Nothing Makes Me Sadder
It started with a video that one of Oikawa’s teammates had posted on the Argentinian National Volleyball Team’s twitter, the caption saying “Who the hell is Iwa-chan”. The video itself consisted of Oikawa, slightly drunk, dressed in shorts, a raggedy old t-shirt that looked oddly small on him with the Aoba Johsai logo on it with his hair tied back and glasses on his face. He had a guitar in hand and was singing a song he had written, his teammates had heard him compose it but never had heard it in person, now their fan base knew of it.
The tag #iwa-chan? Seemed to burst overnight, speculations on who the lucky Iwa-chan was seemed to range from Oikawa’s girlfriend to a past lover to a dead goldfish, no one seemed to know.
The posts from the team carried on though, a short video of Oikawa drunkardly sobbing “Iwa-chan!” Mixed with garbled Japanese seemed to be the fan favourite. You had the picture of Oikawa with a necklace pressed to his lips in a silent prayer, the caption reading “his ritual of whispering something about Iwa-chan before a match!”. The picture of a proper Japanese breakfast with the caption “supposedly Iwa-chan’s favourite!” And last but not least, the Godzilla hoodie that still seemed to swallow Oikawa’s frame with the caption “apparently Iwa-chan’s?” But despite all this there was no one out there who could confirm who Iwa-chan was.
All they knew was that Oikawa had known this Iwa-chan for a long time, they were roughly the same age, Iwa-chan played volleyball with him, Iwa-chan was male, Iwa-chan was incredibly important to Oikawa and that they had lost touch.
Before the team knew it the story had blown up, if you searched Oikawa Tooru into google pages and pages of forums posting about Iwa-chan seemed to follow endlessly. Sky sports news even made a brief mention of it which seemed to blow up the whole thing further. Fans all over the world started asking who this Iwa-chan was, was he a past lover? A brother? Someone who had died horribly? An unrequited love? No one seemed to know except for one Matsukawa Issei.
One of Oikawa’s team mates, the libero was doing an instagram live when a message popped into the thousands of comments which stood out to Felipe, it read “I know Iwa-chan and I can prove it”. So he accepted the request for the unknown person to join his live and he was met with a man with curly black hair, thick eyebrows and the smuggest looking grin he had ever seen in his life.
“My name is Matsukawa Issei, I played volleyball with Oikawa and Iwa-chan in Highschool, from our first year to our third. I also grew up with them in nursery, I know who Iwa-chan is.”
The fans went wild, before Felipe could even comprehend the live stream went from 500 viewers to 800 to 1’000 and the numbers just kept on rising, everyone was desperate to know who Iwa-chan is.
“What can you tell me about Iwa-chan?”
Felipe asked the grinning man in heavily accented Japanese, a language he had learnt so he could watch anime in sub without having to constantly read the subtitles, sad, he knows.
“He was our ace, Oikawa’s right hand man! Although Iwa-chan was more like Oikawa’s handler! Making sure he left his house on time for practice, got to practice, dragged him away from his fangirls, kept his manners in check and such! He used to call Oikawa “Shittykawa” and “Trashykawa”, only using Tooru when they were alone or when Oikawa needed it. You see, back then Oikawa would stay back after evening practice to practice his serves, started doing it in middle school but he ruined his knee from the strain, he collapsed from exhaustion on the court and so Iwa-chan made it his responsibility to make sure Oikawa ate, got his knee iced, got home, didn’t practice too much but most importantly he helped Oikawa remember that he could rely on the rest of the team.”
Matsukawa’s smug smile changed, it looked sadder, as if remembering what had happened caused him pain.
“Sounds like they are close huh?”
Felipe chuckled, how hadn’t he met Iwa-chan if they were that close?
“They were…”
Matsukawa sighed and scratched his head.
“What happened?”
Felipe felt worry twinge his heart, what if Iwa-chan was dead or something? What if they had a really bad falling out?
“We didn’t get to nationals, a rival team beat us. Oikawa blamed himself because he had fallen on his bad knee during the couple of minutes, when he had tried to receive the ball he wasn’t in the right position and the ball went flying. It hurt him a lot, we all knew it because unlike us, volleyball meant everything to Oikawa.”
Matsukawa paused as if to wonder if he could say the rest.
“Iwa-chan got a girlfriend, he became a little more distant to us which was understandable since he obviously wanted to spend time with her but Oikawa wasn’t used to being second place, to him his priorities were volleyball, Iwa-chan and then everyone else but that wasn’t the same for Iwa-chan. Oikawa started to blame himself for Iwa-chan’s distancing. They went to different universities and while Oikawa tried his best to stay in touch, Iwa-chan wouldn’t reply or answer his calls. It went from calling everyday to every other day to once every week then twice every month until once a month then finally nothing…I’ve never seen someone as heartbroken as Oikawa did when Iwa-chan forgot his birthday, he became numb, a shell of himself...he moved to Argentina and that was that. They never saw each other again..”
Matsukawa’s eyes were glossy and Felipe totally understood why, he himself was sobbing.
“..Did Oikawa love him?”
Felipe regretted the words as soon as they crawled their way from his lips.
“Oh yeah definitely, it was “Iwa-chan this and Iwa-chan that” with that idiot. Wherever Iwa-chan went he followed like a lamb. They cuddled whenever practice was late, they used each other as pillows on the bus, they held hands as they walked. Those two were definitely in love, if not were then they definitely still are.”
