Chapter 9
Shane feels weird whenever anyone’s on the farm other than himself and Ry. He feels weird when Leah comes over to “draw inspiration from the landscape” or whatever it is she says, or when she comes to help Ry with foraging, or just hang out. Ry’s always inviting him to have dinner with the two of them, but he just can’t seem to stomach the idea. He feels weird now that Sebastian’s here, not exactly often but often enough to make him edgy.
He feels strangely possessive of the place. Strangely possessive of his friendship with Ry. Almost in the same way he feels possessive of Jas, doesn’t want her running off with that unpredictable Vincent kid. Jas won’t have any of that though. She’s old enough now that if he tries to set boundaries for her she’ll break through them out of principal. Fair enough. Healthy enough. Hurts anyway.
This morning it’s Lewis. He’s giving Ry the annual invite to the harvest festival. Ry’s nodding through his speech about how the reputation of pelican town relies on the farm. She’s trying to stay impassive, but Shane can tell she’s gritting her teeth. She has more patience for Lewis than almost anyone, but today it seems wearing thin.
Instead of coming to her aide, because he’s unconsciously still a little pissed about Sebastian hanging around, he leaves the farm.
It would be good, he thinks, to have a morning walk. To go say hi to Jas.
But Jas is already on her way to school and Marnie’s at weekly aerobics. So he aimlessly walks to town. He’ll just loop around back to the farm. He’s already feeling stupid for doing this; he shouldn’t have left Ry like that.
He sees Alex packing his truck with his tools, getting ready to save someone in the valley from their broken down vehicle. Shane doesn’t think anyone will notice so he allows himself to stare. How can someone be so powerful and yet so meticulous and gentle at the same time? Yoba, gentle??
He blinks when he notices Alex sees him, feels caught and cornered so there’s no point in looking away. Alex just raises his hand in a slow good morning salute before getting into his truck.
Shane nearly smiles and waves back.
Waves back? It’s such a small thing, but it feels immense.
When he gets back to the farm Ry’s in one of her deep moods. A mood where she has this scowl on her face like she’s in the very depths of her thoughts and cannot be roused from them, but carries this pulsing energy in her hands like she could crush something. It’s been awhile since he’s seen her like this.
“You good?”
“What? Yeah. I’m going to the mines.”
“Today?” It was a clear, crisp fall day. The kind of day that’s perfect for being outside and not in a mine.
“Yes.” She nods, scowling.
He takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry I left you to deal with Lewis.”
She looks at him, but he can tell that she’s very distant, that that’s not the reason she’s the way she is.
“Doesn’t matter.” She says, and then throwing her pick axe over her shoulder, she leaves.
Harvey almost chokes when he walks into his waiting room and sees Elliott there. He tries to pass it off as a little cough.
“Did I forget you made an appointment?” He asks as he pushes his glasses up his nose, even though he knows perfectly well he didn’t forget that Elliott made an appointment. Anyone else he might forget.
“No, not at all, doctor.” Hearing him say doctor sends a shiver down Harvey’s spine. What on earth for? He is a doctor, everyone calls him that!
“Please, call me Harvey.” He insists.
“Very well, Harvey.” That’s not any better. Elliott’s giving him this mischievous grin that he can’t read and he’s feeling like me might throw up. Yoba, what a bad look that would be.
“What can I help you with?” He says, looking down at his clipboard because he can’t keep staring.
“I thought I might return your clothing.” Elliott puts a bag full of folded clothing, Harvey’s folded clothing, up on the counter between them.
“Oh, I completely forgot about that.” He had not. He had initially forgotten to bring his clothes back with him from the beach, had trudged home in Elliott’s slightly too short trousers and sweater, but every day since he’d thought about going to the beach to exchange them back. He hadn’t had the time, or worked up the nerve, to actually do it. “Let me just run up and grab yours.”
He does run. All the way up the stairs, by the time he gets to his room he’s panting.
