Three Movements

The offer had come as a surprise to Seulgi.

She had just arrived at the piano bar. And after freshening up a bit after the endless hours she had spent in the morning giving young children piano lessons, she sat in front of the Steinway grand piano located at the center of the bar, warming up and getting ready to play all through the night.

Working two jobs in a day, was admittedly, a very exhausting routine. But she really needed the money. Finishing college had left her family in a lot of debt. While most of her former classmates continued on their studies abroad, Seulgi, without much choice, had to stay. Of course, she had wanted to experience all those opportunities as well, but it was just much too expensive.

Before she started playing at the bar, the teaching job was most of what she did for a living and nothing but the occasional call from a small chamber music agency whenever another musician was in need of accompaniment.

The teaching job doesn’t give her much chance to play, and although providing accompaniment did give some excitement to her life as a pianist, she could count the number of times that she had received an offer from the agency with her fingers. And she had been with the agency for two years already.

To sum it all up, the majority of times, she only played by herself, which left her little to no satisfaction.

She could master all the pieces that she liked, broaden her repertoire, but of what purpose would it be if she could not share it with an audience?

What is music if not heard?

To perfom, that is what she craved for the most.

On one particular night, she was on her way home after work, and instead of immediately running for the bus stop to avoid the rush hour, she decided to walk around the city. She passed by numerous commercial districts, which weren’t anything new, she had seen all of them. She continued on without any direction, eventually ending up on the quiet alleys. The people had become scarce, and without the bright neon lights of stores, the path was a lot dimmer with nothing but the occasional street lamp.

The sun had already set, and the night was at its early stage. Her shirt had begun to cling against her back from perspiration but she gave it no mind. Her mind was blank. Without a watch on her wrist, and with her phone inside her bag, she didn’t know what time it was, nor did she know how long she had been walking.

A signboard entered her sight. Step by step she got closer to it, and it becomes clearer. A piano bar. She arrived in front of it and stopped on her tracks, her curiosity piqued.

An arrow below the signboard directed her to a series of descending steps. An underground bar, most likely, and before the steps was a chalkboard stand.  On it, handwritten in plain white chalk was a hiring notice.

WANTED: PIANIST

Without much thought, she entered the bar and took the job.

Working two jobs was exhausting, but she finally had something to look forward to, and the money she earned from the bar, although not much, mostly went to her savings. Most importantly, playing at Nocturne gave her what she had craved for during the past two years, which was playing for an audience.

Up until this day, she still played at the piano bar on the occasional night. She was the longest pianist they ever had and in six months, she had attracted a lot of customers who would regularly visit the bar solely to listen to her play.

During her breaks, a few regulars would come up and chat with her, most of them jazz enthusiasts (jazz is what she frequently played at the bar), which she very much welcomed. Aside from playing, talking about music was something that she loved doing.

This eventually led her to meet Mr. Park, which she thought was just another jazz enthusiast.

But today, as Seulgi sat in front of the piano at Nocturne, a few minutes before the bar opened, Mr. Park was telling her that he's actually a film director.

She didn't get why Mr. Park was suddenly sharing this with her, or why he was even here when the bar was still closed.

What did him being a film director had anything to do with Seulgi?

She was utterly confused, but despite her confusion, she continued to listen to the man, until he got to the point of their whole conversation.

He told Seulgi that he wanted her to teach the lead actress on his upcoming film to play the piano. He mentioned the artist fee that they were willing to pay. A large sum that would most certainly help her a lot.

Her confusion turned into disbelief, and then into excitement.

Without hesitation, she agreed.

The director further explained the requirements of the job and Seulgi intently listened, nodding her head on every look the director gave her as if asking if she understood what he was saying. Finally, the director finished, telling her that he’d be back another day with contracts that needed to be signed.

They said their farewells, and Seulgi, once again thanked the director. She was ecstatic. All throughout their conversation her heart was beating frantically against her chest. As the director made his way for the exit, Seulgi let out a breathy laugh, still bewildered at what had just transpired.

She then remembered that she forgot to ask the director the name of the lead actress that was to be her student. Before the director reached the door, Seulgi called out to him and asked him who she was. The director laughed, shaking his head at himself for his forgetfulness. It took a few seconds before he was able to catch his breath, and then he told her.

Bae Joohyun, the director said.

At the mention of the name, Seulgi’s whole back stiffened.

***

They had met in the summer six years ago, when she was twenty and Joohyun was twenty-three.

Seulgi hadn't bothered to go home during the break. Her parents worked abroad, and there was no reason for her to spend money on a trip to visit an empty home. So she decided to just stay at the dorms and found herself a part-time job handling the register at a record store a few blocks away from her university. All of her friends had gone back home, and she was left with no one to hang out with. The dorms were mostly empty, and the deafening silence was going to drive her mad if she didn't find a reason for herself to go out.

The rain was particularly heavy that day. Probably because of an incoming typhoon. News of flash floods were being reported left and right, from newspapers to radios. For most of the time, it was the only thing the news contained.

She had just finished her shift at the record store and was on her way back to her dorm when a flash of lightning suddenly filled the sky followed by the loud clapping of thunder. Small drops of rain began to land on her head, and the pavement she was walking on slowly got drenched. Before the rain could even fully start, Seulgi ran to take cover under a nearby bus stop before she got completely soaked.

By the time she got under the bus stop, it was already full-on raining. She removed a strap of her backpack from her shoulder and pulled it to her front, opening the zipper to take her folded umbrella. Thank god she hadn't forgotten it.

She was getting ready to make another run for the university gates when a woman arrived on the bus stop, and unlike Seulgi, the woman was drenched, her wet hair sticking to her face.

The woman lets out a frustrated huff and ran a hand through her hair in an attempt to fix it. She looked around Seulgi's age, and if her observation proved to be correct, the woman didn't have an umbrella. Did she, perhaps, attend the same university as her? Should she offer to share her umbrella?

An incoherent word escaped her lips before she could even think, and the woman sharply turned to look at her. With the woman's attention focused on her, Seulgi mustered up the courage to continue what she was about to ask.

"A-Are you from S University?" she asked, trying her best not to stumble on her words. As someone who never strikes up a conversation with a stranger, she couldn't help but feel shy and nervous as she spoke.

The woman remained silent, giving Seulgi a nod instead.

"Do you have an umbrella?" Seulgi continued. Again, the woman didn't respond but simply shook her head at Seulgi.

"Would you like to share mine?" Seulgi raised her umbrella a bit and gave the woman a kind smile. It was only then that the woman spoke.

"If it's really okay with you..." the woman trailed on her sentence with uncertainty in her voice, and Seulgi took the chance to reassure the woman that it was fine, and that she didn't have to worry.

Seulgi couldn't bear the thought of leaving her, especially now that she knew that they were from the same university.

The woman was about to take a step closer to Seulgi when a car quickly dashed past them, sending a sudden wave of water splashing on their faces. The woman yelped and stumbled backward in surprise. Seulgi, although surprised as well, caught the woman losing her balance and reflexively dropped her umbrella to grab onto her before she came crashing on the floor.

In a swift motion, she successfully took hold of the woman, putting both of them in an awkward stance. A position that looked as if they were dancing, although not quite. Seulgi's left hand was on the small of the woman's back, while the other gripped onto her forearm tightly. They stared at each other wide-eyed, chests heaving in astonishment, hearts beating uncontrollably, both still unable to comprehend what had just happened.

A smile slowly crept on the woman's face, followed by a sudden shrill of laughter that took Seulgi completely off guard. She had never heard a laugh so loud, so unguarded, so carefree.

Such laughter may have been off-putting to some, or would have been labeled as unrefined. But to Seulgi, it was the complete opposite. Strangely, she found it pleasant to her ears. And it was so contagious that she had started to laugh along with her.

She gently eased her grip, and with her eyes still fixed on the woman, Seulgi takes in the sight as the woman continued to drown in her own laughter.