Matsukawa laughed loudly, throwing his head back and Felipe blushed, Matsukawa had a lovely throat. It wasn’t until a pillow was thrown at high speed across the room that he even realised someone else was there.
‘Holy mother of God, are you okay? Is someone else there?”
Felipe asked worriedly since Matsukawa had fallen off his chair, the pillow was thrown with enough force to make it so he completely tipped back.
“Yeah sorry, that’s my husband Makki, was also on our team during High School and attended nursery with us! He is pissed because I’ve been itching to tell everyone who Iwa-chan is but we wanna do something special to reunite the two lost souls!”
The black haired man pointed to a gold band around his finger, Felipe snorted, this Makki sounded like his sister!
“I have a really stupid idea...what if I bought tickets for the team to go to Japan, something about training with different teams we don’t usually train with and perhaps we could set up a meeting?”
Felipe twitched, for a second he thought Matsukawa would decline but by the way his face broke into a massive, blinding grin it seemed the guy agreed.
“Holy fuck yeah! We should totally do that! I’ll organise where we meet if you do everything else!”
And just like that Felipe who had accidentally started the whole Iwa-chan mystery seemed to have given the two wayward lovers a chance to re-connect!
Felipe wasn’t expecting how popular the live stream had apparently became because when he turned on the news the next day he saw the video on Sky News, they dubbed it “The tale of two lost lovers.” And it became apparent that now the Iwa-chan mystery was certainly international and that Iwa-chan probably saw it. Which meant Oikawa could see it…
Their coach didn’t ask why Oikawa was throwing a fit because suspiciously, all of his electronics had gone missing, hidden away in Felipe’s bedroom until the team could be sure Oikawa wouldn’t see the news.
The news that the team was going to Japan seemed to bring up a range of conflicting emotions in Oikawa. First there was confusion, followed by anger then happiness but it all led to sadness, the setter was put in a mopey mood, he seemed to just exist rather than live. He attended practice like normal but didn’t do much more that that, favouring to just flop onto the sofa and sigh dramatically, dressed in sweatpants and that Godzilla hoodie, Felipe found it amusing because Oikawa wasn’t aware he was going to meet the love of his life in less than a week.
The live was posted everywhere, snippets from it seemed to crawl every fan’s page. Of course not all the responses were good, a surprising amount were kind, supporting Oikawa in every way possible but that didn’t stop the homophobic comments which seemed to appear in the comments section of every post. Just one or two and most people berated the original commenter but Felipe realised he may have fucked up a bit.
The next thing he knew was the coach had them all sit down in the lounge of one of their houses, Oikawa sat with his guitar in his grip, shorts on, necklace glinting in the sun and the old t-shirt on. A camera crew was set up, Oikawa chewed on his lip, hair pushed back with an Alice band.
“Oikawa...somehow your song has blown up everywhere, on every volleyball page there's at least one post dedicated to it...I’ve tried to decline every news channel from coming to question you but I had to accept at least one. Sky luckily just wants you to sing, just do it so we can get past this.”
The coach, Marcelo Méndez pleaded, he was at his wits end with constant emails barging into his inbox, begging to interview one Oikawa Tooru about Iwa-chan. Luckily he had made sure that Oikawa had no idea about the whole Iwa-chan situation but he didn’t know how much longer he could keep those flood gates shut and so if Oikawa could just be seen as recognising this all then maybe everyone would calm down. He wasn’t sure the poor postman could handle anymore letters from fans begging to know about Iwa-chan.
“This is an invasion of my privacy”
Oikawa glowered, he wasn’t dumb, he knew someone must’ve taken a video of him singing and he only sang at the house so someone in the team must have done it.
“I know, I’m sorry.”
Marcelo sighed, rubbing his face. He looked at Oikawa, eyes tired and weary.
“The world shouldn’t’ve known about the song in the first place.”
Oikawa’s eyes changed, they softened and Felipe knew he would accept but the Japanese man had a habit of making people suffer.
“I know...I’m sorry.”
The coach looked genuinely ready to cry. Lisandro pinched Oikawa’s side, the wing spiker was like that sometimes, almost like Oikawa’s human interpreter, telling him when he needed to stop pushing it.
“I’ll do it but if anything like this happens again I will quit the team…”
His face was sad, brown eyes shiny with unshed tears. The team stiffened, Oikawa never reacted that way...they had really stepped on a landmine hadn’t they?
“Are you ready to go Mr. Oikawa?”
The blonde woman asked politely, Portuguese accented, she sounded Russian.
“Yes I am.”
He answered in English, she seemed to relax a bit and nodded. The rest of the team was shooed off, they all stuffed into Felipe’s room and went to the live news coverage, they could see Oikawa, hands shaking slightly, foot bouncing with his guitar in hand.
“Hello and good morning to all. As many of you avid volleyball fans may already know a video came out earlier this month of Argentina’s number thirteen’s setter, Oikawa Tooru singing a song dedicated to someone called Iwa-chan. While we don’t know much about this Iwa-chan, we are here live with Mr. Oikawa himself, who has agreed to sing his song for us.”
