The day started about as normal as ever, well, about as normal as a day can be when you’re an Aei Sedai, especially one of the Red Ajah and your partner is one of the fiercest of them all. You never understand how or why Liandrin ended up choosing you to be the one to break down her walls with and allow her to feel things for you.
Upon waking, you were surprised to still feel a warmth beside you, considering that for the past handful of days, you’ve woken with the sheets as cold as the winter nights. You look over at Liandrin, taking in how even in her sleep, her face still holds the worries of what is to come. She’s resting on her side facing you, her arm thrown over your waist with her leg wrapped around yours, almost as if she is ensuring you aren’t going to disappear into the night, or that the ghosts of her enemies will take you while she rests.
You enjoy watching her for the few moments before she is bound to wake up, watching the way her lashes flutter against her cheeks due to whatever she may be dreaming of, and her even breathing almost tempting you to close your eyes again. You fight it, however, wanting to keep this peace with your love, where no one can interrupt or cause you both to hold the tension of a bridge anchor.
Eventually, you hear her sharp intake of breath, arm, and leg tightening around you as she starts to come back to the land of wakefulness.
“You know it’s creepy to watch someone while they’re sleeping, Y/N.” Her scratchy voice, rough from sleep, says to me. I chuckle.
“Well, it’s hard to resist when said person is already beautiful during the day, but even more so when she’s resting and doesn’t have the weight of the world on their shoulders,” I say while rubbing the arm that’s still around my waist.
She doesn’t reply, just gives a simple hum and another sharp intake of breath and squeeze. We stay silent for a few more minutes, basking in the sunlight starting to stream in through the windows, and the breeze starting up again.
Eventually, she starts to shift, and I, while unwillingly, let her unwrap herself from around me to start getting ready for the day. She sits up and then leans over me to plant a lingering kiss on my lips. Pulling away, smiling at one another, we both finally make our way out of the covers and into the coolness of the room.
Each off to our separate dressers to get our outfits for the day. We stay silent as we do this, not needing words, knowing what is unspoken is still just as powerful between us. Once we’re finished, we make our way to each other again. Holding each other and swaying to an invisible song only known to us, basking in that last moment of peace before we have to part and go on our ways.
With one last kiss and tight squeeze, we make our way out of the room, hands holding one last grasp until we have no choice but to part.
It isn’t until much later that I see her again. Both of us are respectfully busy with our tasks, both personal and due to the Red Ajah. Even then, it was only in passing, a quick brush of her shoulder against mine as she walked in the direction to leave the tower. It was… strange, to say the least. Not only for she not even aware of her surroundings, so much so that she bumped into someone, but even more so that she didn’t realize it was me.
Now I do know of the secret that she keeps at Northhabor. It was one of the first things she shared with me when she finally trusted me enough to let me in and start a relationship instead of just bedding me every time we were on a mission together in our camp. Liandrin’s past is still one of mystery to many, but she has and continues to slowly shed some light on it to me, rare as it is.
She knows enough of my past as well, slowly breaking down each other's walls. However, I still have kept a secret from her, which I know is not right when it’s a secret she shared with me. Most recently, she revealed that she joined the dark and the Black Ajah. At the time, I honestly wasn’t surprised, being that I pledged myself long before she had. What surprised me was how she never questioned why I wasn’t more concerned or shocked at her revelation. I simply took it in and accepted another one of her precious secrets as my own now.
She doesn’t know that I pledged myself to the dark for her. I was at a dark time in my life, as was she when we found each other. I knew then, even when we were only bedding each other, when she needed relief on our treks or at the tower when it became too much for her, that I loved her, and I would always put her over myself. So I pledged for her. Pledged for there to never be harm come for her, even as she joined herself, that she was to be protected under my wing, and anything to be directed to her had to be run through me first. Being that I climbed the ranks of the Black Ajah, everyone knows that Liandrin is mine, and to touch her is to defy me, which comes with very severe consequences.
She revealed to me that she joined for her son, for Aludran. I never asked her any more questions about her son, seeing still how much it pained her, so I never asked to meet him. I could tell how she wanted something from her past not to intersect with what her present now is. Now, of course, I made her tell me the location, for if trouble ever came, I knew where to find her. Of course, this was before I discovered we could imitate a Warder-like Bond between us, now neither of us ever needed to worry about not being able to find one another.
This brings me back to the present, she masked our bond. I hadn’t realized till this moment when she brushed into me that for the first time in almost five years, I couldn’t feel her. She must have done it slowly enough throughout the day so that I wouldn’t be able to notice the impact of her pulling herself from me.
“Liandrin!” I called to her just as her blond locks and darker cloak cut around the corner. Of course, she didn’t answer. I sighed, shaking my head, and started after her. It seems that she can just pass each corner in just enough haste that I can hardly keep up with her. Leaving me to have to use some of my power to trail after her, enough that she should have felt my pull on her. Which just ends up concerning me more that she can't feel my power over her.