The way her eyes crinkled unevenly. How one of her eyebrows raised just a tad bit higher than the other. And how she'd find herself out of breath, her laughter dying down, leaving Seulgi to think that that was the end of it, only to be followed by another that was more high-pitched.

It was a sight that made her heart swell in endearment. And would Seulgi be considered crazy, if she said that the sound was almost melodious?

Maybe she was going crazy. No sane music student would think that. But to hell with it, let her be crazy then.

To her, this woman's laughter was a melody. And she didn’t think that she would never get tired of listening to it.

She couldn't tell how long it took. A few seconds? Maybe a minute? But the laughter eventually died down. With a lingering smile on their faces, they tried hard to catch their breaths.

The rain continued to pour, and Seulgi finally turned to pick her umbrella up on the floor.

"Come on," she beckoned to the woman. "Before another car comes passing through."

They stood shoulder to shoulder under her small umbrella. Seulgi gripped onto the handle with both hands, while the woman held onto the shaft just above hers. The university wasn't far away, and the gates were already on their line of sight. It wouldn't take too much running before they would arrive at the dorms.

In a count of three, they break into a run, their sneakers getting soaked with every step they take.

Seulgi ran at a faster pace, and she noticed that the woman was struggling a bit to keep up with her. She tried to slow down, keeping her strides at a minimum, and unwittingly placed an arm around the smaller woman's shoulders so that they could move in better sync.

Another lightning lit up the sky, followed by the soft crackle of an oncoming thunder. In a few seconds, a loud boom rang in their ears. The woman jumped, giving out a small squeal, and huddled closer to Seulgi, wrapping an arm around her waist.

They continued to run, pressed against each other, while Seulgi's small umbrella did the bare minimum in keeping them dry.

They arrived at Seulgi's dorms and took shelter at the front entrance. The heavy rain persisted and the path forward, to their surprise, had started to get flooded.

If they continue their way to the other dorms, they would have to pass through water that was half a ruler below their knees.

"What dorms are you in?" Seulgi asked her.

"Three more buildings away from this one," she answered, a bit out of breath from all the running. Seulgi noticed that the woman was starting to shiver through her wet clothes. Her arms were wrapped around herself.

The rain looked like it wasn't stopping anytime soon. She contemplated whether she'd lend her umbrella to the woman, but what was the point when she was already drenched? And thinking about leaving her alone to pass through the flood didn't sit right with Seulgi's conscience.

"Hey," she started, a slight hesitation in her voice. "This is my building, and it looks like the rain isn't stopping anytime soon."

A pause. The woman waited for her to continue, looking at her with an intensity that made Seulgi stumble on her words.

"I-If you'd like, you can stay with me for a bit. Just until the rain stops and the flood subsides." She then thought how odd and alarming it must be to have a stranger invite you inside their dorms. "B-But if you don't, I'll just take you to your dorms! Through the flood and all."  She quickly added, an awkward chuckle escaped her lips and she mentally wanted to slap herself, cringing at how much of a mess she was.

"Do you mind if I stay? The cold's starting to get to me." the woman said, surprising Seulgi on accepting her offer. The woman's shoulders were hunched, and she repeatedly ran her hands up and down along her arms. She looked so small that Seulgi had this sudden urge to wrap her in an embrace.

"I don't mind, really. Let's go."

They made their way through the stairs, and Seulgi realized that they haven't even introduced themselves to each other. Never in her life would she have imagined that she'd actually invite a complete stranger inside her dorm.

"I'm inviting you in, and I haven't even introduced myself," she stopped halfway through the steps and turned on her heels, looking down at the woman trailing behind her.

"My name's Kang Seulgi," she offered her hand for a shake and flashed her a kind smile. The woman smiled back and took her hand, and Seulgi noticed how small it was compared to hers.

"Bae Joohyun." the woman introduced herself.

Seulgi nodded in acknowledgment, and they resumed on climbing up the stairs.

"I have to say I'm quite surprised that you decided to join me in my dorm. Despite us being strangers and all." Seulgi said in amusement. Behind her, Joohyun chuckled.

"You don't really give off the vibe of someone with bad intentions. " Joohyun remarked. "Besides, I can say the same thing about you. Inviting a stranger into your dorm."

"Do you plan on robbing me?" Seulgi asked jokingly.

"Definitely not."

"I'll trust you on your word then," She looked at Joohyun through her shoulder and gave her a teasing smirk.

They arrive in front of her room. Seulgi unlocked the door and held it open to let Joohyun inside first. Thankfully she had been keeping her room clean for some time now.

"I'll lend you some dry clothes." Seulgi dropped her bag on the floor and went straight to her wardrobe.

"You really don't have to. I mean, letting me stay here is more than enough," Joohyun said, her voice soft and a bit shaky.

"You don't expect me to let you stay with your drenched clothes while I change into dry ones do you?" Seulgi gave her guest a reassuring smile and continued on her way to her drawer. She pulled out a shirt, a pair of sweatpants, a fresh towel, and handed it to Jooyun who accepted it timidly.

"Go and change, take a hot shower if you want. I'll make some tea while you're at it."

When they've both changed, they comfortably took their seats on the carpet in the middle of the room, slowly sipping on the freshly brewed tea.

Seulgi lets Joohyun hang her wet clothes on the footboard of her bed, and puts her table fan in front of it to let it dry.

They settled on watching the rain pour through the window in silence. It looked like neither of them was the talkative type, and Seulgi decided to take the initiative to start a conversation.

"Are you a freshman?" She began.

Joohyun turned to look at Seulgi and shook her head. She bit on her lips, trying her best to stop the grin that was threatening to form on her face. "No, actually I’ve only got two semesters left," Joohyun replied.

Surprised at the revelation, Seulgi muttered an apology at her senior. Embarrassed at herself for making an assumption.

"It's fine." Joohyun chuckled and waved her off. "It happens more often than you may think."

They settled into another silence far more comfortable than the previous one before Joohyun spoke again.

"Do you play the piano?" Joohyun asked. Her eyes were curiously glued to the musical instrument pressed on the wall opposite Seulgi's bed.

Seulgi quickly glanced at the piano before turning her head back to face Joohyun, nodding her head in reply.

"I'm a music major," she explained.

They continued talking and Seulgi learned that Joohyun was a film major. She was working at the second-hand bookstore just across the record store Seulgi worked at.

"Why didn't you go home for the summer?" Seulgi asked in the middle of the conversation.

"I never go home during breaks ever since I started college. I'd rather stay here."

Whatever the reason was, Seulgi decided not to pry. "Don't you get lonely?" she asked instead.

"It's fine when you're used to being by yourself."

"I guess it is."

"How about you? Why are you staying here during the break?"

"My parents work abroad. There's no reason for me to go home."

The rain had weakened with only a light drizzle left. Seulgi stood up and went up to the window to check any signs of the flood going down.

"The rain's starting to stop," she told Joohyun. "But I don't think the flood's going down just yet." She turned her head and caught Joohyun leaning her head on the edge of the bed, a small yawn escaping her lips.

"Are you sleepy? You can take a nap on my bed if you want to," she offered.

Joohyun seemingly didn't catch what she had just said, so Seulgi walked to her bed and pulled the covers, tilting her head towards her bed.

"Are you sure?" Joohyun asked hesitantly.

"Go on, don't worry about it."

From the floor, Joohyun slowly climbed up the bed and pulled the covers to her chin. She pressed the side of her face gently against the pillows, trying to find a comfortable spot to lay her head.

"I can't believe you're letting a stranger sleep on your bed," Joohyun softly murmured, trying her best to look up at Seulgi through her half-lidded eyes. She looked so tired.

"You don't feel like a stranger."

"Neither do you," Joohyun whispered, already half asleep.

***

Seulgi had fallen asleep on the carpeted floor. When she woke up, the rain had stopped, the sun had set, and Joohyun was nowhere to be found. The mugs they had used for tea were neatly washed beside the sink. And the table fan that was drying Joohyun's clothes (which were now gone) was back in its place.

