time/too much/none

☼Summer☼

Part One

In the slow evening heat of the summer, the doors to the library cast open, they listened as Elliott read from his second novel (or third, but he didn’t like to mention the first one). They could hear the surf beating against the shore as the golden sun descended, casting its long beams across where the villagers listened: rapt, languid, a mix of both. 

Ry was fighting back a yawn. It was the perfect level of early summer warm and she’d had another exhausting week on the farm. She was enjoying the story, how it was so obviously inspired by Harvey. A pilot crashing, the reclusive man who tends him back to health. Deeply romantic. She could feel Harvey’s blush from where she sat three rows behind him. 

She was sure Elliott was holding back on the spicier bits, and her tired mind wished he would get to them. She was a bit too dead for a placated simmer. 

When Elliott concluded his reading, the room seemed to release a collective sigh. There was a moment in which no one said anything, basking in the glow of the story. Then the applause came, and all at once the more ravenous fans jumped up to ask their questions.

Taking advantage of the hubbub, Ry slipped to the back before Lewis could corner her to talk shop. He’d been incredibly helpful over the last few months. The governor had come through in a big way. Things were on track. Things were running smooth, or at least towards the promise of running smooth. Didn’t mean Lewis wasn’t verbose, occasionally exhausting. She’d learned it was better to schedule their meetings in the morning, when she hadn’t expended most of her energy and patience. 

She squeezes Seb’s shoulder as she walks past him, “see you tomorrow.”

“Bright and early.” He says, his smile is more of a grimace. He was still having trouble adjusting his sleep schedule. The farming life was not compatible with late night screen time, a habit so ingrained in Sebastian she wasn’t sure if he’d ever really be comfortable with the new routine.

Nevertheless, he’d been showing up everyday. Helping out in the fields so she could spend more time on the business side of things. He said he liked it. Shane hadn’t killed him yet. Things were running smooth...

She cast one last glance back as she exited the library. Elliott was surrounded by his most fervent admirers, Marnie, Jodi, and a couple of die-hards who had commuted into town for the event. And Lewis wasn’t even looking for her. He was engaged with the newcomer, Luann. 

Ry grimaced. If she were good, she would help extricate them from his clutches, or at least take her part in some of the heat. But she was too tired to remain in that sleepy room. She needed to feel the breeze, to get home and pass the rest of the evening in an unthinking stupor. She forced her tired legs to carry her towards the bridge. 

“Hey farmer!” 

She halted her exaggerated pace, turning to see her friend. Ry smiled through her exhaustion. 

“Hey,” she said back, waiting for Leah to catch up to her. “Thought you’d prefer to stay awhile.” 

“Don’t think I have the strength to pry his fans off him,” Leah laughed. “Besides, I’ll see him tomorrow.” 

“All packed?” Ry asked, a forlorn emptiness hitting her. 

“Sure. Just got to decide I’ve done it all wrong, and do it all over again, then I’ll be ready.” 

“You could just stay.” She said it like a joke, but she knew she was betraying herself. She’d been increasingly relying on Leah the past few months, and losing her, even if it was only for a short duration, was going to be painful. She needed someone to balance out the taciturn man energy she’d somehow surrounded herself with at work.

Leah linked their arms together, “it’s only for a little while.” Her sincerity told Ry she’d guessed her true thoughts. And Ry had no right to hold Leah back. She was going off to an artist's residency, trading one coast for another. Though Ry had joked she was basically just going to another Stardew Valley, they both knew it was for the community.

“Dinner plans?” Leah asked her after a while of walking in silence. 

“Uhh... tomato sandwich?” 

Leah laughed, “that’s not enough! When you’ve been in the field all day!” 

“I know, I know. I’ve just been so exhausted this season. This whole year has just been... yeah.” 

Leah squeezed her arm, “I know. I have a bunch of food in my fridge I have to use up before I leave, why don’t you come help me eat it?” 

Despite feeling that strange mixture of anticipatory loneliness for her friend, she was also craving solitude in that moment. Still, she accepted. Her stomach would thank her even if her social battery didn’t. 

As her friend cooked, Ry sat in the fading sun of the cabin’s little garden. The wild cat that split its time between Ry’s and Leah’s jumped into her lap, purring. She was slightly allergic, but couldn’t resist the little guy when it suited him to be sweet. Listening to the birds and the rush of the river, she almost nodded off. 

Leah made them her foraged salad with farm goat cheese, fried mushrooms, and roasted garlic and white bean pasta. 

“So much better than what I would have had.” Ry admitted, through sloppy bites. She was starving, as always when she was working such long hours.

“I’ll miss the summer here.” 

“I bet it will be just as great where you’re going.” 

“I know... but nothing can be as idyllic as this little spot.”

“It’s not going anywhere.” Ry assured her, wishing she could jump ahead to mid-fall, when Leah would come back and the season would be winding down. 

She didn’t stay long. Couldn’t muster it, even to steal a few last moments with Leah. She would see her off to the train station, where they would have their goodbye... 

Winding through her still rather wild farm, Alex waved to her from where he was barbecuing outside Shane’s cabin. It almost smelled good enough for her to have a second dinner, but all she did was wave back. 

She felt a sigh of relief as she walked up the steps of the farm house. She didn’t turn on the lights, went straight to the fridge and pulled out a beer. 

Without enough light, she could still see the postcard stuck to the fridge door. The vibrancy of the ocean. She could feel the breeze coming off of it, smell the salty tropical air, the hint of citrus and ginger. 

Inked into the other side was from Maru, no return address. 

Maybe she should throw it out.

Maru couldn’t get enough of work.

The first weeks had been challenging and strange, and she’d been too exhausted by the novelty of it all to be fully engaged. She’d had trouble adjusting to the climate, and to living in such close proximity to her colleagues, but once she was used to it, she dove in deep.

There was only four of them on the island. Dr. Pham was the lead researcher, the one who had hired Maru and the others. She was dedicated to the scientific study of “magic”. Specifically the weird properties of the volcano, and all its strange inhabitants.

She’d first come across this island when she was a kid, sailing with her dad, falling in love with it. Returning as an adult, she’d been shocked to discover it’s magic had not been a figment of her imagination. She’d been trying to get a research program going here for years, but this was the first real expedition she’d successful funded.

Still, it was ramshackle. They lived in leaky cabins and didn’t have proper PPE to enter the volcano without getting burned to death by fire slimes. Most of their studying involved monitoring its cavernous entrance, digging up fossils, analyzing soil, foraging. In some ways it was tedious, but Maru loved it.

The others, Aalyia and Leonard, perhaps not equally as enthused by long days in a swampy jungle, shared most of Maru’s passion. They were good to work with. She was happy to know them. At first she’d avoided spending evenings with them, but now she was easily coaxed into hanging out after their shared meals.

One evening when Dr. Pham was on a late night conference call with researchers in another time zone, Aaliya insisted on braiding Maru’s hair. “Leonard’s doing his photography thing, the boss is otherwise engaged, and you won’t pay attention to me unless it’s fire slime related, I gotta do something that’s not work.” She pouted.

Maru agreed, but only on the condition that she could continue analyzing the days findings. It was extracurricular, but she felt a deep well of capacity for it. She wanted to know everything about the island, and she was only here for a limited time... She had to soak up as much as she could while she could.

Aaliya kept chatting with her, and though she wanted to be annoyed she genuinely enjoyed her company. She seemed to have an endless stock of funny stories, and always had a way of making you feel invested. Before Maru knew it she was paying more attention to Aalyia than her work.

Leonard joined them awhile later, offering them some cold beers. Hard to say no to that after a long week in the hot sun.

“How’s the postcard making going?”

He shrugged, “by the wayside. Most of my pictures are of the fire slime burns Maru got the other day, plus those weird bones we found.”

“How is the burn, Maru?”

“Mostly healed with that salve Dr. Pham gave me.” She lifted her arm and showed the glossy strip of semi healed skin that ran from her elbow midway to her wrist.

“Still can’t believe you did that,” Aaliya scolded her, but she smiled with at least a little admiration.

Maru smiled, “part of the job.”

“Sneaking through a crevice into a live volcano is not part of the job!” Aaliya exclaimed, with Leonard nodding in support.

“Then why’d you come after me?”

“I saved your life!” It was an exaggeration, but perhaps more true than Maru cared to admit.

She’d been a little reckless, to say the least... And this incident was only one of quite a few others. Maru just couldn’t resist the promise of discovery.

While Aaliya and Leonard were more cautious – not cowardly, but rather less willing to put their life in danger – Dr. Pham did not discourage Maru. She advocated for more safety, and proper precaution, but she was filled with a similar restless passion as Maru and allowed her recklessness some room.

It was a rare freedom Maru hadn’t felt since she was a kid, tinkering away in the basement. It’s what she’d thought school was going to be like, only be proven so profoundly wrong.

