Let me collide with you
Weeks went by and while they avoided any collisions, Lena still saw Kara Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays in Charms and Tuesdays and Thursdays in Transfiguration. Lena also still sat by herself during meals, if she even bothered to sit in the Great Hall at all. It was awkward at first but after they got over that they could have normal conversations before the start of their charm’s lectures. In transfiguration Kara sat in the front with the other two Hufflepuff boys from their charms class and Lena maintained a low profile in the back.
That Monday had started off like any other Monday, Lena went to her morning classes, ate lunch quickly and spent the remainder of her time in the library before her afternoon classes. She walks into charms as usual and prepares for the lecture ahead.
“Lena, what are your thoughts on quidditch?” Kara asks her nonchalantly.
To be honest, she had never been asked what her thoughts on the sport were so the question had caught her off guard.
“Well, my family supports the Montrose Magpies and I’ve seen a few games with them, but I haven’t really put much thought into it.” She replies.
“Interesting. I’m new to this whole quidditch thing but my sister Alex has been talking about the first game between Gryffindor and Slytherin soon. I was just wondering if you’d be going.” She asks Lena curiously.
“Quidditch isn’t really my thing.” Lena says as she tries to play it off. She wasn’t wrong, she didn’t really have a reason to go and she avoided most of her fellow Slytherins anyway. She would be doing what she did most weekends, relax and get ahead of her homework.
“Come on Lena! You have to go! I’ve never been but it seems to be very popular around here... Just think about it?”
Lena was thankful that she didn’t get a chance to respond and that the lecture had begun.
It was one less disappointment she would give Kara.
That evening Lena sat in the Library studying per usual. She had already finished her homework, giving her time to read ahead for the rest of the week. Lena liked to be well prepared and there was something satisfying about finally having the freedom to read at her own leisure. She didn’t have her step mother dictating what books she was going to read and no one there to judge her for spending all her time in the library. While Lilian liked that she read, she was also very adamant about keeping up appearances. She expected her to attend quidditch games and be paraded around during business gatherings. She did also love playing chess, but less so when it was demanded of her. Looking at the time she gathered up her books and made her way to the Slytherin common room to drop off her books and then head to grab dinner.
The corridors were empty so she took her time walking, just taking in evening light as it glistened through the windows. What she hadn’t expected that day, was to have a run in with
Mike Matthews.
He took her completely by surprise, one minute she’s walking down the hall then next she’s being pushed into a darker corridor. Her fight and flight had kicked in at this point and she was about to make a run back to the main corridor but something heavy held her in place. He had her pushed up against the wall and was inches from her face with a hand steadily on her shoulder holding her against the wall.
Trying to convey confidence while internal panicking she decided to stand her ground. Whatever this guy wanted, he meant business.
“Look I don’t know what it is you’re doing but I really don’t have time for this.” Lena says harshly as she finally realizes it's Mike.
She had met Mike before but had never really cared for him, his parents Rhea and Lar Matthews were ‘family friends’. He had attended many Luthor functions over the years with his parents and for the most part Lena had done a good job of avoiding him during said functions. Something about him had always rubbed her the wrong way.
“Ah. Well, you see Lena I was sent here to let you know that you’re being watched.” He says through gritted teeth before finally easing his grip on Lena. With the weight finally off her, she cautiously watches as he takes a few steps back.
“I don’t know what that’s supposed to mean.” Lena says coyly, trying to figure out his motive.
“You know that our parents have been friends for many years and it's no secret that certain things have been set in motion. I’m here to remind you where you come from and that you can’t escape your destiny.”
“I’m all for this air of mystery, but I have no idea what you’re talking about.” She was being honest, she literally had no idea what he was talking about, she could gather that whatever it was, it wasn’t anything good for her.
“Don’t play dumb Luthor, you’re smarter than that. When the time comes, you’ll know exactly what your role is, until then just keep your head down.”
Lena was stunned, she wanted to understand what he was trying to tell her but she simply didn’t. He must have sensed her confusion and moved back into her space to whisper into her ear.
“It may be a while, but he’s back. Don’t forget what side you’re on.”
As the words left his mouth Lena’s mind instantly went back to the night of the sorting. After she walked to the Slytherin table and took her seat, a boy she had never met told her that they had been expecting her. She hadn’t thought much of it, she assumed they had been expecting the youngest Luthor to be in Slytherin. That wasn’t exactly out of the ordinary, so what was she missing?
