the hardest feelings we have are the ones we didn't even know about
“Okay, Lena you’ve dragged me to god knows where in the castle, no one is around what’s up?”
That wasn’t a lie. Lena had read up a lot about the inner workings of Hogwarts and knew the best places she could go to be alone. They were in one of the upstairs corridors by the girl bathroom, it was a small nook that held a bench and looked out over the woods. It was dark now so you could only see the moonlight reflect over the trees, if you looked out for too long it could almost be eerie, but with Kara it seemed magical more than anything.
They both sat crossed legged facing each other, as the silence and moonlight filled their space.
Lena took a deep breath as she prepared herself for what she was about to tell Kara. The second she looked into Kara’s eyes she knew that no matter what, everything that would happen next would be for Kara, even if it hurt Lena in the end.
“Kara, you have to know how much you mean to me.”
“Lena you mean so much to me!”
Lena has to quickly cut her off because if she lets her speak, she’ll never get it out. She reaches up to touch Kara’s lips, effectively quieting the girl. “Kara please let me talk first or else I’ll never get it out, okay?”
With her hands still on Kara’s lips all she could do was nod her understanding.
“Okay well here goes nothing. Kara you came into my life completely unexpected. I was never meant to cross paths with you but you literally ran into my life.”
Kara lets out a small chuckle to which Lena just rolls her eyes as she continues talking.
“Every day with you has been better than I had ever expected to happen but you have to understand, Alex was right about me. My family isn’t to be trusted and I am so scared of what that means for you. Before the break Mike Mathews had pulled me aside and told me that I was part of this plan, to which I told him I had no idea what he was talking about. That was true, I was completely out of the loop on that one but when I went home to break my brother and I had an interesting run in. Kara what exactly do you know about what happened to your parents?”
“My parents had died in a house fire and then I went to live with Eliza and Alex, that’s really all there is to that.” Kara tells her, which was the only story she had ever been told so that’s what she’s ever told people. She had no reason not to believe it so she did.
“You’ve never wondered more about it? Like why did it happen?” Lena asks her concern.
“What else should there be? It was a freak accident that took Alex’s dad too, why?”
“Isn’t it a little weird to you that he happened to be there with your parents that night, and you happened to escape unharmed?”
“I mean I guess it’s a little weird, but I was so young I don’t remember what happened.” Kara just sort of shrugs back.
“Kara what exactly do you know about the order and the death eaters?”
“Well… not much honestly, I’ve heard of them but I always figured they were myths from you know who’s time.”
“Kara…they weren’t myths. They’re very real, in fact some families still work in the dark on both sides.”
“I guess, but what does that have to do with me?”
“Your parents were part of the order along with Eliza and Jerimiah, how had she never told you about that?”
“I don’t know, I guess when I think about it, Eliza doesn’t talk about our past much. I always assumed it was because it made her too sad.” Kara tells her as she thinks back to her earliest memories but can’t recall Eliza talking much about it, actually she never talked about it. “Wait, if my parents were part of the order then what are you trying to tell me?” Kara practically whispers the last part, like if she spoke too loudly someone in the darkness would hear her.
“Well Kara, my parents were death eaters.” She watches as Kara mulls over the information, taking it all in but remaining expressionless.
“Are you one… a death eater I mean?” Kara asks her still in a whisper, likes she’s afraid of what the answer would be.
“My family still is, that’s why I am so scared of what that's going to mean for us. As for myself, I don’t want to be, I don’t believe in that kind of dark magic.”
“Well you don’t have to be anything you don’t want to be!” Kara tells her confidently, like that would clear up the whole situation.
Lena goes to grab her hands again and hold them as hard as she can. “It's not that easy, my parents and my brother have very important jobs within the ministry, I can’t just do whatever I want. Well, not without consequences anyway.”
“Why are you telling me all this? I don’t understand” Kara looks into her eyes searching for an answer.
“During the break my brother told me I had a role to play in this plan. I had brushed it off when Mike had cornered me about it, but hearing him talk about it I knew it was true. I had always heard rumors that my parents had helped you know who back then but I never had any proof so I just left it at that. Kara, I think my parents helped you know who killed your parents and Jerimiah that night. I don’t know exactly what happened but I don't think it was a house fire.”
