Skeletons
Stardew Sidechat
Welcome, DragonQueen, GreenTea, MissJester, NottListening, WhatsurPoison
MissJester :)
DM: NottListening and Widogast
Widogast Are you sure we did nothing wrong? It seems very unlike her to be quiet for two weeks.
NottListening You did nothing wrong she just needs space for herself
Widogast Okay
GAME HOES
CrankyBartender role call for the game in lamehurst next week
BigBadWolf I feel like there is a story to that name
FjordTough if you could see some people that come into his bar you’d understand
CrankyBartender got bitched at for queerbaiting the other day
CrankyBartender so that was a thing
SassyWitch We really need to give you rainbow pocket glitter for such emergencies
CrankyBartender rainbow ninja smoke bomb
BigBadWolf Essek why did you have to decide that you did not need to make a choice between the two? One Astrid was enough
Dynamis Galaxy brain states why limit yourself to half happiness when you can care for more
CrankyBartender Essek that’s p gay
SassyWitch Yeah dude.
BigBadWolf Still worth it?
Dynamis Mostly.
Dynamis To answer your question, babe, I think most of us here are able to attend.
Astrid And as it’s fake Amherst your playing, we’re allowed to be your friends this game
SleevesRBS Why fake Amherst
SassyWitch It’s the city university we don’t attend, so they’re fake
BigBadWolf And because they did not give Astrid her scholarship as ours did, so she may still be salty
SassyWitch Not even mad. Assholes should have given me something if they did not want me to speak against them when we went back to our high schools on our first winter break.
SassyWitch But yes, we will be there. We will sneak to the visiting team seats instead because fuck AU
CrankyBartender gonna wear our colors
CrankyBartender Es will look sexy af in purple
NottListening I come back and to find molly really does not stop flirting
NottListening Good to see I haven’t missed much
SleevesRBS Nott!
SleevesRBS is luc feeling better
NottListening Just a stomach bug
SleevesRBS im glad then. Tell the punk he can’t worry you like that
NottListening I wish that would actually work but we’ll see
NottListening how is everyone? Also hi Essek and Wulf. Good to see you two here
Dynamis you as well
BigBadWofl Yeah
BigBadWolf Wait, aren’t you the person who he knew from high school?
NottListening …
SleevesRBS wait
SassyWitch Wulf? How about you check your texts…
BigBadWolf Fuck.
Astrid (4:06pm): He hasn’t told them about that stuff yet
Astrid (4:06pm): I don/t even think fjord knows they know each other beyond this
Wulfie (4:08pm): A warning? That is important intel before this
Astrid (4:08pm): I didn’t think that’d be the first thing you’d say to Nott when you two talk-talk not in a stream
Wulfie (4:10pm): I’ll handle it… if it gets back to Caleb
GAME HOES
SleevesRBS woah woah woah no secret talks what do you mean they knew each other? This whole time? Tf?
NottListening Beau just drop it, this wasn’t some crazy conspiracy just private information
SleevesRBS were you two going to tell us
NottListening Probably not but does it matter?
SleevesRBS no? yes? maybe?
MissJester Hey guys ~ just drop it. You’re being rude
SleevesRBS sorry
MissJester I’m sure he didn’t do this to hurt you so let it go~ And poor Wulf probably feels bad enough as he seems to keep doing things that backfire
BigBadWolf Thanks I think
DM: NottListening and Widogast
NottListening Don’t you dare try and leave the chat now
NottListening Or delete the app. Just talk it out. I promise it will be fine. He won’t be mad
Widogast And when he doesn’t want someone who is broken?
NottListening Cay, I don’t think he ever looked at you and hoped you were perfect and whole. I think he just looked at you and saw something he never knew he could have
Widogast And the rest?