However, before I even realized in my haste to follow her, we were in Northharbor. This only adds to further concern and confuses me since she never visited Aludran without telling me, even more now recently. Always having me accompany her.
I trail after her still until we reach the room he lies in. I linger in the doorway, remembering the last time it was Nyneave in my place.
Watching as Liandrin made her son a drink to take the edge off of his pain. I had stood back, watching to see how Liandrin would react to being followed, especially by her.
I remember how it was one of the few times I had seen Liandrin so openly showing her upset without control, and the first time I had seen her son in months. At the time, I had been busy traveling and fulfilling more tasks for the Dark. I recall watching how Liandrin had struck Nyneave. Yelling at her to get out, threatening to kill her, then. I had subconsciously moved up then, about to jump in to stop Liandrin from her blinding anger and upset.
Nyneave held her hand to her face as Liandrin’s voice broke as she kept yelling at her, even insulting her to force her out.
“Get out, get out!” I hear Liandrin’s voice start to be overtaken by her sobs, her voice turning hoarse from the yelling. Nyneave had run out, and I moved closer, watching how Liandrin moved to cradle the hand she used to slap her before she turned back to her boy. I step into the room, then her apologies start.
“Oh, no. I’m sorry. Oh… I’m sorry.” She cradles his face, voice starting to break.
“I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it would hurt you. I didn’t mean to leave you here in pain. I’m so sorry. My…. my boy, my beautiful boy. I’m sorry.” I watch as she sobs, moving to hold onto his hand as her head falls to meet them. The sobs racked her body.
I’m about to speak when I see his hand move over to her, grabbing her hand as he stares blankly in the distance. I walk fully into the room then, closing the doors silently behind me. Her frame being racked by her sobs doesn’t know I’m approaching until I sit down on the bed next to her, placing my hand on top of theirs. She gasps, ready to channel before I cut her off.
I stare at her for a moment before reaching my other hand out to wipe the tears from her face, bringing her head to lie in my lap. I sent out a wave to her son, sending him to rest and to try and draw some of his pain out, pulling it into my body. I can’t heal him, but I will always take his pain away. We watch as he closes his eyes. Liandrin’s tears wet my thighs as her body becomes frail. I stay silent, letting her cry as I channel into her, trying to take away some of her pain too.
I’m brought out of my flashback by feeling another Dark One’s presence. Lanfear. I watch as she walks in silently before Liandrin notices. She shoots a blast of fire at Lanfear, who barely flinches as she dissolves it.
“First one’s free. Try it again and I’ll flay you alive and feed you to your boy.” I roll my eyes at her dramatics. She knows not to touch what’s mine, and that I’d do much worse to her if she tried.
“How did you…” Liandrin sits tense, eyes watching Lanfear's every move.
“I’ve visited your dreams. Mostly for my own entertainment.” Liandrin looks in disbelief as I grit my teeth in anger. I’ll have to redo the shields on Liandrins' mind and dreams.
“You have interesting fixations.” We both watch as she walks ever so slowly around the bed. Liandrin stands, giving a slight bow as she addresses Lanfear, rolling my eyes at the title she had given herself.
“Ishameal said he’d free you, but I… tell me, why do you work for him? For Ishamael?” I see how Liandrin glances at her boy before Lanfear speaks again.
“You hate men. With one exception, it seems.” She moves to him, Liandrin instantly going to move before stopping herself. I move further into the room, but not enough for my presence to be known by Liandrin, at least. Lanfear surely knew of my presence when she arrived.
“Oh.” I can hear the fake sympathy in her voice as she touches Aludran.
“Please.” Liandrin’s voice is softly pleading.
“What’s his name?” I can see Liandrin trying not to cry, her instincts to protect fighting with her duties to Lanfear.
“Aludran.” She speaks with a small smile and a brief flicker of pride as she glances at Lanfear before looking away again.
“Men hurt us… betray us, and still, we love them.” Lanfear looks back at Liandrin, who unconsciously starts rocking just slightly back and forth.
“You swore your oaths to keep him alive, but this is not life.” Liandrin looks down, almost in shame.
“I know.” Lanfear looks back at her, eyes briefly glancing at me before moving her hand over Aludran.
“He’s holding you back.” Her power starts pulling his soul from him, causing Liandrin to let out a breath. I step closer instinctively, my urge to protect both of them surging.
“The last tie to the girl you used to be.” Lanfear continues to pull at his soul, Liandrin’s lip quivering.
“The girl who was beaten and starved.” It’s almost as if she’s testing Liandrin, seeing how far she can go until she breaks.
“And forced to marry before she bled.” Liandrin shuts her eyes, turning herself away, whimpering almost out of an “I know”. I’m surprised she didn’t notice me when she turned, staring in my direction.
