Distractions
Clarke got to school with an heavy heart, her mom had tried to make her stay home but she needed a distraction. She was there early, too early - she was probably the first student there. She She chose a corner close to her locker and sat down, she needed to be alone right now. She reached for her phone and looked at the old voice message and wondered if it would just be painful to hear, probably. Since she didn’t have class until an hour she grabbed her headphones and hesitated for a few seconds before she pressed play.
”Darling, it’s your old dad” Clarke got teary immediately and her heart felt heavier than before. ”Just wondering what you want for dinner tonight? I will be home early…umm…you are probably in class right now but I can’t wait to see you. I missed you kiddo, call me back. I love you!”
Clarke felt tears streaming down her cheeks, she had heard that voice message before - she knew that but she hadn’t dared to listen to it ever since. Her father had been away for a business trip for over a week, she remember how glad she was when she came home that day. She and her dad made dinner together and surprised her mom who got as excited as her to see him. Her father and Clarke had a great relationship and ever since he passed it was like a piece of her was missing. She pressed play again and listened to it one more time, she let herself cry as she crawled her body up in the little corner she was sitting in.
Eventually she lost track on how many times she had listened to it and she wasn’t sure she had anymore tears to cry - she missed him so freaking much. She looked at the time and realized some students would probably start entering the school soon, she took the headphones out and wiped her tears away and used her iPhone camera to see how messed up she looked. Swollen and red eyes, you could tell she had been crying so she grabbed an napkin and wiped under her eyes and nose.
”Fuck” She sighed and reached for her powder - it didn’t help much but at least it looked a little bit better. She decided to sit there and calm herself down and maybe her swollen face would too. After a few minutes she finally felt strong enough to get to her feet, she took a few deep breaths and practiced her fake smile - not possible. She felt completely numb.
”Clarke?” Octavia was surprised to see her as she had eventually reached her locker a while later.
”Hey” She mumbled back, not really looking at her friend - she knew Octavia would notice.
”What are you doing here? You should take the day off?” Octavia knew what day it was as well.
”I can’t be home” Clarke sighed and grabbed her math book.
”Are you okay?” Octavia carefully asked.
”Clarke?” Raven spotted her and wrapped her arms around her. ”Fuck..” She breathed into the hug. ”Let me know if you need anything today, okay?” Clarke could feel herself tear up again and wasn’t able to answer, she had to control her breathing to not cry out. ”It’s okay” Raven hushed her.
”Thanks” Clarke finally managed to say.
The day went by slow, she was there but not really there - she was just starring at nothing all day - everything was just background noise, she wasn’t sure if it was loud or low - if she missed something important and had no idea if someone called her name. She was just lost, like she was misplaced today. Not sure if she was existing or not.
She dragged her feet through the hallways, she made her ways to class - it was like her body knew where to be because she had done this so many times before. Walking to class, sitting down, grabbing her new book, opening them, going back to her locker, walking down the hallways again.
She was about to move from her locker once again when she felt an hand on her shoulder, she turned around and saw the principal that looked at her concerned. The last students in the hallways rushed away and it was only the two of them left.
”Clarke” He said carefully. ”I got some concerns about you today from your teachers…I know this must be a hard day and I hope you know it’s okay if you want to take the day off”
”I’m fine” Clarke lied as she didn’t look at Kane, he knew what day it was - he had actually been pretty close to her dad as, he was probably hurting today as well.
”Okay, I spoke with them…to give you some space today. Just…my door is always open Clarke” He smiled at her with comforting eyes. ”I miss him too” He admitted.
”Yeah…” Clarke was hit by a wave of emotions and had to hold her breath to not start crying again, Kane noticed.
”Take the day off…is there anyone who can be with you today?” He asked.
”I can” Lexa had overheard their conversation, or most of it at least.
”How nice off you Lexa” Kane looked at her. ”Nice to see that the two of you get a long…oh well, like I said, anything Clarke. Take care of each other now”
”Thanks” Clarke didn’t look at the brunette.
”So what should we do?” Lexa asked.
”Nothing, I meant thanks for getting him out of here…I know he means well but I just…can’t today”
”I noticed you have not been yourself today” Lexa studied the blonde.
”Yeah” Clarke started walking away but Lexa followed her.
”Hey you shouldn’t be alone right now…” She told her.
”I am having a shitty day okay…please I can’t right now”
”I actually know a lot about shitty days, do you want a distraction or not?” Lexa raised an eyebrow and Clarke stopped walking to look at the brunette, she actually wanted one - but with her? Or maybe that was the best way to be distracted today?
