Good Intentions
GAME HOES
SoullessWonder Do you ever feel like your friends are overstepping?
Caleb had sent that and not thought to check in on the message. The group chat had really become a void that he spoke into when his in-person world was too much to handle. For the most part, the responses would come and if people noticed there was something deeper to the comment, usually beau or Veth, he would receive DMs from them within a few minutes. It was silent still from lecture and he had stormed off to a withdrawn part of the library in the silent section. A tactical retreat he was not proud of, but it meant they would not be bothering him until he was forced to leave for his 3pm class across campus. But that was two hours to himself.
It was not quite a week since Halloween, and he had yet to entirely get over the fact that he was essentially abandoned and it was turned on him—as if it had been for his benefit. On one hand, he knew what they were trying to do. And Caleb could appreciate the attempted kindness that Astrid and Wulf aimed for. They had wanted to get him in a location less secluded and official like a study session or coffee shop to talk with Essek or anyone, really. It was an attempt to draw him out and get him to make friends who were local and more accessible. Ones they could connect with and bond over.
He knew they meant well. But it had not done much to cover the anxiety and disappointment that they left him. He needed that security blanket when in a public place. They had hopped he would cling to Essek, who had been late to the party in the first place and then had been annoyed Caleb was distracted. And even that Caleb could rationalize. Essek was not used to Caleb having someone taking his attention. For most of their time as friends, Caleb only had the other two with whom he spoke. It was nearly a daily thing to see him in the library or quad because Caleb had little reason to go home except for work and spend time with his cat. He had all the time in the world for Essek and getting to know him and appreciate his own reclusive nature. But with the crew, they seemed to understand his quirks and simply work with him.
He had taken a screenshot of Fjord promising that he’d never abandon him in public to look at. He wished he could express intelligently what that had meant to see.
Essek was not a terrible person. In fact, he was quite kind and gentle. But it seemed that with the introduction of people who piqued a different set of interests, it was harder to not want to be online with everyone. The other man was a fan of intellectual things and debates. Simple pleasures and calming atmospheres to think and relax. He could not see the man enjoying how he now lived with his friends’ streams playing in the background or the nonstop chatter that made his desktop and phone buzz constantly. There were nights he was up past midnight watching documentaries with Yasha or Cad on any topic imaginable. Somehow, he felt that would fit into the way Essek liked to exist. And it was not bad. In fact, that was his own life only a few weeks ago. Now, he couldn’t live without them.
Wulf, however, did not seem to understand this.
Wulf (1:03): Are you still mad about Saturday?
Wulf (1:05): You know that we didn’t mean to upset you. We just figured it would be good for you.
Wulf (1:13): At least talk to Astrid if you’re going to ignore me. She’s upset.
Wulf (1:13): I still think you should try a date with Essek. He was so good for you and I think you need real friends not just people who you met by chance on the internet. You don’t even know them.
But he did.
He knew that Jester worked hard for her community and was a student in New York City studying art. She had moved from Europe with her dad to get the better education. He knew that Beau was a lot of hard edges to hide the fact that she had a terrible childhood. She was rich growing up but a disappointment and acted out a lot. It was why she had such a hard time expressing herself in a clear way—she never learned how to. He knew so much about Veth’s life before and after they met. He had a few photos of Luc saved on his phone even, and the boy started calling him uncle after just two video chats. Molly was a lot like him, despite the glaring differences. He had come over from England, Ireland before that, and had been taken in by a family who was stationed in the UK—Cad’s family. He and Cad had the fire and ice relationship where they balanced each other and were two of seven children. Yasha had never really opened up, but he knew she had a lot to her that was left unspoken. She knew Molly and Cad the longest and liked to volunteer where she could. She and Fjord dealt with a lot of racism because though he had not seen their pictures yet, he knew they were both towering, people of color. But she was as gentle as they came. Fjord was from Texas, an athlete, and he came from a large, mixed family. He had been in the Navy for four years before getting out and was using his GI Bill. As much as he tried to play the fair moderator, he was as impulsive as his best friends at times, but he had a heart of gold.
Caleb knew them. They had spent hours on end talking. The idea that they were just internet friends confused him. It hurt like Wulf was telling him their connection was a figment of his imagination.
Another coping mechanism his mind provided to deal with whatever reality he had removed himself from.
