Korra had been the first to visit her in prison, but hadn't been the only. In the time she'd taken to decide on bringing Kuvira to confront Guan, another had arrived.
Kuvira could remember the crisp prison air, the shackles on her wrists and her lowered head as she knelt against the cold ground. The visitor had walked in quietly, remaining in the shadows as she watched Kuvira. The shackles clinked as she shifted, but she didn't have to look up. She knew the lowered face she had seen at the back of the court room all too well, and had been expecting this visitor. The memories came rushing back as she closed her eyes. Images flashed beneath her eyelids, as vivid as the moments themselves had been even after so many years. They were running, hands held beneath the trees, all giggles and whispers and jokes. Soft eyes, dark hair, and a perfect smile bathed in golden light. The warm summer breeze hit her again, and Kuvira let out a soft sigh before the moment was gone and she was in chains once more, eyes lifted to the form before her.
The figure remained in the shadows, watching. Her voice cut through the air, cold and familiar and devoid of the emotion it had held when she had heard it last. "There are so many reasons to hate you."
Her heart sank. These were the words she should have expected. They were well deserved, but she hadn't been able to help holding onto the sliver of hope that had lodged it's way into her heart. Upon hearing that, the notion was shattered and her wishes abandoned. Her eyes fell to her shackles, and they were suddenly much heavier. "I know."
It was silent, and Kuvira could feel the figure's gaze boring into her. "Then why can't I seem to?"
Her eyes shot up, wide with surprise as the girl standing at the entrance stepped out of the shadows. She was taller than Kuvira remembered, standing boldly, her pale skin a stark contrast against the dark and empty chamber. Her ears were just a little too large, her long black hair pulled into a bun, and her teeth clenched together in an all-too-familiar way. She was almost everything Kuvira remembered, everything except her eyes. They were darker, colder. The light in them was almost gone. "Kazumi..." she whispered, and the name felt like home. The rush of hope surged back through her, and she leaned against the tug of her shackles, wishing there were no restraints to hold her back.
There was sadness in Kazumi's eyes to accompany the darkness, and she all but turned away. "I think about you every day, Kuvira. When you asked, I should have gone with you. None of this would have happened, not if I had been there to guide you."
Her voice was broken and Kuvira could feel the tears that threatened to snap her composure. "You can't blame yourself," she choked out, wishing it would help.
"I knew you needed help and I still let them take me from you. I should have stayed."
"It isn't your fault," she consoled, "I did this on my own."
There was silence as Kazumi just looked at her. "God, Kuvira. what were you thinking?" If it had been anyone else asking her that, she would have snapped back at them, would have turned to anger and tried to justify herself. But it had been too long since she had seen Kazumi and she couldn't risk being the one to drive her away, not again.
So she stayed silent.
"I shouldn't have let them turn you into this. I'll always blame myself, Kuvira."
"Don't. They didn't turn me into anything, this is who I always was. You... ..You brought out the best in me, but I lost that when I lost you."
"That's no different," she sighed. Her brows were furrowed slightly, eyes glazed with sadness as she looked at Kuvira. "Things will never be like they were, will they?"
They both knew what she meant. Laughter, smiles, soft skin, and a sun gleaming overhead. Nights spent together, pulled closer by each other's rough or gentle touches, bodies twisting together. It all faded into the past. "No." She let her head hang. "It won't."
Kazumi let out a soft sigh. "I didn't think so." She turned, and for a moment Kuvira feared she would leave. Just walk right out the door and never come back. She'd let that happen once, and had regretted it every day since. The thought of losing the other girl again tore at her heart.
"Wait!" she cried out desperately, tearing at the chains that held her back. "Please, please..." she begged helplessly, voice high and undone. It was at that moment Kazumi could see past her crumbling walls, could see how broken she really was. "I... ..I can't lose you again! You're all I have left, please-" she broke, her head hanging as her eyes shut tightly, painfully. "You're all I have left."
Footsteps echoed through the hollow chamber, the beat to Kuvira's ragged breathing. Soft hands lifted her head, palms laid against her cheeks as gentle fingers wiped away her tears. It was the first step, a moment in which Kuvira could heal, where a little piece of her was put back together by the only person who her knew well enough to do so. "I'll be back," she whispered, and her eyes said it was the truth. Her hands fell away and she stepped back, looking one more time at the kneeling figure in front of her. "If they give you another chance, plead guilty."
It was more of a request than advice, and Kuvira made no response as the other girl turned and walked away. She let herself fall back, curling her arms around her legs and resting her chin on her knees. There would be plenty of time to make up her mind, but Kazumi had been wrong only once before. The time would be a waste, because she had already decided.
Instead, she let her mind diverge, drifting back to the youthful years she had spent in Zaofu and the memories that came with them.
The first thing that came back to her were the summers. Warm and quiet, they were the most peaceful time she had spent anywhere. Particularly, the time she spent in her favorite orchard was what she looked back to most. She could still remember the smells, air thick with the sweet scent of sap and leaves. Bright cherries in the spring, and the crispness of the apples that ripened in fall.