Everything was in order, almost as if she never had someone over to begin with.

Every day on her way to work, she'd try to look inside the second-hand book store when she passed by it, trying to see if Joohyun was there, but she never saw her.

If it wasn't for the blanket that was now wrapped around her and the pillow that was suddenly beneath her head, she would have actually believed that it was all a dream.

***

Seulgi didn't see Joohyun until after a week when she suddenly entered the record store during Seulgi’s shift.

Hours always seemed so slow during work. The store was never busy, and customers never arrived all at once. If Seulgi wasn't behind the register, she'd be organizing albums on the shelves, maybe dusting the old records that haven't been sold for some time.

Today, she sat behind the register, staring up at the ceiling in a daze as she listened to an unfamiliar 80s pop song through the speakers.

The bell that hung by the door rang, and Seulgi stood up from her seat.

"Hi! If you need any help-- " she tried to say out but stopped mid-sentence when she saw who it was. "Joohyun..." she trailed in surprise.

Joohyun gave her a closed-mouthed smile as she slowly made her way to the counter, swaying playfully on her feet, a paper bag on her hand.

"Hey, stranger." Joohyun shyly greeted her.

"What are you doing here?"

"I'm returning the clothes you lent me," Joohyun said a matter of factly, and lifted the bag on the counter between them. Seulgi leaned in, taking a peek inside the bag.

"I thought I was never getting them back," she teased.

"Sorry it took a while." Joohyun shrugged her shoulders and gave her an apologetic smile.

Seulgi took the bag and placed it under the counter as she continued to speak with Joohyun.

 "That day, you seem to have left all of a sudden..." She trailed on her sentence, wondering if she'd share the absurd thought that had been on her mind during the past days. She decided it wouldn't hurt. It was quite funny after all. "I almost thought that you were only a dream." she finally admitted.

She expected Joohyun to look at her ridiculously, laugh at how weird it all sounded, but she seemed to take it as a chance to tease Seulgi instead.

"Are you saying that I look like a dream?" Joohyun quirked an eyebrow at her playfully, and Seulgi felt her stomach flip. She held on the edge of the counter tightly to calm herself down.

"Take it as you will, I won't spoil your fun." She responded coolly, thankful that she had herself under control to not be the blubbering mess that she usually was. She took a deep breath before she continued, her voice was barely audible, as if it was a statement that she didn't intend to say out loud, "But I'm glad your not."

"Not what?"

"I'm glad that you weren't just a dream," Seulgi admitted, a small smile on her lips.

Joohyun unconsciously took a step forward and gripped on to the edge of the counter tightly until her knuckles turned white, just as Seulgi had done to calm herself.

"What time do you get off?" Joohyun managed to ask.

Seulgi glanced on the store's wall clock, then returned her gaze on Joohyun. "I'm closing up in fifteen minutes."

"Let me treat you to a meal then. As thanks for sharing you're umbrella with me, letting me stay in your dorm, lending me clothes, allowing me to take a nap on your bed..." Joohyun enumerated, counting everything that Seulgi had done for her with each of her fingers.

Seulgi waved her hands at Joohyun with a shy smile on her face. She felt embarrassed rather than proud hearing Joohyun tell her all of this.  "You really don't have to."

"But I want to."

The pounding of her heart had gone erratic and her whole body felt somewhat ticklish. The wave of emotion that had consumed her was too much that Seulgi couldn't utter a response, and instead just nodded her head at Joohyun.

***

They settled on eating at a nearby Pojangmacha, ordering a variety of street food to fill themselves up. With Joohyun already paying for their food, Seulgi insisted that Joohyun let her at least buy them a bottle of soju. At first, Joohyun had declined, telling Seulgi that she'll pay for their drinks as well but eventually gave in at Seulgi's persistence.

The tent began to fill up as the night slowly approached. People who just got off from work started entering, either alone or in groups, ready to spend the night drinking to relieve stress from the day's work. Friends hanging out and lovers on a date surrounded them. A contrast to what Seulgi and Joohyun were, who weren't strangers but not exactly friends as well, and were definitely not lovers.

"I tried to look for you at the bookstore you worked at for the past week, but I never saw you," Seulgi said as she poured Joohyun a drink with both her hands. "Added to the reason why you being a dream constantly played in my thoughts."

"I called in sick for a week. Had the flu after all that rain," Joohyun explained, then proceeded to drink her soju in a single shot.

"You're feeling better, then?" Seulgi asked in concern.

Joohyun nodded, flashing Seulgi a thankful smile, "Yeah, I am."

Talking with Joohyun had proven to be fairly easy that night. Maybe, it was because they had both gotten over the initial awkwardness between them, or maybe it was because they both had alcohol in their systems but their conversation through the night had flown naturally, despite it only being the second time they had met. No awkward pauses, nor did their eyes wandered off from each other. They were fully immersed on what the other had to say or share. Of course they had only coursed through mundane topics, but isn’t that how any friendship progressed?

A bottle of soju turned into two, then into three, and when Seulgi glanced at her watch it was already a quarter until ten. Both of their cheeks were flushed, and their eyes had started to droop.

“Should we call it a night?” Seulgi suggested.

They both get up from their seats and started their way back to the university.

The streets were still crowded at this time of night. The sound of traffic, and the incomprehensible chatter of people filled their ears. Everyone on the streets walked briskly, but Seulgi and Joohyun continued to walk side by side at a leisurely pace. Gradually, as they neared the university, the density of the crowd lessened, and their surroundings had turned quiet with nothing but the sound of cicadas.

“It’s the first time I’ve talked to someone this much,” Joohyun suddenly confessed.

Seulgi turned her head to glance at Joohyun as they continued to walk. “Really?” She asked, not quite believing Joohyun’s words.

“I’m not very good at talking with people, especially with someone I’ve just met.”

“It didn’t seem that way.”

“I guess I find it easy when it’s with you,” Joohyun ran a hand on her face and chuckled in embarrassment. “Or maybe it’s just the alcohol. I usually find it hard to hold a conversation.”

It took Seulgi thirty seconds before she could answer.

“Whether you’re intoxicated or not, I hope you continue to find it easy when you talk to me.” They had arrived in front of Seulgi’s dorms and had stopped walking.

Seulgi looked at Joohyun straight in the eye before she spoke again, “Because it’s the same for me.”

***

On the days that followed, Seulgi continued to meet Joohyun. Coincidentally, at first (they got off from work at the same— well, most of the time, to be exact). Then eventually, on purpose.

After running into each other numerous times on the way home, they decided to just wait for each other after their shifts. They were practically friends by now, anyway. Why not just go home together?

Sometimes, Joohyun would get off earlier and wait for Seulgi. Most of the time, it was Seulgi who waited. Joohyun occasionally had to work overtime that would take about thirty to forty minutes, and she had told Seulgi to not bother waiting for her during those times. But Seulgi never listened. She always waited for Joohyun.

“What are you still doing here? I told you to head on home!” Joohyun scolded her the first time she did it, but Seulgi only smiled at Joohyun.

“I wanted to wait for you.” She simply said, then she handed Joohyun the popsicle she bought from the convenience store. “You like red bean, right?” She asked, trying to make sure.

Joohyun sighed and her whole demeanor softened as she accepted the popsicle from Seulgi, momentarily forgetting her frustration at the younger girl. They started to walk.

“Seulgi, thirty minutes is a long time. You really should have headed home.” Joohyun told her in a calmer tone. She was absently nibbling at her ice cream.

“But I like walking home with you.” She replied, and Joohyun only blinked at her, clearly not understanding her reason.

“How’s the ice cream? Good?” She asked before Joohyun could ask her any more questions.

Finally, Joohyun smiled, and nodded her head at Seulgi, “Yeah, it is. Thank you.”

They continued to eat their ice cream as they made their way home in the summer heat.