Just ask him out! Just ask him out! He’s thinking over and over again. Elliott had been flirting with him the entire time he’d been in his home that night. The man had unnecessarily jumped into the ocean to save him! Ok, maybe it had been slightly necessary, but still!
Plus, he’s a grown adult. He can handle rejection.
Back down the steps, he hands Elliott his own clothing back.
“Thank you, by the way. For saving me.” Harvey wanted to say it emphatically, wanted his tone to convey some sort of deeper meaning, instead he ended up sounding shy and nervous. He should know by now he can’t escape sounding like that.
“Of course,” and Elliott takes the clothing with one hand and places his other on Harvey’s.
Harvey looks at their hands. Feels the warmth from Elliott traveling up his arm directly into his face. Ok, just do it. Ask him.
He stands there with his mouth open, undoubtedly blushing, for a few moments longer than he intends to. Elliott doesn’t move his hand right away. It almost seems like they could stand like that forever. Until the door opens and someone walks in.
Harvey’s the first to flinch.
“Maru! How nice to see you!” He says way too enthusiastically, taking his glasses off to wipe them clean on his shirt. “Can I help you with anything else, Elliott?” He asks, only able to see a blur of a body in front of him.
“Ah, no. That’s all. Take care, Harvey.”
He doesn’t put his glasses back on until the door closes behind him.
Maru’s on her way back from her first shift working at the clinic, feeling a little morose, when she sees a strange figure moving through the twilight towards her. Her heart stutters before she realizes it’s only Ry. She didn’t recognize her because she’s covered in dirt, soot and slime.
She realizes she’s stopped walking and is now quite openly staring. “Been in the mines?”
“Sure have.” Ry says, though not in her usual friendly voice. For the first time since meeting her, Maru has the impression Ry doesn’t want to talk to her.
Though their paths seem to inevitably converge. Something flickers across Ry’s dirt streaked face that Maru can’t interpret and then it’s gone and she’s asking how working at Harvey’s is going.
“Same as always.” Though her lack of interest in learning more about the medical profession certainly isn’t. Maru finds her step lingering, something about Ry not wanting to be around her making her feel stubborn.
That momentary hesitation from Ry is hidden now. Walking closer, under the awkward bulk of whatever it is she’s carrying, Ry reaches into her pocket and pulls out something small. She holds what appears to be a dirty piece of glass out to Maru, “have any use for this?”
Maru holds out her palm and Ry drops it in. She rolls the thing between her fingers. It’s not glass. “It’s a diamond.” She says it because she thinks Ry must not know. Couldn’t possibly know the value she was simply handing away.
But Ry just shrugs, “don’t have a lot of use for pretty things, I go for the ore myself. But maybe you-?”
“The old me.” Maru says, handing it back, “not anymore.”
Ry’s fist closes around it and there is brief contact between their fingers, “of course.”
“You have a cut.” She notices Ry’s forearm, resists the strange urge to reach out and touch her again. Wrapped in a dirty piece of torn cloth, blood soaking through, is a small but rough looking patch.
“Do I – oh, that. Heh, it’s fine.” Ry twists her arm to inspect like it’s completely slipped her mind. Maru figures she’s faking it.
“Don’t act tough.” She’s still in nurse mode, irritated by the patient who inhibits healing by brushing off the problem.
“I’m not it’s-”
“Going to get infected. The mine is full of pollutants, toxic slime, bacteria, who knows what else.” Maru recites impatiently.
“Hey, it’s not like I’m gonna hop into bed without taking a shower first.” Ry tries to joke, but there’s an edge of irritation behind it. It’s the first time Maru’s ever heard it from her, she doesn’t expect it.
Maru frowns, “you should go to the clinic.”
“It’s closed.”
She raises an eyebrow at her.
Ry’s filthy face breaks into an embarrassed smile when she realizes Maru of all people already knows that. Concedes to, “in the morning.”