There were days when he felt that way. That nothing mattered and he was not actually close to them. It was all just people who were too kind to turn someone away, but they would all leave. Everyone did.
GAME HOES
SleevesRBS yo wtf they do now cuzzzzz
SleevesRBS fuck yeah people can fucking overstep trying to be nice
SleevesRBS literally called molls
MT cant argue truth
MT you good dude
MissJester Isn’t he in class? :(((
FjordTough no not until 3. @SoullessWonder when you’re ready to chat hit one of us up
NottListening <3
SleevesRBS <3
MT <3
MissJester <3
But then there were times when he looked at the conversation and realized that it was real. And so was their affection.
SoullessWonder <3
DM: FjordTough and Widogast
FjordTough did you even want to go on it?
Widogast I guess I did, ja.
Widogast Yes*
FjordTough lol I literally typed jajajajajajaja last night while laughing to you. You can say ja for yes I know what it means
Widogast :)
Widogast Essek is wonderful and I feel like I am perhaps being foolish in letting this go, but I am not sure if I am feeling anything I did before.
Widogast This is all so terribly romcom right now. Surely you have something better to be doing.
FjordTough I won’t give you details but I promise I am not going anywhere for a while. Even if I was, I don’t mind
Widogast Fjord you make it sound like you are in the lavatory…
FjordTough So your date.
Widogast Lol. It was nice, but I almost wonder if I was interested in him because I was lonely. We had a lot in common, but I am seeing that it was all pretty surface.
FjordTough I guess that’s fair. What changed?
Widogast Some kind stranger invited me into a group chat with eight crazy people who have not let me feel lonely since.
FjordTough sorry for the delay. I just don’t know how to say sorry for fucking up your love life when I’m not
FjordTough I don’t know much about dating, but I’m not sure caring for someone because they’re the only one around or because they’re something new is healthy
Widogast I’m sure it would have been more than that had we grown into this slowly, but it is clear he is not exactly a fan of my more rowdy companions. He even tsked at the fact that I was watching Jester stream with Molly and two of her theater friends while studying.
Widogast He’s wonderful and very much someone worth swooning over. But I feel like he doesn’t fit in with my friends anymore.
Widogast Ah, I mean to say he was fine with Astrid and Wulf, but they’re not all I have now. And a boyfriend, no matter how pretty he is, isn’t worth dropping everyone else.
FjordTough … that’s pretty gay, Caleb
Widogast Well, fortunately for me it is also quite on par, then.
FjordTough joking aside, I’m glad you want us around. They adore you. They’ve been worried all week about you.
FjordTough They’re just waiting in the wings to know you’re ready to talk again. Nott’s been on their asses about giving you breathing room
Widogast Oh. I had no idea it was that much of a concern. Thank-you, Fjord. For reading me whine.
FjordTough I’m always here, Cay. No matter what you need
Widogast I believe you.
GAME HOES
SoullessWonder No need for a search party. I am fine. Nott and Fjord have been helping me.
SoullessWonder I know you are all asleep but thank-you for giving me space. That was very kind of you. I am not used to friends understanding my anxiety as well as everyone has. So, thank-you. Again. I will be around Sunday for a game if anyone is free.
HeySailor u good bro
HeySailor pinned a message
HeySailor so they dont lose it b4 reading u up for a while
SoullessWonder Ja, I have a feeling insomnia will be taking over tonight.
HeySailor want company im still in europe so i dont mind
SoullessWonder Are you sure?
HeySailor bro u mean a lot to fjord and bryce so that means ur family
HeySailor got master chief remastered
SoullessWonder Ja? Let me send you my tag.
HeySailor dope
DM: FjordTough and HeySailor
FjordTough sorry I missed you. Thanks for talking to Caleb.
HeySailor hes chill dog
HeySailor approved new friend
GAME HOES
MT WHATEVER BEAU SAYS IN HERE IS SLANDER
SleevesRBS WHORE I WILL END YOU
ItsYaBoi Uhm.
NottListening Ten bucks on Beau?
ItsYaBoi No, I’ve seen Beau flex. Molly doesn’t stand a chance. @FjordTough any hint?
DarkAngel Fjord has ice time. Molly was using Beau’s Twitter and went full fuccboi on a few of her mutuals. Not catfishing but definitely thirsting.