There was a silence between the two, Lena watched as Kara thought everything over. Whatever happiness Kara had earlier that night had been replaced by confusion. Lena understood what she was telling her was going to make her question a lot about her past, and her regret was she didn’t have the answer Kara needed. In fact, few people knew what really happened that night.
“I sort of always knew that wasn’t exactly how they died. I told you that I would have panic attacks and nightmares as a kid. It was always the same dream that ended in screams, which I imagine were my parents.”
“I’m so sorry Kara, I can’t even begin to understand what that must have felt like for you. I can’t tell you what did actually happen to them that night, but if you know who was involved it wasn’t anything good.” Lena takes a moment to catch her breath because the next part was going to be really bad. “Kara, you weren’t supposed to survive that night, but you did. I don’t know how and I don’t know why, but he’s back and you are in a lot of danger.” Before she could even get the last sentence out Kara began to yell.
“But why! I’m just a teenage girl! What could he possibly have against me?”
Lena moves in to hold Kara close “I don’t know, all I know is that they’re going to try to use me to get to you. Kara you’re not safe with me.”
Kara pushes Lena back so she could fully look at her as Lena fought back tears. “You’re not going to do it right?! Could you really do that to me?”
At that point looking at Kara so scared Lena lost all her composure. “Of course, not Kara. That’s why I avoided you when we got back, I needed to know how I could keep you safe.”
“We can figure it out together, just please don’t leave me. Not now.”
Lena’s tears fall freely down her face. “Kara what if I can’t keep you safe? If I don’t do what they tell me there is no telling what will happen. All I know is that I could never do that to you Kara you have to believe that, please?”
“I feel safer with you, we can figure it out. I know you and Alex have a rocky relationship but we have to tell her”
“No! Kara you don’t understand my family is not to be messed with and the last thing I want to do is involve more people”
“If this is my life we're talking about here, we have to tell Alex, maybe she can help us. I’m sure even Maggie would be helpful.
Lena thought it over for a minute. She didn’t want to involve anyone else, but if it meant keeping Kara safe then she just might need more help. She was torn though, she would never forgive herself if something happened to Alex or Maggie either, but Kara was right, if it involved her safety, she would need all the help she could get and one hell of a plan.
“Fine. But I’m serious Kara, you are going to have to do everything I tell you. There may be times where I seem cold and distant but that’s because I’ll need to keep up the appearance that I’m just being your friend to gather information.”
“Deal. I appreciate you talking to me about this.”
“I honestly didn’t want to tell you, but you deserved to know the truth. Now that you know everything how do you feel?”
“I’m scared, but I’m also really mad that Eliza never told me the truth. It makes me wonder growing up was real and what was a lie.”
“Oh Kara. I can’t tell you why she did things that way but I’m sure it was to protect you.”
“Pfft. Well much help that was if I’m still in danger now.” Kara had calmed down and was just staring out the window deep in thought.
Lena goes to cup her cheeks “Hey, I’ve told you everything I know and you have to trust I am going to help you the best I can okay. I’m here for you”
“I believe you. First thing in the morning we talk to Alex and Maggie okay?”
“Deal.”
They both sit there a little longer and admire the moonlight outside as they both had a million different thoughts swirling around their minds. Per Kara’s request she walks Lena back to the Slytherin dorms, each walking insufferably slow as neither wanted to leave the other. They stopped a few feet short of the common room entrance and both stared awkwardly at each other, neither daring to move. Lena finally breaks the silence and kisses Kara softly on the lips as she bids her a good night. Both go back to their dorm rooms and think about the night. Lena finally got to kiss the girl she had wanted to for so long, but at what cost?
That night Kara went to bed with the knowledge her parent’s death had been a lie this whole time, she knew she needed more answers. Most importantly she needed to know how she would make it out alive, she did not finally get to kiss the girl of her dreams for he who shall not be named to come along and ruin it.
The next morning Lena got ready like she always does, except today was more important. She would finally get to be back with Kara, in what way she still needed to figure out. First, Kara’s impending doom took precedence, they needed to come up with a plan and it needed to happen fast. She had no idea what her family was planning and had to be ready for any outcome.
She walked out of her dormitory early enough that she would have time to eat breakfast before class, but she was surprised to find Kara leaning against the wall outside the common room waiting for her. Kara was never up this early, and she would never miss a chance to eat breakfast longer.
‘Why miss Danvers I dint think I’ve ever seen you up this early”
“Well, I had a lot on my mind so I figured why not get a jump start on the day.” Kara says as she leans in to give Lena a kiss on the cheek which instantly made Lena blush. Kara would admit she liked having this new power over her.