“And that’s why I’m here, to do what you can’t. A gift only one woman can give to another.” Aludran starts gasping as Liandrin’s lip trembles, letting out a barely heard “No”. Lanfear’s power increases. Drawing his life away. Liandrin starts rocking, whimpering out no’s as she squeezes her eyes shut. Her pleas fall on deaf ears.
Just as suddenly, his breathing stops. Liandrin shudders, tears falling down her face as she squeezes her eyes tighter shut, Lanfear walks around to stand in front of her.
“You swore your oaths to the Dark, not to Ishamael.” Liandrin puts her head in her hand, letting out a heartbreaking sob.
“You cannot take them back. It’s impossible.” Liandrin turns her head, jaw clenching and grinding.
“But there are many paths to walk through the night.” Liandrin looks up at Lanfear with a hard expression, and I’ve had enough. I come full into the room, standing next to Liandrin as I fix a hard glare onto Lanfear.
“That’s enough, Lanfear. You’ve done your damage and said your piece. Now go.” She stares down at me for a moment before I draw the One Power, wrapping her in a shield as I force her to the wall. Liandrin gasps, but I ignore her for the time being.
“Enough, Lanfear. Go. You have done enough damage tonight.” I hold her tighter for a moment before she backs down and I release her. As she makes her way out, I go to Liandrin, putting my hand on her cheek to start wiping her tears.
“Oh, and you will not be walking in her dreams any longer.” She gives me a curt nod before leaving into the night. I look back at Liandrin, pulling her head to my stomach as she lets herself sob, tears soaking into my dress. I hold her, staring at her, well, ours at this point, son's lifeless body.
Eventually, she pulls back, eyes puffy, and cheeks tear-stained. She looks at me with a confused expression. I can see the multitude of questions in those blue eyes.
“I joined the Dark long before you, my darling. Fought myself pretty high up in status. Everyone knows you are off limits, but it appears Lanfear forgot her place. That’s all you need to concern yourself with for now, love.” I continue to rub her cheek as she stares, no words coming out. I give her a soft smile before I bend down and give her a soft kiss.
“What would you like to do with his body, dear?” She glances at him before her eyes shoot back to me.
“I-I don’t know.” She trails off, eyes staring off into the distance. I let her be for the moment, trying to think of how we are going to lay his body to rest without drawing attention to us. I decide we must move tonight, while curious eyes should be asleep.
“I know it only happened, my love, but it's best before the sun rises again and we can get caught by curious eyes.” I see her nod in agreement, lip quivering again. She takes in a deep breath before she stands. I step back and follow her with my eyes as she approaches her son's body. She reaches his face and closes his eyes with her hand before leaning down and pressing a kiss to his forehead, squeezing her eyes shut as another tear drops out. She steps back before her eyes look to mine again.
“I…. Maybe we should…” She trails off for a second, taking another breath. I allow her to take her time; this is going to be her boy’s final resting place, and she deserves to make sure it is where he deserves to be.
“How about I saddle up our horses so you can have a moment to think?” She nods her head in agreement. I approach them, planting a small kiss on Aludran’s forehead before moving to Liandrin’s, giving her hand a soft squeeze as I leave to approach the stables. Thankfully, being so late into the night, almost everyone is in their homes, and the streets are bare. I make it to the stables, saddle up our horses, and am back to the room in what only seemed like minutes.
Upon reaching the room, I saw that she had changed his clothes into some sort of dress robes, placing a black cloak over him with the hood up so if we were to run into another living being, it would appear he was sleeping, not dead. I help carry him out to our horses, helping Liandrin onto hers before lifting his body into her arms, making sure they are both secure before heading to my own. Once I’m situated, we take off into the night.
Small time jump
Once his body has been placed into his final resting place, Liandrin collapses. She goes silent, tears falling down her cheeks, but seeming to give up her will to speak, or hold herself up. I lean her on my horse so I can get situated before I lift her in front of me, grabbing her horse's reins to lead us back home.
She’s silent the entire ride back. Silent as I stable our horses. Silent as I carry her to our quarters, and place her on the small couch as I fetch buckets of water. Both of us need to bathe away what happened today. She’s still silent as I undress first myself, then her, and carry her into the bath. I’m almost concerned that she would stay forever mute. No words as I wash her body, dry her, and dress both of us again.
It isn’t until I lay us in bed, bringing the covers up as I force her body to rest on mine, her head on my chest over my heart, that she finally speaks again.
“T.. Thank you Y/N.” I press a kiss into her hair, allowing myself to be silent and just be there for her. As I start to feel her drift off, I press a weave into her head, ensuring that her dreams not only be protected from Lanfear but also the nightmares that she was sure to have tonight.
I pressed one final kiss to her hair, knowing I was not going to be resting tonight. Tonight she needed me, and I will always put her needs before my own.