Chapter 1: Hermoine Geene Granger
My name is Hermoine Geene Granger, and im a wich. I attend the prestigious magic shcool Hogwarts. Im in my 5th year but im 17 due to my extentise usage of a time turner in my third year. Dombertdor ran from the minertry with Fawkés leaving the school in the hands ov thge pink poser. (AN: I bet the bich listens to nickleback, I like Evanescence and if you dont like them get the fuck out of hear you fuccking uncultured swine!!!11!!) I”m the shcools hawt goffic qween111 everyone wants to get with me including that looser goffic poser pansy. I wear all black even in the heat of summer and thats because my soul was forged in hell by santa himself. I am a creature of pure darkness and sex appeal.
“Hermoine” a voice shouted. It was Harry Pooter, boi who wouldnt fucking die. He has a lightening bolt scar on his face and I think thats pretty fucken metal. I befriended him and Ron back in my frist year after they saved me from geting bonked by the club wielding bathroom troll.
“What Harry?”
“Haven’t you read the paper? The askabang breakout! The Death Eaters are out.” I rolled my eyes of course harry thats what a breakout meant you dumb fuck!!! As much as harry is my friend I did wonder how many times he was dropped as a babe. At least once from when his mom died.
All the childern whispered in fear believing he that shouldnt be mentioned might make his grand appearence in the Great Hall and join them for tea and scones.
I flipped them all off. “What are you afraid of Voldewhore?!” I screamed.
Fucker couldnt kill a bunch of meddling kids. Bich died to a child, a baby. Litterly. Stupid shitter. But there was one thing I did appreciate about him and it was really him but his sexy sidekick. NO not Mr. Malfoy (but his wife was fine. More like Mrs. MILFoy) But back on Voldewhore’s sexy vampire sidekick. Oh yeah did I mention she’s a vampire. A hot sexy one that made even me the goffic queen week in the knees.
The light went out as the windows shattered. Cackling fills the Grate Hall. It was her! She’s here the Bloody Vampiress!!!
Chapter 2: Bellatrix Cygnus Dementia Raven G’ay Black
I apperated straight (yeah it was the only straight thing ive done in YEARS) into Hogwarts. I was going to make Dumblerdore pay for sending me to askabong on durg charges. Me head of the nobel house of black, vampriess queen of hell, and left hand (AN: left hand path and the malicious black magiks + sex magiks, her hands could make women trimble) to lord voldermort.
I remember the trial like it was yesterday.
“Bellatrix Cygnus Dementia Raven G’ay Black, I, Dumblerdoor grandpooba of the Wizangotts, hereby sentance yu to lyfe in Askabang for production and distrobution of meth.”
“Shirley You cant be sirus!” I screamed. “That man is whereing flip floops and socks.” I pointed at the grey and greene haired avril lavigne lover.
Some of the wizards hesitated, “She has a point.”
Dombertdor had a counter point ready, the bible “And the Ezekiel 23:20 says: Gay be bad and stuffz. And by proxy Bellatrox Cigus Demented Raven Gay Blakc is E-V-I-L!!!111!!”
Blast is all. “Its G’ay! You fucker!”
The court fell silent. “A swear in this fine court!!”
“You called him the G-word. You cant call him that!”
“And Grindwald?” Dorbertors ex lover. He hated him after he “stole” grindr from him. They made it together but Grindwall kicked Dombert out of the bussines and kept the money. He also band him from the app just for the lulz.
“Another slurr against our grandpooba!”
“Too life sentences!!!”
“To Askabong whit her!”
And thats how I ended up in Azkabong. No one fucks with Bellatrox Black and leaves. I demanded blood in repayment and if i couldnt get it from Dombertor Id take it from mascaraing his school kids.
And thats when i saw her my soon to be goffic wife. I have plans to wife her so hard. But if she didnt like Evanescence id kill her and neckromance her to have a beter taste in musick and to be the perfect wife for me.