Chapter 2
vi.
Catra would’ve been fine with spending the next month of fake dating simply holding hands and occasionally being closer to Adora than what’s deemed as more than platonic, but, on Wednesday, while the Best Friend Squad (she didn’t name them that; in fact, she fought against the name for as long and hard as she could) hung out in an abandoned park, Glimmer had casually asked her how everything was going with “operation free Adora from Weaver” (again, another name Catra didn’t come up with).
(“Fine, I think,” Catra had told her from her place on top of the monkey bars. Glimmer sat a couple feet away from her on the edge of an old, beaten up slide, and little ways away from them, Bow and Adora were throwing a frisbee back and forth. “We haven’t really done anything that you don’t already know about. Just been holding hands and hanging out a little bit more,” she waved her hands around for extra effect, “etcetera.”
Glimmer lifted a brow. “That’s it?”
A little offended, Catra rolled her eyes. “What do you mean, that’s it?” she paused to glance down at the hoodie she’d been wearing: the one Adora had given her after she left her house on Saturday, the one she’s yet to return. Briefly, she struggled to hide a smile. “This is hard work. I’m not a touchy person.”
Glimmer stared at her for a few more moments. “You’re totally enjoying this.”
“I’m not!” Catra spluttered, only to watch as Adora turned to glance over her shoulder in their direction, concern written all over her features. Catra waved her off, before lowering her voice. “I’m… I’m not.”
“Whatever you say,” Glimmer smirked. Catra rolled her eyes. “Anyway, when I said that’s it, I just meant it like— I’m just surprised. I figured you would’ve hung out at Adora’s again by now.”
With a frown, Catra turned back to face who she supposed is her friend. “Not since that first time, back on Friday.” Catra paused, worrying her lip between her teeth. “Why? Should we?”
“If the entire point of this is to prove a point to Weaver, wouldn’t it make sense that you’re there more often to, you know, prove a point?”
Taking her words into consideration, Catra nodded. “I guess you’re right.”
“Wow, seriously? You’re admitting I’m right? Who are you and what’ve you done to Catra?”
Catra rolled her eyes for the second time. “Shut it Sparkles, or else it’s not happening again.”)
Which is how Catra ends up back at Adora’s house for the second time in less than a week, laying down sideways on Adora’s bed with her legs propped up against the wall, head hanging down over the edge. Next to her, Adora sits on the floor with her back against the side of the bed.
After Catra had brought up what Glimmer mentioned, Adora had invited her over after school, and after making it apparent to Weaver that she’d be here for a few hours, they holed up in her room. Currently, Adora seems to be attempting to study for some test she has soon, if the giant textbook she’s trying to finish reading in her lap is anything to go by.
Catra, bored out of her mind, is having none of it.
They’re close enough that if she turns her head and blows gently, she can land a puff of air on Adora’s ear, making the other girl startle in surprise. She’s only done it a few times in the past fifteen minutes, but if there’s one thing she’s good at, it’s messing with Adora, and she doesn’t plan on stopping anytime soon.
When she does it for a fourth time, just as Adora leans forward to scribble some notes down in the margins of her paper, she jumps with a sudden gasp, much to Catra’s amusement.
“Stop doing that,” Adora grumbles, reaching over to blindly push Catra’s face away. “Or else I’m gonna breakup with you.”
Catra laughs, easily shrugging Adora’s hand off of her cheek. “Fake breakup,” she corrects, watching as Adora blinks.
“Yeah. Fake breakup,” she sheepishly says, before shaking her head and going back to staring at her textbook.
It gives Catra the opportunity to take in the side profile of her face for a few moments. From her position of only a few inches away, she can see the very faint line of her freckles, lightly dusted across her cheeks. Catra still remembers the way Adora had always traced the freckles along her own cheeks when they were younger, muttering something about how she wished she had freckles herself. Catra supposes days spent outside in the sun eventually granted Adora her wish, even if they’re not dark enough to be seen from a distance.
For a moment, she doesn’t even realize she’s staring, until she’s suddenly met with bright blue eyes. Her eyes have always been beautiful, Catra muses; like the ocean on a warm summer night, fireworks and constellations reflecting within them.
“Hi,” Adora smiles, in a breathy sort of way. As if she’s just now registering their proximity, Catra blinks, and then lets her lips curl up into the beginnings of a smile.
Maybe Glimmer was right. Maybe she is enjoying this a little bit.