DarkAngel I should probably make sure she doesn’t break anything. We need him for our production next month.
MT BRYCE SHE IS TRYING TO KILL ME!!!!!!!
ItsYaBoi I have been preparing for this since I met you.
ItsYaBoiMmmm whatchya saaaaaay
MT THANK YOU I CAN DIE IN PEACE!!!
GreenTea Normally I would offer assistance. But instead, would anyone like to see what I am cooking?
NottListening COOKING STREAM?
GreenTea :)
MissJester BE SAFE MOLLY. BEAU HE IS TICKLISH!
MT YOU FIEND!
SoullessWonder What did I walk in on.
DM: DarkAngel and TeaLeaf
DarkAngel I think we have an ex alert on Fjord.
TeaLeaf no
TeaLeaf that bitch… didn’t she transfer
DarkAngel Not that far away.
TeaLeaf by alert you mean..?
DarkAngel I am watching them flirt at this moment. He was out with the team, I think. I’m here with Rizza at the dart board. He’s doing that thing where he thinks he’s being subtle but is also eight feet tall so leaning in on anyone is obvious.
TeaLeaf ok like you can talk
DarkAngel I am seven feet tall, we have discussed this. Focus Molly.
TeaLeaf on it
DM: FjordTough and TeaLeaf
TeaLeaf No.
TeaLeaf I will literally ruin your side of the room. And delete all your papers for this semester. And trade in all your crowns and loots.
FjordTough we’re just talking. Relax
TeaLeaf sure totally. Just having you know flashbacks to how she treated you last time. You can simp and be a sub in a healthy way elsewhere
TeaLeaf are you sure you’re not lying to yourself again and hoping she’ll fix you
FjordTough go fuck yourself, Molly.
FjordTough stop using me to fulfill your gay fantasies because you’re not his type
FjordTough like you would even care anyway
Molly stared at his phone, infuriated. Not at Fjord. He knew what Fjord was doing. It was a constant thing with them whenever Molly strayed too close to a topic the other man was not ready for. He lashed out and aimed to hurt so the conversation would end, and he could flee seemingly unscathed. For most people that was a good plan. Molly never let it happen. Because that was what he had always done. But he was far more brutal and vicious than Fjord could ever be. There was a dark, vindictive streak in him that wanted others to bleed when he did. Fjord was protecting himself because there was a side of him that he was not ready to face. Not as a Southern man. Not as a man raised Baptist. Not as a man who had toxic masculinity drag him through childhood by the ears. Not as a man who had been taught that every door would slam in his face should he let anything other than what society wants show.
Molly was mad because he knew Ava had known this and was using it. That maybe even the hockey guys saw something was off about their right defensiveman. He was mad that his best friend was not lucky like he had been. He did not get brought to therapy by someone or coached through trauma. He did not have a brother who was also queer and would stand up for him. Or a father who had gone to Pride with him because fifteen-year-old Molly was scared. He was mad that the nicest person he knew was treated like shit and forced into hiding something that should not have been an embarrassing thing. Because Fjord knew he was not straight but pretended. It had never been something he viciously hid before. Not until there was someone who apparently was enough to make him realize how not ready he was to be ready for that change.
He watched the tiny globe go red by Fjord’s name and almost threw his phone. Part of him knew that this meant Fjord was now more likely to sleep with Ava again. Maybe even start dating so she could use him. It had taken him ages to realize she was hoping to get some of his benefits as a disabled veteran. Hell, she had been trying to get Fjord to stay in the Navy so they could get married after only a few months when they all first met. He had been stationed in Newport then and commuting twice a week for a math class. She wanted him to lie so he could continue to provide for her. It had taken them all well over a year to get him to understand.
TeaLeaf that’s a fucking lie and we both know it. please just come back here
Tealeaf I love you dude
GAME HOES
MT anyone heard from fjord in the last hour
MissJester No? Isn’t he out with the team?
MissJester You’re always so jealous when he is ~
SleevesRBS nah dude sorry maybe he got tail
GreenTea He is here. I just have his phone.
MT fuck
LiterallyTheWorst anyone needs me I’ll be in Jamaica Plains for the weekend
GreenTea Tell mom and dad I say hello.