NottListening I love you, but no one had the assumption you were neuro normative
NottListening It’s okay to not be okay. Wasn’t that one of the first lessons they kept telling us
Widogast And if they leave anyway
NottListening They won’t. But if they do, I’m leaving them with you. I’ll always be in your corner
Widogast Thank-you, Veth.
Fjord (7:49pm): you okay darling
Fjord (7:49pm): you’ve been offline all afternoon and evening
Caleb <3 (7:51pm): Nein. You do not have to pretend to not have seen what happened
Fjord (7:52pm): I didn’t ask about that, I asked if you were okay
Fjord (7:53pm): Is there anything I can do?
Caleb <3 (7:55pm): Can I call?
Fjord (7:55pm) of course
“Hey darling,” the voice answered.
He could hear the concern. No judgement. No annoyance. Simple concern. He swallowed guiltily.
“I’m sorry,” he started.
“Caleb, I don’t care about that. You would have told me if you wanted to. It’s not like you are secretly Luc’s father or something.”
“Nein, no. I was still very much a minor and…” his voice faded away.
“Cay,” Fjord asked softly.
“I was still in treatment when all that occurred.”
There was a long pause that almost echoed. It was in this moment that he was most aware of how absolute the sound of cellphone communication was. No static like a landline that echoed silently until all conversation stopped. It was simply silence in its extreme. And he swallowed around the lump in his through. Fjord was waiting him out. He never deserved him.
“I have known Nott since I was 16, though I am not sure know is the right word.” He took a deep breath in. “I met her, rather, when I was at in-patient care. For psychiatric care.”
He waited and realized there would be no comments. Just him as always patiently waiting out Caleb. The man gave a shuddering breath and his throat clenched. Finally, he crumbled.
“Can we video… chat instead. I just.” He closed his eyes. “I need to see your face.”
“Yeah,” was the immediate reply.
The option for a video call came up and Caleb accepted immediately. He was sitting in bed, wearing Fjord’s jersey. His knees were pulled up and the bedside lamp was on, but barely illuminating his face. Fjord was in a long hallway that looked like some concrete material covered in faded paint with yellow-tinted halogen lights that flickered enough for the screen to look off. Judging by the way his hair was weighed down and he looked dead on his feet, Caleb assumed he was getting out of a late practice or trip to the gym. He had his headphones plugged in and was watching the screen carefully. Eyes, as ever, studying for signs of how he could help.
“Are you okay continuing,” he asked in a hushed tone, which only made the fact that he was ditching something else to listen more obvious.
“Ja. I mean, if I don’t now then… I don’t know. Maybe I will never get to it.” Fjord only nodded in reply and licked his lips. “I already told you what happened to my parents. I was… brought over here after when I was adopted by my grandparents. But… kids… aren’t nice. Especially in middle school and high school. And I was… weird. Foreign. Shy. I was in two different schools that I left for bullying by the time I was 15 and about to start my new school when…”
His voice failed him.
“My grandma found me. I had… chickened out at the last minute but it was enough… damage that I was hospitalized. And I was put into in-patient so I could be properly watched. They had tried with therapists before that, but I lied or refused to talk about it. And while I was there, I met Nott. She was a few years older than me and when she aged out… we lost touch. But I was gone a few weeks later anyway and at my new school. Where I met Wulf and then Astrid.
“I… adapted my self harm to be less obvious. Eating disorders developed, which was why Astrid has mentioned it a lot. And setting myself up for failure on purpose to prove why I should suffer. Which may be why Wulf was so… against the new friends. I logically have always known what I was doing was self-harm—still doing at times. But I had stopped the obvious… physical attempts after that.”
His eyes flicked back to the screen as Fjord had been silent. The same patient, open face with those gorgeous amber eyes watched back, though they looked wet now.
“Still here, darling. I’m all yours tonight.”
“You don’t have…”
“I’ll deal with Coach later if he gives me problems. I’m all yours.”
Caleb nodded, then continued. “I know… you have never thought I was… okay. I think you guessed long before anything between us started.”