With one last pointed glare Mike took his leave “Your mother sends her regards.”
Lena stood there frozen, his last words causing a shiver down her spine and the hair on her arms to stand up.
She waited for him to leave before she let the tears fall. This couldn’t be happening. To make matters worse she didn’t even know what was happening, all she knew is that she was part of some Luthor plan that no one had bothered to fill her in on.
The original tears of panic quickly turned into tears of frustration. She couldn’t believe she actually thought she could escape her family here. Somehow, Lillian still had a hold on her, and that made her uneasy. She tried to think about the last few weeks, had she done anything that her step-mother would have disapproved of. No? She had kept to herself, went to all her classes and was doing rather well.
Deciding to skip dinner that night she ran as far away from her encounter from Mike as she could. Needing air, she made her way out of the corridor, past the quad where some students were lounging around before dinner. She avoided looking up, as eyes watched her storm by. She continued on finally finding peace at the tree line at the edge of the Black lake. She took a seat on the roots of a large tree and wiped her tears, then realizing she had never actually stopped crying.
Lost in her thoughts she failed to hear the footsteps that approached.
“Lena... are you okay? A distant voice said to her. Already on edge she was startled out of her thoughts and quickly grabbed her wand, pointing it at whomever had walked up on her.
“Jeez Lena relax, it’s just me.”
As soon as the voice spoke again, she didn't even have to look up, she could recognize the voice easy enough. She also knew that this person wasn’t just going to go away like she wanted. “Kara.” Lena shakily breathes out as she goes to wipe away her tears and look up at the girl. “What are you doing here?” The words come out harsh and she instantly regrets her tone.
“I was sitting in the quad and saw you rush out of the castle crying. I came to make sure you were alright.” Kara manages to squeak out.
“I’m fine.” She says not meeting Kara’s eyes. “I’m fine, okay? Please just go away.”
“No.”
Lena was left speechless by the boldness of Kara’s comment, she finally looked her in the eyes as she fought back more tears. “No. I’m not just going to leave you here. If that means we sit here in silence while you cry, then so be it.” Kara takes a seat next to her but still respects Lena enough to give her space. Lena looks out across the Lake, she’s still upset, but she’s finally more at ease as she watches the sun set in the distance and the breeze move through the trees.
What felt like minutes later, Kara finally breaks the silence. With a deep sigh she decides to open up to Lena. “When I was younger, I would wake up at night having panic attacks because of nightmares. It was always the same dream too, one that I never made sense of. My older sister, Alex, would come into my room and just hold me until I could breathe again. As I got older the nightmares became less frequent, but when I had a particularly emotional day Alex always knew to be close by. I appreciated that she never had to say anything, her presence alone was enough to calm me down. To this day whenever I get overwhelmed Alex is always there, she somehow knows exactly what to say to calm me down.”
Lena had never really thought about sunny Kara Danvers having panic attacks. She always seemed so happy and energetic. The thought of Kara being anything else, broke Lena’s heart. In that moment, despite the day, she was glad Kara trusted her enough to be so open about it.
“Wow. Kara I’m so sorry” Lena looks to tell Kara, noticing her gaze hasn’t left the Lake the whole time.
“Like I said, it doesn’t happen often. The point was that it's okay to not be okay sometimes, if that makes sense? “When she looks at Lena, she has a million-dollar smile, the sunset hits her blue eyes just right and they seem to capture every ray of light making them seem almost crystal clear. Kara softly nudges her shoulder and Lena feels all the tension she had been holding disappear.
“Well I must admit, that was one hell of a pep talk.” She finds herself saying with a laugh.
“I’ve been told I give pretty awesome pep talks, now please do enlighten me. What made you so upset?”
Lena knew the fun moment wouldn’t last forever, that Kara would inevitably back track to the original problem at hand. “I see I couldn’t distract you for long.”
“I can admit that I am easily distractible, however, we wouldn’t be sitting out here if everything was fine and dandy.”
“Hmm. Easily distracted you say? And I vividly remember me being out here by myself before you showed up.”
Kara fakes being hurt as she clutches her chest, causing Lena to chuckle again at just how goofy this girl was. “Fair point... Look, I know you don’t know me that well, but I promise you can tell me anything. No judgment, no long lectures. Just someone who is here to listen.”
