Chapter 1
“I don’t know how to say this... but I have... I have fallen in love with him.”
Jade sat frozen as the words kept on repeating over and over in her mind. The individual words have lost their meaning, more like a chant now. But with each repeatition, she can feel her heart clenching tighter and tighter. And occasionally she wonders how long before it gives out but it doesn’t. It just keeps on going and going.
The dark has turned to light bringing the sunshine through her windows but none of the lightness it used to give. She knew she has to move, she and the girls have an interview and she needs to get ready but all she wanted was to stay still and feel until she can’t feel anymore. So she did. She barely noticed when the dark came again.
Outside her room, three people were huddled together and talking frantically.
“We have to get her out of her room. You said she hasn’t eaten since yesterday?” Leigh-Anne asked Jade’s housemates and bestfriends.
“No. She got home and went directly to her room. I knocked multiple times and she didn’t answer. Eventually I asked Zack to come and force her door open, she didn’t even blink. I stood in front of her and she looked at me for a second before staring back at her window. It was like I wasn’t even there.” Holly answered, eyebrows furrowed deeply in concern. “What the hell happened the other night? She was with you.”
Leigh-Anne sighed deeply before leading Holly and Zack to the living room. “I didn’t know at first. Jesy and I left earlier, leaving her and Perrie alone. It’s not that unusual. They try to spend as much time as they can whenever they can. I thought everything was just fine. Then when Jade didn’t join us yesterday and didn’t answer her phone, everyone started to get worried. Eventually Perrie pulled me aside and told me what happened.”
“What?” Zack asked as he looked at Leigh-Anne expectantly. “Don’t keep us in suspense.”
Leigh-Anne paused and then turned to Holly questioning.
“He knows.”
Leigh-Anne glanced at Jade’s closed door before leaning towards the other two. “She said it was over between them. She’s going to make it work with Alex,” she whispered.
“Bloody hell,” Zack muttered as he sat down on the sofa. “God… if she was a guy, I would have gone over and beat him up.”
“How could she do this to her?”
“I don’t know.” Leigh-Anne shook her head. “I love both of them. I love Perrie but I’m pissed at her right now. She could have handled this better.”
At that moment, Jade’s bedroom door opened and all three turned their head towards it. Jade leaned on the door frame for support as she peered at the three of them. Her face turned to confusion when she recognized Leigh-Anne. “Lee? What are you doing here?” She asked in a faint voice.
“Oh God. Of course, I’ll be here.” Leigh-Anne hurried and gave Jade a hug.
“Why?” Jade asked with a confused smile when Leigh-Anne released her.
“Why? Because of Perrie.”
“What about Perrie? Is she okay?”
Leigh-Anne turned her head towards Holly and Zack who were also looking bewildered.
“It’s okay, darling.” Leigh-Anne led Jade to where Holly and Zack were standing. “We all know. And we’ll help you get through it. Right guys?” The two muttered their assent.
“What’s going on? Is Perrie sick?” Jade asked as she stepped away, her confusion turning to concern.
“Not physically,” Zack answered.
“Is her panic attacks getting worse again?”
Leigh-Anne, Holly, and Zack looked at each other in confusion.
“Jade, what do you remember about the last two days?” Holly eventually asked.
“Erm.. we were in rehearsal the whole day. It was tiring. And then I got sick. Hopefully not covid-related since we’re all standing here closely together.” Jade forcing a laugh. “But I feel a bit better now. A little hungry if I’m being honest.”
“Okay… I’ll fix you up something. You haven’t eaten in more than a day.” Holly hurried over to the kitchen.
“Let’s sit you here for now,” Leigh-Anne said. “You may feel a bit better, but you look like shit. Pardon my French.”
After an hour, Jade was back in bed sleeping and the three were huddled again.
“What’s going on? Does she not really remember?” Zack asked in a whisper.
“Maybe she’s pretending, so she doesn’t have to deal with it,” Holly answered.
“Maybe she’s repressing?” Leigh-Anne suggested. “This is just a mess. What do we do?” She added with a deep sigh. “Maybe tomorrow, she’ll be back to normal.”
“And what’s normal? She acting like a zombie, staring out into space, not eating or drinking?” Zack snapped. “Do we want that for her?”
“I don’t know, Zack. I don’t have any answers.” Leigh-Anne snapped back.
“Look guys… we’re all here to help her, not to fight.” Holly said in reconciliatory tone. “Maybe this is her way of coping up with it. Let’s let her be. We just need to make sure she’s taking care of herself when she’s here and when she’s at work.”
“I’ll watch over her when we’re with the girls,” Leigh-Anne promised after she and Zack exchanged apologetic nods. She then looked at her phone which has been vibrating on and off for the last hour. “I have to go. Call me if anything else comes up, ok? Anything.”