He blinked in confusion at the snort. Fjord shook his head.
“Sorry, that was not at you being okay. More me tracking how far back us wasn’t a thing in my mind was embarrassing for a moment. Continue.”
“Oh… kay. But I figure if you wanted to stay as we are, you needed to know what you were getting into. You have… helped. All of you, actually. It… this is the first time in so long I have felt wanted. But…”
Finally, it seemed Fjord was ready to interrupt. He still did so gently.
“Cay, I never assumed dating you would fix anything that was wrong in your life. I hoped it wouldn’t because then that is… such a bad sign. Learned that the hard way. I don’t… I do care. I don’t mind that… you have stuff that happened. Do I hate that it did, of course. But that’s because I care about you and… yeah the idea that there was a chance for that reason you could have never been in my life hurts. But not… in your direction. And I’ll be honest. I’ll fuck up in the future. A lot. I say… dumb things. I do dumber things. And so will you. That’s… dating. That’s being with another person. But… you… being unwell mentally? Fuck, darling, that’s just something we can work on together how far you want me to help.”
“You… Are you sure you are okay with that?”
“Darling,” Fjord licked his lips and shook his head as he glanced off screen. “You walked me through Time Square to a small vegan café while I was having flashbacks. Without warning. Without knowing it was a risk. I’d be pretty fucking stupid to let you go and I’d be a fucking hypocrite to blame you for something you can’t control.”
Caleb felt his eyes burn and he looked away from the screen. He wanted to believe it. So bad. His mouth worked a few times as he tried to express everything. Nothing came out, and he hoarsely sobbed. After a few moments, he looked, and Fjord was still there. Still waiting. But he had moved to his car.
“Do I still have a pair of shorts there, darling,” he asked. Caleb nodded. “I’ll be there in a bit. Just need to grab my homework and clothes for tomorrow.”
Caleb inhaled sharply.
“Maybe… stop at the corner market for toiletries.” Fjord’s face pinched in confusion. “Leave them here. You know. In case.”
Caleb would hold on to the warmth he felt at Fjord’s smile as he waited for his boyfriend to show up.
It was the longest two hours of his life even though he had spent it driving. A bag lay in his passenger seat, and it held far more weight than the few ounces combined from the small items that it held. A toothbrush, a stick of deodorant, a shower cap. He and Caleb used the same soap, so he only brought his creams for his skin to leave there as well. But it was a stake in that space. A sign that he was there officially. That this was unmistakable as their relationship being official. It was also a step he did not know he was ready to take until he was at the self-checkout. How easy it felt compared to the weight of dread any real commitment to Ava had felt. With her, it had all been a deal. There was always a push and pull. The benefit of hindsight allowed the man to look back and see the warning signs from the start. How he only had something to offer than she needed or wanted rather than true affection. He held on foolishly until she dragged him under. Every step further into the relationship felt like drowning.
He would not say this felt like flying, but it was at least better. This was not the time to be elated, but it meant he was wanted there. That Caleb had decided that Fjord would be allowed into a place that was his own as more than a temporary visitor.
He never had stuff at Ava’s. She simply took over his place instead.
He knew there was a lot to talk about still. Caleb, now more than ever, deserved to know what Fjord had gone through, but not tonight. He had to be there for his boyfriend. The rest will wait for a better moment.
The door opened after a few knocks and Caleb stared at him. He looked lost with reddened eyes from tears and rubbing. There was no point in delaying, so Fjord ushered him in quietly and left the bag on the couch. He wasn’t going anywhere any time soon. And he’d ponder the implication of that thought later.
Wulf (11:21pm): You still haven’t replied
Caleb (11:22pm): Fjord drove up. We have been talking. It’s okay, I’m not mad at you.
Wulf (11:25pm): I’m sorry. I keep fucking up and I don’t even know how or why
Caleb (11:26pm): You’re trying which matters to me now.
