Hallowed Ground
Hold faith. There is always time to begin again.
Miami rushed by Elide in a blur. The longest day of her life – over. The longest plane flight of her life – finished. Stepping into her old, ratty apartment in the unfashionable bit of town, Elide barely made it to the worn-out couch before she started crying.
Curling up under a soft throw blanket from her college years (don’t think about college, don’t think about that, about life after life after life), Elide finally went quiet. She lay there. She didn’t bother to pretend to watch TV. She didn’t bother to make dinner. She didn’t really bother to do anything.
You know what happens when you smear an oil painting? You ruin the painting.
+
Manon worked herself to the point of exhaustion and then pushed clean over the edge. She hardly had time to see the inside of her apartment. She sure as hell didn’t give herself time to hear the inside of her own head. Her sleep schedule was – in technical medical terminology – fucked.
It didn’t matter.
At dawn, she ran until her lungs burned in agony and then she ran further.
It didn’t matter.
She didn’t bother to answer her cousins’ texts. What was there to say?
+
Aelin
Maureen: Hey Aelin
Aelin: Hey Elide’s roommate! What’s up?
Maureen: You talked to Elide lately?
Aelin: No
Maureen: oh
Aelin: Why?
What’s wrong? Is she okay?
What’s going on
Maureen: I honestly don’t even know how to answer that
Aelin: can I call?
You know what, you home? I’ll be right over
+
Aelin (ineffectively) paced the small living room in the apartment Elide that shared with Maureen. “What the hell? What the fucking hell.” Collapsing down onto the ratty old couch, Aelin shoved her hands into her hair and stared down at the carpet, a little bit totally lost.
Thank god Elide was at the vet clinic right now, because otherwise Aelin would hug her and then probably throttle her.
Trying to pull herself back together, Aelin eventually said, “Tell me again.”
Dropping onto the couch next to Aelin, Maureen shook her head, “I thought she would have told you,” she said softly, soft purple bruises of exhaustion under her eyes. “Aelin, she’s a mess. Like, a serious mess. I mean, I don’t know much – Elide will barely talk to me now. But, like … I don’t know, it’s more what she isn’t saying, you know. I just … I don’t want to assume or anything – ”
“Maureen,” Aelin cut her off, “spit it out.”
“Look, I think she and Manon had a fight. A really bad fight. Like it’s already been a week and I still don’t think they’re talking. Honestly, I don’t know if they’re ever going to figure it out.”
“Shit.” Aelin stood up again, pacing and pacing. “Look, I’ll talk to her. I’ve got her, I promise.”
“Thank you.”
Resting a hand on Maureen’s shoulder, Aelin said, “It’s going to be okay.”
+
Elide didn’t bother answering Aelin’s texts. Or her calls.
Because she was busy. Busy being a goddamned vet and cleaning the clinic and re-cleaning the clinic and sitting with the animals, hours upon hours, she had always understood them better than people. All they asked for was kindness. Just simple kindness.
Elide poured the soul she couldn’t carry anymore into their softly blinking eyes.
You give an animal love and they love you in return. That’s it, that’s all, forever and ever. Amen.
It must be the closest thing to peace.
+
Another week went by.
And Elide was still busy, so very busy. Busy going out with Lorcan, to bars and restaurants and clubs, smiling and smiling because wasn’t she the luckiest girl in the world, to have him.
Wasn’t she?
She was busy. Watching Lorcan show her off to all his friends, my gorgeous fiancé, as everyone laughed loud and partied even harder. Her ankle ached all the time and she pushed through the pain, clean through it. Hello there, my old friend.
Elide stop bothering to read Aelin’s texts.
+
“Where the hell is Manon?” Fallin flopped onto the couch next to Asterin, poking her in the shoulder with a tortilla chip.
“Busy. Go be an animal somewhere else.”
“Too busy for poker night?” Sorrel sat on the couch like a normal human, tucking her feet underneath her. “That’s bullshit.”
Shuffling the deck, Ghislaine snapped, “Yeah, the last time we heard that, Manon was dating Iskra.”
Collectively, twelve women took in a deep breath, the temperature in the room dropping by a few degrees. Iskra didn’t exactly have a lot of … fans among the cousins.
Settling her knitting to the side, Lin, the youngest of them, just nineteen years old, said softly, “She won’t even answer my texts. I asked if I could come by to see Abraxos and … nothing. Just nothing.”