Being here with Aaliya and Leonard, she realized her experiences of frustration were far from unique. Aaliya had been jostled out of her prestigious position in one of her university’s labs because she’d made a joke to the wrong person about the dean’s son being useless. Leonard had lost his PhD funding due to his thesis topic going out of fashion. Dr. Pham hadn’t shared too much about her personal life, but based on the clues the three of them had put together, they figured she must have faced a lot of resistance throughout her career. The fact that they were here now felt like an unbearable stroke of luck. Sometimes Maru felt panicked over how lucky it was. How good it felt. It was impressing its mark on her. And she felt she was coming back to herself.

That evening, she didn’t end up doing much work, enjoying the conversation and antics of her colleagues.

“Here, look,” Aalyia held up the island’s lone mirror, “like it?”

Maru looked at herself, her new box braids coming just passed her shoulders.

“Yeah, I really do.” And she did.

Penny could hear Harvey and Elliott through the walls. Just barely, those muffled moans and grunts. She was beginning to squirm. Yoba, she didn’t need to be picturing her boss like this! How did Maru stand it? She’d only been working at the clinic since mid spring, after completing some mandatory prereq courses. Not entirely taking over Maru’s position, mostly helping out with the clerical stuff. It was a nice change of pace, and paid better than tutoring. It would help her save up to really go back to school. 

But at what cost?

Honestly, she sometimes wasn’t sure if she could even hear them, or was just imagining she could. Even when they went up to Harvey’s apartment for lunch, many walls between them, it was like she could feel it vibrating through the floorboards. A six sense for it, making her mind turn to crazy things. What was it that she wanted? For them to let her watch? Let her get in between the two of them? 

Her head was beginning to swim. Why was she such a pervert? 

Not being able to take it anymore, she let herself out of the clinic. She walked up to the fountain near the community centre, taking the carton of cigarettes out of her purse. She’d stolen them from her mother in her belated adolescent rebellion. She’d had them for almost a year and hadn’t even smoked one. Honestly, she was disgusted by the smell, but she’d gotten over her disgust of alcohol, hadn’t she? Walking right down the path to becoming Pam, she thought bitterly. 

She might as well lean into it. Let smoking and drinking be her thing instead of aggressive sexual perversion. 

It took her a few tries to light the cigarette, and she was glad there was no one around to see her fumbling experiment. It would only reinforce the ideas that they already had about her. That she was a meek, innocent little girl. Poor thing. 

Her first inhale resulted in a spluttering cough. Yoba, it was awful. 

“Penny?” 

She was still coughing when she turned around. 

“Huh?” Cough, cough. 

Sebastian. She’d known from the voice. She would recognize it anywhere. 

Her first instinct was to hide the cigarette. 

Instead she looked at him defiantly. 

He looked down at her cigarette, back to her face. Pausing before he spoke again, a mixture of concern, surprise, amusement, on his face all at once. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be farming?” She said dismissively. She wished she could take another drag and blow it confidently in his face. Be the enigmatic femme fatale. But that would no doubt instigate another round of coughing, be much to the opposite effect. 

“Finished early today. I stopped by Abbi’s.” 

He was dressed for farming, dirt under his nails, on the knees of his work pants. She examined him curiously. He actually had a tan. A couple freckles on his nose. He was no longer the pale, mysterious, alien who had confounded her as a child. Now he was a different type of confounding. 

“Aren’t you supposed to be at the clinic?” He repeated her own question back at her. 

She bit her lip, breaking eye contact and examining the cigarette in her fingers. “Harvey’s sort of... occupied.” 

“Elliott again?” 

She nodded slowly. At it like rabbits the whole town was saying. You’d think they’d settle down after almost a year together. 

Sebastian laughed. Sincere, gentle, another new thing about him. 

“Well, good luck with that.” He said, nodding at her and heading back up the hill. 

“Seb, umm” she called after him, already kind of regretting it, how quickly her attempt at a cool exterior melted.

“Yeah?” 

“So... before she left, Maru mentioned how your mom might be down to teach me to drive? Do you think she still would, or is she too busy this time of year?” It came out self-conscious, apologetic. She wanted to wince. 

“I’ll teach you.” 

All she could do was nod. “Yeah, okay.” 

Barging into Abbi’s room that morning was an impulsive decision. Pierre had given her a strange look as she walked straight into his house without a word, but he didn’t stop her.

She caught Caroline in the hallway.

“Haley! I didn’t know you were coming over.” She says, benignly enough, but from everything Haley had seen and heard of Caroline she’s not sure if it’s pointed. If she’ll be chewing Abbi out later for not informing her of having guests over.

“Oh! It wasn’t planned, I just need to tell Abbi something before I leave.”

“I’m not sure if she’s up yet. But feel free to go in, she could learn from your example.”

Haley smiles, thinking Caroline has no idea how much she wouldn’t like that.

When she lets herself in, Abbi’s already awake, dressed, and had clearly heard the entire conversation. She rolls her eyes, flopping back onto her bed.

“Sorry for barging in.”

“Sorry about her. ” Abbi mumbles, perhaps more for her own behalf than Haley’s.

Haley catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror hanging on Abbi’s wall. “I’m sorry I’m so crusty right now.”

“What do you mean?” Abbi sits up and inspects her.

Haley shifts her weight, uncomfortable under the scrutiny, looking back to the mirror.

“I just came here without really thinking... I didn’t do my routine, I look like shit.” Truth was her routine wasn’t really her routine anymore, it had been slipping her mind frequently. Abbi had seen her like this enough times that it shouldn’t bother her, and yet...

Abbi was giving her an odd look.

“What?”

“That’s a mean thing to say.”

Haley rolls her eyes. “You’re not going to give me that “don’t talk about my friend like that” shit are you?”

Friend hangs in the air between them and Haley holds her breath. Even though it’s obvious. They’d been hanging out multiple times a week for months. Abbi had spent full days of her life going back and forth to the city, all to help her move out.

Abbi only pauses momentarily before saying, “no, it’s mean to the rest of us.”

“What?” Haley scrunches up her nose, confounded.

Abbi throws a pillow at her, “you look like a fucking goddess and you know it.”

Haley looks back to the mirror. Her bare face, the loose clothing. So contrary to how she’s allowed herself to be known. “I just... I don’t feel... comfortable.”

A slight grimace passes over Abbi’s face. “I understand,” she says very softly, “but I’m not lying to you, Haley.”

“And you’re not...” Haley doesn’t know how to say it. “I don’t know if you’re...”

“What?”

“The rest of us.”

“I don’t follow you.”

Wilfully? Haley had to wonder. She forces herself to roll her eyes. “You’re hot, come on. I’ve said it before.” Truthfully, it was becoming harder to say. Getting stuck in her throat on something sticky and unidentifiable. Not because it wasn’t true. It was definitely true.

Abbi scoffed, though she seemed amused. “You’re not getting away with that after all you said to me in high school. I know I’m not as emo as I was back then, but this purple hair can’t be dyed away, y’know?”

Haley knows she’s only joking, that she’s not in the mood for a compliment. Not caught off guard like Haley usually got her. But something about bringing up high school... It makes Haley reply with unusual sobriety “I was just jealous.”

Abbi barks out a laugh, “oh, you were jealous of the loner girl with no friends and ripped clothing? You secretly always wanted to be kinda goth, huh?”

Haley shakes her head, “not even a little. I saw you in the gym change room once and umm... ” When Alex had said she was obsessed with Abbi’s tits... It wasn’t that far off from the truth. There had been a period in which she’d been briefly... haunted, to put it one way. “I couldn’t really handle the idea of someone... I didn’t really know... I hadn’t figured myself out.” She finishes, wincing at how dumb she sounded.

Abbi was looking at her like she’d just spoken in tongues.

“Is it so hard to believe?” Haley exclaimed.

“Is that incredibly unclear sentence hard to believe?”

“Yes!”

“I guess?”

“Ugh! Whatever. I’m leaving now.” Haley started towards the door. This was not at all what she’d come here for. But what had she come here for?

“Back Monday?” Abbi asked her, flopping back onto her bed.

“Yes.”

Haley looks back to see Abbi giving her a thumbs up in acknowledgement. She takes a deep breath, forcing herself not to linger and wishing Abbi would ask her to.

She stood at the train station for a while after Leah had gone. She didn’t have the time to spare, but she was feeling resistance towards her next task. So she just stood there, in the cool morning shade of the train station, absorbed in her aloneness. 

Eventually though, had to return to the farm. 

Part of her resistance in returning was having to walk past the new monstrosity that had sprung up down the road, close to the spa. It had loomed large as she and Leah had walked past it this morning. 

“They’ve built it so quickly!” Leah had exclaimed, who hadn’t been up here since well before the project had begun. 

“Yeah...” Ry had been more involved, seen the busyness the place commanded. Something about it made her feel uneasy. It was an ambitious project, and Ry couldn’t help but smell a whiff of JojaCorp behind it. Not that she thought this was a direct subsidiary, as that would be easy enough to find out, but something about it had that “feel good” gentrification front, that would later reveal piece of shit developers had been behind the whole time.

Today it was still. Nobody around. The imposing structure seemed even more eerie this way. Its boxy straight lines at odds with the natural curves of the mountain. Leah had made a joke about how the whole town would be different by the time she got back, and Ry hadn’t been able to hold back her frown. 