Maru shrugs, “your body.” She no longer feels whatever spell was keeping her there – like if she lingers Ry will snap at her. She feels a strange sense of dissolution. Suddenly Ry is not a fixed person who’s opinions of her don’t matter. Suddenly realizing that Ry is fully capable of disliking her – or of possessing a cold neutrality – puts a sick feeling in her gut. She quickens her step home.
Ry doesn’t follow her, doesn’t say anything, just walks towards town. Which is strange, Maru thinks, is she going to get Harvey after all? Why wouldn’t she be headed for the farm?
Shane’s on Ry’s front porch, waiting. It’s dark now, getting into a chilly fall night, and he’s wondering if his boss won’t be making it back this evening. The only thing keeping his worry in check is his anger at her for leaving him to manage the entire farm on his own. He’d expected her gone a few hours, not the entire day.
Eventually he sees her coming down the path, from town, not through the mountains.
He gets up from his rocking chair and goes to lean against the post at the top of the steps, crossing his arms. “A little late, isn’t it young lady?” He says mockingly.
She rolls her eyes at him. She looks exhausted underneath all the filth.
“Sorry mom.”
“You weren’t in town looking like that, were you?”
“Yoba, you are my mom.” She brushes past him and goes into her house. He’d think that was the end of the conversation if she hadn’t left the door open for him to follow.
He watches as she gets herself a glass of water and downs it in one go before refilling the cup again.
“I was at the community center.”
“Shit, you’re not still doing all that stuff for the wizard are you?”
She shrugs, “I found some stuff in the mines.”
“Like what?”
“Void essence.”
“The fuck is that?”
She just shrugs, gulping down more water.
“Well, the farm is good, taken care of, thanks for asking.” He says sarcastically, though without much bite.
She exhales, putting her glass down, “I woke up feeling… y’know. I didn’t mean to be gone so long.”
“But you were.”
She scratches her head, “yeah… I was.” She sits down heavily at the table, leaning back in her chair, “I’m sorry, Shane. You can take tomorrow off if you want.”
“That’s not what I want.”
“I know.” She sighs, putting her head down on the table. “ I wasn’t built to run a business.”
“No, you definitely weren’t.” Shane agrees.
Maru feels nervous, for some inexplicable reason, the next day at work, staring out at the blank waiting room from her position behind the counter. Nervous like something’s going to happen today.
Harvey comes in to refill his coffee from the pot they keep constantly warm. He hardly nods at her in greeting.
“Another sleepless night healing the world?” She says mildly.
“Huh? Oh. Yes. Looks like you too.” And he pushes himself back through the door before she can ask if it’s because Ry stopped by. Had he been up all night because her injury was worse than it had looked? Maru feels a pang of guilt.
There’s no file for her to type up about it, but sometimes that gets left out with a late night emergency. She wonders if Ry had gone home and bled to death? If her cut had gotten so infected and swollen throughout the night that her arm was going to have to be amputated now?
She pushes that to the back of her mind. Not her responsibility unless Ry crosses the threshold of the clinic and asks for help.
She spends the morning organizing Harvey’s supply closet. Dull work but it keeps her mind of off things. The only person who comes in is Kent. After she refills his prescription and he heads out Harvey surfaces again.
She’s about to warn him about his caffeine intake, assuming he’d come for yet another cup of coffee, but then she notices he’s hanging up his lab coat, and his clothes look like he might have ironed them.
“I need to head out for a second.” He mumbles, like he’s hugely embarrassed by this.
“Like you’re always telling everyone else, it’s good to take breaks.”
“Uh yes…” He says it awkwardly and Maru can’t for the life of her think of why.
He repeats, “I need to head out for a second.” Very quietly, before heading for the door. Is he up to something? Or has it been so long since he’s taken a break he doesn’t know how to anymore?
Right as Harvey’s hand touches the door someone pushes it open.
“Oh. Ry.” He says dumbly.
“Harvey.” Ry nods, “kinda promised your employee that I’d stop by today, had a mild incident in the mine.”