The two made their way to the Great Hall and Kara skipped happily to her normal seat at the table, leaving Lena slightly uncomfortable as Maggie And Alex came into view, both supporting identical frowns as they watched the youngest Luthor approach.
“Luthor” Alex and Maggie said in unison.
“They really do hang out too much” She thought to herself before she responded.
Lena wanted to take her usual seat next to Kara, but knew that if it was just her, Maggie, Alex and Kara she should sit in front of Alex so that their conversation could be discreet. Before they got the chance to dig into her about her recent behavior, she just spit it out as fast as she could.
“Look before we go into the normal hate the Luthor banter I need to tell you guys something. First, sorry for the way I’ve been acting lately, I know it was really messed up of me but I was for a reason. Sort of. Before break I had a run in with Mike Matthews, he’s a total creep to be honest. Anyway, he cornered me one afternoon. Actually, Kara that as the day you found me crying out by the lake”
“He was the reason you were crying!! Why I ought…” Kara tells the table practically jumping out of her chair.
“Kara, it's fine we'll circle back to that later. So, yes, he told me something about some plan and that I played a part in it. Super dramatic and cryptic if you ask me, maybe I just thought maybe he was talking about some shady business dealings my family was involved in and just ignore it. Flash forward to Maggie’s quidditch game, he stopped me after as again was insistent that I keep up with this plan, still have no idea what this guy is talking about. I go home for the holiday and my brother Lex is there, he finds me outside one night and informs me that I needed to relay information about Kara back to him. I obviously find this really weird but I play into it so I can learn more information. You guys keeping up so far? She asks as Maggie and Alex look at her like she’s speaking another language.
“Umm... Yep I think I’m keeping up alright.” Maggie tells her as she takes a drink out of her goblet. Alex merely nods her head.
“Okay, the next part gets a little tricky, so Alex please bear with me here. What exactly do you know about what happened to your dad?
Alex was flabbergasted, she didn’t even know what to respond much less to Lena. “Well I hardly think that important for you to know Lena besides its personal.”
“Alex, you have to trust me here, I know that’s hard but it’s important.”
Alex absolutely did not want to trust her, but something about the way Lena was taking she knew it was important. She looked at Kara as she stuffed her plate full of food, apparently Kara wasn’t alarmed by the question which made her slightly at ease.
“Well, my dad died in the fire that killed Kara’s parents. Why do you want to know?”
“Alex, your mom is part of the Order of the Phoenix and my parents are Death Eaters.” With that statement, Maggie spit out all the juice that was in her mouth and Alex’s jaw practically fell to the floor.
“Is this a joke Luthor! what are you playing at?!” Alex asked as she began to raise her voice.
“Alex, you need to keep your voice down.” Lena whispers to her. “I’m being very serious, I told Kara I had always had my suspicions about my parents but now I know it’s true. It gets worse.”
“How can it get any worse!” Alex practically groans out.
“From what Lex told me, my parents were the ones that helped you know who that night of your dad’s death. It wasn’t an accident. I don’t know the details but Kara was never supposed to have survived that night and now she’s like #1 on his list. Oh yeah, also he’s back and my brother wants to use me to gather information so that you know who can use it against her.”
Kara continues to eat her breakfast almost unfazed by the information, Maggie sat completely still and Alex’s jaw had dropped to the floor again.
“I realize that was a lot to drop on you but we don’t have much time, I don’t know what this plan entails exactly all I know is that Kara is in danger.”
“And why should I trust you Luthor! You literally just gave me every reason why you and your family shouldn’t be trusted.” Alex says as she shakes with anger trying not to cause a scene at breakfast.
“That is a fair assessment, but If I was working with my family why would I tell you that?”
“I don’t know Luthor, to make you less suspicious.”
“I’m not my family, I could never truly be like them and after Lex told me the truth, I knew I had to stop them. That’s why I’m here, I can’t do this alone.”
Alex and Maggie shared worried glances, they obviously had to keep Kara safe if she was truly in danger and Lena was risking a lot by trying to help them.
“Okay fine Luthor, were in. But the second you give me a reason not to trust you, I will personally make sure he who shall not be named is the least of your worries.” Alex tells her with her most intimidating stare.
“fantastic, let’s get to planning!”