”Fuck it, fine…” Clarke gave in.
”Alright” Lexa gave her short smile. ”Let’s go to my car”
”So where are we going?” Clarke asked as she sat in the front seat next to Lexa, just by the smell you could tell this was an expensive car - well of course if you just looked at is tool. It was almost like she was scared of just sitting there - in case if she broke anything.
”We could go to my house…and I could give you a real tour of the crib”
”Aren’t your parents there?” Clarke wondered - or they where probably at work.
”Trust me, you don’t have to worry about that” Lexa scoffed and started driving.
”So…” Clarke looked at Lexa.
”So what?”
”Don’t you wanna ask me about why I am upset?”
”Not if you don’t want to talk about it” Lexa answered casually and Clarke was pleased with the answer.
”Okay cool”
”I will force you to play ping pong with me though” Lexa told her as she made a left turn after an green light.
”If you want to lose…sure” Clarke said cocky.
”Okay, there she is” Lexa smiled at her. ”It’s actually really relaxing for the mind”
”It’s pretty intense?” Clarke questioned her.
”Exactly, there is no time to think about anything else - you need to focus on the ball swinging back and forth”
Lexa had been right, playing the game had been relaxing somehow - she wasn’t that good at it but she didn’t care and Lexa for once didn’t tease her about it. They had some music blasting in the background and was just casually playing the game, she was distracted - Lexa had been right.
”Feel any better” Lexa was a little out of breath and lowered the music.
”Okay, you where right - it feels a little bit better” Clarke admitted.
”So what about a tour?” Lexa suggested. ”This can also get pretty boring easily” Lexa explained.
”This house is…I’m speechless” Clarke looked around as they walked out what Lexa had called the game room.
”I guess” Lexa shrugged.
”So your parents aren’t home often?” Clarke asked as she remember what Lexa had said in the car.
”No…” Lexa shook her head. ”Mom was diagnosed with cancer before the summer began…it got pretty rough quickly and dad has been obsessed with finding an doctor that can cure her…it was people here constantly the whole summer and in the end I could barely recognize her”
”I’m sorry” Clarke had no idea.
”Then my father sent me and my sister away…when school just started as you might remember and when we got back he had flied mom away from here. He doesn’t tell me anything…and he wont allow me to talk to her”
”That’s awful” Clarke couldn’t imagine the situation, and she actually felt bad for Lexa, that must be heavy to carry around.
”Yeah…so…” Lexa opened an door. ”My room” She said and Clarke entered it, it was dark colors but with white walls, a great combination. A big flatscreen in front of the huge bed that looked extremely comfy, the room was tidy. ”We have a house cleaner…” Lexa explained.
”I like it” Clarke said. ”Doesn’t it get lonely?” She wondered, she was curious about what Lexa just shared with her, it made her somehow more human in her eyes.
”Yeah…It’s lonely everyday” Lexa got vulnerable. ”Damn…I haven’t told anyone this before”
”Today is exactly one year since my dad passed away” Clarke felt like she wanted to share her story now. ”I wasn’t sure how it would affect me…I just miss him so fucking much”
”Fuck…and I suggested ping pong?” Lexa was unsure what to say and felt stupid.
”Honestly it helped, I needed that…he passed in a sudden heart attack. It shook us all as he was a perfectly healthy man, one day he was here and the next one he was gone. I didn’t have a chance to tell him how much I love him you know…”
”He knows”
”I just…like if your dad is pushing you away…if you are unsure on how much time your mom has left…I just find it rude, it’s precious time. He shouldn’t take that away from you, it should be your choice”
”Tell him that…” Lexa sighed. ”Fuck we are depressing aren’t we?”
”I guess” Clarke couldn’t help but chuckle, it felt good - like some of her anxiety went out with it.
”So do you need anymore distractions?” Lexa asked and Clarke misread the question.
”You’re turned on right now?”
”Oh…” Lexa was surprised. ”I was gonna suggest get high or drunk but okay…”
”Fuck” Clarke bury her face in her hands. ”Forget that please”
”I’ll let that one slip for today” Lexa winked at her but smitten that Clarke thought what she did.
”I have never been high before” Clarke admitted.
”We don’t have to” Lexa brushed it off.