The blonde woman beamed from ear to ear, her green eyes sparkled, now that Felipe thought about it he recognised her somewhere. He whipped out his phone and clicked on his sister’s messages, Haiba Lev and Haiba Alisa, he thought so...wait didn’t that Lev guy go to Nekoma with Kuroo or something? He swore he had seen Kuroo share pictures of him and his
team with Oikawa when he came to visit.
“I...this is for a friend of mine who I haven’t seen or talked to in a very long time.”
Oikawa’s voice shook, he gripped the neck of his guitar.
“He always said that if volleyball didn’t work out I should become a singer, he would joke and we used to write songs when we were kids...this is a song that we started but we never finished.”
He smiled sadly, tears shone in his eyes.
“So, if Iwa-chan sees this? Well, I just hope that he is happy with whatever he is doing and that..and that he sometimes thinks of me..”
He grinned at the camera, eyes watery, his bottom lip quivered. He bit down on it.
“Whenever you’re ready.”
The Russian smiled at him, of course she knew who he was, she also kind of knew who Iwa-chan was, she had seen him at a competition once with Seijou. Oikawa and Iwa-chan looked so incredibly close, they were cuddles around each other, holding each other so tightly that for a second she thought they were one person until Oikawa had pulled away, face beaming but that wasn’t what had made the scene so memorable, it was the look of the spiky black haired boy’s face, green eyes soft, lips spread, white teeth glinting as he smiled so wide that for a second she thought she was seeing things but no, that was love.
Oikawa nodded, taking a few shaky breaths before striking the first chord, he hesitated briefly before he slowly started, fingers shaking, his left foot placed on his right to stop it from tapping. Felipe wondered if Oikawa had taken his meds that morning.
“you always wake first
even at your worst
cause the sunrise gives you hope
there’s always more to know”
He started off softly, voice not loud enough to be heard properly but still loud enough so you could hear what he was saying. Felipe felt his heart drum in his chest, if this meant his teammate could see Iwa-chan again then he would make Oikawa do this a hundred more times.
“you were always fine
with the constant pass of time
life to you was long
and every day a song “
He started to become a little louder, cracking out of the original shyness. He wore a smile that for once reached his eyes but his eyes were glazy, he wasn’t in the lounge on live news...Oikawa was in his memories.
“well you always wake first
with morning in your eyes and coffee on your shirt
and you burst through the door, dancing like a maniac before you hit the floor
and you still go, driving through the summer with your heart on the road”
His grin widened, he seemed to burst with energy, his movements became a little more dramatic, his voice started to hold their notes. Felipe’s eyes widened, Oikawa had a lovely voice.
“and you both knew when she told you
That this is your life windows down on an open road and this is your heart screaming climbing into your throat
and this is breathing and seeing it go
and this is the feeling, the feeling of being alive
of being alive”
He wasn’t in the flown blown effects Felipe had heard Oikawa sing before but he seemed much more confident, it made him happy to see his dearest friend so happy!
“well you are first in line for the flyaway to Denver where you hear she’s doing fine
and you can’t help but stare, when you spot her in the airport with the colours in her hair”
His eyes sharpened, this was a bad memory, Felipe could see that from a mile away.
“and you still go, when you both drive to the lake house and it started to snow
and you barely knew when she told you”
He brought up the tension even if was just the chorus, Oikawa tapped his foot to the rhythm of the song.
“that this is your life dancing your way into the storm
and this is your heart bursting into the great unknown
and this is the breathing and seeing it go
and this is the feeling, the feeling of being alive”
This smile, he hadn’t seen Oikawa look so...so naturally happy.
“of being alive…”
His grin was like 1’000W, it was blinding, pure joy, eyes shining with happiness as he looked into the camera, locking eyes with everyone who was watching this captivating show.
“Ba bum bum bum bum
Ba bum bum bum
Ba bum bum bum bum
Ba bum bum daa dum
Ba bum bum bum bum
Ba bum bum bum”
He closed his eyes and tilted his head to the side, brown locks dusting against freckled cheeks. Oikawa never tanned, he just grew beautiful freckles which Felipe supposed was from the man’s father being half English half Japanese which lead to Oikawa’s larger eyes, stronger features, rounded nose and plumper lips plus those freckles that dotted around his whole body.
“and this is your life, every plan has the right to fall
and this is your heart, through the dark it’s the loudest call
and this is breathing and seeing her go “
His voice softened again, he was saddened but it wasn’t just Oikawa, Felipe felt the whole audience was hit with sadness by his tone.
“and this is the feeling
the feeling...
the feeling…”
He didn’t grow any quieter, he sped up a bit but enough so that the words didn’t drag.
“and this is your life, windows down on an open road
and this is your heart, screaming climbing into your heart
and this is breathing and seeing it go
and this is the feeling
the feeling, the feeling”
He was still slower than before but joy rose towards the end, a warm smile still on his face.
“and this is your life…
mountains high and the valleys low
and this is your heart charging into the great unknown”
He sang strongly, each word held a plethora of memories, he could hear it in the brunette’s voice, the way it was controlled by emotion.
“And this is breathing and seeing it go
And this is the feeling, the feeling
of being alive
of being alive
of being alive
of being alive”
He sang louder and stronger despite it being the end of the song, each pronunciation made bigger due to the large smile on his face, eyes once again open, shining.