“I have to head out for a second.” He repeats for the third time and Maru really can’t believe it now.
“What? Harvey, she needs medical attention.” Maru calls, jumping off her stool.
“I think it’s fine,” Ry starts to say.
“Good, yes. It’s fine. I have to head out for a second.” And he leaves. He leaves.
Ry turns to look at her with a bemused look on her face, Maru stands there with her mouth hanging open.
“I can’t believe he just did that.” She says more to herself.
“Where’s he headed?” Ry asks casually, walking in.
“No idea.”
“Yes… well, I do think my arm is fine, but…”
“But it’s infected now and starting to swell up and hurt a lot?”
Ry winces, “I wouldn’t put it so… seriously.”
“Come on. I can take a look.” She motions with a nod to the back room, “hopefully Harvey really only meant a second.”
Harvey has a habit of going deep into things. His own thoughts, his work. It’s part of what makes him a good doctor. However, he’s been accused of not being very adaptable, and that’s true to a point. It would seem contrary to being a good doctor, when he’s dealing with surprising and sudden illnesses and incidents all the time, but when he’s in the mode of doctor it’s easy for himself to evolve within that role, to be what is required of him.
It’s on slow days, on days when he actually has a minute to breathe and expand outside his role, that he might get a little off track. Might start diving a little too deep into unprofessional thoughts and be unable to shake them.
Since Maru had been back working at the clinic Harvey had experienced the gentle relief of not having to do everything himself. Suddenly he doesn’t have to give check-ups, order supplies and refills, distribute medications, handle the finances, the upkeep of the building, maintain the necessary level of cleanliness, write reports, and keep himself updated on new studies – all by himself. He’d become accustomed to having a constant stress headache, and the first morning he woke up without it he almost thought something was wrong.
He had time to breathe. He had time to think… but think about what? His life seemed suddenly so dull and empty. Well… Not suddenly, he’d thought that for a while, but before it hadn’t been a matter of choice.
Now he has all this time to think about how embarrassing he is! He almost wishes he could bury himself in work just not to think about how pathetic he’d been when Elliott had come by. Why had he ushered him away like that? Why can’t he have a civil conversation? Around and around these thoughts go.
Eventually though, he realizes he needs to make a change in his life and he knows exactly what he wants it to be.
Sitting in his office, with an empty second in his day, he finds himself thinking “I need to tell Elliott that I want to get to know him better.”
This thought grows throughout the morning. Becomes more predominate. He lets it happen. He knows he won’t be able to act until it’s screaming at him. He thinks this will take him until the end of the day, but he’s wrong, he doesn’t even make it to lunch.
He checks his schedule.
Nobody has an appointment, Maru can handle anything that needs immediate attention. It’s logical to go now, isn’t it?
So he’s out the door and halfway to the beach before he even knows what he’s doing.
In his head it was casual.
It was seeing the other man on the beach and he asks Harvey what he’s doing there and Harvey just says, “fancied a walk” and then he says, “you want to walk with me?” and Elliott says yes, and then Harvey says, “I want to get to know you better” and it’s not weird or unexpected, it’s just sweet and Elliott smiles and says “that would be very nice,” and in that smile, and in those words, there’s an understanding of what Harvey really means by that, but it doesn’t need to be said explicitly between them, and slowly, as the weeks and the months pass and they do get to know each other more, things become more serious without anyone having to say anything and it’s just simple, it’s nice, and it’s easy.
It’s not Harvey hammering on Elliott’s cabin door like a maniac.
“Yes, coming!” He hears Elliott’s musical voice call and it hits him in the chest what the hell he’s doing.
He’s winded when Elliott opens the door, and he’s not helped to words by Elliott with his blouse half undone.
“Harvey, what a lovely surprise.” Elliott smiles a smile like he actually does think it’s lovely, but when he leans against the doorframe with his arms crossed there’s something about the posture that makes Harvey feel like he knows something is up.