“Hey Adora,” Catra sing-songs, before pressing a finger to Adora’s forehead. “Has anyone ever told you how gigantic your forehead is?”
Adora’s smile widens for a moment, and she shakes her head and turns her attention back to her textbook. “You know, you’re not nice when you’re bored.”
Catra snorts. “I’m never nice.”
“I can’t date someone who’s never nice.”
“Oh, really?” Catra teases, sitting up and reaching for her backpack. “That’s fine, I’ll just go.”
She stands up to make her way toward the door, only for Adora to quickly catch her wrist. “No,” she whines, quickly scrambling for her feet, “don’t go.”
Catra smirks, but still pulls her hand out of Adora’s grip. “I actually do have to go; promised my aunt I’d help her take down our Christmas decorations today, and she’s probably wondering where I am.”
That makes Adora do a double take. “Christmas decorations?”
“Yeah, why?” Catra asks, sliding her coat on. They had been hit with another cold front a couple of days ago, and her aunt had actually forced her to leave the house with an actual jacket this time. Catra supposes it’s for the best, anyway, being that Adora would’ve likely given Catra her jacket this morning and then she would’ve been left without protection from the harsh weather.
“It’s the first day of February.”
“What’s your point?”
“Who keeps their decorations up past December? It’s February now!”
Catra snorts. “Not everyone takes them down the day after,” she chuckles, before sliding her backpack over her shoulder. “Anyway, I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Yeah,” Adora says, and Catra pretends not to notice the little pout she’s been wearing ever since she was informed of Catra’s departure. “See you tomorrow.”
vii.
Days go by, and nothing really changes. By the time they make it to nearly two weeks of fake dating, the gossip at school has relatively calmed down, Catra has come over a total of five times just to make Weaver nearly pop a vein, and their friends have gotten used to them being a little touchy whenever they all hang out.
The real main difference is exactly that: the touching.
No one really pays them any mind now when Adora reaches for her hand across the aisle separating their desks and presses a kiss to her palm, or when Catra wraps her arms around Adora at the end of her games and kisses her cheek.
Although no one really takes note of it, aside from Glimmer or Bow who occasionally raise a brow in their direction whenever they get a little more touchy than what’s probably necessary, Catra sort of becomes hyperaware of it every time.
It’s not like it’s that often. Catra’s never really been a physically affectionate person, and she knows Adora is aware of it. However, it’s clear that she’s gotten more comfortable doing things like pulling Catra into her lap whenever they’re all sitting out in the courtyard in the morning, or leaning her head on Catra’s shoulder during lunch.
Admittedly, Catra had been a bit apprehensive in the beginning. When she had reassured Adora anything she did wouldn’t make her uncomfortable, she meant it; however, she still wasn’t quite sure what to expect.
Now, every time Adora touches her, she leaves a trail of fire in her wake, and Catra’s skin usually feels incredibly hot right after. She’s not quite sure what to call the feeling, or what to make of it, and she hasn’t told anyone, either.
Typically, the first person she’d go to is Scorpia, but with her not knowing that the relationship is fake, Catra decides against it. She had briefly considered just letting Scorpia in on it, but as much as Catra loves her friend, she knows that Scorpia isn’t exactly the best at keeping secrets.
Glimmer is out of the equation, too. Catra trusts her, and since she already knows about the whole fake dating thing she’d be easy to confide in, but Catra isn’t sure if she wants to risk dealing with an endless amount of teasing for the next few weeks.
She knows Bow would probably be her best option: he’s good with talking about feelings, and she knows that if she asked him not to tease her, he wouldn’t. However, every time she attempts to get him alone so she can talk to him about it, it always ends in disaster.
The first time it happens, they’re walking in the hallways after school. Catra is attempting to gather what the hell she’s going to say while Bow rants to her about his tragic project partnership with some guy, and just as she’s about to attempt to steer the conversation where she wants it to go, her Calculus teacher somehow manages to track her down and confronts her about skipping the detention she had gotten after getting into a “disruptive” argument with another kid during class.
Because Bow is Bow, he ends up forcing her to go, saying something about at least you won’t get in more trouble! as Catra sulkily follows her teacher into the classroom.
The second time it happens, they are, ironically, waiting for Glimmer and Adora to get out of their shared class just before lunch. This time, Catra actually manages to tell Bow she wants to talk to him about something. Bow smiles reassuringly and tells her he’s listening, only for Adora and Glimmer to appear seemingly out of thin air right in front of them.