“Ba bum bum bum bum
Ba bum bum bum
Ba bum bum bum bum
Ba bum bum daa dum
Ba bum bum bum bum
Ba bum bum bum
Ba bum bum bum bum
Ba bum bum bum”
He let out a breath, gently relaxing, shoulders slumping. He looked down with a big grin, sweat dripping down his cheek from the heat of the Argentinian mid day. He looked so happy, the same way someone smiled after losing a match because even though they lost they tried their hardest...no, wait, no that wasn’t the way his grin looked. It looked like the same grin someone would wear when they finally won against someone who they constantly lost to, surrounded by teammates and support. That’s what Oikawa looked like. Like all his hard work finally paid off.
“I...that was beautiful Oikawa-san.”
The news reporter smiled, she didn’t seem to notice she had spoken in Japanese.
“Thank you.”
Oikawa didn’t seem to realise he replied in Japanese either.
“So, I have a question for you before we go...if you could say one thing to Iwa-chan, one last thing what would you want to say?”
She gently held her microphone closer to him, she seemed to be shaking slightly as well. He looked up at her then to the camera, then the microphone before back to her. He gently held the pendant of his necklace in his grasp. His eyes were wide and innocent.
“Hmm...I’d wanna say…”
He looked straight into the lense of the camera as if hoping Hajime would be looking back at him.
“Iwa-chan, you made a promise to me after that match...I’m upholding my side and I sure as hope you are too.”
His grin was malicious.
“Otherwise I curse you to never be satisfied until you are a geezer!”
He barked out a laugh, tone of voice obnoxious, a big smirk on his face but it didn’t hold for long because that gentle smile quickly returned, eyes soft, gently he bit his lip.
“Your words, the ones you told to me that same evening, I will always remember them so you better remember mine.”
His shoulders shook and his voice quivered, he was going to cry.
The interview seemed to be on every social media page Felipe clicked, he saw that post everywhere. Oikawa singing to him on the verge of tears right at the end, he had seen it more times than he had had hot suppers. Oikawa seemed a bit lighter since then, he looked happier and seemed less heavy. Like clotted cream compared to whipped cream, Oikawa was now fluffy and soft whipped cream. He hadn’t given the setter his phone back though, it still sat under his bed, anyone who needed to talk to him personally contacted the coach but surprisingly not many people tried to contact him.
Felipe couldn’t ignore the way Oikawa seemed to brighten up every time the coach walked in, his back straightened, a large child like grin spread across his cheeks, eyes grew wide with excitement and he seemed to shake with anticipation only to be silently dejected when the coach didn’t even look at him. Iwa-chan didn’t reach out it would seem.
He was about to start another live that night, ready to comment on Oikawa when a message popped up in his dms. He opened it up, it was from Matsukawa, an audio message.
“Iwa-chaaaaan~ how do you like Tooru’s messsge?”
That was Matsukawa, Japanese slurred with a purr, he could imagine that wicked grin on the man’s features.
“Ah- shut the fuck up! It’s none of ya buisness!”
A voice shouted, words thick with embarrassment. As soon as he finished listening to it the message was deleted.
Private message Babayaga and Flelelipe
Babayaga: sorry lol, can’t have you taping that or Iwa-chan will kill me ;)
Flelelipe: it’s alright dw
Flelelipe: so he saw the news??
Babayaga: who hasn’t???
Babayaga: it’s been soooo long since I’ve seen Oikawa
Babayaga: he looked so sad :(
Flelelipe: yh
Flelelipe: I took his phone cause ya know
Flelelipe: now people contact him through our coach
Flelelipe: whenever the coach walks in he brightens up like a child on Christmas morning
Flelelipe: only to be completely dejected when the coach shakes his head
Babayaga: fuck
Flelelipe: I think he wants to talk to Iwa-chan but at the same time he doesn’t want to as well ya know?
Babayaga: wdym?? (p_-)
Flelelipe: well like
Flelelipe: he remembers Iwa-chan from back then, from high school and he doesn’t wanna ruin that
Flelelipe: he literally has a tattoo around his ring finger with “one rock spring” and a red line and on his hip he has his birthday and Alexander the Great’s death date
Flelelipe: and he has Obstinate and Dauntless on each ankle respectively
Flelelipe : plus the words “to go through the rock spring reaching the river” behind his ear
Babayaga: omfg
Flelelipe: and get this
Flelelipe: when I asked when he was drunk he said it’s because of his Iwa-chan
Flelelipe: then when he was sober he told me “it’s because sometimes you feel like the universe meant for you two to be but it wasn’t your time yet”
Babayaga: god he is whiPPED
Flelelipe: IKR
Flelelipe: IF IWA-CHAN DOESNT COME GET HIS MANS IM GONNA YEET HIM OFF A CLIFF I SWTG
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Earlier that day:
Iwaizumi paused, no one was in the changing room? He had told the teams that they all and to sit in here with each other, it wasn’t that and of a punishment considering most of them were friends...well except Hinata and Hoshiumi, those two held mutual respect for each other but Hinata still didn’t seem to like that Hoshiumi was Kageyama’s spiker. He remembered the first time Hinata had seen the two kiss, the redhead apparently had no idea they were together! Tsukishima the poor guy had to hold back his boyfriend from ripping Hoshiumi’s head off, not because Hianat was jealous of Hoshiumi but because the seagull hadn’t actually asked Hinata if he could date Kageyama which sounded dumb and all but those two were as thick as thieves and did everything together. If it wasn’t for seeing how they reacted with their respective partners he would’ve thought they were dating. Apparently they tried it in their second year but they both realised that it just didn’t work, not that they disliked each other but they both agreed that they could do without the stress that if they breakup it may affect their volleyball which neither party wanted.
