it's official
It’s the kind of night made for low lighting and steam-fogged mirrors—for vanilla scented candles and sounds Jamie makes as she’s coming home. The kind of night where Dani wants nothing more than to sink into Jamie’s arms and never leave again.
A good night, to be sure. The best. Because Dani can hear Jamie through the walls. Can hear her saying: “Our union is officially civil,” and, “We’ll get married when we can.” And Dani was never the kind of kid who imagined her wedding growing up. She never dreamed about white dresses and rose petals and her first dance with her husband. But she did imagine marriage. Life . A partner at her side forever. Someone to kiss when they get home and cook dinner with.
Someone to draw a bath and light candles for.
“Dani?” she hears next and maybe it’s silly how nervous she can still get—how shaky Jamie makes her feel all these years later. But her hands tremble as she grabs the doorknob to the bathroom and twists it, pulls the door open and steps out into the hallway.
She hadn’t even been this nervous the first time she’d gotten lingerie for Jamie—put it and some soft music on; sat on the edge of the bed listening to Jamie’s footsteps come down the hall toward the bedroom. She wonders why that is and is just about to chalk it up to the legality of the thing—there is something to officially being Jamie’s—when her eyes find her partner, her wife , standing at the edge of the hall.
“Poppins,” Jame breathes, her eyes moving up and down Dani’s body—covered in only the soft material of her robe. Her chest hitches visibly. “Wow.”
“Hey,” Dani says, trying her best to sound nonchalant, like she hasn’t been naked and waiting for Jamie to get home all this time. “It’s official?” she asks next, wanting to hear it again.
At once, a smile buoys up the soft lines of Jamie’s mouth and Dani can feel her own wonder at the sight of it lurching in her chest. “It’s official,” she confirms. She takes a careful step forward, then another.
“Come here,” Dani says.
Jamie smirks. “Whatever for?”
“Kiss me.”
And Jamie breaks, not willing to tease her any further. She crosses those last few steps between them and sweeps Dani into her arms, pressing their lips together gently. Dani’s eyes flutter closed as she puckers her lips into the kiss, arms wrapping around Jamie’s neck. It’s chaste at first—some black and white movie kiss; draw the curtains; roll the credits—but then Jamie presses in deeper and Dani follows immediately. It deepens, becomes a bit more impassioned. Teeth graze against Dani’s bottom lip and she moves her hands to cup Jamie’s face in her palms, cradle it there to pull her in, keep her close.
Her heart hammers in her throat and then she needs air and breaks away. Stays close, brushing her thumbs over Jamie’s cheekbones, the corners of her lips. Presses their foreheads together and breathes as Jamie drops back down from her tiptoes and to the floor.
“I have a surprise for you,” Dani whispers, so close that their lips brush as she talks.
“Yeah?” Jamie asks, eyes closed.
Dani hums in confirmation and then pulls away entirely, grabbing Jamie’s wrist and pulling her back and into the darkened bathroom. The only light in the room is coming from the candles Dani has lit and flickering on the edges of the tub, and a soft, florally scent of rosewater fills the air. The humid air envelopes their bodies, pressing in comfortably and settling into Dani’s bones, making the heat between her legs flare all the more.
Jamie’s wrist twitches in her hand. “Dani,” she says, “is this all for me?”
Dani turns and looks at her again, nodding. “Yes.” She moves in again, running her palms flat up Jamie’s forearms until she’s loosely gripping the backs of her elbows. She guides one of Jamie’s hands up to rest on the flat of her sternum, hopes she can feel the beating of her heavy, steadfast heart. “For us, if you want.”
With a small sound of satisfaction, Jamie nods and says, “I want,” as she comes in for another kiss. Shorter this time. Just enough to fan the flames.
Then she’s pulling away and unbuttoning her shirt, tugging it off of her body with a sense of urgency that makes Dani feel dizzy with lust and affection.
“Let me,” she whispers, reaching out her own hands to add them to the fight and Jamie nods, lips parted. Dani untucks Jamie’s shirt from the waistband of her jeans and pulls it over her head, Jamie lifting her arms obediently to help. Then it’s her belt that needs undone, that hangs loosely from the belt loops of her jeans, which Dani is unzipping and tugging down pale, skinny legs, the sight of which never fails to make her mouth water accordingly.