Now she had to walk past it again. Mountain Breeze. A brewery owned by some out of towners the Governor had brought in. The promise of revitalizing their dwindling economy, bringing in tourists. Lewis wiping his hands like it was all a done deal, discussing new projects, something about a movie theatre and other pipe dreams. 

It was good for Ry. It was going to be good. Help things be good and run smooth. They were buying products off her for the beer making, paying in advance. One of a few initiatives Lewis had cobbled together for the sake of the farm, for her and Shane. And Luann. Luann seemed cool enough, though Ry was still unclear on their role in all of this. 

The very large garage style doors of the soon-to-be brewery were opened by the time Ry walked past again, letting the early afternoon light stream into the chaotic jumble of nearly completed construction. Luann, and only Luann, bent over a makeshift desk, muttering to themselves. 

Ry hesitated. It was easier to casually say hi when it was only one person, wasn’t it? Without the swarming teams of people that had been here almost every day, building the place. She could perform her neighbourly duty, and should. She knew what it was like to be treated with wariness upon first arriving in the valley, and she didn’t want to replicate what she’d been through, though, honestly, the impulse of suspicion was there. 

She approached the open doors, giant silver beer tanks had been installed since she’d last been up here.

“Hey!” Ry called. 

Startled, Luann banged their head on the lamp as they stood up. “Fuck!” 

“Shit, sorry.” Ry bit her lip. 

Luann winced, standing up straight. They were somewhere in their late twenties or early thirties, honey complexion, layered black hair that fell a bit past their chin, dark brown eyes, strong features, a muscular, confident build.  “It’s good. What’s up?” 

“Just saying hey, I guess.” 

“Right. Hey.” Their voice sounded distant, as if they were hearing Ry from far away. They stared down at whatever they’d been working on. “Sorry, um, I’m kinda distracted. It’s the first morning here without a crew of people running around.” 

“Sounds like it’s been stressful.”

“Yeah. But that’s life, I guess.”

Everything about their body language and tone suggested they needed to get back to work, but Ry was here now, and she wanted more answers.“So... I gotta ask... is this a corporate thing?”

“Fuck, I hope not.” Luann flips the page they’re reading over, “they’re really disorganized. Feels more not-for-profit to me. But it is for profit. So I can’t tell.” They’re still preoccupied with whatever is on the desk. Ry gets the feeling she should go, but the less Luann looks at her the more she wants them to. 

“Not what you thought you were signing up for?” She prods. 

They shake their head, “no...” 

Trying again, “so what’s your role in all this?” 

Luann finally looks at her, biting their lip back in a half amused smile. 

“I don’t know.” Luann laughs, a genuine laugh, that for a second did not seem like it was going to turn into a stress monologue. “I don’t know. I thought I was signing up to make beer, but hey, somehow I’m supervising the build, and I’m the liaison between the owners and the design team, and the government, and the beer and wine board, and also somehow making sure everything is sustainable, and they want to grow our own ingredients for the beer, but we don’t have a farmer and they don’t want to hire one, and they also want to do maybe, wine and mead? Because that’s chill to just maybe casually decide to do, and today I found out I’m also responsible for growing a pollinator garden. Which I guess is part of sustainability, but they’re really focused on honey bees for the mead, so maybe we’re building an apiary, but what about native pollinators? So I’d say, maybe I'm just doomed?” They say all this at an even pace, voice level. Cracking a smile of someone resigned to a ridiculous fate, “my occupation is doomed.” 

Ry rubs the back of her neck, feeling at a loss for words “...that’s a lot.”

“Yep. But I’ve got a 10 month beer brewing apprenticeship and nine years of bartending under my belt, so I can totally handle it. No fucking problem, right?” Luann is grinning softly at her, and under the full force of their gaze Ry can’t help but feel a little nervous. 

“You seem like a capable person.” Ry says, and it comes out a little weaker than she intended.

“I’m very capable. At making beer.” 

The confidence of the statement takes up the room, and it’s what Ry feels in that moment, really likes in that moment. But there’s so much else attached to it for Luann, that Ry has no idea what the right response is. 

She takes the easy way out, by turning back to business. “Yeah... uh, pretty sure you guys already pre-ordered a bunch of stuff from my farm. So what’s this about growing your own ingredients?” She tried to say it carefully, so that it wouldn’t add to the pile of things to stress about, but she had received a huge order from Mountain Breeze and Luann’s revelations did not assuage her into believing she’d be receiving the second half of the payment. And she really needed full payment. It was part of the reason Mountain Breeze was here in the first place.

Luann was still smiling, shaking their head, “I know. I know.” Without saying anything else, Ry knew they were equally, if not more, in disbelief at the moment of uncertainties arising from the situation.

“Well, if you need help with that pollinator garden, I know a lot about that shit so... give me a call, I guess.” Ry volunteered, though she was pretty sure that wasn’t what they needed. 

Luann laughed, almost despairingly, “thank you. Thank you.” 

Another moment in which Ry isn’t sure what to say. So she decides she better leave. “I gotta head back to the farm... but uh, good luck?” 

Luann sits down in the beat up old desk chair, grabbing a clipboard off the desk before leaning back and kicking their feet up. “There’s a bar in town, right?” 

Ry stops backing away, “yeah, the Stardrop.” 

Luann nods at her, before turning their attention to the clipboard, “well, I’ll see you around maybe.” 

Ry was dismissed. 

Haley had finally agreed to visit the desert with Emily. Agreeing to this in summer was an oversight.

“Fuck, it’s hot.” She moaned as her and Em stepped off the bus. “How does Sandy stand it?”

“You acclimatize.” Emily grinned, also sweating.

The small desert town had tripled in population since Haley had been there last. It had turned into quite the little oasis, with many new shops opening up along the main strip.

“I didn’t know this place had gotten so popular.” Haley admitted, as they slowly walked towards Sandy’s little shop.

“It’s a hot spot!” Emily beamed, and Haley honestly couldn’t tell if she’d made that pun on purpose or not. She let it slide.

They walked past a cool looking restaurant with a big patio, empty in the full sun of the day.

“That place looks nice.” Haley mentioned. She was sincerely surprised by the amount of development.

“It is! Sandy and I have been a couple times, they have a great menu and sometimes host events. We should go there for dinner!”

Haley made a sound like agreeing, but she was so hot she didn’t really want to think about food.

The blast of air conditioning that welcomed them at Sandy’s store was one of the best feelings Haley had had in awhile. “Thank yoba.”

“Hi Hons!” Sandy greeted happily when they entered, making her way to the door to give Emily a kiss and Haley a hug. “So glad you could make it, sweetie!” She said, squeezing Haley’s arms affectionately.

Haley smiled, “thanks for having me, Sandy.”

She smiled warmly back, but quickly rushed back to the cash register. The store was busier than Haley had ever seen it. The expansion of the town had allowed for Sandy to cater her shop more to her interests. It was filled with crystals, her handcrafted jewellery, tarot decks, new age books, teas, candles and a rack of clothing.

“Em, did you make this stuff?” Haley asked, recognizing some of the fabrics from Emily’s stockpile back home. She knew Emily sewed all the time, but she had no idea she was selling anything.

“Some of them!” She admitted, a little shyly, showing Haley through to the back of the store. They entered a little room, clearly serving as Sandy’s jewellery making workshop, that adjoined the shop to her apartment. She showed Haley to the guest room (Sandy’s pull out couch in the living room) and the two of them basked in the cool air without speaking for awhile.

Sooner than Haley was ready, Emily left to help Sandy out in the store. Haley stayed behind, laying on the pull out couch and staring at the white expanse of ceiling.

She was happy to be here. She was happy to be here. She was going to enjoy her time with her sister, and with Sandy, and be pleasant, and not think too much about not having a job or any direction in life. Things were okay right now. Things were okay.

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, and tried to make her exhale twice as long as her inhale. She repeated this for several minutes, trying not to think, but her mind just kept looping over the colour purple again and again. Curls of purple entangling her, a profound purple drinking her in, relentless purple cracking her open and why was Abbi so --

She opened her eyes.

Do not get mad at yourself for being horrible at mediating, that willnothelp.

She got up and made her way into the store, hoping Sandy might be able to give her something useful to do. But Sandy was too busy talking to a customer about how to properly energy cleanse a room, and Emily was occupied with performing a tarot reading for an excited young girl and her mother.

Haley pretended to be interested in a vast selection of crystals as she waited for either of them to be free. Emily had told her to bring her camera for if she was bored, she could dust off the old hobby as something to do. But it was too hot to go out now, and she didn’t really feel like staging photos in the store.

Instead, she got out her phone and snapped a picture of the crystal selection, sending it to Abbi.

Want anything?

She began reading the properties of the individual ones, wondering which one would potentially suit Abbi.

A couple minutes later her phone vibrated.

Already got the perfect one

A second later, a picture came though.

