom door flung open and Molly came in and reviewed the scene.
“Fjord,” he asked carefully. Fjord only nodded and he sighed. “At least you’re with us.”
“Caleb…. I… I am so… Cay…” Fjord choked on his words and backed toward the door.
Caleb scrambled out of the bed, his leg catching in the sheets causing him to stumble and followed. His hand grabbed onto Fjord’s wrist carefully, the trepidation obvious in his movements.
“Was… Geht es dir…” Caleb shook his head and swallowed. “Are you okay?”
Fjord’s words would not come out. Only a strangled and deep sob and a heave. The man tried for a moment to pull away from Caleb, then pulled the man in. His hands inspected every inch he could touch in their position. For injury. For wincing at possible bruises or harm. His were filled with tears that blurred his vision, but he looked over the man’s face and neck. No injuries. The blood and burns of his nightmare gone like he wished the memories would be. He broke down and Caleb just held him.
“Molly,” Caleb breathed.
“He had another episode,” Molly replied. “I’d rather not handle this naked, let me get clothes on and tell Ess you’re okay.”
Fjord flinched and gripped harder at his boyfriend’s form. He left Caleb guide him back to bed. Within a moment, the other two men had joined them with a somber silence in the air. Molly sat at the foot of the bed while Essek stood at the door with his arms crossed and body hunched.
“I forgot to tell them not to give me stronger pain meds,” Fjord admitted softly. They had been sitting in silence for almost ten minutes at that time, broken only by his shuddering sobs.
“Fuck,” Molly breathed and inched closer.
“What… happened.”
“I am so sorry, Caleb. I thought I was better. I hadn’t… nothing like this in ages. If I even knew this could have… I wouldn’t…”
“Sentences, pookie,” Molly murmured.
“You know I have PTSD after what happened in New York,” Fjord tried again. He felt Caleb nod. “I used to have night terrors. Bad, but they… mostly stopped a while ago but… I didn’t think. I forgot…”
“Pain killers… sometimes mess with his other medication,” Molly cut in gently. Fjord only nodded and squeezed tighter. “Was it the injury?”
Fjord only nodded again. He shivered at the feeling of chapped lips peppering his head carefully and sobbed again.
“If you don’t want to talk about it…” Molly fell silence when Fjord sat up and shook his head. His best friend looked at the clock and then back at him. “Ess, let’s go to the 24-hour Dunkin a few minutes away. I doubt we’re getting sleep tonight and…”
“Of course,” Essek yawned from the door. He melted into the shadows, followed by Molly. Within a few minutes, the front door clicked shut and the deadbolt locked. Fjord was left unsure how to explain what happened. Or how to apologize for attacking his boyfriend in his sleep.
“I would never… try to hurt you, I swear,” he started at length. Fjord was strong enough to admit he could not look Caleb in the eyes at that moment. “I never… if I thought I was a danger to you, I would have never…”
“Breathe, please.” Fjord tried to comply. “What happened?”
“I had… a dream. About. My injury today felt… feels a lot like what happened over there. And I just…. Relived it all. The desert. The waiting… watching my friend get hurt and then… fuck.”
It was a few minutes before he felt his words returning. Caleb held on the whole way through.
“One of my buddies had stepped on a pressure plate and… when I went to drag him to safety, I felt myself step on one. I stayed put so they could get him out of there but rather than just… let me stay put… My buddy. He was one of the higher-ranking guys out there. And the shots had come from nowhere suddenly…”
He started he hyper ventilate again with his hands gripping at Caleb. The smaller man winced and hissed.
“Take a moment, love,” the man whispered. “You don’t need to continue. You’re here with me. In Boston. With a foot of snow outside.”
“Yeah… I’m. I’m home. I’m home.”
“You’re home.” There was such a deep cord of pain in Caleb’s voice, that he looked up and noted his boyfriend’s blue eyes were reddened and wet with tears. “Darling…”
“Please… I’m fine. I just… I see why you struggled hearing about what I tried to do to myself suddenly. But you’re home.”
“Sabian… he never made it home,” Fjord told him. And it broke.
His body shook under the pressure that was now escaping. The bed clacked against the wall as he fought to breathe again. His hands still gripping with bruising strength at his boyfriend’s form. The whole while, soft fingers combed through his hair and Caleb spoke to him. He tried to pull the man’s mind back to the present. The game. The bedding. The room. The things that were so far removed from that day it almost seemed like a different reality.
Caleb heard Molly and Essek come home. The smaller man knocked and brought in some drinks for them and pressed a soft kiss to Caleb’s temple. Fjord had drifted off to an unrestful sleep following the breakdown and his head was pillowed in Caleb’s lap. He looked back up at Molly and wiped his eyes.
“I almost hate that I know now,” he admitted in a whisper. It felt like treason, but Molly only sighed and nodded.
“I know.” Molly paused at the door and looked back. “He loves you, Caleb. I know he’ll find it in him to say it eventually.”
“Molly,” Caleb whispered as the man turned to leave. He looked back. “I think I love him, too.”
Molly just smiled softly and left the room. He closed the door behind him, leaving Caleb awake and alone to hear the fitful noises his boyfriend made in his sleep.