Chapter 4
For the first time in three nights, she didn't fall asleep crying.
Yes, she felt herself drowning in the sea of doubts and endless negative thoughts that made her go awake until three or four am, but that was it; she just stared at the ceiling, no tears falling, humming a tune that popped out in her head, while everyone else was asleep, and somehow she felt that her heart was silent. Still in pain, but silent.
"We're going to have to get you to visit some professional help, Shu." Soyeon said, holding her hand through the night, but it was Shuhua who broke free of the older girl's gentle grip, putting her arms over her eyes as she felt that she was going to cry--
"You have to help me here, Shu." Soyeon said, as she held the girl's hand again, and Shuhua just looked at her, through the night, watching Soyeon sleeping peacefully--
I'm not okay, Shuhua thought, as she stared at Soyeon, tears once again falling in her eyes, because she's gone and I'm alone in wanting her to come back to me.
잘자 Good night
오늘 깨지 말고 부디 잘자 Don't wake up today, let's sleep
못된 꿈이 오지 않길 I hope that bad dreams don't come
(author's note: this is good night by mamamoo, listen to this :>)
If this is the right thing, I don't want it.
Wide awake and having some difficulties breathing, she found herself clutching a drink and going upstairs, towards the rooftop, staring at the night sky that looked so beautiful; a sight that she always wanted to see with her.
She stared at the ledge, looking so inviting as she found herself walking towards the edge, the height not scaring her at all as she found herself dropping the cold can of beer on the floor, spilling all over as she dangled over the edge, only one step or one tilt and she would come hurtling down, as she felt her tears fall, biting her lips as she let all of herself go, tilting forward--
This is not what I want for you, she suddenly heard Soojin's voice in her mind say, as she suddenly got ahold of herself and backed away, falling down to the ground before her and cupping her mouth, crying even harder as she realized what she had done.
"No... why..." Shuhua uttered, as she gritted her teeth, staring up at the night sky and letting the silence of the night hush her thoughts, breathing in and out in a steady pace, calming her.
I need you... please don't go.