Lena mulls it over in her mind a bit, she hadn’t expected to open up to anyone, much less Kara. Deep down she knew that Kara meant what she said and with one more reassuring smile from Kara she finally spoke.
The moment of truth, either Kara would accept her or finally realize she wasn’t worthy of whatever sort of friendship this was.
“I’m sure you know who my family is.” She hesitates before continuing, making sure Kara fully understood the weight that the Luthor name had on her.
“I didn’t until quite recently”
There it was.
“What I meant to say is that before coming here I had never heard of them until I met you. But from what I can tell you’re not your family, right? You deserve to be judged by your own merits not theirs.”
God if Lena hadn’t already been crying before she was about to then. Was she seriously okay with the fact Lena was a Luthor? “Doesn’t that scare you? You have to know the Luthor name isn’t exactly known for peace and understanding.”
“Eh. I’m sure there are worse things you could be. You didn’t choose to be a Luthor that was just the hand you were dealt; all you can do is continue moving forward.”
Awe. That was the only word Lena could use to describe what she was feeling. Awe, because Kara was trying to understand her, it made her feel noticed, like maybe there could be more to her than just another Luthor. “Wow, Kara. Most people wouldn’t touch a Luthor with a ten-foot pole.”
“Luckily I’m not most people. It’s their loss really.” Kara always had this way of saying important things but making them seem insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Lena admires that about her.
Knowing she was with someone who genuinely wanted to get to know her she let the floodgates of her life open up. She told Kara about how she had been adopted at 4 years old by the Luthor’s. She talked about what she remembered of her birth mother and reminisced on the good times her and Lex had as kids. When it came to Lillian and Lionel Luthor she tried to be as open as she could, but after her run in with Mike earlier she thought it wise to keep Kara out of whatever mess that was. Her main talking point was how she felt this insane pressure to please her parents, especially Lillian. She confessed that she wished her mom was still alive, that way she could have a normal life where she wasn’t always under a microscope, one where her last name didn’t come with this amount of stress.
She was thankful that Kara just listened and took it all in, never once seeming too put off by her stories.
In return, Kara told Lena about her being adopted by Eliza and growing up with Alex. She admitted she didn’t remember her birth parents; she was too young to have any real memory. She told stories of the trouble her and younger Alex would get into and how they used to tag team and annoy Eliza.
“I didn’t know that about your parents. I’m so sorry Kara.”
“I was so little when the fire happened, but Eliza and Alex lost Jeremiah that night too and I always feel guilty that somehow I got out okay and they didn’t.”
Lena hated seeing Kara sad, she reached out her hand to hold hers and gave her a reassuring squeeze.
“You were so young, there was nothing you could have done. You can’t carry that guilt forever; you have a pretty great life with Eliza and Alex and from what I’ve heard they think the world of you.”
Kara doesn’t respond right away and Lena gives her time to sort out her thoughts. “I think that’s what my nightmares are about. I always have the same dream where I’m surrounded by fire and there’s always this voice, I’ve never heard that talks to me. I don’t know what it's saying but I know I’m scared and then I’m awake. I’ve actually never told Alex or Eliza that, I don’t want them to worry any more about me.”
“Thank you for sharing that with me, I can’t imagine what that must feel like.”
“Well I suppose I should take my own advice and continue moving forward.”
They hadn’t realized how dark it had gotten outside until both had finally stopped talking. The only light was coming from the moon as it illuminated their path back up to the castle.
“It’s getting late and I am pretty hungry, want to grab dinner?” Kara hoped that Lena wasn’t going to say no like she usually did, she waited hopefully for Lena to agree.
Out of instinct Lena wanted to decline, wanted to just go back to her room and forget today. But looking at Kara as she fidgeted with her glasses, she knew she couldn’t say no anymore. “Sure, I would love too.” As the words left her mouth Lena was surprised that she actually meant them.
“Great! I think it's pot roast night and it's one of my favorites!” Kara grabbed Lena’s hand and practically ran back to the castle with Lena clinging on trying to keep up.
It was open for debate, either the rest of the year was going to be utterly miserable for Lena or things would finally start to look up. She would have to wait and see, for now she enjoyed finally sitting in the Great Hall eating dinner with a friend instead of being alone.