It’s only after Jamie’s clothes are lying in a pile on the tiled floor that she speaks again, moving in so close that Dani catches a hint of her breath: minty and sweet. “I want to see you,” she mumbles against Dani’s mouth, hands drifting down to pull at the knot keeping the robe together. The reverence with which she pushes the fabric from Dani’s shoulders sort of makes her want to cry, if only for the familiarity in each touch.
She can still remember that first time, pressed together in the darkness of her bedroom at Bly, and how genuinely Jamie sighed into every kiss. Her hands had been tentative in their exploration then, in the way they peeled Dani’s clothes from her skin for the first time, and that was one of the loveliest moments of Dani’s life, but she would trade it over and over again for this:
For the close acquaintance Jamie has with every yielding inch of her body. The knowledge permeating each kiss, each touch, each brush of their skin together. This is the touch of someone who understands Dani better than she understands herself.
It’s more than she ever knew to wish for.
Not much later, they’re lounging in the bath together, Jamie sitting between Dani’s legs, her back pressed against Dani’s chest. The water laves its warmth across her skin, sinking into each part of her and making her head feel heavy with the tired fog of desire.
There’s an intimacy in being with someone you love like this; Dani runs a damp washcloth covered in fragrant soap over Jamie’s skin, scrubbing her clean in one of the most physical acts of taking care of her she can muster. She loves the way Jamie’s skin looks when it’s wet like this, how the candlelight flickers on the pale of it, lining the beautiful, sinewy muscles of her upper arms and stomach. The suds of the soap linger on the rippling water top, glinting just as finely as Dani sets the washcloth aside and runs her fingers over the skin instead. Every inch of it she can reach.
Jamie sighs with each touch, her head lolling back against Dani’s shoulder, turning every so often to press a kiss to the underside of Dani’s jaw. “This is so nice,” she whispers as Dani traces patterns on the tops of her thighs underwater.
“You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” Dani says, catching herself off guard with the words and the raw devotion in her voice.
It seems to catch Jamie off guard a little, too, given the way she lifts her body a little so she can turn properly. So they can look at one another. Sudsy, wrinkled fingertips brush along her jaw as Jamie brings Dani’s face between her hands, looking her over seriously. “I know the feeling,” she says.
Then they’re kissing again, soft at first and then less so. It’s strange, really, how quickly they can go from one to the other; one moment sweet, the next so hard and hot that Dani is always a little surprised when she comes out unscathed.
The angle is a little strange—Jamie is still sitting between her legs—but they manage it somehow, Jamie still cupping her face as Dani’s hands drift down to brush against her wife’s nipples.. They stand proudly at attention as Dani slicks them up with some of the bath water. She pinches them lightly between her forefingers and thumbs and then repeats the action a little more firmly. Jamie gasps into her mouth and shifts a little, kissing back harder.
This isn’t the first time they’ve been in the bath together like this, but normally one of them stays where they’re at, leaning back against the other. Once, they’d been facing each other, legs bent and tangled together as they came together in the middle. But this is the first time that Dani has cursed the size of the tub, the angle.
“Come here,” she says, pulling away from the kiss.
Dazed, Jamie blinks her eyes open as she tries to decode what that means. “What?” she asks.
Dani slides her palms down to either side of Jamie’s hips, turning them a little until Jamie gets the idea. It takes some maneuvering and the water sloshes dangerously with each movement, but, eventually, they manage it so that Jamie is straddling Dani, her knees pressed between Dani’s hips and the sides of the tub.
“Kiss me again,” she whispers once she’s in place, an echo of Dani’s earlier request.
Dani has no trouble obeying, leaning up and bringing her mouth to Jamie’s in another fierce kiss. The ends of Jamie’s hair are wet and they brush cooly against Dani’s neck as she pulls her closer, sliding her hands up Jamie’s soft back, dragging her nails back down and making Jamie gasp and rock down into Dani’s body.