Abbi was wearing the necklace Emily had given her for winter star. The photo was a close up on her chest, the short chain the gem had been gifted with swapped out for a much longer one that had the amethyst resting on her considerable cleavage, just above the black lace hem of her bra. She was obviously lying down in bed. In the top of the frame she could see Abbi’s purple hair spilled across a pillow case.

Haley’s stomach did a flip, face coming up in a hot flush.

Without thinking she typed

more.

She wanted to see her face. She wanted to see all of her.

Before she hit send the realization of what she was doing smacked her in the head. She almost dropped her phone. She couldn’t ask Abbi that!

She glanced around the shop, making sure no one had seen the photo.

Abbi was probably just teasing her because she’d basically admitted she’d been obsessed with her boobs in high school. She could picture her smirking as she took that photo... had she taken her shirt off to do it, or already been without it? Had she been wearing that bra when Haley had barged in this morning? Hiding it under her baggy tee?

How was she supposed to respond? Just ignore this almost nude like it was nothing? Just girls being girls?

Haley bit her lip, the urge to not do that over powering her.
Next thing she knew, she was walking into the workshop, pulling a handful of finished necklaces out of Sandy’s work station, and heading towards the bathroom.

She locked the door behind her, almost pausing to wondering what the fuck she was doing.

Aquamarine, ruby, emerald, topaz – what did they mean? What message was she sending? She settled on an opal, shimmery, inlaid in gold, nice against her tanned summer skin.

Should she grab her makeup bag?

Thinking too much, reading into things. Yet there was a big part of her that wanted to push the limits. Part of her wishing she still wore a belly button ring and could send Abbi a picture of her lower abdomen. Part of her wondering what would happen if she went full topless. Her mind was in a desperate whirl, trying to keep up with the rush of feelings her body was producing.

It took her over forty minutes to send anything back.

She ended up choosing a close up of her open mouth, the opal on her tongue. Matching Abbi’s tone? Maybe a little too overt? There was definitely something pornographic about it, but Abbi’s had been too, hadn’t it?

Before she sent it she considered what wording she should send along too. Direct acknowledgement that her photo had done something?

Damn Abbi

Good girl

Pretty girl

What else are you wearing?

She erased them all. Sending the photo along with a more innocent should I get one too? A shield against getting it wrong.

Even still, sending it made her giddy. She stayed in the bathroom for awhile longer just to calm down.

Abbi didn’t respond so quickly this time.

Realizing she’d been locked herself away for suspiciously long, Haley exited, deciding she should probably ask Sandy if she could buy this necklace, considering what she’d put it through.

“I thought you were trying to get rid of things?” Sandy pointed out affectionately when Haley asked about it.

“I am... I just – it’s really nice okay?”

Emily held her hand over the gem, not touching it directly. Sensing the energy, or whatever it was she did. “Interesting choice, Hales.”

“Opals are sometimes used for protection against negative energy. Amplifies hope.” Sandy closed Haley’s hand around it. “Keep it.”

“Sandy, come on, I’ll pay. I want to buy it from you.”

Sandy just shook her head smiling.

“Ugh, fine.” Haley wasn’t really into gemstones, and she was still a little flustered from her correspondence with Abbi... but she was still touched by the sentiment. “I mean, thanks Sandy. It’s really beautiful.”

Sandy waved her hand dismissively, but she was smiling. “It’s nothing, hon.”

Later that evening, Haley still hadn’t gotten a response. She was very actively pretending not to be antsy about it. She and Emily had a table at the restaurant she’d noticed on her way in, waiting for Sandy to finish closing up shop. They sat on the patio, with the promise that once the sun set the temperature would be much more bearable.

“Do you ever think about moving out here?” She asked Emily over their piña coladas. Since Winter Star, she’d been taking it a lot easier on the drinking. Partially due to spending more time with Alex and Shane.

A nearly troubled look passed over Emily’s face as she contemplated Haley’s question, almost imperceptibly. “Sometimes!” She said cheerily, “but things are going well the way they are.”

Haley raised an eyebrow at her.

Emily laughed, “what is it?”

“I saw that blip of... something.”

“It’s hard sometimes, being apart. But we make it work.”

“What about Sandy moving in with us?” Haley already knew it would never happen. Sandy’s store could never survive in a small town like theirs. Not that the desert was much more populated, but it did provide a steady flow of curious tourists.

“She loves it here.”

Haley’s phone vibrates. Her heart trips when she sees it’s from Abbi.

Haha cute

Haley waits, staring at her phone, wondering if there’s more to follow.

When nothing comes through, she sinks in her chair, unsure what she’s feeling. She’s glad when Sandy shows up to distract Emily while she’s absorbed with her phone. She finds herself going to social media, scrolling through her camera roll for some slutty picture she can post.

Her first post in quite awhile.

What was she doing?

Looking for validation from strangers because Abbi wasn’t giving it to her?

She felt her heart sinking into an envelope of shame. She knew that never worked.

“Em, can you take my phone from me for awhile?” It was something they used to do when Haley was still in high school and needed break from causing drama.

“Sure!” Emily slipped Haley’s phone into her bag, barely batting on eye. At least her sister was good at not enhancing her shame.

“This can’t be your first time behind a wheel.” Seb laughed when Penny easily turned onto the main road out from the parking lot he’d brought her to to practise in. 

“Mom used to take me out when I was way too young. You know the dirt roads past the old joja?” 

“Those are windy as hell!”

Penny laughed, “yep! But with trees to catch ya! That’s what she used to say, anyway...” She didn’t often like to reflect on her childhood with Pam. Even the glittering moments when things had felt like they were going to be better, especially those moments. “And um... Sam made me drive him home a couple times when he was too drunk.” It was not the right change in subject. She was bringing the mood down. She always did.

“Oh.” He mouthed it more than said it aloud. She didn’t know the full story between them. Wasn’t sure if she wanted to, but she thought she could probably guess anyway. Sam had always spoken about him to her with affectionate annoyance. Like he was a burden he had to bear, but he was so generous that he didn’t mind. At first a dirty part of her had liked hearing that. Pitting her against him. The dangling promise that she could eclipse his best friend. 

By the end it was painful. Sam spent so much energy keeping people he didn’t truly love or respect close to him. What did that mean about her? What did that mean about Sam? Nothing good. 

She wondered if Sebastian was going down this same rabbit hole of thought when neither of them said anything. Watched the trees whip by as she followed the road out of town.

“I just... I need to practise before I do my road test. I want to do it before winter.” She said, trying to change the subject to something better, cleaner. 

“You seem pretty confident, I’d say you can easily meet that goal.” 

Confident. 

Not a word Penny often heard associated with her. 

Their makeshift lab was located in a screened in porch of rickety cabin. They had sheets of rolled up plastic they would descend over the windows whenever it rained, though, luckily for their gear, this time of year it was mostly dry.

Maru had become extremely fond of it. She liked walking up the rickety steps after a day out in the field.

But today she could tell that something was wrong before she even made it all the way up those steps. Dr. Pham’s posture was curled inward, Leonard was pacing sporadically and seemed to be monologuing, and Aalyia was standing stock still, with a deep frown.

“What’s going on?” She asked, the door swinging shut behind her with too loud of a bang.

“It was only a matter of time.” Dr. Pham sighed, Maru was unsure if she was responding to her or Leonard, or her own train of thought.

“We can fight this can’t we? At least buy more time?” Leonard said, and Maru had a feeling, despite just arriving, he’d already said it a few times.

Dr. Pham shook her head no.

“What’s going on?” Maru repeated.

Leonard didn’t seem to hear her and continued throwing ideas at Dr. Pham, who just continued shaking her head in dismay.

Aalyia, frowning, walked over to Maru, “the island’s being bought up by some billionaire.”

“What?”

“Yeah, some eccentric shit head.”

“What does this mean for us?”

Aalyia frowned, “I’m sorry, Maru.”

“What does this mean?” Maru said again, she had a feeling but she wanted it spelled out.

Dr. Pham turned to look at her now, “we’ve got a month to finish up. Get what we can. Then we move on.”

“But... we’re supposed to stay until mid fall, we’re funded until mid fall.” Maru knew she was being foolish in her refusal to believe it, but she wanted to be foolish, and right in her foolishness.

“It doesn’t matter,” Leonard said with disdain, “you think these people have any respect for that? For us? We’re just four little people, getting in the way of their vacation.”

“What does it mean ?” Maru asked, losing her voice, feeling like a ghost.

“We’re laid off. It's over."

Dr. Pham nodded somberly in agreement.

He should have gone home to bed. He had to be up early again tomorrow and his body was already aching for rest from today’s work. But he was here already, two beers deep, and for once he was having an actual challenge on the pool table. 

Sebastian never would have anticipated Penny to be his greatest adversary. 

“Maru and I used to play all the time.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. Back in high school, whenever you weren’t monopolizing the table.” A playful jab.

He could barely remember. Maybe there was some foggy distant memory of him telling Maru to get lost so he could take over? 

Penny having been there too? 