He frowned, technically he shouldn’t even be working today but he wanted to talk to both teams so he hadn’t been bothered to take out his piercings. He had snake bites, a piercing going through his left eyebrow, an industrial, a daith, a surface tragus and two helixes through his right ear and on his left he had a flat, a rook, a conch, an anti-helix, a tragus and antitragus with four helixes but in both ears he had his double lobes, he didn’t wear piercings in every hole in one go because it was too heavy and would actually start to hurt on occasion but he usually kept a few in. He also had gotten his nipples pierced in high school after he lost to Yuda in a running race, apparently the short wing spiker was an incredibly speedy runner. The due to drunk escapades and genuinely interest he had gotten a Prince Albert, a frenum, a lorum, a dydoe, a few scrotums and a jacob’s ladder, he was thinking about getting a magick cross but shit had happened and he just didn’t have enough time to go to the parlour. Luckily he didn’t have to take them out but there was a lot of metal and so big airport security metal detectors was still awkward sometimes, he would shuffle and try to mumble that he had his dick pierced before he would end up being handed a pad and some paper which he would write it down on, the security staff usually flushed and apologised and he would be on his way. The piercing with the funniest story was his belly button, back when he was younger he and Oikawa had met a bet...Oikawa’s dad celebrated Christmas and so would they, not like the rest of Japan did, they celebrated it the English way which meant port over a pudding that was set alight then whoever found the money first got to keep it yada yada. Anyway, one time they had gotten sneaky and had drunk some of the port, looking back on it it really wasn’t much but they were both so drunk and had said that whoever found the money first had to get their belly button pierced, their captain had gotten his done and went around showing everyone. Their first year at Aoba Johsai was a little wild, he found the money and now he had a small Godzilla belly button ring.
He walked out the changing room and down the hall towards the kitchen/lounge, he could hear noise coming from it...it didn’t sound like Japanese, no that was English, why could he hear English? He stopped at the door, was that a recording? Fuck he didn’t want to walk in on those idiots watching porn. Especially since he had jogged here and so he was wearing a tight black turtleneck with thumb holes and some old leggings with shorts over them since he didn’t like people staring at his junk. He clenched his fists and opened the door, cold air hit him, stupid Tokyo and it’s stupid cold weather..not that Miyagi was any better but at least in Miyagi he had his kotatsu with his hanten and that old house in the mountains with the Oikawa’s and Tooru curled up next to him...but he didn’t have Tooru did he? He hadn’t been to Miyagi for the colder months since that last Christmas of high school...he couldn’t bring himself to go at first but now he just didn’t wanna ruin those memories of Christmas Day, Tooru sliding open the Shoji, nose, ears, fingers and cheeks bright red, soft paper pale skin almost as white as the snow, brown hair in natural waves, looking like hot chocolate. Tooru and his grabby hands, his need to cling onto Iwaizumi because apparently he was Tooru’s heater. Lying down under the kotatsu with Oikawa in his arms, wide awake and watching Tooru clench his long sleeves shirt in his fists as he slept, he missed that.
It had taken a total of two months after high school for Iwaizumi to realise he didn’t just love his best friend, he was in love with him but it was too late. Oikawa was going to Argentina and Hajime had a girlfriend, he wouldn’t break up with her, not because he loved her but because he couldn’t let himself be in a position where one night he might just wake up, get on a train and go straight to Shinjuku, find Oikawa and spill his guts. He didn’t allow himself to do that and so he kept his girlfriend, parted ways with her after uni when Oikawa was in Argentina and carried on with life, trying his best to forget his feelings for his best friend but what he hadn’t realised back then right at the beginning was that he had been so determined to block all thoughts of Tooru out he had blocked Tooru out as well. He never returned the calls because he couldn’t trust himself not to run straight to the train station and head to Waseda as soon as he heard Tooru say please. He couldn’t do that to the both of them. Not when their plans for the future were so different.
Iwaizumi jumped when Hinata grabbed his arm and yanked him down onto the sofa they were all sitting at. He had a hand slam over his mouth to stop him from asking questions and a remote was placed in his hands. He wasn’t paying quite enough attention because it wasn’t until Atsumu literally forced him to face the screen did he realise what was happening. He fell silent. His heartbeat sped up. Everything was louder? No. Someone had turned up the volume. Not someone. He had subconsciously done it.
“-or a friend of mine who I haven’t seen or talked to in a very long time.”
Oikawa’s voice was shaky..or maybe that was the blood rushing in his ears, Iwaizumi wasn’t too sure. Was this for him? He had heard a few comments here and there about Oikawa being involved in some sort of big scandal or something.
“He always said that if volleyball didn’t work out I should become a singer, he would joke and we used to write songs when we were kids...this is a song that we started but we never finished.”
He looked like he was ready to cry. Hajime was sure his heart must’ve stopped because fuck was he shock...wait? Was he shaking? No no why was he shaking, he had gotten rid of those stupid feelings ages ago! He didn’t need Oikawa coming in and pulling out skeletons from his closet.