Wulf (11:30pm): okay. I’ll leave you two
Wulf (11:31pm): Don’t miss your class
GAME HOES
FjordTough hey yall Cay is fine I’m staying up here with him for a few days though
NottListening Thanks fjord. I’m glad he has you
SleevesRBS fucking long ass drive every morning for 6am practice
FjordTough its worth it
CrankyBartender gay
FjordTough very
MrWidogast2 not even mad
Dm: NottListening and Widogast
NottListening how are you
Widogast I’m… better than I thought I would be. He’s handling it well. Honestly better than I imagined.
NottListening You deserve this. Now try to get some sleep.
NottListening I’ll drive up this weekend if you want
Widogast Ja. Please.
DM: MissJester and Widogast
MissJester I’m sorry for being a jerk to you over something as silly as being jealous. I’m glad you have him though because you need that support. <3 Love you very much Caleb
Widogast You have nothing to apologize for. I am sorry to have hurt you unintentionally. Take care of yourself.
MissJester No. I’m back for good, I promise. <3
Stardew Sidechat
DragonQueen is everything okay you both kind of vanished
MissJester Kind of? It’ll be okay but we had an accidental issue pop up that is now handled
DragonQueen Are you sure?
MissJester Oh, completely. Promise. Just ugh ~ people and mistakes can be stressful
NottListening You can say that again
DragonQueen well we can continue playing tomorrow as today didn’t work out?
WhatsurPoison please? I can actually be there tomorrow
MissJester Yes~!
It was early morning. Long before the sun rose. Fjord’s alarm was trilling quietly from the bedside table where it had been charging. He could feel the warm heat of Caleb’s body pressed in a long line against him under the covers. He was always so warm, like a personal fire or heater that made getting up more difficult than it already was. There had been little sleep that night. A lot of crying and more conversations about his life. About Germany and his parents. About that night how he had been at his cousins, though he did not want to go originally. He had felt sick. Like something was going to happen. And it had eaten away at him ever since. Caleb spoke until his voice had been raw and rasping about his therapy and the struggle to get to his grandparents in America. How he had never fit in. The bullying he had received and the names he had been called.
All of it.
Fjord let him talk without interruption. He feared stopping that momentum now that Caleb had found it. And it hurt. The pain he felt. The thoughts that still plagued him to this day. His terrible habits. His secrets. And with every word, it sounded as though it was all being dragged bodily from the man with every last breath he had. Like this was a wound that needed to be stopped and dressed, but neither man could find where it was. It had crept into the early hours of morning before Caleb collapsed out of exhaustion against Fjord’s chest. He had undressed the man best he could and laid down behind him. Now, he was pulling the limp body close and breathing him in. He had been so close to never knowing him. To never seeing the brilliance of his mind or the way he shone with delight. He had been so close to never seeing any of it, and that pained him more than he could process.
Caleb snuffled and rolled in his embrace. Sleep-drunk eyes blinked up at him and Fjord’s heart clenched. It was nearly black in the room thanks to the curtains, but some light poured over the top and along the floor, giving just enough for the world to be black and white. He knew he was not seeing the colors of those eyes. That was his mind supplying information he knew to be true, after all. Had he any skill for art, he could paint Caleb without a guide and gain perfection at this point.
“You have to go,” he asked with a croaking voice.
“Yeah. For a few hours, but I’ll be back tonight.”
“Okay,” he replied after a few blinks. He was not awake enough to argue, thankfully. “You said last night you didn’t… know when this started.”
Fjord knew he was flushing now and was thankful it would never be noticed.
“What does that mean?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted honestly. “From the start, I knew I needed to keep you around and I never questioned why. Since September, even with all the flirting and offers it’s always been you.” He shrugged and rolled onto his back. Caleb followed. “And I never realized that until last night.”
Caleb smiled onto his neck and settled. Fjord knew needed to get up.
But he could wait for the snooze alarm.