The first few times, Joohyun continued to reprimand her. Whenever Joohyun would get off from work after an overtime and see her, Joohyun would give her a disapproving look and purse her lips. But Seulgi never stopped. She couldn’t.

Because Joohyun’s disapproving look would eventually turn soft, her pursed lips would slowly curve into a smile, then she’d tilt her head adorably and give Seulgi a look as if she was asking her, Why are you like this?

Joohyun was someone who found it hard to express herself in words. But Seulgi learned that Joohyun’s eyes, and her whole face for that matter, would easily tell how she truly felt.

And it was easy to say that Joohyun secretly liked it every time she saw Seulgi waiting for her after an exhausting day at work.

In the end, Joohyun gave up being ‘upset’ all together. Nothing she could say would stop Seulgi from doing what she wanted, she realized.

When she got off from work, she’d just call out to Seulgi who would always be sitting on the bench near the store. Seulgi would turn, flash her a smile and stand up. Joohyun would then jog to her and automatically hook her arms with Seulgi’s, and they’d go home together, talking about how their day went.

Throughout the summer break, with neither of their friends present, Seulgi and Joohyun had become a constant presence in each other’s lives.

With each day she spent with Joohyun, Seulgi learned more and more about her new friend, albeit slowly. Every bit of information came in fragments, with most of it only mentioned in passing during their conversations.

The most she knew about Joohyun was that she was from Daegu, and that she had a younger sister. She never talked about her parents, nor the reason why she never went home during breaks. If not asked, Joohyun never shared much about herself, and Seulgi was never one to pry. The last thing she wanted was to make Joohyun uncomfortable by asking her about things that she seemingly did not want to talk about.

But still—despite Joohyun being somewhat a ‘mystery’— it didn’t stop the two women from growing closer. There was a certain warmth in Joohyun’s personality. A warmth never spoken in words, but was shown more in her actions. To begin with, there was her laughter, which she almost always did with her whole chest. Her smile, that never failed to lift up the mood. Her eyes, which always seemed to have this affectionate glint in it. How she— despite her usual reserved nature— would surprisingly get loud, her accent slipping up, when excited or teased. Eyes wide, voice raised, face beaming, all in good fun.

And there was her touch. Joohyun had a liking for physical contact. A trait that was completely opposite with Seulgi, who didn’t exactly despise it, but was rather unaccustomed to it. What else would explain how her shoulders tensed first time Joohyun hooked her arms with hers, the shortness of her breath when Joohyun would wipe a scrap of food from her lips, or the rapid beating of her heart every time Joohyun would rest her head on Seulgi’s shoulder when they sat side by side.

She just wan’t used to it. That was all there is to it.

But unaccustomed as Seulgi might have been to these certain actions, she never denied Joohyun any of it. This was obviously a normal thing for Joohyun. She probably treated her other friends the same way, or maybe her younger sister.

Seulgi eventually got used to it. Learned to enjoy it even, to the point that she would sometimes be the first one to initiate it. She never got rigid under Joohyun’s touches anymore, but her shortness of breath and the unusual beating of her heart never faded.

Of course, physical contact was never a bother to Seulgi to begin with. She just refused to remember all the times she had done it with her friends.

She was getting worked up over Joohyun’s touches for a completely different reason.

***

During their days off from work, the two women spent most of their time at Seulgi’s dorm. This had become a usual thing for them. They always hung out at Seulgi’s since she spent most of her free time practicing on the piano. As she did, Joohyun usually lounged on her bed, reading a book, or going though her phone. They didn’t necessarily speak. Having found a quiet comfort in each other, they had grown past the need to constantly be talking in the presence of the other.  Though occasionally, Joohyun would curiously ask Seulgi questions as she played.

What song is that?

Has it ever been played in a movie? I think I’ve heard that before.

Do you know how to play other songs other than classical?

And Seulgi would always answer her. Patience never wavering, no matter how repetitive some questions may be. Overtime, Seulgi realized that Joohyun did this when she got bored of whatever she was doing. An idea came to her during one of Joohyun’s never ending questions.

“Hey, Joohyun. How about we play a game?” She asked. “I’ll play a song, and you try to guess it.”

Joohyun instantly perked up at the suggestion, sitting up suddenly on the bed. With a bright smile on her face, Joohyun eagerly nodded. “Okay!” her voice akin to that of a child. Joohyun was older than Seulgi, and often it was Seulgi who was always being taken care of. But there was a hidden childishness in Joohyun that would appear once in a while, and it never failed to make Seulgi’s heart grow fonder.

Every time Joohyun got bored, Seulgi would always play this game with her.

Summer was almost at it’s end when Joohyun first spoke up about her dealing with insomnia. There were no questions asked, and Joohyun was quiet throughout the day, which wasn’t unusual. She must be immersed on whatever she was doing, Seulgi assumed.

The warm glow of the afternoon sun slanted inside the dorm as Seulgi played Satie’s Gymnopédie No. 1 on the piano. It was a slow and repetitive piece which made it relatively easy to play. Listening to it was relaxing, but others found the melody very melancholic. And perhaps, this had contributed to Joohyun’s sudden confession.

“I’ve been having trouble sleeping,” said Joohyun out of the blue.

Seulgi halted, unsure if she had heard it right. The sound of the last piano keys that were pressed lingered for a short moment, then faded, leaving the room in a heavy silence. She turned on the piano bench to look at Joohyun who remained lying down on the bed, eyes staring upward at the ceiling.

In the next few minutes, neither of them spoke. Seulgi walked towards the bed and sat on the space right next to Joohyun’s head, silently letting the older woman know that she was waiting whenever Joohyun was ready to speak again.

Joohyun heaved a sigh and lifted her head to rest her cheek on Seulgi’s lap. With her face now turned away from Seulgi’s, Joohyun continued.

“I’ve had it for quite some time, but it always gets worse during school breaks. At first, I believed that having no classes left me with more energy, and I wasn’t physically or mentally drained. That was why sleep wouldn’t come to me during the night, or day.

Do you remember the first time we met? When you let me sleep on your bed?” Joohyun asked her, and Seulgi hummed in reply. She began to run her fingers through Joohyun’s hair, nails lightly grazing on her scalp.

“It was odd, how out of all the places, I suddenly found sleep in a stranger’s room,” a chuckle escaped Joohyun’s lips before she resumed. “During the span of the week when I caught the flu, I pondered over the reason. Was it the tea you made? The sound of the rain? The feeling of having just had a hot shower after being drenched in the cold? All these questions came up in my head, but I knew that none of it was the reason. I’ve had tea in my own room, spent time lying down on my bed during a rainy day, and of course I’ve had several hot showers, but I still had a hard time falling asleep.

I realized it just last week, when we got back after spending the day riding that tandem bicycle at Han River. We were resting on your bed, just like this. My head was on your lap, then you began to comb your fingers through my hair, and I suddenly felt like I was being lulled to sleep. It was hard to believe, I’ve been trying my best to fall asleep on my own. I did all the methods I looked up that could help me, but none of it worked. And I wasn’t even tired that day, since you did most of the work during the bicycle ride. But then suddenly, there I was falling asleep on your lap, like it was the easiest thing in the world. That was when I knew.” Joohyun paused to catch her breath. Then she continued.

“Sleep came easy whenever I was with you. Feeling your presence, knowing that when I wake up you’d be there, brought me great comfort. You made me realize that I was lying when I said that I was used to being alone. I guess I never was.”

Joohyun rose from her position, lifting her upper body with her arms, and she finally looked at Seulgi. Joohyun’s eyes had grown misty, and when she spoke again, her voice was on the edge of cracking, but the smile on her face was anything but sad.

“I’m glad that I met you, Seulgi.”

***

Joohyun stayed at Seulgi’s dorm in the remaining days of summer. And every night Seulgi would brush Joohyun’s hair with her fingers until the older woman fell asleep. At Joohyun’s insistence, they shared the same bed.