“Um. I hope I’m not… disturbing a writing session.”
“Only a welcome disturbance from staring at a blank page.”
“Elliott I…”
“Yes?”
“I don’t know why I came.” That hangs in the air on its own for a moment, really settles in, and then Harvey exhales and shakes his head. No, he’s not doing this. “That’s not true, I do. I um… just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry for shoving you out of the clinic the other day, I was… um… anyway, I want to get to know you better.” He blurts it, he can feel his face burning. Subtle, simple and easy. Harvey wants to bury his face in his hands he’s so embarrassed. Wants to run away back to the clinic. As if – as if – Elliott, the writer, would be impressed by that verbal catastrophe.
Instead what happens is Elliott grabs him by the belt buckle and pulls him to his lips. The rush of heat in Harvey’s face encompasses his whole body. It only takes him half a second to respond, to tangle his hands in Elliott’s long locks. He tastes faintly like the sea, but also sweet, smoky, everything he wants.
“Harvey dear, I think I’ve made it abundantly clear that I want to get to know you better.” Elliott murmurs when they pull away to catch their breath.
They stand that way for a moment, clutching each other and breathing heavily in Elliott’s sandy doorway. Harvey feels tingly, feels like he must be dreaming but for he’s too alive to be dreaming.
Then he remembers.
“Oh yoba, Ry!” He releases Elliott and takes a stumbling step back.
Elliott laughs, “Ry? Are you having an affair?”
“No!” He yells quickly, horrified that Elliott would think such a thing, though he can see in eyes now that he was only joking. “She’s at the clinic, I left her there. Yoba, I’m a terrible doctor. Elliott, I have to go.”
“Of course, but you’ll join me again tonight.”
The confidence in that sentence makes Harvey’s heart flutter and he stumbles in the sand again, repeating softly, dazedly , “I’ll join you again tonight.”
Elliott’s delighted laughter follows him up the beach as he runs.
Maru pushes a stray hair behind her ear before pulling on her medical gloves. She can feel Ry’s gaze on her, and she wants to look up but she remains focused on organizing everything in front of her.
Harvey had not been a second. He hadn’t even been a minute.
“How did you clean this out?” Maru asks after taking a look at the wound. It wasn’t a terrible job, but she needed stitches for sure.
“Antiseptic swabs.”
“It’s going to scar.”
“I don’t mind.”
“Did you… did you work this morning? Last night?” She can tell from stress around the cut, how it looks like it’s been reopened.
Ry can’t suppress a guilty look.
Maru shakes her head, deciding not to lecture on that, “you should have come in earlier.”
“It’s still technically morning…”
“It’s 11:56. But I meant last night, right away.” They don’t say anything for a while as Maru begins stitching. Technically Maru isn’t allowed to do this, but she’s had informal training. Besides, she knows how to do it, and who knows when Harvey would be back? She can’t leave Ry like this indefinitely, not when she did – sort of – listen to her and come in.
She’ll only need six or seven stitches, but Maru’s a little out of practise and slow going, but careful, steady. Ry doesn’t wince, doesn’t even look away. She begins to believe that Ry hadn’t noticed the cut last night.
“I should have offered to do it when I saw you.” She says quietly.
“Oh, Maru, no.” Ry says in a hush, shaking her head.
“It’s my job.” She states.
“You were off duty.” She feels Ry’s half smile, though she doesn’t look to see it.
“Doesn’t matter.” Maru mutters.
“I wouldn’t have agreed.” This interests her, what it could mean.
She decides not to ask, to be bold in an assumption, “that’s annoyingly hyper-masculine of you.”
Ry falters for a half second, giving away that she wasn’t expecting that response. “Heh, I think it’s more of a mom thing.”
“You’re not looking out for anyone else though.” Maru points out. Unless she’s got a secret hoard of kids at the farm.
“Says who?”