He’d been too absorbed in his own world to catalogue the memory. It’s just how it was. But he was trying to come out of it now. He’d invited her here after one of their driving lessons, figuring she’d never show, but wanting to extend something. He could tell she was lonely, and without Maru and Sam, she didn’t really have anyone to talk to that he was aware of. 

“I’m betting on Penny!” Abbi announced, from where she was sitting on the couch. Haley was handing her a beer, sipping from her own martini. 

She’d been around a lot lately. And when she wasn’t, Abbi was texting her. But she’d barely said anything about it. It was just happening. 

“You two want anything?” Haley offered him and Penny. 

“I gotta stay sharp if I’m going to win.” Seb smirked, before taking a swig of his still mostly full beer. Penny had already won once, and he had drank enough that he was beginning to lose his focus on trying. 

Penny looked like she wanted to accept, but she said, “I’ll go myself, in a bit.” 

Haley smiled, “you’re busy defeating Seb, what do you want?” 

Penny looked hesitant but she ordered a beer, then changed to a martini. She was obviously a little flustered under Haley’s attention. 

“You got it!” Haley winked at her, squeezing her shoulder before going to buy Penny’s drink. 

From the corner of his eye, Seb thought he saw Abbi watching this interaction carefully, but when he looked over she stared down at her phone, expressionless. 

It was the first time he’d noticed Abbi paying close attention to Haley like that, while Haley had been nakedly staring at her all night. She kept looking at Abbi like she wanted to devour her whole. Watching her every move. Taking any opportunity to touch her. 

And Abbi didn’t even seem to notice. Just kept making jokes, and speaking to both Haley and Seb in the same way.

Did she know about Haley’s desires? Would she be comfortable if she did? 

Penny lined up another shot and sunk 3 balls in one go.

“Damn,” Seb shook his head, “I’m really done for.”

“You’re going easy on me.” 

“I’m not.” 

“He never does that.” Abbi confirmed. 

Penny smiled - almost smirked? - right at him, “I don’t believe you.”

It caught him off guard. So much so he didn’t know what to say. 

She lined up another shot and won the game. 

She looked pleased, but also shook her head at him.

And maybe it was sort of true, he hadn’t been giving it everything he had. But that didn’t diminish her win, she was at least as good as him. 

Haley came back and handed Penny her martini, “for the winner.” 

Penny smiled, becoming a little flushed, and stumbled over a thank you. 

At that moment, Ry came over and greeted all of them. 

“Hey farmer,” Haley greeted in an undeniably flirtatious way. 

“Shouldn’t you be in bed?” Seb called over, knowing he too, should be in bed. 

“Absolutely. I was just helping Luann with something, but Gus took over, being the beer expert.” She gestured over her shoulder to where Luann and Gus were talking. “Thought I’d say hey before heading out. Haley, I heard you're trying to convince Emily to move to the desert?” 

The two of them launched into a discussion, the simmering energy Haley had begun with maintained by both of them. But Seb knew it was only in jest at this point. Ry wouldn’t walk down that path with Haley again, and he had a strong feeling Haley had someone else in mind. 

Abbi was becoming agitated. Her leg was bouncing up and down and she seemed both stiff and distracted. 

“What’s up with you?” Seb asked, coming over and speaking quietly so no one else would hear. 

She gave him a puzzled smile, “what?” 

“You seem anxious.” 

“I’m not.”

“Is something going on with you and Haley?”

She rolled her eyes at him, “what, is it so weird we’re friends? You’re the one who kept saying” she lifts her fingers in air quotes “we’re not the same as we were in high school.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Whatever.” She says dismissively before getting up, and then saying in a mocking voice, “is there something going on between you and Penny?” 

He shoves her arm playfully and she flips him off before heading to the bathroom. 

In the few weeks they had to finish up, Maru spent almost every waking moment working. Trying to collect as much information as she could, while they still had the chance. Tonight was their second last night on the island. Tomorrow would be spent entirely packing up. She was feeling mournful. She’d finally found the place, and the people, that felt just right for her, and she had to give it up because of some rich guy’s whim.

Dr. Pham found her near the base of the volcano that night. She was trying to monitor the activity of the fire slimes with some sensors she’d built, so she wouldn’t have to go inside and risk getting burned to death on her own. With their limited resources, they still hadn’t found a proper PPE for the task. At least not anything that could withstand prolonged exposure. 

“Still working?” 

“Yes.” She was sitting on the ground, her knees curled up, her various gadgets on the ground around her. She knew what she was doing was futile, and wouldn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

“It’s very late.”

“Yes.”

“I know you’re taking this hard.” 

Maru didn’t contradict her, “I’m just trying to get as much as we can before we have to go.” 

“I know. I appreciate it. I’ll have a lot to go over when I get back, and that’s largely thanks to you.”

Maru shifted uncomfortably on the ground. 

“I want you to know I’ve noticed how hard you work.”

Maru nodded, not sure how to take the compliment. 

“I’m offering all of you letters of recommendation. Whenever you need it. You have a lot of potential, Maru.”

“Not in the way most people want me to.” 

Dr. Pham smiled, “it’s hard to live with that, I know.” She looked up at the expansive night sky above them, considering it. Maru knew she had encountered the same problems as she had, must have, throughout her career. “The way the funding works, I can’t keep you on as a researcher when I’m back in the lab. Only Aalyia can stay, because she’s still a student.”

Maru knew this already. 

“I can’t make promises. But if you were to continue your education…”

“I don’t know about that.” Maru admitted. The idea of being trapped in a school after the freedom she’d had here didn’t sit well.

“You’ll be back in Stardew in a few days.”

Maru nodded, unsure what her point was.

“From everything you’ve said about the place, it sounds like a good opportunity.”

Maru raised her eyebrow, “for what?”

“A thesis.” 

When Haley came back from the desert she was worried things were going to be weird between her and Abbi. Mostly on her side.

Abbi had texted her later that weekend about something silly and they’d acted like no exchange of revealing photos had taken place. Back to the usual thing, or some kind of holding pattern. Haley tried to go along with it.

In reality, something had leaped out of her and she couldn’t push it back in.

On returning to the valley, tremulously, she embodied the friendship. As if nothing were different, as if she didn’t want to reach out and touch. Abbi didn’t want that. She gave no indication other than... other than... other than...

She seemed to be teasing her.

Asking her to come over and being half dressed when she got there.

Every movie she suggested seemed to be an erotic thriller, heavy on the erotic.

She always seemed to have her necklace in her mouth now. Tongue fidgeting with it obscenely.

Sometimes Haley was absolutely certain she was doing it on purpose. That if, from where they watched a movie on the couch, Haley pulled her into her lap, she could slip her fingers down Abbi’s pants and find her wet. That Abbi would like it if she backed her into a wall and wouldn’t let her move until she was done with her.

Other times she was absolutely certain Abbi had no idea what she was doing to her. That she was just like this and Haley was fucking crazy to assume it was for her. Every time Haley had risked teasing back it resulted in a deflection, or wasn’t acknowledged at all.

It was driving Haley insane, making her do things. She was too liberal with her touch. Hugging too long, pressing in too tight, walking too close, leaning in too close to hear, brushing her hair out of her face. Fingers lingering. She was offering Abbi too much. Buying her dinner, letting her choose from her clothes, gifting her an expensive bottle of perfume. And smelling that on her, fuck... what that had done to Haley. She wasn’t helping herself.

Abbi never said no, or gave any indication that she didn’t like or appreciate it. In fact she seemed to really like and appreciate all of it, so long as it stayed within a friendly context, so long as Haley's actions didn’t edge into the overtly sexual. Stayed within a romantic ambiguity. Only Abbi’s teasing could enter erotic space. Because it wasn’t real, only torturous. Yet still, part of Haley wondering, was it teasing, or was it just being around her? Her humour, her support, her mind, her care. The way it felt to be together.

That morning Abbi climbed through her window. She was wearing a massive grey t-shirt, old baggy gym shorts and crocs. Somehow she made this look incredible.

“You don’t have to sneak in, you know.” Haley said. She was sitting at her boudoir, applying a healthy layer of sunscreen.

“Yeah, but it’s more fun.”

“Sunscreen?” Haley held it up and Abbi grabbed the tube and began applying it in, what Haley considered, a chaotic manner.

“You putting anything in the soup?” Abbi asked, rubbing it into her neck.

Haley scrunched up her nose, “I never go near it.” She’d never tried to luau’s main attraction, ever.

“Why not? It’s always interesting.”

“That’s not necessarily positive.”

“But it’s not necessarily negative either.” Abbi grinned, handing her back her sunscreen. “I’m putting in oysters. Think that’ll make everyone horny?”

Haley giggled, despite herself, “that would be interesting.”

Seb wasn’t really a fan of the Luau, at least not the beginning part of it. 

Lewis somehow hovering over everyone at the same time, making them all nervous about the Governor. The blistering sun. Having to wait to eat. The small talk.

He’d told Ry he wouldn’t have minded still having to come into work. 

She refused, “dude, you need a day off.”

“I have weekends off.” He’d reminded her.