In the dim light, Seulgi watched Joohyun, softly snoring by her side. Her eyes wandered from the bridge of Joohyun’s nose, to her long eyelashes that were more visible with her eyes closed and their close proximity, then shifting down to her small lips slightly ajar in deep slumber.

She looked very much at peace. To be quite frank, Joohyun had always seemed at peace, even when awake. She was always calm and collected, leading Seulgi to think that she was okay. That whatever the reason for her hesitation to opening up was probably not very serious. 

An overwhelming sense of guilt crept up on Seulgi as she realized how wrong she was.

Something stirred up inside her chest. At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to slip her arm underneath Joohyun’s neck and pull her closer.

Seulgi turned her back swiftly, suddenly frightened. She shut her eyes tight and tried her best to calm her beating heart.

***

When classes resumed, Joohyun decided to go back to her dorm, and Seulgi couldn’t put a finger on how she felt about this.

Half of her felt relieved. Seeing less of Joohyun would allow her to keep what emotions she had been feeling lately under control. But another half of her (maybe more than half, if she was being honest with herself) felt worried, and admittedly sad.

“You don’t have to go. I don’t even have a roommate, so you can stay here for as long as you like.” she told Joohyun. As a classical music student who had to practice for most of their time, it was preferable to have a room all by herself without the worry of disturbing a roommate.

They were packing Joohyun’s newly laundered clothes into the small sports bag that she had brought for her short stay in Seulgi’s dorm.

“But I do, and the thought of leaving my roommate alone in the dorm— together with most of my things and my clean bed—makes me anxious.” said Joohyun.

“You don’t trust her very much?”

“With how she had behaved for the past years, yes I don’t. She’d probably let her friends stay over and mess with my things, or worse, she’d go and sleep with some guy and use my bed for the fun of it.” Joohyun ranted, her voice was filled with contempt.

“I’m sensing that you don’t like her.”

“She’s fine most of the time, but the moment she knows that I won’t be around for some time, she’d go and do what ever the hell she wants.” Joohyun let out an exasperated sigh, as if just the thought of her roommate’s antics exhausted her. She zipped her bag after making sure that they had packed all of her belongings. “Besides, I’ll probably hold you back on your practice if I stay here.”

“You won’t,” Seulgi’s eyes remained on Joohyun as the older woman stood up, slinging the strap of her bag on her shoulder. She was getting ready to leave.

“I will. Knowing you, you’d probably cut your practice short, afraid that I’d be sick of you playing the same piece again and again.”

“But your sleep…” Seulgi’s voice trailed off, and Joohyun glanced down at her. The subtle knot on her brow that had formed after talking about her roommate disappeared, her shoulders dropped, and an affectionate smile formed on her lips.

Joohyun placed a hand on Seulgi’s head, stroking it reassuringly. “You don’t have to worry,” there was nothing but the soothing gentleness in her voice now. “Didn’t I tell you that sleep came pretty easy when I got classes?”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

Despite Joohyun’s reassurance, Seulgi still couldn’t help but worry, but she nodded anyway. She pushed herself on her feet and walked with Joohyun on the way to the door.

“If it gets too hard, come by any time.” Seulgi offered.

As Joohyun stepped into the hallway, she turned around to face Seulgi and nodded her head.

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“And promise me that you’ll visit a doctor.” Seulgi lifted her hand with the three of her fingers in the middle folded. Joohyun glanced at it, and rolled her eyes, but she hooked her pinky with Seulgi’s just the same.

“I will,” Joohyun promised as they pressed their thumbs together.

With their smallest fingers still hooked on a promise, Seulgi and Joohyun’s eyes lingered at each other, as if neither one of them wanted to say goodbye.

Suddenly there was a tug on Seulgi’s finger and she felt herself being pulled forward. In front of her, Joohyun’s chin was tilted up slightly, leaning onto her, and Seulgi felt herself freeze. But then a flash of surprise appeared on Joohyun’s face, a look Seulgi could have easily missed if she wasn’t staring too intently. Joohyun stopped and blinked momentarily. She unhooked her finger with Seulgi’s and then resumed to lean in to wrap Seulgi in a partial embrace, as if it was what she had intended all along. All of it happened in a split second.

“I…uh…I guess…I’ll be going now.” Joohyun stuttered as she pulled away, then gave a chuckle. One could say Joohyun almost looked flustered.

A whirlwind of thoughts filled Seulgi’s head as she tried to comprehend what had almost transpired. She feigned ignorance at Joohyun’s visible embarrassment, or at least, that’s what she thought it was. But for what reason was Joohyun embarrassed of?

 “Yeah, I’ll— I’ll see you around then.”

Seulgi watched until Joohyun descended on the steps and disappeared from her sight. She blew out a long breath from her cheeks, and ran a hand down her face. Her heart still hadn’t settled down.

For a moment, she could have sworn Joohyun was about to…

Seulgi shook her head, not even allowing herself to think about it. It was probably just her imagination. No, it was most definitely just her imagination. She went back inside her dorm, reluctantly accepting a fact that she had been trying hard to deny.

She may have a little crush on Joohyun. Maybe, ever since the first moment they had met.

***

With the workload of a new semester, Seulgi barely got to see Joohyun. Their schedules clashed most of the time, and adding the fact that they belonged in different departments and had their classes in separate buildings, even running into each other had proven to be difficult.

At this, Seulgi thought that her small crush on Joohyun would go away, but what happened was the opposite. When Seulgi was awake, Joohyun consumed her thoughts, and when she was asleep, Joohyun visited her in her dreams.

Seulgi sat at the café waiting for Joohyun to arrive. It’s been a while since they last saw each other, or even had a proper conversation aside from the short texts that they’d send each other. Summer was long gone, the sky was clouded, and weather had turned chilly. Every person who passed by the café window was sporting a jacket or a thick sweater.

Seulgi was never one to be impatient, others would even say that she was the most patient person they had ever met. But that day, she was clearly restless. Her leg bounced uncontrollably, and for every minute that passed she’d glance at her watch then turn to check on the entrance.

“Excuse me, but could you stop bouncing your leg?” Seulgi turned her head at the direction of the voice, her eyes landing on a woman who looked about her age. She had a textbook sprawled on her table. A student.

The woman gave her a smile, and when she spoke her voice was kind, “It’s just that your seat is rather wobbly and the noise is starting to become unbearable.”

Seulgi immediately stopped, and slightly bowed her head in apology. “Sorry, I must’ve been doing it unconsciously.” She rubbed the back of her neck in embarrassment.

Seulgi expected that the woman would go back to her own business after her apology, but to her surprise the woman continued to speak with her.

“Are you waiting for someone?” The woman asked curiously, her textbook had seemingly been forgotten.

“I’m waiting for my friend.”

“You seem rather impatient, have you not seen each other long?” Seulgi thought that the woman was starting to get nosy, but she continued to answer out of sheer politeness.

“A little over a week, I guess?”she said.

The woman arched an eyebrow at her questioningly, “That isn’t very long.”

Seulgi felt the corner of her lips twitch in annoyance. What is this woman’s deal? She thought to herself. Seulgi opened her mouth, about to make some excuse to cut their conversation short when she heard the entrance door of the café open. Her head sharply turned to check whoever had just entered, and there she was. The woman that she had been waiting for.

At the sight of Joohyun, Seulgi beamed and quickly shot up from her seat. The back of her knees loudly pushed the chair as she stood, garnering her a few glances, but Seulgi remained oblivious. The lady beside her has long been forgotten. Her attention was completely on Joohyun.

It took every ounce of self-control for Seulgi to not run towards Joohyun and rapture her in a tight embrace. Her eyes started to sting, and she felt a knot bob on her throat. What is this? She asked herself. Why am I on the edge of crying? Just because I hadn’t seen Joohyun for a mere week? Had I missed her this much?

Behind her, the woman spoke once again, or maybe it was a voice in the back of her head. She couldn’t tell.

Are you sure she’s just a friend? The voice asked.