“So, if Iwa-chan sees this? Well, I just hope that he is happy with whatever he is doing and that..and that he sometimes thinks of me..”
Hajime watched as Oikawa looked at the camera, eyes wet with unshed tears, his bottom lip shook and Hajime bit his own as Oikawa bit his, a habit that Oikawa had picked up then Hajime had picked it up as well.
“Whenever you’re ready.”
A lady’s voice, she was sitting down, blonde hair that almost looked silver was tied up into a neat bun, she wore a black pencil skirt, a white shirt and a red bow, he blinked then turned to Yaku.
“Damnit Alissa!”
The short Libero grunted, technically his name wasn’t Morisuke Yaku, it was Haiba Yaku since he and Lev had gotten married that summer, Iwaizumi had been invited and so had Oikawa but the setter couldn’t make it due to flights being cancelled because of a storm, for some reason Hajime had been great full for that storm. Oikawa nodded, taking a few shaky breaths before striking the first chord, he hesitated briefly before he slowly started, fingers shaking, his left foot placed on his right to stop it from tapping. Hajime drummed his fingers against his knee, he knew this tune because he remembered that Oikawa had started to write this song towards the end of the school year, he had wanted to finish it by the time they went to uni but shit had happened. Oikawa had told him he would eventually show him the song but he never did.
“you always wake first
even at your worst
cause the sunrise gives you hope
there’s always more to know”
He started off softly, voice not loud enough to be heard properly but still loud enough so you could hear what he was saying. Hajime let out a shaky sigh, grabbing his neck with his throat, he didn’t want to cry, not now, not after forcing himself to bury those feelings.
“you were always fine
with the constant pass of time
life to you was long
and every day a song “
He started to become a little louder, cracking out of the original shyness. Hajime almost choked, the smile Oikawa wore was a real one. He hadn’t seen Tooru smile like that in so long.
“well you always wake first
with morning in your eyes and coffee on your shirt
and you burst through the door, dancing like a maniac before you hit the floor
and you still go, driving through the summer with your heart on the road”
His grin widened, he seemed to burst with energy, his movements became a little more dramatic, his voice started to hold their notes. Iwaizumi felt pride full his being, he had always known Oikawa had an amazing voice.
“and you both knew when she told you
That this is your life windows down on an open road and this is your heart screaming climbing into your throat
and this is breathing and seeing it go
and this is the feeling, the feeling of being alive
of being alive”
He knew that Oikawa still wasn’t in the zone, still a little tense, his eyes were still a little darker than normal and the way he drummed his index finger against the neck between chords showed that he was still not comfortable.
“well you are first in line for the flyaway to Denver where you hear she’s doing fine
and you can’t help but stare, when you spot her in the airport with the colours in her hair”
His voice became sharper and Iwaizumi knew what Oikawa was singing about. Ichiko had gone to America for the summer and had come back, he had dragged Oikawa along to the airport because he just wanted to see his girlfriend and his mother had taken the car. She had walked through the gates, hair striped with rainbow, she had looked beautiful but not as beautiful as Oikawa when the sun hit him, gently swaying with each sentence.
“and you still go, when you both drive to the lake house and it started to snow
and you barely knew when she told you”
Oikawa was tapping his foot to the beat, Hajime was drumming his fingers along. He felt connected to Oikawa even if it he didn’t feel like he should be.
“that this is your life dancing your way into the storm
and this is your heart bursting into the great unknown
and this is the breathing and seeing it go
and this is the feeling, the feeling of being alive”
This smile, he hadn’t seen Oikawa look that happy in so long...he had missed that bright smile. Last time he had seen it he had been driving down a country road, windows rolled down, hot summer hair surprisingly cool against their skin, he had turned to Oikawa and had been absolutely stunned by the boy’s beauty, Iwaizumi just played it off to objective beauty but with the knowledge that he loved Oikawa he now knew that was probably one of the big moments.
“of being alive…”
His grin was like 1’000W, it was blinding, pure joy, eyes shining with happiness as he locked eyes with Iwaizumi as if they weren’t separated by an ocean and a tv screen.
“Ba bum bum bum bum
Ba bum bum bum
Ba bum bum bum bum
Ba bum bum daa dum
Ba bum bum bum bum
Ba bum bum bum”
He closed his eyes and tilted his head to the side, brown locks dusting against freckled cheeks. Oikawa never tanned, he just grew beautiful freckles which looked so incredibly ethereal of him, Iwaizumi remembered that as a child some kids had told Tooru that he looked like he had dirt on his face and Hajime had told him that it wasn’t dirt, it was stars.
“and this is your life, every plan has the right to fall
and this is your heart, through the dark it’s the loudest call
and this is breathing and seeing her go “
His voice softened again, he sounded sad, he didn’t just sound sad he probably felt sad and for some reason the way he sang made Hajime feel sad as well.
“and this is the feeling
the feeling...
the feeling…”
He didn’t grow any quieter, he sped up a bit but enough, it was such an Oikawa thing, to do that, uniquely him and Hajime loved it.
“and this is your life, windows down on an open road
and this is your heart, screaming climbing into your heart
and this is breathing and seeing it go
and this is the feeling
the feeling, the feeling”
He was still slower than before but joy rose filled towards the end, Hajime’s heart beated faster, he wasn’t sure if he was crying but he didn’t care either.