“Sure, but that’s not enough. Shane and I will cover the basics so nothing dies, but I’m not sticking around to tell you what to do.” She’d said it jokingly, and he knew she was right. An extra day off was needed. But to spend on the sweltering beach? 

Back when he was a teenager he would have made an excuse as to why he couldn’t make it down early. 

This time he told his mom straight up, “I’ll be there when it gets dark.”

She’d given him a knowing smile. It was easier for her to accept his nature now that time had passed. Even Demetrius didn’t mind.

And yet, when he heard the knock on his door that afternoon, he thought maybe it was him. Coming to ask him to participate, or to tell him he could have his weirdo casserole while he and Robin were gone. 

When he opened the door, he was completely caught off guard.

“Penny?”

She looked at him with those big green eyes. 

“Seb.”

Next thing he knew, her arms were around his neck and she was kissing him.

He stumbled backwards in surprise. Catching himself, both of them, before they fell, he broke away. “Penny,” it comes out sounding much closer to a moan than he had intended. What had he been intending? 

“I want you,” she breathed into his mouth, “just for now.” 

Haley ended up trying the soup, for Abbi.

“Feel horny?”

“What if I did?” Haley asked, trying to sound as unbothered as possible.

“We’d have to figure something out.”

“Like what?” Haley pressed, because she couldn’t help herself.

“Get more punch.” Abbi grinned. Pam had spiked it pretty bad this year. Haley didn’t need more punch, she was afraid of what would happen if she indulged, what she might accidentally say.

She took another spoonful of the weird soup and looked around the beach. It wasn’t particularly busy this year. Her eyes found Ry, who was speaking closely with the new person, Luann. She wondered if something was going on there. Part of her wished it annoyed her, or made her jealous, but she really only felt slightly intrigued. Since she and Ry had talked, they had fallen into an easy camaraderie. She wasn’t going to hangout alone with her, but she enjoyed their little conversations when they ran into each other. It felt good to move on, that they could both mark Haley’s bad behaviour as belonging to the past.

Haley was almost ready to apologize to Leah. But she was gone for now, so that would have to wait.

Abbi was watching her watch Ry.

“What?” Haley asked, not sure how to interpret the look she was getting. She ate another mouthful. “This soup isn’t terrible.”

Abbi smiled shyly, casting her eyes downward, like she’d been caught at something.

“I’m sorry, you probably want me to go.” She said, awkward now, her old self, stumbling to pick up her shirt. 

“Not really,” he said, still lying down. It was going to be awhile before he would want to get up. 

A moment of awkwardness, in which Penny considered that. He moved his legs so she could sit at the end of the couch, which she did without looking at him. They were both beginning to feel their nakedness much more than they had a few moments ago.

The afterglow was wearing off, and reality was setting in. He’d known Penny most of his life, and he’d never thought of her like this before. Well, maybe a few times, and maybe most of those recently, but not seriously. She was his little sister’s best friend. A stab of guilt was taking up space in him now. But it had been nice.

He sat up, though it was effort, and kissed her bare shoulder. “Why did you do that?” 

“I...” She looked at him, grinning shyly, blushing. “I thought maybe you wanted to.” 

“Just sensed that through the air? Has nothing to do with you?”

She turned her head away from him so he couldn’t see her expression. The intensity of his proximity too much to bear? Now that they weren’t engaged in sex? He returned to his horizontal position. “Penny?” 

She looked down at her lap, then turned towards him, propping her elbow against the couch, regarding him full on. “Maru’s going to be so pissed,” she said in a matter-of-fact tone.

“We don’t have to tell her.” 

“Sure.” She seemed amused by this, like it was out of their hands. 

“What are you thinking?” 

Her face fell again. “This was probably a bad idea.” 

She got up and started putting her clothes back on. She wasn’t rushed or self conscious now, there was something decided about her actions. 

Seb was suddenly insecure. “This doesn’t have to be bad.”

“It’s not bad. But it’s kind of sad, isn’t it?” She sounded like her respect for him had somehow dwindled. “Two people with no other options? Who’ve both been fucked over by the same guy?” 

“Yes to the last part, but I don’t know about no other options.” 

“Really? Anyone else lining up to fuck you?” 

“Pen-” 

She was kissing him again, hungry. He was only able to stop this time because he didn’t have the ability for another round. 

“I can’t.”

“Right.” She hoisted herself off of him.

“Not that I don’t want to. You can stay, you don’t have to rush out.” Though it was hard for him to ignore her self-sabotaging energy now. What was this to her? 

She chuckled, “because that’s such a good idea.” She finished pulling on her clothes.

He was completely lost for words. He thought he could understand Penny in some ways, but in others she was a complete mystery. She was somehow both shy and brash, coy and forthright.

“What are you doing back here, Seb?” She said suddenly, pulling her shirt on. She was fully dressed now, staring down at his nakedness, something accusatory in her eye. 

“Working for Ry.”

“That’s not why you came back.” 

“No, you’re right. I came back because I was sick of the city, and I was burnt out, and I just wasn’t the same person I was when I went there, or when I left here.” 

She considers him silently.

“What are you thinking?”

She shakes her head, not offering a response and yet he had a feeling what she might be wondering. He’d wondered himself. 

“Are you wondering why I stay here?” He offered. 

“You’re in your mom’s basement. You escaped, and came back to a basement.” 

He smiled, “yeah, it’s not cool, is it?” 

“What’s your plan?”

“Finish the season on the farm. Keep going with programming in the winter. After that, I don’t know.” He wanted a cigarette. 

A look of forlorn misery overcame her.

“What is it?” He asked, feeling a little exasperated. Somehow he was making her sad, even though he didn’t feel sad. This was a strange reversal of what he’d so often felt in this room. 

“I want to get out. For good. But everyone comes back.” 

“Not Sam.” Maybe he shouldn’t have said that. “And not Finn. So far.” He adds, in an attempt to lighten his previous statement.

“Finn’s not from here.” It wasn’t the same, and they both knew it. 

He sits up, wondering if he should get dressed too.

In a baffling change of subject, “you’re gay, aren’t you?”

“I’m clearly not that strict about it.” 

“But you’re not going to fall in love with me, are you?”

“Probably not.” He admitted. 

She considered that, and he had a hard time telling if it made her feel better or worse. 

“I don’t know. It’s kind of a fluid thing for me.” He added, even though she hadn’t asked. “Anyway, Penny, aren’t you leaving? Aren’t you applying for school?”

“I might not get in.” 

He laughed, “Abbi and I both got into schools and we were not good students.”

“Yeah, but I need a scholarship.” 

“You’ll figure it out. Whatever happens.”

“Sure. Like I have been.” She said sarcastically, arms crossed.

“It takes a bit sometimes. My little sister left before I did.”

“And then you came back.” Accusatory again.

“I like being back.” He says firmly. 

She looks at him in disbelief. Maybe something about being in the setting of his childhood bedroom, with all the same posters on the wall, all his same comic books and games. 

He gets up to find his clothes. 

“You want to go to the Luau?”

“With you?”

“We’re adults. We can walk to a beach together.”

“Fine, let’s go.” 

“I dare you to skinny dip.” Abbi smirked at her, purple hair whipping around in the ocean breeze.

They’d wondered away from the festival as it had gotten dark. Both of them might have had a few too many glasses of punch. Now they found themselves at the end of the far dock. Nobody was around, but they could hear the festival clearly, see the glow of the giant bonfire that had been lit.

“What are you, 12?” Haley laughed, doubting Abbi meant it.

“What are you, scared?” She replied, provocatively.

“No.” Haley said, too seriously, before bursting into giggles. “I’m not scared, but darers go first.”

Abbi laughed and pulled her t-shirt over her head. It didn’t entirely surprise Haley, as she’d seen her in various states of undress many times over the past month. But still, she felt her chest tighten and her stomach flip as Abbi revealed herself.

“Come on, you’ve got to do it with me.” Abbi insisted, pulling her shorts off too.

Was she really going to do it? All the way naked? She’d never gone that far.

Haley, hands trembling more than she’d like to admit, began untying the back of her top. The entire back was laces. She fumbled with it. “I can’t get it.”

“I’ll help.” Abbi said, turning Haley around, and beginning to undo it herself. Abbi was still in her bra and underwear. Haley didn’t have anything under her top. Once Abbi had it undone, she would be completely topless.

It embarrassed her, how hard her heart was beating. She was as nervous as if she'd never been seen naked before.

When Abbi finished unlacing her, Haley turned around, not making eye contact, but making no attempt to cover her breasts. She folded her top carefully, and then unzipped her skirt and shimmied out of it. What was she supposed to do? Chicken out now??

Abbi was staring at her, now more clothed than she was. She looked shocked.

“What? This was your idea!” Haley exclaimed, “you have to do it too!”

Abbi’s lips were parted and her eyes were wide, a look that seemed almost like amazement on her face. Suddenly, she turned and jumped into the water.

“You bitch!” Haley yelled, jumping in after her, without thinking. She felt foolish and mad because of it, she wanted to swim up to Abbi and rip her bra off.

The freezing water alleviated her of that impulse.