”I think I do…” Clarke wasn’t sure what had gotten into her, but something about Lexa pressed on some old habits in her soul - the reckless Clarke before she became an A-student. Not in a bad way though, just the feeling of remembering how fun it can be to be a teenager sometimes. It was about making silly mistakes and stupid choices so you didn’t have to do them as an adult. When her dad passed it was like she had to grow up, there was no space for mistakes or fun - Clarke didn’t want to admit it but she missed just being a teenager without all the responsibilities.
”Are you sure?” Lexa opened a little box placed on her desk and took out a plastic bag with weed in it. ”Everyone reacts differently but if you just stay relaxed it should be fine…”
”Will it make me relax?”
”Or laugh” Lexa chuckled as she started rolling the joint.
”Fuck, let’s do it…but can it stay between us though?” Clarke went closer to the brunette so that she could face her and read her expression.
”Yeah” Lexa said calmly as she slowly dragged her tongue against the paper, Clarke couldn’t help but stare at it and she was pretty sure the brunette knew what she was doing because she was staring intense at the blonde while doing it. ”Good to go” She breathed out and looked away to find a lighter, Clarke was glad because she hadn’t been able to look away otherwise.
”We didn’t even finish the tour”
”Another time” Lexa casually said like they would hang out soon.
”Do you have any cool outside views?” Clarke asked.
”How about the roof?” Lexa smirked and Clarke nodded excited.
It was as magic as she had imagined, they could see the whole city from there - it was peaceful and extremely calming. Watching the cars that was so small from up there, turning and stopping, the birds flying by or the people walking.
”I am extremely jealous of your home” It was breathtaking.
”I like it better with you here” Lexa said and it looked like she got surprised by her own words.
”It’’s nice” Clarke quickly said to not make her feel awkward, it wasn’t a lie so.
”So just take a small puff, you might cough…it’s normal - it’s toxic in your lungs”
”Can I watch you do it first?” Clarke asked and Lexa smiled as she lit the joint - she felt almost like a criminal but in an goofy way.
”So just follow my move” Lexa inhaled the smoke and held it in her lungs for a while before breathing out, she then looked over at Clarke and passed the joint to her. Clarke grabbed it and slowly moved it to her lips, she did exactly what Lexa did and too her surprise she didn’t cough.
”Bad ass” Lexa nodded impressed. ”I coughed like an idiot the first time”
”It burned a little bit” Clarke said as she blew out the smoke, not as gracious as Lexa but whatever.
”And now we just finish it” Lexa shrugged as Clarke passed it to her again. They smoked the joint in silence as they enjoyed the view in front of them, every once in a while Lexa checked if she was alright and Clarke found it adorable.
”Do you feel anything?” Lexa asked after a while as they finished smoking it.
”I feel amazing” Clarke chuckled, it wasn’t funny but she couldn’t help but laugh.
”Okay you are a laughing one” Lexa laughed at her.
”I don’t know what’s funny” Clarke bursted out in an louder laugh and Lexa joined her.
They started talking about random things and Clarke couldn’t remember the last time she laughed this much, she felt absolutely amazing and she didn’t want for this trip to end but eventually it did.
”It’s getting late” Clarke sighed as she noticed how dark it had gotten.
”Yeah…you should drink some water before sleep”
”Am I a bad person for laughing this much today..? For even having fun”
”I think your dad would rather see you happy than suffer” Lexa looked at her.
”Maybe you’re right…it doesn’t feel wrong, it felt like I was drowning earlier and now I am finally over the surface” Clarke explained it. ”Thanks to you..” She looked at Lexa who stared back at her as she stroke some brown hair behind her ear.
”Glad I could help” Lexa told her. ”Want me to give you a ride home?”
”You already done enough”
”I want too” Lexa stood up and reached out her hand to help Clarke get up to her feet.
”My place isn’t really as fancy as your place but it’s not far from here”
”I bet it’s lovely” Lexa said and as they walked back downstairs and as it was dark Clarke couldn’t help but feel bad for the brunette, it must be super lonely to be here by herself all the time. As it was dark it just looked cold and…stiff?
”Will your sister come home at least?” Clarke wondered as they got inside the car.
”I don’t know”
”Will you be okay?”
”Yeah” Lexa looked at her. ”I’m used to it now”
Clarke wanted to invite Lexa to her place but she knew it was weird and would probably send out the wrong message, she just couldn’t shake the feeling of Lexa being alone in that big mansion. However, as they parked on her street and where saying their goodbyes she was too scared to ask the question.
They separated and Clarke went to bed thinking about Lexa Woods, the mysterious brown haired girl.