Maybe not, Seulgi answered mentally. At least, not to me.

***

“Have you been waiting long?” Joohyun asked as she reached the opposite side of the table. She was panting. Did she run on her way? Seulgi wondered.

Still on her feet, Seulgi shook her head, blinking the tears away and swallowing before answer, just to make sure her voice doesn’t crack, “No, I just arrived as well.” She lied.

The woman who she had just been talking with coughed, and Seulgi couldn’t tell if it was intentional or not. Seulgi had actually been waiting at the café for almost an hour, and if there was anyone who knew that, it was the woman beside her who had been at the café long before Seulgi even arrived.

The smile she had for Joohyun remained on her face but the palm that was resting flat on the table curled into a fist as she tried to control her temper. This woman was really starting to get on Seulgi’s nerves.

“You haven’t ordered yet?” Joohyun asked. She seemingly hadn’t caught on to the wordless exchange between Seulgi and this woman.

“I wanted to wait for you before getting anything.”

A faint smile formed on Joohyun’s lips as she slightly shook her head at Seulgi, “When will you ever get tired of waiting for me?”

“Probably, never,” Seulgi answered, her head tilting playfully, earning her a laugh from Joohyun. A laugh that she had terribly missed hearing.

“Alright, let me get you a drink then. What do you want?”

“Your treat?” Seulgi asked in surprise. Although, there was really nothing surprising about it. Joohyun always treated her to food.

With her lips pursed in an adorable fashion, Joohyun crossed her arms on her chest, and tapped her feet as she pretended to get impatient, “Hurry up, before I change my mind.” She said without looking at Seulgi.

“I think you already know.”

“Hot chocolate?”

“Ah, you know me so well.” said Seulgi, visibily impressed. Joohyun playfully rolled her eyes at Seulgi before turning on her heels and made her way to the counter, leaving Seulgi alone at their table.

Well, not exactly alone. Seulgi had almost forgotten about the woman beside her who, for whatever reason, seemed to find her amusing.

“Just a friend, huh?” said the woman.

She finally gave the woman a glance. Irritation was written all over Seulgi’s face, although her voice still came out softer than she wanted. It was always hard for her to put an edge on her voice, probably because she rarely ever got angry. “It’s really none of your business,” she told the woman. “We don’t even know each other.”

“Forgive me, it’s just that you kind of remind me of myself,” answered the woman, clearly unfazed by Seulgi’s irritation. Maybe it was because she didn’t sound mad to begin with.

“You sound like an old lady.”

Ignoring her snide remark, the woman proceeded to share a bit about herself. She had a far-away look on her face as she spoke, as if she was reminiscing about memories long gone. “I’m waiting for someone I like as well,” the woman started.

“What makes you think I like my friend?”

“Well, don’t you?”

Seulgi opened her mouth, then closed it as soon as she realized that she couldn’t deny what she felt for Joohyun. The woman chuckled at her, and Seulgi bit her lip in frustration.

“You’re lucky you’re friends with her. The person I like thinks I’m irritating.” The woman heaved a disappointed sigh. Seulgi found this whole situation unbelievable; To think that out of all the places, she suddenly got a stranger opening up to her as if she’s some bartender at a pub. But since this woman was already up on Seulgi’s business, why couldn’t she do the same? This woman was clearly willing to talk about herself anyway.

She took a glance at Joohyun who still had her back turned. There was a line on the counter, and it looked like it’s going to take a few minutes before she got her turn.

“If this person doesn’t like you, then why are they meeting up with you on this café?” Seulgi asked the woman.

“We got paired up for a recital. I’m pretty lucky, huh? If the class wasn’t randomly paired up, she would have avoided me big time.”

A recital? Seulgi wondered to herself. Her eyes landed to the textbook sprawled out on the woman’s table. It was a book on music theory, how could she have missed it? She had the exact same one. Seulgi’s initial irritation at the woman was suddenly overshadowed by the sudden excitement she felt at coincidentally finding out a major similarity they had.

“You’re a music student?” Seulgi asked.

“Yeah, why?”

“So am I!” she said, pointing at herself.

“No way!” the woman mirrored Seulgi’s excitement. “Instrument?”

“Piano, you?”

“Violin. University?”

Seulgi mentioned hers, and so did the woman. She was from a prestigious university, Seulgi discovered, leaving her in awe. This woman must be smart and talented.

“Is your friend a music student too?” the woman asked.

“No, she’s a film major.” She replied, and the woman nodded her head in return.

“I guess we’re more similar than I thought. Sapphic music students currently going through unrequited love! How tragic!” said the woman in despair, and then continued to slam her forehead at her table.

The woman was being embarrassingly over dramatic that Seulgi almost missed what the woman had just said. “Have I heard you right? This person that you like…is a woman?”

From her bent down position on the table, the woman quickly lifted herself and beamed at her. “Right you are! When I saw that your ‘friend’ was a girl, I just couldn’t stop myself from talking with you.” The woman admitted. “We’re comrades!”

The bell by the entrance rang signaling an incoming customer, and the woman’s head sharply turned to check on who it was. Seulgi could only shake her head in disbelief at how similar they were, because just as she did, the woman shot up from her seat.

Seulgi followed the woman’s gaze, and her eyes fell on a taller woman with a violin case hanging on her shoulder. This must be her, she thought.

“Hey Sooyoung! You done meeting your friend?” the shorter woman asked. She looked like puppy seeing their owner who got home from work. Seulgi must have looked the same just a while ago.

“Why else would I be here?” The tall woman (who now, Seulgi knew was named Sooyoung) answered sarcastically.

Seulgi brought out her phone, and pretended to be busy. The disinterest was so blatantly obvious it was hard for her to watch. Seulgi mentally thanked the universe the she and Joohyun were at least friends.

Willingly ignoring Sooyoung’s lack of enthusiasm, the woman proceeded to speak with much interest, “So, who was this friend of yours?” she lifted an eyebrow at Sooyoung in a teasing manner.

“Seungwan, why are you always up on my business?” Sooyoung let out an exhausted huff. It seemed like this was a usual occurrence between the two women. “It’s really none of your concern on who I was with. You always act like you’re my mom or something.”

Seulgi’s eyes quickly shifted from the two women, then back to her phone. A few minutes into their meeting and they were already arguing. She felt awkward pretending not to hear their exchange. She glanced at Joohyun. One more customer and it was her turn. Thank god.

“Let me just use the restroom, then let’s head to the rehearsal room back in uni,” said Sooyoung.

“Of course, I’ll get ready while you’re at it.” Seungwan replied with a nod.

As soon as Sooyoung left, Seungwan slumped back on her seat, “She’s a tough one, isn’t she? Sometimes I don’t understand why I even like her.”

Seulgi gave a moment’s thought before saying, “I think I know why she’s sort of irritated with you.”

“Tell me.”

“It’s what she just said, you’re too nosy. Clearly, she doesn’t like being pestered about it. I mean, you even got into my business, and we’re strangers!”

Seungwan slapped her lips repeatedly, “God, why is it so hard for me to control my mouth!”

“You should try getting along with her. It’s going to affect both your performances on your recital if you don’t.”

Their conversation was cut short with Sooyoung’s return.

“Let’s go, I’ll wait for you outside,” said Sooyoung before quickly turning around, leaving Seungwan to follow her.

“I’m afraid I haven’t caught your name,” said Seungwan as she prepared to leave.

“Seulgi.”

Seungwan introduced herself, although Seulgi already this after the woman names Sooyoung mentioned it. “Well, Seulgi, goodluck with your friend. You have a better chance than I do.”

“C’mon, don’t be pessimistic.”

Seungwan gave Seulgi a thankful smile before saying her farewell. “The chamber music industry isn’t that big, so we’ll probably run into each other again. See you around, Seulgi.”

“Yeah,” Seulgi nodded. “I’ll see you around.”

***

Left alone in her thoughts, Seungwan’s words echoed inside her head.