“and this is your life…
mountains high and the valleys low
and this is your heart charging into the great unknown”
Oikawa sang with purpose, the way he seemed to look at Hajime with warm, molton brown eyes that just because clearer when the sun hug them because that was another thing about Oikawa, where most people had a different shade of colour in their eyes Oikawa’s had one set colour, just that lovely lilacy brown, that one colour that he had only seen when he looked into Oikawa’s eyes, nowhere else had he seen that shade of brown.
“And this is breathing and seeing it go
And this is the feeling, the feeling
of being alive
of being alive
of being alive
of being alive”
He sang louder and stronger, a big grin on his face, it was so large and so...so Oikawa! He was definitely crying now, he had lent closer towards the screen at some point, he had also started to rub at his wrists where Obstinate and Dauntless on each wrist, a promise made, to get them in the same place but Hajime didn’t know where Oikawa had got his done so he had put his on his wrists, hoping he and Oikawa would match.
“Ba bum bum bum bum
Ba bum bum bum
Ba bum bum bum bum
Ba bum bum daa dum
Ba bum bum bum bum
Ba bum bum bum
Ba bum bum bum bum
Ba bum bum bum”
He let out a breath, gently relaxing, shoulders slumping. He looked down with a big grin, sweat dripping down his cheek from the heat of the Argentinian mid day. He looked so happy and Hajime was happy despite the tears, he started to laugh a bit, was this his punishment for trying to be selfless but only being selfish? Was this the last and first time he would watch Tooru play this? He didn’t know but what he did know is that in the sun, around Oikawa’s ring finger was a small red string with what looked like “one rock spring” the English version of the Kanji of his name. Hajime had “to go through, reaching the river” in small print on his right index finger, why? Because Tooru meant a lot more to Hajime than anyone could ever know.
“I...that was beautiful Oikawa-san.”
Alissa said in Japanese.
“Thank you.”
Oikawa didn’t seem to realise he replied in Japanese despite being on an English speaking news channel and in a Portuguese speaking country.
“So, I have a question for you before we go...if you could say one thing to Iwa-chan, one last thing what would you want to say?”
Alissa gently held her microphone closer to Oikawa, she seemed to be shaking slightly as well. Oikawa looked at the camera, reaching to grab his pendant, Iwaizumi subconsciously did the same, he lifted it to his lips, he wasn’t sure if he could listen to this. He stood up and tried to force himself to the door but he just couldn’t, he couldn’t be selfish again.
“Hmm...I’d wanna say…”
He looked straight into the lense of the camera and Hajime stared back at him, looking in to pools of lilac brown
“Iwa-chan, you made a promise to me after that match...I’m upholding my side and I sure as hope you are too.”
Iwaizumi laughed, more tears flowed down his cheeks, fuck he had missed this.
“Otherwise I curse you to never be satisfied until you are a geezer!”
Iwaizumi’s barking laugh matched Oikawa’s deep and guttural except now Iwaizumi’s voice was a lot deeper than Oikawa’s, that made him purr, a smug smile peeling its way into his lips.
“Your words, the ones you told to me that same evening, I will always remember them so you better remember mine.”
And he did, he watched as Oikawa’s shoulders shook, the way his tears threatened to spill, the way he clamped his teeth down into his lower lip but the lip quivered.
“I do, I will, I always will.”
He whispered, tightly gripping the pendant in hand, placing a gentle kiss to it as the screen changed from Oikawa to the news reporters in their studio.
“Woah who was the Grand King singing about?”
Hinata blurted out which was accompanied by a Boke Hinata Boke! The whack of a fist against flesh and the shrill screech of a human. The room erupted in sound.
“Who was that? Doesn’t look like much to me!”
“Eh?? I’ve heard of him!!”
“Please stay away from me germs.”
“He should’ve gone to Shiratorizawa…”
“Hey hey hey that was beautiful!”
“Oh my god why was Alissa the reporter I need to call Lev!”
“I think I’ve seen him before…”
“Hmm...I’ve seen him and Kita talking before.”
“Hoshi don’t be rude! He was one of the best Highschool setters!”
“Woah Iwaizumi-San why are you crying?!?”
Hinata’s shout seemed to shut everyone up, of course it would, none of them had ever seen him cry before.
“That erm...that.”
He took in a shaky breath as he used the hem of his top to wipe his face. He caught Kageyama’s eyes who nodded.
“That was Oikawa Tooru, the best setter I’ve ever met, he was the captain of Aoba Johsai when I was in my first year.”
Kageyama’s monotone voice might’ve sounded mocking to most but Iwaizumi could hear the reluctant respect in the way he spoke.
“Yeah, he was my setter and my captain...we never got to nationals but I wouldn’t be here without him, he..he definitely made volleyball more than just a sport for our team.”
Hajime grinned, a big soft grin and tried to hide but he couldn’t suppress it, his smile was just too big.
“Yes, I once told him that Aoba Johsai was the wrong decision and that his worthless pride was holding him back from seeing his true potential. He turned to me and said “don’t you ever forget my worthless pride” and I still haven’t forgotten those words. He had that natural influential ability that only few are blessed with.”
Ushijima nodded as if confirming a suspicion.
“Oh yeah! He was the guy who turned down the All-Japan youth training camp! Something about Iwa-chan and a promise or something? I can’t remember exactly what Kita had said but he was disappointed by it.”
