Kylo’s mind was a vast collection of open wounds that were only just beginning to heal.
Crait was the equivalent of Snoke’s Fever burning itself out.
With the death of Skywalker and the rage his memory conjured, as well as her master to stoke it, her grasp on the dark side weakened.
The only other possible figure that could be used to focus her ire was Rey, for slashing her face and heart in half, but any anger directed at her, slipped through her fingers like water.
She could never hate her, no matter how much she wanted to.
So now, on the other side of a decade dedicated to revenge, years of being the vengeful weapon of the first order, with all of her goals theroretically met, what was she left with?
A throne she never wanted
An enormous body count that included her own father
A galaxy that never cared about her, despite her prestigious bloodline
A bleeding, abused mind and scared body
And, above all else,
A heart that was broken far beyond any hope of repair
She thought winning would be different.
Falling to her knees, body convulsing with sobs, she tried to think of what her grandfather would have done in her situation.
Did she even care?
Did she want to spend her life trying to live up to his unobtainable example?
His legacy had only brought her pain.
She brought her palm into a fist, and Vader’s mask crumpled into a ball of singed metal and bad memories.
Tears rolled down her face, into the valley of the scar she gave her, a bitter reminder of how she pushed away the last person in the galaxy that might’ve cared about.
So she cried, her wails undoubtedly being heard throughout the ship.
She cried for the past that she thought she killed, whose ghost continued to haunt her
She cried for the uncertain future she had thrown herself into
She cried for the fact that she was now completely unlovable, with all of the blood on her hands and the bitterness in her heart
She cried for her mother, her father, for Rey, and even for her uncle
She cried because there was nothing else to do but cry until her soul was purged and her broken pieces set themselves back into order.