Crossing lines
Clarke sighed as she she looked at the time, she had been working late that evening and had to study for en essay that was due tomorrow, or today to be correct. It was after two and she could feel her eyes getting heavy, she was tired.
The last week had been tiring, she had been up late every night an she was finally getting on her A game again - it also meant no hanging out with friends, no partying and no Lexa…Freaking Lexa didn’t seem to take their break that hard, could you call it a break? Or argument, she wasn’t sure about anything.
As what had become an habit she opened Instagram and saw that Lexa had been posting to her story once again, she was out partying almost every night. It was a picture of her and Luna, both dressed in black and Luna’s lips pressed against Lexa’s cheeks titled ”So happy she’s home” heart emoji. Lexa looked extremely hot in the picture, a black tank top relieving enough cleavage and red lipstick with her hair messy on her shoulders. Next was a video off her and Luna dancing with some random girls, all a bit to close to Lexa if you asked Clarke - fucking hell - next post was only a few minutes ago and it was a video off Luna making out with some girl and Lexa cheering her on in the background.
Clarke locked her phone, it was painful to watch but still she couldn’t stop - it was almost additive and to be fair Lexa had been posting more than usual, almost as if she wanted her attention. It had been a little over an weeks since their argument and the brunette had been ice-cold ever since, at their speech for the upcoming christmas dance she hadn’t even looked at her once. She had been very professional and the students had loved her - Clarke however had been distracted by the fact and hadn’t really given a speech to remember.
Honestly she missed Lexa but her sudden A’s was telling her that she did something good at least, she liked being the best student but it didn’t feel like before - now she knew what she was missing. An actual life and not only dedicate everything to the school, she knew she had to stay focused but it suddenly felt so lonely.
”CLARKE” Raven yelled the next day at school with a goofy smile on her face.
”Damn…it’s early why are you yelling?” She wondered.
”Great news…” Her friend smiled at her. ”I actually talked to Anya over the weekend, we bumped into each other at the same party”
”Oh..” Clarke got surprised.
”Yeah, so I apologized and she did and we…um” Raven lowered her voice. ”We did it in a closet”
”A closet?”
”Yeah, she’s been texting me like crazy and we spent Sunday together…she really isn’t that bad if she’s not pissed”
”Just like you then?” Clarke smirked.
”Shut up, you should be happy..It means that the tension between us are gone, no more silly fights in the hallways or comments”
”What if you fight again?” Clarke raised an eye brow.
”I won’t make the same mistake again…I think I am crushing Clarke”
”So…what party was this?” Clarke knew her friend had been going out this weekend but she kindly said no due to homework.
”Luna’s place, you know Lexa’s friend?” Raven opened her locker casually and took off her jacket.
”Oh, was she there?” Clarke hated herself for being curious.
”Lexa was wild, she always seems so moody but she seemed to be having the time off her life” Raven chuckled. ”Her sister loved it, said she hasn’t seen her like this in a long time”
”Awesome…” Clarke tried to sound positive but honestly it was hurtful to hear.
”Must be Luna, just imagine if I was gone for a year or more…we would have been going crazy too”
”That’s true” Clarke wished that was the case.
”I know you been saying this all along, sorry for not listening. They aren’t that bad, the sisters” Raven admitted.
”No”
”You don’t say much today, somethings up?” Raven looked at her.
”Really tired” That was true.
”You look a bit pale…don’t burn yourself out..you should be done with school work soon? Break is coming up?”
”Yes actually, I will be able to relax soon” Clarke gave her an sly smile.
”Oh…and remember I was gonna get us some winter break plans?” Raven had that goofy smile again.
”Yeaaah..?” Clarke actually couldn’t wait to have some fun with her friends again.
”Anya suggested skiing, they have a house - big enough for a soccer team with…I don’t even have to explain you know how filthy rich they are..Their gang and our gang, getting to know each other better”
”Wh-what?” Clarke almost choked on her own saliva. ”You want to spend christmas break with the Woods?”
”Do you imagine how fucking cool that would be?”
”What would be cool?” Octavia walked up to them with her gym clothes on, she probably had practice first thing.
”Spending the break with the Woods sisters”
”Oh, Lincoln talked about it. It would be a great way for us all to hang out and it would make him really happy” Octavia agreed and Clarke had no idea what to say, how the hell was she supposed to spend all that time with Lexa? Did she even want her there? Probably not.
”Let’s think about it” Clarke looked at her friends. ”I just really missed you guys”
”Yes, I feel like I never see you anymore” Octavia hugged her.
”Homework” Clarke sighed and hugged her back.
”Raven” Anya yelled at her further away and Clarke noticed Lexa standing next to her. ”Come on”
”One second” Raven yelled back and looked at her friends.
”The rest off you if you want too” Anya raised her voice again and Clarke was not used to her sudden kindness.
”So, ready for some new friendships?” Raven lowered her voice.
”Yeah, I have to time to kill” Octavia looked at her phone and they started walking towards them.
”I’ll see you guys later” Clarke yelled behind them.
”You’re not coming?” Everyone was staring at her now and she felt panic growing inside off her.
”I need too be somewhere” Clarke swore inside her head, that’s the best she could come up with?