Atsumu shrugged. Iwaizumi snapped.
“HE DID WHAT?”
He shouted, face turning red with anger. How could he be that fucking stupid? Why? How is someone that dumb? Iwaizumi pulled out his phone.
Private message Babayaga and Godzillasimp
Godzillasimp: DID YOU KNOW THAT SHITTYKAWA TURNED DOWN GHE ALL JAPAN YOUTH THING BACK THEN????
Babayaga: yeah lol
Babayaga: we were in our second year and he promised you to hang out over that weekend so he didn’t go
Godzillasimp: WTF
Babayaga: dude
Babayaga: it was the weekend after your dad passed…
Godzillasimp: oh…
Godzillasimp: Jesus fuck
Iwaizumi put his phone in his pocket and rubbed at his temples. How could Oikawa be so dumb that he didn’t go to a prestigious training camp just because he had promised Hajime to stay for a sleepover when his dad had died? When Oikawa’s mother died he didn’t even go to the funeral, they had to go to a match against Nekoma so he had just ignored his aunt’s calls. His father of course knew that Oikawa and his mother had never had a good relationship and so he had just up and left.
“Yes I heard of him because of that powerful diabolical serve, my sister went to Argentina on holiday and she was walking through the streets when she heard Japanese so she ran in the direction, whipped out her phone just in time to get a video of Oikawa-san popping a ball with the force of his serve!”
Aran grinned, he was a rather stoic character unless he was taking about his sister, then he was probably the happiest person alive.
“I know about him because Ushijima would not shut up about Oikawa, I was so annoyed that he got Ushijima’s attention then I saw him serve and then everything clicked. I thought he was stealing Ushijima until Oikawa looked at him and proceeded to shout
“If you come any closer I will file a restraining order!”
Then proceeded to throw a ball and run off...I developed some respect until he sneezed into his elbow and didn’t sanitize...he is dirty.”
Sakura shuddered. He had opened up a lot more to them, they all cleaned to his standards while Sakusa was also trying to open up a bit more. It was good for all of them.
“You never answered my question though Iwaizumi-san.”
Hinata quietened, he stared up at Iwaizumi with large brown eyes, a darker bark brown compared to Oikawa’s eyes.
“I...that song was something he promised to show me one day...I never thought it would be like that. I haven’t talked to him in eight years, I suppose I never thought I would hear that song.”
He stared at the tv screen which was showing a collection of Twitter posts about Oikawa and whatever scandal had been in.
“Iwaizumi senpai, are you aware of what has been in the news recently?”
Kageyama stared at him, light disappointment obvious in his eyes.
“What do you mean? Course I have?”
He snorted, he checked the news every morning.
“No no, I mean with Oikawa. It’s all over..well everywhere really.”
Kageyama pulled out his phone and clicked around.
“No..is he okay?”
Iwaizumi scratched the back of his neck, he teased his bottom lip with his teeth, trying to calm the wave or nerves that hit him.
“Yes, well I suppose not but I also believe he is alright. A video came out about him singing that song drunk while wearing your old hoodie from his team with the caption “who is this Iwa-chan?” More posts came and now there are forums everywhere about you because no one knows who Iwa-chan is. Some people think you are a dead goldfish while others think you are his ex-girlfriend.”
Kageyama handed him his phone. He wasn’t lying, he was reading a forum about him..well not him exactly but Iwa-chan and whoever Iwa-chan.
“Holy fucking shit.”
He had no idea that this had happened! How had he missed all of this? Was he stupid? Possibly but he was definitely sure he had to be really fucking dumb if he had missed this whole thing.
Private message Babayaga and Godzillasimp
Godzillasimp: bruv what is #iwa-chan?
Babayaga: you lol
Godzillasimp: ??? Explain
Babayaga: Oiks team posted a video of him drunk singing that song but he was shouting “for Iwa-chan!” Before he started singing and his fans wanted to know who Iwa-chan is so it kinda blew up lol
Babayaga: plus you have the necklace, the drunk ramblings, the hoodie
Godzillasimp: hoodie???
Babayaga: yh the Godzilla one
Babayaga: cause it’s a bit too short for his torso but is a lot larger than his build fans assumed it was yours
Godzillasimp:...
Godzillasimp: do you have a photo?
Babayaga: duh
Babayaga: [image]
Godzillasimp: *inhale*
Godzillasimp: I thought I lost that
Godzillasimp: that was my favourite fucking hoodie as well
Babayaga: lol
Babayaga:...what would you say if you could meet him again?
Godzillasimp: I-
Godzillasimp: I can’t
Godzillasimp: I can’t ruin the image of him I have left
Godzillasimp: god he looked so fucking sad
Godzillasimp: I can’t meet him
Godzillasimp: I can’t go through that again
Babayaga: what do you mean?
Babayaga: what happened?
Godzillasimp: I realised I fucking loved him okay
Godzillasimp: if I meet him again then those feelings will come back and I-
Godzillasimp: he is in Argentina and I’m in Japan
Godzillasimp: I can’t just fuck everything up because I’m selfish
Babayaga: Iwaizumi…
Babayaga: you know he would do anything for you right?
Godzillasimp: I know!
Godzillasimp: I CAN’T LET HIM FUCK UP HIS CHANCES
Godzillasimp: I…
Godzillasimp: I would hate myself forever