MissJester Molly, are you okay? :((
LiterallyTheWorst just a shitty friend. Ttyl
He did not want to return that Sunday night afterwards. Molly knew he probably triggered one of Fjord’s episodes by not backing off. It was difficult to tell how close the man was over text. And he would have just driven there had it not already moved into stage three of seduction routine—the lean. Molly would not care if he was fucking Caleb out of his system in any other situation. But not with Ava? He panicked. He hurt his best friend. He avoided the rest of them as he waited to have this discussion because there were lines that couldn’t be crossed. And he crossed them.
Molly sat in his car, sulking for a moment. He looked up at the fifth floor of the old, brick building and sighed as the sounds of the city screamed around him. The man sunk into his seat lower and tried to focus on his breathing exercises. In, one-two-three. Out, one-two-three. He repeated it a few times before getting out of the car and frowning at himself. He could face the world head on, but not Fjord. Much like Beau and Yasha, he was Molly’s weakness. He went stupid for them. Blindly stupid. Most of the time he was the collateral damage in those moments. It was easier to be the person who accepted the pain. Pain he had actually deserved. But this time, Fjord got hurt. And he promised his therapist he’d stop causing his own bruises so there was no one to punch.
He climbed the stairs and awkwardly unlocked the door. He knew Fjord was there. His stupid truck was not far away from Molly’s spot. Damn Cowboys lanyard hanging off the mirror. The other man was inside at his desk. It felt normal for a moment until Fjord looked over. Molly had expected anger, maybe hurt. But instead there was something dejected and concerned that graced his honey eyes. Molly shuffled in fully and let the door click shut before meeting the gaze that was boring on him. The moment stretched.
“I’m sorry,” they both said—Molly’s a plea and Fjord’s a sigh.
The men stared at each other. Molly’s mouth opened and closed a few times in confusion, but Fjord still just looked off. Like he, for once, had no idea what to say. And for someone so smooth talking, that must have been jarring. So, as ever, Molly jumped in dick first.
“I wanted to make you mad,” he admitted. “You don’t flirt well when you’re mad and I couldn’t… get there. Look, you do whatever you need to. Just…. Please not her.”
Fjord watched him or a moment and sighed.
“I know you’re not living vicariously through my friendship with Caleb,” the other man commented. “I just…”
“Dude, it’s fine,” Molly tried to cut him off, but Fjord waved his hand dismissively. Molly swallowed the rest of the statement.
“I’m not you,” he stated. “I probably never will be. Not comfortable or happily out. I don’t even know if I do like him that way or if it’s just someone so… not like us that I’m fascinated. I don’t know what to do about it. And… I know you care about me.”
Molly swallowed hard. For all the tenderness, that was something Fjord never admitted.
“After leaving the Navy, I doubted I would meet a group of people who would get me like they did. I mean, the training, the hours in the sandbox or living like sardines. The stress and pain. Nothing really… seemed to compare to them. But you haven’t really given me a choice but to let you in. And that scares me more than anything. Because…” Fjord sighed heavily out his nose and loosely threw his hand upward in a defeated gesture. His eyes were wet.
I’m not going anywhere, Fjord. You’re kind of stuck with me,” Molly promised.
“You can’t promise me that,” Fjord told him. It was so raw that Molly’s voice vanished instantly.
Oh, Molly realized. No. He really could not promise that. Because he now knew it wasn’t about losing the friendship. It was about losing him. Like he must have lost people in the service.
“Hey,” Molly muttered. Fjord looked up and sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m not my brother when it comes to talking to people, but I’m sorry I scared you. Then. Fucked off without responding for the weekend.”
Fjord laughed hollowly at that. It was enough to unstick Molly from where he stood and walk forward. Fjord rolled back in his chair and spun. He stood and pulled Molly into a hug that felt almost desperate rather than comforting. Molly let the man cling to him for a few minutes until the tension seeped away slowly. When it did, Molly nuzzled into the man’s chest and gave his ribs a squeeze.
“I didn’t sleep with her,” Fjord promised. “You at least snapped me back into that reality, so thank you. For always looking out for me.”
“Of course.”
“Even if you suck at it.”
“I know.” Molly smirked and huffed. “Love you, bro.”
“Yeah,” Fjord sighed. Molly could hear the smile this time. “Love you, too.”