“Oh yeah?” Vesta twisted the cap off a bottle of whiskey and drank straight from it. “You should see her at work. She keeps going quiet, scary quiet – she’s terrifying the fucking interns. Hell, she’s terrifying most of the company. It’s like dealing with Matron 2.0.”
“Don’t call her that,” Asterin snapped, her voice laced with fury, “don’t you fucking dare.”
Vesta held her hands in the air, but she didn’t back down. “Then tell her to ease up, just a goddamned inch.”
“I don’t tell Manon to do anything.”
“Yeah but she listens to you! God she can be such a fucking – ”
Before someone ended up in the ER needing stitches (again), Sorrel stepped in. “Ves. That’s enough.”
“I’m not wrong!” Vesta said, standing up fast, her body vibrating with barely contained energy.
“No. You’re not.” Sorrel replied calmly. “But that’s enough.”
Stalking out of the room, Vesta said, “Fuck you all,” and threw a middle finger over her shoulder for good measure.
The living room went quiet for a few moments, Asterin staring at the far wall, staring beyond, to the place where the horizon lay. Eventually, Imogen stood up and said softly, “I’ll go talk to her. Ves is just tired – Manon really has been difficult at work. It’s been rough on all of us, but Ves has been taking the brunt of it.”
Sighing, Asterin massaged the bridge of her nose. “Okay, thanks Gee Gee. Try not to get punched. Look … tell Ves that I’ll talk to Manon, alright?”
“Sure thing. Save me alcohol – and remember, no touching that stuff, Short Stack.” Imogen replied, ruffling Lin’s hair as she walked out of the room.
With Lin distracted glaring at her older sister and muttering I’m taller than you and Asterin looking like she regretted being born, Fallon took a swig of beer and said, “Can we get this show on the road? Fucking poker night – why is there always so much drama? And Manon better show up next time. It’s no fun when I don’t get to watch her lose.”
But Fallon’s casual tone didn’t hide the fact that nine pairs of eyes were turned towards Asterin, worried. Very worried.
Asterin resisted the urge to check her phone, just one more time. Just because maybe Manon would finally text back.
+
Elide
Aelin: come to brunch w/ the fam
Please
I will keep texting you
Until you respond
Think I’m joking?
Text back
Elide
Elide
Elide
Elide
Elide
Elide
Elide
Elide: I’m busy
Aelin: you have the weekend off. Come to family Sunday brunch. We really miss u.
Elide: Lorcan and I have a thing.
Sorry
Aelin: Come on
Elide?
Please
+
You think I never loved you?
+
“Fucking seriously?” Ghislaine dropped a fresh pack of cards onto the table. “Manon’s ditching again?”
“She’s not ditching. She’s just … busy.” Asterin pinched the bridge of her nose, trying to bite back her frustration and not entirely succeeding.
Thea poured herself a glass of wine, saying, “Manon’s never too busy for poker night. Anyone else remember the time she got surgery on her shoulder and still showed up three hours later? Asterin – what’s really going on? Is it because of Elide? I heard they had a fight.”
“Honestly,” Asterin bit down on her tongue for a long moment. “I wish I could tell you.”
Leaning back against the couch, Vesta rested her head against Asterin’s knee. “Thanks for talking with her, at least. She’s better at work. I mean, still a fucking pain. But better.”
“Talking?” Asterin laughed, short and sharp. “We don’t talk. I’m boxing with her every night. You owe me a new set of ribs.”
Wincing, Vesta said, “I’ll Postmates you Advil.”
“You fucking better.”
“It’s been a month.” Edda picked up the card pack and started playing with it restlessly before tossing it to Briar. “We haven’t seen or heard from Manon in a month. I’m learning more about her life from her Instagram than from her.”
“Yeah. I know.” Asterin didn’t bother to reach for her phone. No point. No fucking point.
+
Elide Lochan, has there ever been a day when I didn’t love you? I don’t remember it. Lord save me, I wouldn’t want to.
+
At night, Elide dreamed of the fire.
A wild man screaming. Screaming and screaming.
He just kept screaming
There were two gun shots. There was gun powder on her hands. She had bloody teeth.
Kerosene.
A world in flame.
She woke up bucking, gasping, igniting.
She threw up.
She didn’t fall back to sleep.
+
On Sunday, Elide put on a nice dress and nice earrings and nice shoes and went to have brunch with Lorcan’s family. It was all so very nice.