You have a better chance than I do.

With the realization and acceptance of her newfound feelings for Joohyun, the word ‘chance’ never once slipped inside Seulgi’s mind. Liking a friend had always been a burden to her, and if she had a choice, she never would have allowed it to happen. But to like someone more than how a friend should is something that no one has control of, and that goes the same for Seulgi.

So far, in the twenty years of her life, falling for a friend had only happened once to her. It was back when she was in high school, and she did what any coward did. She avoided it, ignored it, and tried her best to make it go away. This had always been her go-to options. Acting upon it as if she had a chance? She could never see herself doing it. Never even considered it.

But as she watched Joohyun walking towards her, two drinks on her hand, and an easy smile on her lips,

Seulgi knew it was going to be hard. She was the happiest when she was with Joohyun, she knew that now. To think that seeing even the slightest hint of disappointment, or hurt on Joohyun’s face was unbearable for her. Pushing Joohyun away for the sake of her own feelings was impossible, and at the same time, it would have been an act of selfishness. Seulgi knew that she could never do it, and so she decided to just let it be.

But if she doesn’t avoid Joohyun, the feelings would never be ignored nor will it ever go away. There is only one outcome to this, and Seulgi dreaded just thinking about it.

Eventually, she would fall in love.

***

“Hey, are you alright?”

Seulgi flinched and was brought back from her trance when a waving palm filled her vision all of a sudden. Her eyes caught Joohyun’s curious gaze, who she hadn’t realized was already sitting right in front of her. The two fresh cups of hot chocolate were already settled on the table.

Was she alright? If she would answer the question by basing it on the physical sense, then yes, she was fine. Mentally and emotionally? Maybe not. No one can deny that liking someone without the certainty of the other person liking you back brought an emotional burden.

But of course, none of these words came out of her mouth. It wasn’t important after all. And so, Seulgi told her second lie for the day. As someone who claimed to be bad at lying, Seulgi was suddenly an expert on it.

“Yeah… just thinking about how I did on my exams,” she told Joohyun before quickly adding a question to divert the subject away from her, “How about you? Think you did well on yours?”

“I don’t think any college student can be certain on how well they did on their exams.” Joohyun said, making both of them laugh at how true her words were.

As they both caught up with each other, talking about subjects that are more fitted to be talked about in person rather than through instant messaging, Seulgi noted how Joohyun looked well-rested despite the stressful exam week they just had.

About a week after the semester started, Joohyun did as what she promised Seulgi. She visited a doctor for her insomnia and had some medications prescribed to her. She had anxiety, that’s all what Joohyun told her. It was vague, but if that’s only what Joohyun wanted to share then there’s nothing she could do about it. She had accepted that that’s just how the older woman was. But still, it didn’t change the fact that it made Seulgi rather sad that Joohyun still hesitated opening up to her. And without her knowing the whole truth, Seulgi couldn’t help but worry still on how Joohyun actually was.

Their conversation dawdled and Seulgi took it as a chance to ask Joohyun how she’s been dealing with her trouble sleeping. She knew that Joohyun was probably doing fine, but she needed the verbal confirmation to settle herself down.

“Have you been sleeping well?”

Joohyun raised both of her eyebrows at Seulgi. Ever since Joohyun told her that she had visited a doctor they never really spoke about it again. Her problem has been resolved after all. So for Seulgi to ask about it all of a sudden was surprising for Joohyun. Seulgi was still worried.

With a small smile on her lips, Joohyun reached out and placed a hand over Seulgi’s, running her thumb over it reassuringly, “I am,” Joohyun started, “The meds are doing its job. You don’t have to worry, Seulgi.”

“You’re okay?”

Joohyun nodded and squeezed her hand, “I’m okay.”

***

After finishing their drinks at the café, Seulgi and Joohyun decided to spend some time at the nearby shopping district. The sun had started to set and the streets were filled with the warm glow of the afternoon. They walked around with their arms hooked so as not to lose each other as the streets started to fill up. Neither of them really had the intention of going shopping. They just wanted to enjoy each other’s company a little bit more. Ever since the semester began, they never got to spend a day like this with each other.

As the night slowly approached, the breeze started to get chillier and Joohyun huddled closer to Seulgi until her cheek was pressed against Seulgi’s arm.

“Are you cold?” she asked.

Joohyun only held onto Seulgi’s arm tighter and nodded her head.

“Maybe we should head back—”

“No!” Joohyun said with her voice slightly raised, then as if realizing what she had done, she continued in a softer tone, “I mean, let’s just go someplace warmer.”

“You really wanna spend that much time with me, huh?” Seulgi teased, biting her lip to control her laughter.

Joohyun’s cheeks turned scarlet, and Seulgi couldn’t tell if it was because of the cold or because she was embarrassed. But for what reason did Joohyun have to be embarrassed?

Joohyun removed her arms from Seulgi’s, lightly shoving her away. Her brows were furrowed and she had a pout on her lips, which Seulgi always found adorable. “Whatever, let’s just go home then.” Joohyun said, clearly displeased with Seulgi’s teasing.

“Hey, c’mon! I was just kidding!” Seulgi wrapped an arm around Joohyun’s shoulders, “Are you hungry? Let’s have dinner then. My treat!”

Joohyun continued to ignore her, but didn’t bother removing the arm around her shoulders.

“Joohyun!” Seulgi whined playfully. “Come on! I’ll buy you anything you want!”

“Get me some spicy rice cakes…” Joohyun said, starting to give in.

“That’s all? What else do you want?”

“Stir fried octopus!”

“Alright! Spicy rice cakes and stir fried octopus coming right up!” Seulgi yelled amidst the crowd as she pulled Joohyun away.

“God, you’re so embarrassing,” Joohyun muttered and shook her head, although there was a hint of laughter in her voice. Seulgi took a quick glance at Joohyun as they tried to find a restaurant that served the food that she wanted. She was clinging onto Seulgi’s arm again, a small grin tugging at her face. Her earlier annoyance seemed to have been forgotten, although there was still a shade of pink that lingered on her cheeks.

She wanted to ask Joohyun why she got so embarrassed when teased about her wanting to spend more time with Seulgi but she couldn’t bring herself to do so. As Seulgi thought about it, Joohyun could have easily thought of a retaliation, or she could’ve just rolled her eyes at Seulgi. She was always good when it came to those things. More often than not when they teased each other, it was Seulgi who’d get overthrown.

The image of Joohyun turning bright red from her cheeks down to her neck popped back in her head. Then she remembered Seungwan’s words once again.

You have a better chance than I do.

***

Ever since that day at the café, when Joohyun reassured Seulgi that she was doing fine, Seulgi decided to trust Joohyun completely. A regretful decision that she had made, and was perhaps, what made her subconsciously ignore the vague signals that Joohyun unknowingly let on.

Two weeks before the semester ended, Joohyun suddenly came knocking at Seulgi’s door, luggage in tow, asking her if she could stay over for a while. This was the first signal.

“Is everything alright?” Seulgi asked then, her face struck with worry. After all, had she not offered Joohyun to come over if things became difficult? But contrary to Seulgi’s initial worry at the sight of Joohyun at her doorstep, the older woman only waved at her dismissively and cheerfully told her that nothing serious was going on.

“Calm down, Seulgi,” Joohyun chuckled as she hauled her luggage inside Seulgi’s dorm, “My roommate and I… got into an argument, and I can’t stand to be in the same room as her right now.”

“What happened?”

“She left a mess in the kitchen, then I found out she ate the snacks that I just bought, and I kind of just went off. Honestly, I think all the pent up frustration I had with her contributed to it.”

“Has this happened before?”

“This is the first time we actually had an argument. Usually, we just stay out of each other’s business, but I guess she caught me on a bad day. Not to mention, classes had been stressful lately.”

Seulgi didn’t ask any further questions, and they dropped the subject about Joohyun’s roommate. “Well, stay for as long as you like.”