“Oh fuck!” She spluttered, coming up for air.

Abbi was laughing, somewhere in the water. She couldn’t see her, the waves were bigger than she anticipated and it was dark.

“This was a terrible idea!” She gasped, salt water filling her mouth. She was suddenly filled with dread, panic that she wouldn’t get back on the dock.

“It’s okay!” She heard Abbi say, closer than she’d thought. Suddenly there was a warm hand on her back, and then taking her hand, and leading her towards the ladder off the dock. Abbi let her go up first.

When Abbi climbed up after her she said “I’m sorry, we shouldn’t have done that.”

“Yeah, no shit.” Haley was picking up her clothes and walking down the dock already. She didn’t want to be out in the exposed wind, and she was having fucked up thought about what she wanted to do to Abbi as punishment for what had just happened.

“I didn’t know it was that cold!” Abbi scrambled to pick up her own clothes before chasing after her.

Haley dropped her clothes on the beach, and even though it was really bad for her wet hair, started tying it up, unable to take how much it was blowing around in the wind. Everything was irritating her right now.

“I’m sorry!” Abbi repeated, catching up to her.

Haley turned towards her, not caring that she was topless. She wanted to tell her to shut up but she was stopped short by the way Abbi was looking at her. Her eyes were gliding over her body, with a hunger Haley had never seen before.

She stopped trying to put her hair up.

“I’m sorry, Haley.” Abbi said again, so quietly it was almost lost on the wind.

Haley took a step towards her and reached, grabbing her wrist and pulling Abbi closer to her. She wasn’t exactly gentle.

Abbi gasped but did nothing to pull away.

She moved Abbi’s dripping hair so it was out of her way. Leaning in, she said, “I don’t care about the cold. Why do you still have this on?” She stuck her index fingers underneath the hem of Abbi’s soaked bra and ran them along the bottom of her breasts.

Abbi’s lips fell open as she exhaled, her back arching ever so slightly.

Haley smirked, and leaned in and planted a kiss on Abbi’s collar bone. She licked her there, tasting the salt on her skin, before feverishly kissing up her neck. Something was taking her over, she was losing control.

Abbi titled her head back and Haley slipped a hand fully beneath her bra, cupping her breast, feeling the hard nipple beneath her fingers. How long she’d wanted to do this. How many nights she’d been too afraid to think about it.

Abbi lifted a hesitant hand to one of Haley’s breasts, brushing her thumb over her nipple.

Haley, at Abbi’s ear now, “mm, you’re such a little tease, aren’t you?”

Abbi moaned, and then froze.

Haley’s free hand was drifting lower, as she leaned in, their lips almost meeting.

Abbi suddenly stepped back, pulling Haley’s hands away from her.

“I don’t know if we should... do that...” She let out a nervous laugh, “yeah, mm, I don’t know.”

“What?” Haley asked, breathless, stomach dropping.

“Yeah... It’s getting late, um... I just – we’ll talk later.” She scooped up her belongings, and began almost running back up the beach, towards the festival. She paused a few times to pull on her clothing, and it clung awkwardly to her wet body, her hair soaking her shirt.

Haley watched, stunned, as Abbi returned to the festival and made her way back to town. She saw as she passed Seb and Penny, who she didn’t have to be in earshot to know were asking Abbi if she was alright. Abbi didn’t even look back, Seb followed her out of the festival.

She didn’t think Penny could see her standing there in the dark, but she was scrutinizing with fierce curiosity.

Haley had been rejected.

Seb had followed her up from the beach, though she hadn’t asked him to. She considered it a small mercy that her parents hadn’t seen her leaving in such a state, or else had chosen not to see.

Seb let her storm off in silence most of the way, but halfway through the empty town he’d decided she needed to spill.

“Abbi, what the hell happened? Are you okay? ”

“Obviously not!” She’d yelled.

“So what’s wrong! What happened?”

Her hands had been shaking. She was such a fucking idiot. A horny fucking idiot.

“I made Haley jump into the ocean, and it was really cold, and she got mad at me, and then she... um, I... anyway. We had a fight. It’s actually fine. Everything’s going to be fine, I’m over reacting.”

“I’ve never been more sure that there’s more to a story in my life.” Seb had stated, and she’d left it at that, telling him she really couldn’t explain any more, the unspoken promise he’d hear about it later, when she was ready.

She was grateful for him. So grateful for him, and how their friendship had developed into something more real than it had ever been before. But she couldn’t tell him about this. Not now, not when she didn’t even know how to explain it to herself.

She was only certain that something horrible had happened.

That maybe all the fucked up bratty things she used to do to tease older men until they couldn’t take it and shoved her up against a wall had somehow had the same effect on Haley.

It wasn’t supposed to.

Haley was different.

She could be so sweet. And yes, mean too, and she had an unwieldy power to her that sometimes terrified Abbi, in perhaps the exact way Abbi yearned to be terrified in. So maybe she did understand what had happened on the beach. That electric, confusing, bordering unsafe thing that existed between them. Coming out to play.

Undoing the laces of Haley’s top.

How she’d just let it come off, and let Abbi see her.

How she couldn’t do the same. Got so nervous she’d jumped into the fucking ocean.

It was easy when it was only on Abbi’s side. When there was no danger of losing control. Not Haley being vulnerable with her, allowing her in, allowing herself to be seen.

She’d never been with a girl before, never felt this way about a girl before. How could it be Haley? It was crazy enough they were friends , let alone... let alone, what?

How good Haley’s hands on her felt. How good it felt to be wanted by someone so perfect... but that was the catch wasn’t it? Haley was perfect. Abbi wasn’t, and didn’t have any interest in being so. She could never fit in Haley’s life and... she knew that Haley didn’t really make room for people. The whole mess with Ry... and all the people who she’d fucked around with before. None of them lasting. None of them she truly let in, she’d admitted as much to Abbi before.

Another unavailable lover. Another person who could never be there for her in any real capacity.

Wasn’t she supposed to be over this by now? Hadn’t she put in the work to move past her perverse desires, her inability to allow herself to be loved properly? Wasn’t her deepening friendship with Haley supposed to represent that? Some sort of healing? That she could have deep connection with someone, without being delusional, without requiring sex to be intimate?

She could feel Haley’s hand on her breast, her lips on her neck,

“you’re such a little tease, aren’t you?”

Abbi didn’t know if she would like having queer sex, but she knew from the mere seconds in which Haley had touched her that she would lose her mind to Haley the instant anything started between them. She’d made her so weak, so quickly... She was almost trembling now at the thought of it, of walking away from it, of having to see Haley again after walking away from it!

Abbi knew from experience she was easily influenced by sexual prowess, even when she knew it was terrible for her. Especially when she knew it was terrible for her.

If she did this with Haley, it would be back to square fucking one.

She didn’t sleep much that night. Heard her parents come in late and was glad when they didn’t come to check on her.

When her mother checked on her in the morning, she was annoyed.

“When did you get home last night?” Her mother asking her, as she dragged herself to breakfast at the unreasonable hour of 1pm.

“Before you.”

“Really? I thought you were out with Haley all night.” Her mother didn’t believe her.

“No. I went to bed early. Haley wasn’t feeling well.” She lied.

“It’s nice you two are friend now.” Not for long.

“I’m not going to become like her, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

Her mom looked at her, shocked, “I wasn’t saying that.”

Abbi internally winced, “I’m sorry, mom.”

This type of conversation happened often between her and her parents. One side of the equation assuming what the other would say, a loop of painful miscommunications. None of them knew how to get out of it.

Caroline wasn’t happy when Abbi said she was going out. Abbi assumed it was because she wanted her to do something more productive. But she didn’t ask.

She went to the saloon, to the Prairie King console. She could have done it at home, but she she knew if she hung out too long her parents would inevitably start giving her tasks. Her dad didn’t really believe in “days off” or having time to yourself.

She hadn’t played this game in a long time. She was awful. So awful it made her furious. It was a great distraction.

She might have been there for hours.

“Can I talk to you?” Haley had appeared beside the console. Her expression read that she better not refuse, but Abbi knew Haley well enough now to know that’s how she looked when she was trying not to be anxious.

“I... uh.... Haley, I don’t know.” Her heart was in her throat.

“I just want to understand.” It was the closest thing to pleading Abbi had ever heard out of her, and Abbi couldn’t refuse that. She nodded, and Haley beckoned that she follow her into Gus’s stock room.

Alone with her, Abbi felt the nerves she’d barely settled unleashing on her again.

Haley looked nervous too, and a little deflated, and yet still she powered through to speak first. “I need you to tell me why.”

“What?” That hadn’t been what Abbi was expecting, but she didn’t know what she was expecting.

“Why don’t you think it’s a good idea?” She was looking at her earnest confusion. It was hard for Abbi to take.

“I just... I don’t know.”

“There’s been something between us, I can feel it, Abbi, and I think you can too. Obviously it’s out there now.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Abbi said too quickly, before even considering what Haley meant.

“ugh! You’re driving me crazy!” Haley exclaimed, throwing her hands in the air.

Was she?