She drops her mouth down to cover each of Jamie’s breasts in turn, closing her eyes as Jamie runs her hands through Dani’s damp hair, pulling her mouth closer and thrusting her chest out simultaneously. “Oh, my God,” she whispers. Dani scrapes her teeth against her pebbled nipple and she makes this noise that has Dani pushing her hips up into the weight of her body. “Dani, Dani.”
Dani pulls her mouth away and looks up. “What?”
Orange candlelight flickers in the black of Jamie’s pupils. “Fuck me already,” she says. And then, “ Please .”
So Dani does. Of course she does. How could she not?
She slips her hand between Jamie’s legs under the sloshing bathwater and slips two fingers inside her without pretense. Even despite the water, Dani can feel how wet Jamie is. Knows that she doesn’t need anymore foreplay than what they’ve already accomplished. When she crooks her fingers, Jamie breathes out her name and presses her forehead into the top of Dani’s hair. The hot breath of her panting spreads down Dani’s face, making her fucking Jamie all the harder.
And she knows that the water is sloshing and moving with each thrust—she can hear it splashing down the sides of the tub and landing on the floor—but she can’t bring herself to care or slow down or stop.
Not with the way Jamie is rocking up and down to meet each one, her eyes closed and brows knit and furrowed like she’s lost in concentration, in the moment, in the feeling. Her muscles shake and quiver, arms braced on the ceramic edge of the tub on either side of Dani’s shoulders.
“ Christ ,” she swears as Dani slides another finger inside of her, her movements halting for a moment as she adjusts.
Dani halts her hand, holds it steady, and waits. “Is this—?” she begins, but Jamie cuts her off.
“Perfect.” She presses a few kisses to Dani’s forehead before turning and resting her fevered cheek at the top of it. “Keep going. Don’t you dare stop.”
And there’s little Dani could say to argue with that even if she wanted to.
She doesn’t stop. She thrusts her arm harder, tugs down on Jamie’s hip to keep her moving. When she brings her thumb up to swipe against Jamie’s clit, the noise she gets is so ridiculously hot that she feels like she’s going to pass out.
“Dani, yes, that’s perfect.” She pulls back a little and Dani tilts her head up so they can rest their foreheads together, so she can see the way Jamie’s eyelashes flutter as her orgasm begins to crash over her. “I’m gonna— fuck —” She draws back a little more, tossing her head back a little as she places her hands on Dani’s shoulders, using them to push herself up and down, fucking herself on Dani’s hand.
“I’m here, Jay,” Dani tells her. “I’m here, I’m here. Let go. Come on, baby.”
“Dani, I—” she starts, but then it breaks and she slams her eyes shut as it washes over her, over them , over Dani below her, still buried to the second knuckles of her fingers inside her.
Her fingernails dig into Dani’s shoulders and the muscles beneath her skin tremble like mad as Dani fucks her through it. She’s slick and tighter, squeezing around her fingers, and then Jamie is collapsing against her, grip softening as she goes limp.
Dani pulls her fingers out and wraps her arms around her wife, cradling her carefully. Gently. “I love you,” she whispers, pressing a kiss to Jamie’s eyebrow. “You’re incredible.”
“I love you, too,” Jamie says, voice still shaky, as she pulls her head back up and looks Dani in the eyes. “ Fuck, you’re good at that.”
“Learned from the best,” she returns easily and Jamie grins, those perfect teeth on display.
“Guess you did, huh?”
It’s amazing. All these years together and Dani’s heart still feels like it could burst out of her chest. “It’s official , Jamie,” Dani says.
Not marriage. Not exactly, but so close to it. A piece of paper telling the government what she’s already known for years. That this is it. Jamie is it.
“I know, baby,” Jamie says. "It really is.”
And then they’re kissing and laughing against one another’s mouths, water getting cold around them now that they’re still enough to notice it, and Dani never knew marriage would be like this. That it could be. But it is.
“Let’s just hope you don’t regret it,” she jokes and Jamie shakes her head.
“Never.”
God. She’s so beautiful. Dani can’t stand it anymore.
She slides her hand back down Jamie’s stomach beneath the water, between her legs, already sinking in and Jamie’s eyes roll back in a breath moan. “Again?” she asks, already rocking her hips into the touch.
Dani smiles. “Forever.”
..