“I promise I won’t be a bother.” Joohyun told her sheepishly.

“You’re never a bother, Joohyun.”

***

Several months had passed since the last time Seulgi and Joohyun shared a bed. And since Seulgi knew that Joohyun had her medications to help her sleep, she never bothered doing what she always did for Joohyun to get her to sleep, such as running her fingers through the older woman’s hair.

But during the first night of Joohyun’s stay, Seulgi felt her tossing and turning on the other side of the bed. She turned on the bed to face Joohyun, “Hey, what’s wrong?” she asked in a whisper.

“Sorry, did I wake you up?”

“No, I haven’t fallen asleep yet, and it seems like it’s the same for you.”

Joohyun kept silent, and although the lights were off and Seulgi couldn’t see Joohyun’s face clearly, she felt that there was something that Joohyun wasn’t telling her.

“Are you sure everything’s okay?” she proceeded to ask.

“Y- Yeah, I think I’m just cold,” Joohyun answered in a shaky voice, and Seulgi remembered that the heater in her dorm had been faulty lately.

“Sorry, I forgot to tell you that the heater’s having some problems.”

“Not your fault.” Joohyun chuckled softly.

They stayed silent for a few seconds with Seulgi contemplating whether she should act upon the idea that came up in her head. She decided to just go on with it.

She opened her arms a bit, “Come here,” she said, and Joohyun immediately scooted closer to her, as if she had been waiting all along for Seulgi to say those words. Joohyun wrapped an arm around Seulgi’s waist, and buried her face on her neck.

“You’ll tell me if anything’s wrong, right?” Seulgi asked. Out of habit, her hand immediately went to Joohyun’s hair, combing through it just as she always did.

“I will.” Joohyun answered in a barely audible voice.

“Promise me.”

“I promise.”

A few minutes after, she felt Joohyun’s breath grow steady against her neck. Usually, when she knew that Joohyun had fallen asleep, she’d go back to keeping a distance between them on the bed. But that night, she didn’t. Instead, she pulled Joohyun’s small frame closer to her, as if she was afraid that the moment she let go of her, Joohyun would be gone.

This was the second signal.

***

Where are you?

It was a text from Joohyun.

Seulgi sat in front of the piano in one of the rehearsal rooms in her department. She pulled up on her sleeve to check the time on her wrist watch. It was a quarter past seven. Outside the sky had already turned dark. The hallways were quiet. The semester was over.

Her recital had just finished, and she felt a bit disappointed with her performance. It wasn’t exactly bad, but towards the end of the piece, she went out of tempo. Maybe lacking was the right word for it. Admittedly, Seulgi was average when it came to theoretical exams, but on practicals she could say that she was pretty good. And so, she went all out when it came to her recitals just so that she can get a higher mark for her final grades.

But her mistake was that she practiced a little too hard. Until yesterday she’d been in front of the piano with almost little to no break, that when it was time for the actual recital, her fingers felt a stiff from fatigue. It was a stupid mistake. How many times had their instructors told them that it was important to have a good rest before a performance? She really should have listened.

I’m at the rehearsal room. She texted back.

Have you had dinner?

Not yet.

What rehearsal room are you in?

I’m on my way back already. You don’t have to come here.

Never mind, I found you.

A knock on the door, and Seulgi lifted her head from her phone to find Joohyun slipping inside the room. Suddenly, everything felt lighter.

“Hey,” Joohyun said.

“Hey,” Seulgi smiled, her first in the entire day.

Joohyun walked over to her and sat beside her in front of the piano. Seulgi noticed the thermos on her hand.

“What’s that?” she asked.

Joohyun chuckled at her, covering her mouth as she did. She looked embarrassed. “I was waiting for you back at the dorm and made sujebi to congratulate you on your last recital,” she said. “But it’s just from those ready to make boxes, so don’t expect too much.”

The last two weeks had been difficult for Seulgi. Aside from the studying and rigorous practice that she put herself through, Joohyun had been on her mind a lot. She really didn’t want to feel this way. All through the semester, she had successfully kept her feelings at bay. But ever since Joohyun decided to stay at her dorm, everything became out of her control.

She was in love with Joohyun. There were no other words to it.

Waking up with Joohyun in her arms, going home to find Joohyun waiting for her. It all felt like a dream. And she felt guilty, how she secretly indulged herself in these moments.

“I wish I could’ve watched you play,” Joohyun said.

“I’m glad you didn’t. It wasn’t my best performance.”

Joohyun placed the thermos on the floor. She wrapped her arms on Seulgi’s, and rested her chin on her shoulder. The tip of her nose was almost brushing against Seulgi’s jaw. “But to me, it would have,” she told her, her voice soft and comforting. “To me, you’re always the best."

And it was moments like these that were the hardest for Seulgi. It was moments like these, that she’d feel herself ready to let it all out. It was moments like these that the words would be on the tip of her tongue.

“Joohyun, I—”

“Seulgi—”

They both spoke at the same time.

“You go first,” Seulgi said.

Joohyun bit her lip before she spoke, “I’m going home tomorrow.”

This was surprising for Seulgi. Joohyun hadn’t gone home ever since she started college. “Really?” she couldn’t hide the disbelief in her voice.

Joohyun nodded, “I’m kind of nervous.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because I haven’t seen them for so long.”

“Your family must have missed you so much.”

Joohyun didn’t give any remark on what Seulgi said. “What were you going to say?” she asked her instead.

Seulgi shook her head. “It’s nothing important.”

***

The next morning, Seulgi went with Joohyun to Seoul Railway Station. After Joohyun had bought her ticket they had breakfast at one of the café’s in the station before Joohyun boarded the train.

“You’re not going home for winter break?” Joohyun asked as they ate.

“No, my parents couldn’t go home this year.”

Joohyun remained silent all throughout breakfast, and so did Seulgi. Both of them had a lot in their minds.

When it was time for Joohyun to board the train, the older woman couldn’t stop crying. This was the last signal.

“Hey…” Seulgi pulled Joohyun into an embrace. “Why are you crying?”

She could feel Joohyun’s shoulders shaking as she held her in her arms. Joohyun couldn’t answer right away and proceeded to sob with her face buried on Seulgi’s chest. She couldn’t understand why Joohyun was crying so hard. This was the first time she saw Joohyun cry as well.

“I’ll miss you.” Joohyun told her between hiccups, voice muffled on her chest. The arms that were wrapped around Seulgi’s waist grew tighter.

Seulgi rubbed at Joohyun’s back to help her settle down, “I’ll miss you too.”

Last night she lost the courage to tell Joohyun how she felt. As she held onto Joohyun, there was this unexplainable urge in her gut telling her to just say it right there and then. To tell Joohyun that she loved her. But in the end she refrained, it didn’t feel like it was the right time. A better timing would come, she told herself. She’ll have a lot more chances when Joohyun comes back.

Joohyun’s sobs subsided, and Seulgi partially pulled back to wipe the tears from Joohyun’s face.

“I’ll be here when you come back.” she told Joohyun softly. Joohyun bit her lips, and nodded at her. She still had difficulty speaking.

A voice through the speakers announced that there were only a few minutes before Joohyun’s train left.

Joohyun pulled away, but not before placing a quick peck on Seulgi’s cheek, catching her off guard.

“Seulgi, I—” Joohyun said in a shaky voice. “I’ll see you again, okay?”

“Of course,” Seulgi answered incredulously. It was a weird thing for Joohyun to say, she thought. Of course they’ll see each other again.

Seulgi waited until Joohyun boarded the train, waited until the train left, and waited until there was nothing left on her view but the empty train tracks.

The cool winter breeze suddenly felt sharp against her face, and Seulgi shivered under her coat. For some reason, the warmth had disappeared. She started to leave the train station and made her way home.

It was regretful that Seulgi never told Joohyun that she loved her that day. Maybe it would have changed something with how things had abruptly ended between them.

Because that was the last time she saw her. Joohyun never came back.