three-child mothering team
Fuck, fuck, fuck.
Judy (unsuccessfully) tries to not to stress out. What if she’s pregnant? What if she’s not pregnant? Does she want to be pregnant? Yes. But what about Steve? This is Steve’s baby too- if there is one- but she can’t possibly imagine raising a child with Steve. She looks over at Jen, who’s been watching her pace around the room with concern in her eyes.
She sits down next to her, trying not to think about how close together they are or how much closer she really wants to be. How much she really just wants to kiss her.
“Maybe it’s not great being an unstable single mother.” Judy finally voices her anxieties to Jen. After a moment Jen responds, “Who’s mother is stable?” Judy laughs. It’s easy to fall back into their rhythm of banter despite the turmoil Judy’s feeling.
She doesn’t even realize that Jen is looking at her until she says, “And you won’t be a single mom.” She pauses, as if there’s a million things she wants to say and she’s deciding which one to go through with. “You’ll have me. We can be like a three-child mothering team.”
Judy breaks into a smile. A-three child mothering team. With Jen. Her Jen. Maybe Judy’s imagining it, but it seems like they got much closer together. She hopes she’s not just imagining it. “A mothering team.” She can hardly believe the words coming out of her mouth. They’re confirmation that- despite however she might’ve felt these past few months- she’s not alone.
Judy looks into Jen’s eyes and tries to communicate everything she’s feeling in a single glance. And it must work, because Jen leans in closer and if Judy had a hard time not kissing her earlier it’s near impossible now. But somehow the look on Jen’s face tells her she should worry less about trying kiss her and just do it.
So she does.
Gently, because- though she hopes she’s right- she can’t be sure whether all the signals she just got were entirely made up in her head. Jen doesn’t immediately reciprocate the kiss and Judy’s stomach drops because she just messed up their entire dynamic- and then Jen kisses her.
It’s perfect. One of Jen’s hands finds its way into her hair while the other holds her face and there’s no possible way to describe how Judy’s feeling other than simply, happy.
The pregnancy test timer goes off from the table.