”What? Where?” Raven questioned her, of course she couldn’t just let something go and Clarke made the mistake to look at Lexa who seemed just as intrigued as the rest off them.
”Clarke?” Niylah spotted her and she never thought she would be this glad to see her ex.
”Oh…” Raven misread the situation and Lexa seemed angry about it, was she jealous?
”Hey..” Clarke decided to just let them believe whatever because she had no excuse not to follow them otherwise and she didn’t know how to act around the brunette anymore.
”It’s been a while, how are you?” Niylah asked and she was relieved to see her friends leave with the sisters.
”Yes, school…I am good, how are you?”
”Not as busy as you” She chuckled. ”So…um”
”Yeah..I’m sorry I never really…I”
”It’s fine Clarke, I got the memo” Niylah shook her head. ”You just don’t have to avoid me”
”You noticed..?” She felt a bit embarrassed.
”Duuuuh” Niylah laughed at her. ”Let’s be friends at least, I think that honestly just got caught in the moment as well”
”Okay, you’re right” Clarke smiled at her, she was a really easy going person to be around and she liked that about Niy.
”Cool, I gotta go but I’ll see you around I hope” She winked at her.
”Yeah, you will” Clarke smiled.
Clarke couldn’t get Lexa out off her mind all day, she felt the need to talk too her because she didn’t like how things ended. Plus, she hated the fact that Lexa might be mad at her right now. As school ended she was leaning against the brunettes car waiting for her to get there. She knew that her last class had already ended and wasn’t surprised to see her shortly after she got there, unfortunately she was with Luna.
”Hey…” Clarke got nervous.
”You’re Clarke right” Luna looked at her. ”I’m Luna” She reached her hand out.
”I am, nice to meet you” Clarke shook her hand while Lexa was just starring at them quiet.
”What are you doing here?” Lexa finally asked.
”Can I talk to you?”
”We are going somewhere” Lexa looked at Luna.
”We’re not in a rush, then I can swing by the library real quick and get some books that I need”
”Fine” Lexa looked as her friend walked back into the school.
”She seems nice” Clarke followed her with her eyes too.
”What do you want?” Lexa crossed her arms as she leaned towards the car as well, next to the blonde.
”I don’t like how we…ended things” Clarke was to scared to look at Lexa.
”You’re pretty confusing you know that right?”
”I am sorry for the way I acted and I hope you know that I don’t think I’m better than you..I said some shit I didn’t mean” Clarke took a deep breath as Lexa wasn’t saying much. ”I was under pressure and I took it out on you, I’m sorry”
”I know you work hard Clarke” Lexa nodded, it was hard to know if she accepted her apology or not.
”So…” Clarke looked at her, finally gathered the courage.
”So, that’s it I guess” The brunette shrugged.
”That’s it?” Clarke crossed her arms now. ”Do you honestly feel nothing about this?”
”I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression Clarke”
”You can’t seriously stand here and say that?” Clarke questioned her. ”You know it was more than some casual sex”
”I just can’t…” Lexa sighed and looked away, scared to show herself vulnerable. ”I can’t give you what you want, I am not ready”
”Why are you pushing me away?” She wasn’t done with the conversation.
”You asked for a break, not me remember?”
”I asked for some clarity”
”You ruined it” Lexa fired back.
”You can’t blame this on me only, I said I wanted more and you got scared don’t twist my words”
”Scared?” Lexa glared at her. ”Tell me something, if we became a couple and all this tension was gone - when all the dangerous scares off getting caught are gone, would you still be that interested?”
”What’s that’s suppose to mean?”
”You date people like Niylah, I’m not like them Clarke and deep down you know that we are too different…I saw you guys today, you’re back together?”
”No…I am not dating her and you don’t know what I want… maybe I like the fact that you are different”
”You think getting to know me is wasting your time unless it leads somewhere?” Lexa scoffed. ”You don’t know what you want Clarke, that’s the problem.”
”You know that’s not what I meant…” Clarke shook her head. ”I know you don’t mean what you are saying right now either”
”You don’t know that” Lexa was firm but Clarke still didn’t believe her.
”You’re not really believable”
”You don’t know what you’re talking about” She raised her voice and Clarke had to look around to see if anyone was watching them, seemed to be fine.
”I know you feel something for me…” Clarke turned around to face her and took a step closer while Lexa swallowed. ”You can party how much you want, you can post how many happy selfies you want but I know that you deep down hate that shit. You don’t want meaningless relationships or nights you don’t remember”
”You don’t know shit”
”You are trying to hide behind all that but you can’t hide forever Lexa, so you got hurt once? So what, you are never gonna love again?”
”I swear to god Clarke” But the blonde took another step closer.
”You had doubts because you where actually catching feelings and you are too afraid I don’t feel the same”
”You have no idea what’s going on in my life right now”
”No I don’t” Clarke shook her head. ”I want to know all off you Lexa but you won’t let me all the way in” Lexa just stared at her intense. ”Tell me I’m wrong?”
”Leave” Lexa spitted.
”Fine” Clarke looked at her one more time, to see if the brunette wanted to say anything but she genially just looked pissed. She turned around and wondered if she crossed any lines, maybe her jealousy got out or maybe she was just pissed that Lexa didn’t want her they way she wanted her.