Maru looks up at her then, surprised. Does she have a secret hoard of kids? Does Shane count? The farm animals? She decides not to ask and goes back to finishing her work.
“I was in a bad mood yesterday.” Ry volunteers and Maru doesn’t say anything, afraid if she does Ry won’t keep talking. She has the excuse for silence by focusing on tying the knot of the stitches. Ry goes on, “I try to claim that going into the mines to smash shit will help me but-”
Harvey busts through the door, “dear yoba Ry I’m so sorry!”
Ry’s lucky that Maru had just snipped the thread, otherwise she certainly would have jumped and fucked up the stitching. She feels a pang of wishing Harvey hadn’t showed up at all.
“Ha, all good Harv. Maru fixed me up.” Ry says lifting her arm to show off the neatly sewn up skin.
Harvey glances at it and then at Maru, a cloud passing over his face.
Ry’s about to get up and leave but Maru stops her. “Wait. Let me put a bandage over it.”
“I should never have left like that, terribly unprofessional.” Harvey says, though sounding slightly distracted now, still giving Maru a look.
“It’s alright, really.” Ry shrugs.
“No, it’s not.” He says firmly, turning back to her.
Ry doesn’t seem to care about Harvey’s misstep and changes the subject, “where’d you head off to in such a rush?”
“Uh…” Harvey’s face goes pink, “house call.”
Ry nods slowly but Maru can tell that she doesn’t believe him. She definitely doesn’t believe him – knows perfectly well there was no house call scheduled and that nobody had called in – but they both drop it.
“They aren’t dissolving stitches, so you’ll have to come back in ten days to get them removed.” Maru says after she’s finished wrapping Ry’s arm. “And you should change this bandage regularly.”
“Okay.”
“I’m going to book you in, so you’ll have to come in on time or pay a fine.” Maru flashes Ry a warning look to which she responds with her own amused smile and nod.
After Ry leaves and Harvey walks her out, Maru starts cleaning up the operating room. She wishes she had heard the end of what Ry was saying before Harvey showed up and knows she probably never will. There’s also the feeling of relief, that Ry’s lack of usual friendly composure hadn’t had anything to do with her. Was she imagining that Ry had mentioned the bad mood because she wanted Maru to know that? Or had she just said it, for something to say?
Harvey comes into the room and leans against the wall. He watches her without saying anything for a moment, and she feels herself tense for a confrontation.
“Maru, you can’t give people stitches.”
“Well I did, so I think that proves I can.” She says without looking at him, methodically sanitizing her forceps and scissors.
His body language is tired but his face is rigid. He doesn’t even take off his glasses. “I could lose my practicing license if someone found out that I had someone unqualified providing medical treatment like that.”
Maru doesn’t have a response to that, just a sinking pit in her stomach.
“You’re trained, legally trained, as an aide, not a doctor.” He continues.
“You were gone.” She points out, quietly, but with a tinge of venom.
“And that was inexcusable of me, but still Maru. That wasn’t a life or death scenario.” He says matter-of-factly. He’s only master of that tone in here, anywhere else, any other confrontation, and Maru knows he’d be a stuttering mess. Knowing this, knowing she’s the only one who has to endure this side of him, sends a flare of anger through her.
“Nobody is ever going to find out. When do they ever check up on us out here? And you know I’m capable.” She says, tossing the bottle of antiseptic and gauze haphazardly into the cupboard, abandoning her meticulous care.
“I think you should go home.” He says in a tired voice, his eyes pained.
“Are you firing me for being competent?” She says, looking at him through narrowed eyes, almost daring him to do it.
“Yoba Maru,” Harvey puts a hand to his forehead, “I’m not firing you. I think you need to clear your head. We both do.”
Maru wants to spit fire back at him. Wants to say she quits. She doesn’t though, just breaths in deep, clenches her fists, releases them and exhales.
“I’ll go.” She says, and she walks past him without a glance. Why is she always punished for knowing how to do things? Why is this the thread of her adult life?