“You basically invite me over to watch soft core porn with you every other day! And you send me nudes, and you love it when I spoil you, even if you pretend not to, but like, you pretend not to! You call me dude after letting me into your house when you’re half naked, and then you don’t care when I try to send you nudes back!! So what the fuck is it???”

Abbi’s mouth fell open in shock.

She’d known what she was doing, and she’d known Haley was reacting to it... but she’d never considered Haley would actually be going crazy over it, take it seriously. Though last night should have been proof enough. Abbi couldn't think straight.

She replied weakly, repeating her previous lie. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Oh really?” Haley was stepping closer to her now, her voice low, her eyes dark, “you don’t know what I’m talking about? You have no idea what I mean when I say that I think you liked what I was doing to you, and I think you want me to do it again.”

She was getting too close.

“You don’t get to decide that!” Abbi was digging a deep hole.

Haley looked like she was going to scream. For a brief moment, Abbi really thought she was going to.

She took a step back, a deep breath, composing herself. “So what is it? Just tell me straight up, and we’ll be whatever the fuck you decide Abigail. Friends or?”

Friends... or??

“Haley, come on, is this... is this good for you?” Abbi asks, exasperated.

Haley stops short. Astonished, and then betrayed, furious.

“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Her voice was even lower now.

“I mean... I mean, no offence, but like, all that, with like, Ry?” Abbi stammered, utterly losing her composure in proximity to Haley like this. So close to her, making her squirm under her fury. Abbi swallowed, “I don’t mean to be a bitch, but like, I don’t want to be... I don’t want that to happen to us. I really care about you Haley, I don’t want you to--” She stops herself short.

“What?”

“Use me.” A breath. A wish. She was weak in the knees.

Haley crumpled instantly. “That’s what you think of me?”

“No...”

“Obviously you do. Otherwise why would you say it?” Haley’s body language was quickly becoming closed off, recoiling into herself.

“Because I’m scared?”

What Abbi meant by that and what Haley heard were not the same.

“Ry was kind of using me too, you know? I don’t think it’s fair of you --! Whatever, I get it. I’ll go.”

“Haley!” Abbi reaching after her, “don’t go!” How to say what she wanted, when all she wanted was to not have to say it out loud? Her body was aching for something her mind wasn’t ready for. She could feel tears pricking her eyes.

Haley turned to look back at her, her expression lost in a storm.

“Please stay friends with me, Haley, please. I don’t want to lose you.”

She couldn’t read anything on Haley’s face.

“Okay. We’ll stay friends.”

Something slamming shut, and then Haley was gone.

Ry was maybe on a date, but she wasn’t sure and she didn’t want to ask. She felt off balance, still not really herself, mind still lingering on things she’d rather it didn’t. 

Luann was fixing her with a dark stare across a Stardrop table, lounged back so casual, like they were made to be here. She liked that stare, and she liked Luann. 

Ry took a swig of the fancy IPA Gus had been so excited to share with them. Of anyone in town, he was the most excited by the prospect of a brewery moving in. 

“I want to make something like this.” Luann had said after their first sip.

“Yeah?” Ry had asked, trying her best to appreciate it on a deeper level. 

“Yeah. But better, a hint of cherry. That would bring it all together.” 

Ry liked their musings on flavour, how well they knew their craft. And she was beginning to feel that Luann liked that she liked that, and this was beginning to make her feel they were edging into dangerous territory. 

“So tell me more about the farm.”

“It’s good,” Ry shrugged. 

Luann scoffed, “no, tell me what’s really going on. None of this evasion. Let’s get into it.” 

“Evasion – what?” Ry laughed, evading further. 

Luann waited. 

She wasn’t going to win. “Sure, yeah. Um... It’s exhausting. And I love it, and I hate it. You know?” 

“Yes.”

“Mostly I love it though.”

“Yes, expand.” 

“On?” 

“All of it. I feel like you know me much better than I know you, and I don’t want you to get away with that.”

“Do I know you that well?” 

“No. But better than I know you.” Then why did she feel like Luann was so much more comfortable than she was? 

“Well then,” Ry smiled, taking another swig of her drink. It had been a long time since she’d been cornered like this. Though maybe that was in her head. Maybe that was her mind panicking because she couldn’t tell if this was a date or not. It felt like one. More than it ever did with Haley. Haley had never tried to get to know her. “Where should I start?” 

“The beginning. How’d you end up here?” 

“Through my cousin. He inherited the place but he’s a total shit and buried himself in debt so I took over.” 

“Out of the goodness of your heart, or because you always wanted to be a farmer?” 

“Neither. I had a couple summers of farm hand experience, but I never let myself believe it was a future. Couldn’t afford land. I was committed to other things. But I was so fucking mad when Finn got the place handed to him.”

“Because he’s a man and you’re not?”

“The classic tale. But he fucked up bad, and I uh...” Ry usually skipped over this part of the story. Shane knew enough to piece it together, and honestly it wasn’t that momentous in the grand scheme of things, but it had happened and it had hurt. “I was kinda fucking up too. So it was convenient to leave.” 

“Kinda vague.” Luann was gently smiling with a lot of kindness in their face. They were no longer lounging back in their chair, but leaning forward as if hanging on to her every word. Ry’s invitation to elaborate. 

Did she want to? 

Yes. 

“I was going through a really bad phase, like where everything falls apart and it's sort of not your fault but it also sort of is your fault--” 

Over Luann’s shoulder, Ry saw Maru walking in through the front door, laughing at something Harvey was saying to her. She had her glasses on, a purple halter, cut off jean shorts, sneakers, her hair now in braids. She looked incredible. She was back. 

And Ry was in the middle of spilling her guts. 

Her stomach flipped. “uuuhhhh uhhhh... ummmm.... yeah, so I was saying... uhh...” She chuckled uncomfortably, trying to cover up how blank her mind had gone. Giving up, “what was I saying?” Grinning through a guilt that was intermixing with nerves that were coming from two different sources. She didn’t have the power to interpret her feelings.

Luann was looking at her with understanding and patience, like of course this was super hard to talk about! Ry’s mind was so blank she couldn’t understand why they were looking at her like that. 

“You were saying you were in a bad period, before you came to the farm?”

Why hadn’t anyone told her Maru was back???

Of course Maru wouldn’t have , she hadn’t even bothered to tell her she was leaving in the first place. How much that had fucking hurt.

“The farm, it um, saved me, I guess. I was, I sort of got fired from a job? And like, I was sort of a fuck boy, and like my ex broke my heart, and I got fired, and my parents ummm...” She tried to stumble her way through an explanation before she realized she needed to get away. She just needed a second to breathe. She just needed to compose herself, stop sounding like a fucking idiot and get over it. She excused herself to the washroom.

There, she grasped the edge of the sink, cold water running. Fuck it. Just walk out there. It doesn’t matter. Luann’s nice, cool, funny, staring at you like you matter . Maru’s got her own things going on, she doesn’t care, she’ll probably be gone before Ry even has a chance to say hello.

She turned off the tap and headed for the door, meeting Maru exactly halfway through it. 

They tried to step around each other, both stepping in the same direction two times in a row. 

“Fuck, hey.” Ry said, her placated nerves rising back up again.

Maru laughed, a bright tinkling sound Ry hadn’t heard often. She grabbed Ry’s elbow, steadying her so she could get around. The heat from her hand went straight to Ry’s head. 

Why was she feeling this way? 

“Hi.” 

There was something different about her. A levity equaled by determination. The full force of what Ry had always felt. What had been there when they had first met, so many years ago. 

“Hi.” She repeated dumbly. “I’m sort of on a date.” Why the fuck did she say that? 

“Oh.” Disappointment. Unmasked. 

“Sorry.”

“What?” 

“Sorry, I’m just, fuck. You’re back.” 

“Yeah, we got pushed out by private interests.”

It took Ry a moment to understand what Maru meant. For reality to come in, and to remember that Maru was supposed to be researching until mid-fall. Pushed out meant she hadn’t chosen to come back.

“Oh.” Ry frowned, “I’m really sorry to hear that.” 

“Yeah, it really sucks.” And it sounded like she meant it, but at the same time she didn't seem that upset.

Instantly Ry wanted to know more. But she couldn't. Not now.

“I got your postcard. It’s on my fridge, still.. um, anyway, I should probably go.” 

Maru hugged her. 

She smelled like ginger and citrus. The piercing heat of her skin stopped the breath in Ry’s lungs. 

“Are you okay?” Luann asked as they walked Ry back to the farm. 

“Yeah. Fine.” 

“Okay.” Luann’s voice was aloof with disbelief. 

“Right, sorry. It’s just... My friend came back from a trip she was on and she didn’t tell me. So I just sort of feel off about it because we kind of left things off in a weird place. It’s stupid. I’m sorry it caused me to be less than ideal tonight.”

“It’s okay... just, I guess I’m glad it’s not something I did.”

“No, no, you were perfect.”

“Perfect?”

The stars reflect back at Ry through their eyes. 

Why am I such a weak piece of shit? They were getting closer, lips tilting towards lips.