She hugged his nice mother, whose blond hair was permed into an impenetrable helmet and who smiled like a shark that found itself trapped in suburbia one day and never figured out how to leave. She shook the hand of his nice father, who wore tennis shorts and a blindingly white sun visor inside the house and made racist (it’s not racist I’m just saying! Just saying!) comments about their Cuban neighbors.
See? It's all so very, very nice.
She smiled at Lorcan's mother, even when the woman grabbed her arm and offered to take her wedding dress shopping. “You poor dear, with your parents dead and all. Such a tragedy.” Elide's hand got patted, quite aggressively. “Just think of me as your new mom. Especially once those grand-babies come along.” Wink.
Lorcan smiled and smiled, draping an arm across her shoulders. Elide smiled and smiled, even as her legs crossed reflexively and a thought crawled through her head, slow and steady and unstoppable: but I don't want children.
+
“Thanks for meeting me.” Asterin said as Aelin dropped into the seat across from her. “And you only managed to be a little late.”
“Nice sunglasses.” Aelin shot back.
“You do know I’m a professional DJ, right? I go to bed at 5 am. Being awake at 10 am is … ungodly.”
“And I’m trying to make partner at a law firm before thirty. Life sucks.”
Sighing, Asterin shoved the sunglasses into her hair, revealing eyes rimmed with an exhaustion that had nothing to with four hours of sleep.
For a while, the two women sat quietly, watching each other while the coffee shop hummed around them. Finally, Aelin shattered the ice, saying, “Well as much fun as this is, I’m busy so let’s get to the point. Elide’s doing like shit. How’s Manon?”
Asterin studied Aelin for a long moment, weighing her words. “Shit.”
“Great. That’s just fantastic.” Aelin took a sip of coffee. “Thank your cousin, by the way, for fucking my sister up.”
Going an eerie sort of still, Asterin fixed her gold-flecked eyes on Aelin’s face. “Thank your sister for hitting Manon exactly where she knew she’d bleed.”
Leaning her head back, Aelin groaned and said, “This isn’t getting us anywhere, is it?”
“No.”
“Fucking hell. Look – Elide won’t even come over to family Sunday brunch. We never miss that, ever.
I mean, it’s been almost a month and a half. I show up to her apartment, and she’s not there. I go to the vet clinic, but the second her shift is up, she’s off to do something with Lorcan.” Aelin’s teeth worried at her lower lip and she turned her head to the side, suddenly blinking back tears. “She won’t talk to me. I can barely even get her on the phone.”
“Manon keeps skipping poker night.” And Aelin would be a fool if she didn’t notice the worry leaking into Asterin’s voice. “It’s all thirteen of us, every two weeks, and she never skips it. She – ” But Asterin bit off the rest of that sentence and buried it behind her teeth.
Toying with the handle of her mug, Aelin finally said, “Look. Blackbeak. Your cousin and I aren’t exactly best friends.” A statement which had Asterin snorting with laughter. “Yeah, I know right? But for reasons that escape me entirely, Elide and Manon are important to each other. Really important.”
Asterin nodded once. That’s all Aelin needed.
“Okay then. I don’t think you’re going to give up on Manon, and I’m not about to give up on my sister either. Look, you have my number. If you need me – text me, call me, whatever me. You think of a way to help these two fucking idiots, I’m all ears.”
“Good luck, Galathynius.”
“You too, Blackbeak. You too.”
+
On another Friday night like all the other Friday nights, Elide sat beside Lorcan in a club she couldn’t care less about and smiled.
His teammates yelled and laughed and hollered and made all the other annoying sounds of male bonding. When Rowan hugged her tightly and asked how she was, Elide smiled and smiled. Fine, good, great actually. Give my love to Aelin.
He studied her for a long moment before commenting that Aelin might like to hear it in-person.
It’s good to see you Rowan. Elide turned her back to him and leaned over to kiss Lorcan – deeply, madly – losing herself in the whiteout.
+
she lit up my goddamned life
+
Manon almost deleted all her text messages with Elide.
She very nearly did it, thumb hovering. Hovering. Hovering.
why do you have such shit taste in coffee, blackbeak? This is all sugar no liquid
im running late – see you in 5!
New episodes of say yes to the dress on hulu. Be there or be square. You have no choice
Be honest? Would you be the bachelorette? You’d be a fucking glorious bachelorette – suck on that chris Harrison. Please be the next bachelorette, do it for the women of America. Do it for me
Can I snag a ride? It’s late and I miss you
I miss you.
Manon nearly deleted it all. Nearly. Nearly.