Nobody went there, nobody bothered. Not for the hours she would lay between the trunks of trees, staring at the sky above and feeling the depth of earth beneath her. Endless and strong and stable. She never wore her uniform to the orchard, because the metal was out of place. There beneath the leaves, she never felt the sharp sensation of nearby metals, never felt the endless lull of it's power calling to her. When she closed her eyes, breathing came easy. Thought slipped away, falling into the dark depth below her and leaving her mind peacefully empty.
Sleep came easily there, and on nights where there the air wasn't too cold she would often slip out of the Beifongs' manor to lay beneath the stars.
These were the first memories to greet her, simple and sweet. But they opened the door to her past, and through that door seeped the moments she wished to forget.
Suddenly, she was back in her parents' house, her real parents' house. The lights gleamed coldly, and there was yelling from another room. She could just barely make out the distant voices, the frustration and anguish.
"She's our daughter, we can't just send her away!"
"Look at what she did to you! We can't do this anymore, it's too much! She... She's a monster!"
Kuvira's eyes closed tightly as her hands clamped over her ears. Those words had followed her for her whole life, tearing at her confidence, dragging her down until getting up again was just too hard.
Her head fell, and the stars spun around her.
"Are you Kuvira?" She let her hands fall and her eyes lifted to the poser of the question. There, Suyin stood before her, younger than she remembered. Her hair was less gray, with streaks of color not yet faded. Her voice almost sounded youthful.
Kuvira nodded, but as she reached out to take Suyin's hand the form before her shifted and her surroundings changed.
"Hi, I'm Opal," the girl that now stood before her said as they shook hands.
She had no response, her young eyes wide in confusion. There was just so much to think about the girl in front of her, about this family that wasn't hers.
The next memory was nothing more than a flash, red and hot. Searing with anger towards Opal, towards a dollhouse she hadn't even wanted anyways. Flashes of this rage came to her, driving her actions for many years. She saw how the pity on Opal's face when the first met turned to a scowl, to clenched teeth and dismissive glances. Even as this rage fizzled out towards Opal and directed itself elsewhere, her back remained turned and their relationship never mended.
Kuvira knew that this anger had been fed by jealousy, flaring and spitting at all the things Opal had that she wanted. Yes, she may have had talent and bending, but Opal had stability. She had a family.
Maybe that was why, once the jealousy fell away, Kuvira found herself drawn to Opal in a way she hadn't expected. They were 14 when time slowed again, sitting on opposite ends of a bench as they waited for Suyin to return.
"How... how are you today?" she asked cautiously, almost afraid. She heart beat unusually fast, and she was suddenly aware of how pretty Opal was, even with a furrowed brow and a scowl on her lips.
"It's not like you'd care," she snapped back, turning away dismissively.
Kuvira huffed, turning her head away with gritted teeth. But she wasn't angry, not like usual. "Maybe I just wanted to know," she muttered under her breath. But if Opal heard her, she didn't say anything. They had fought too many times, spoken too many harsh words. Their relationship was beyond her repair, and Kuvira felt the sting of another rejection.
Time was on the move again, spinning like clockwork around her. Countless fights flashed by, yells that echoed through her skull. Bruises and scrapes, scars that would last forever, wounds that would never mend. Voices differed, each raised in anger. Opal, Suyin, her peers, her own parents. Others that she couldn't quite place. They swirled around her angrily, harsh and accusing. There were too many, moments from every corner of her life in which she didn't belong. They echoed between her ears, drove her mad. Her eyes shut tightly, palms clamping over her ears as her knees hit the ground.
"Stop!" she cried out, but nobody was listening. "Make them stop!"
"Hi." One voice spoke above the rest. Time had stopped spinning now, and as Kuvira looked up she felt the air around her empty, heard the cries of anger fall away. She knew this memory well, and smiled as her eyes met the girl who had just spoken to her. Kuvira's 17-year-old self didn't know this girl yet, but her cheeks grew red at how attractive she was, a few inches taller than Kuvira herself and blushing from ear to ear. "Your dancing... I've never seen anything like it." The girl's dark eyes shifted to the floor in embarrassment. Her hands fumbled nervously and Kuvira took note of the red and black of her uniform, the gold trim. She was from Fire Nation, a dancer herself. Suyin had mentioned a visitor like this, coming to learn with them for a year. The girl who stood before her was not what Kuvira had expected.
"Oh." she breathed, drinking in the moment. "Thank you..." Their voices fell away in an awkward silence, cheeks growing redder.
"I'm Kazumi by the way," the girl finally gave in, eyes meeting Kuvira's again.
"Kuvira," she responded, holding out a hand. Her voice had gained back it's confidence, and she was thankful for that. Their eyes met again and this time she noted the surprise in the taller girl's gaze, the momentary confusion as her brows twitched towards a furrow.
But her hand came up to meet Kuvira's, grasping it with a firm grip and a confident shake.
"It's nice to meet you," she said, and that moment was all she ever needed.
This. This was where she wanted to stay, warm and smiling and young. Here, where nobody could reach her, and where her fate had not yet been sealed.
Here, in a distant memory, a life long since over.