The third and final time, Bow’s driving her home when he brings up what Catra had asked to talk about. Catra, a little taken aback, almost immediately asks him to drop her off at the seafood restaurant they’re driving past in a panic induced state to get the hell out of that situation.
Bow looks a little confused, no doubt wondering why she suddenly wants to be dropped off at a seafood restaurant of all places when she doesn’t even like seafood, but he drops her off with a smile and tells her they can talk about it later if she wants.
Catra, left standing outside of a restaurant she has no interest in eating at and pretty much no way to get home, sighs, pulls her backpack tighter against her, and begins the walk home.
Whatever. She doesn’t need to talk to someone about it, anyway.
viii.
Adora sends her a message toward the end of the third week. Catra’s heating up a slice of leftover pizza for breakfast when her phone lights up, and she slides it open.
Hi. What are you doing tonight?, the message reads.
Catra’s answer is, unsurprisingly, nothing i can think of. It’s accompanied with a sad faced emoji, followed by actually, i think i might be going to a movie with scorp
Oh, okay.
Frowning, Catra maneuvers her phone so that she’s typing with her non-greasy hand. why?
Sea Hawk’s parents are out of town, and you know what that means! Adora responds less than a few seconds later. You’d know that if you actually checked the gc with everyone in it btw
that thing is annoying, Catra messages back. i’ve tried to leave like 6 times but i’m always added back
There’s no reply for a few moments, so Catra takes a bite of her pizza, only to wince when it burns her tongue. It can’t be called “The Alliance” if we’re missing a member :(
why do we even call ourselves that again lmao
Bc you hated all my friends and they hated you and all yours in the first three years of high school but now everyone’s just a big family :D
sure
So, wanna come? If you’re worried about canceling on Scorpia, I’m pretty sure she’s coming, too!!!
ofc scorpia bailed on me, but fine, i’ll come then
Yay!
Catra grins and rolls her eyes, has just replied with this is not because i like you, when her aunt chooses that moment to make herself known.
“That a girl you’re talking to?” she asks, jutting her chin in the direction of the phone in Catra’s hands. Catra stuffs another bite of pizza in her mouth, more to stall for time than anything else, then nods. Her aunt smiles, waggling her brows. “Anything noteworthy?”
Catra glances back down at her phone, at the words I know it’s not because you like me, it’s because you love me!!! and shrugs.
“Well, I’d love to meet her,” her aunt continues, “Especially if you don’t know if it’s noteworthy. Usually, that means it is.”
“It’s, um,” Catra shakes her head. She thinks about Adora’s wide smile, and her eyes that are either gray like a summer storm or blue like a sun kissed sky, and then thinks about the fact that they’re planning on breaking up in less than a couple of weeks. “It’s not special. Like, at all.”
Her aunt lifts a brow and doesn’t look all that convinced, but decides not to press any further.
Do you need a ride there?
sure, princess
Ok great!!! I look forward to it :)
me too, Catra types, deletes, retypes, and then deletes again. Entrapta messages her to let her know she’s waiting out front a couple of minutes later anyway, so she eventually shuts off her phone, throws it into the debts of her backpack, and doesn’t respond.
Catra has been to Sea Hawk’s house on multiple occasions — never as an invited guest, until this past year — and almost every time, it’s been because of a typical high school party. Tonight is no exception.
The second she steps out of Perfuma’s car, she can already feel regret beginning to pool in her stomach. There’s heavy bass music echoing from inside, someone who Catra eventually recognizes as one of the junior football players is passed out in the front yard, and there’s a couple aggressively making out on the porch, meaning they all have to pass them to get inside.
“Remind me why I agreed to come again?” Catra asks, crossing her arms together for protection against the frigid air. Adora expectedly drapes her letterman over Catra’s shoulders, murmuring something about how she can give it back once they’re inside.
“Because you love me?” she suggests after ushering Catra through the doors. Catra simply gives her an unimpressed look. “Okay, fine. Because of the free alcohol?”
Catra smirks. “Now that’s a good reason.”
Almost immediately, Mermista abandons them to go find Sea Hawk, muttering something about needing to make sure he doesn’t set anything on fire again. Glimmer disappears somewhere, dragging Bow along with her, and Perfuma, who’s their designated driver, tells them she’s going to find Scorpia.
Plenty of people look excited to see Adora, who nearly gets pulled off into three separate directions in the time it takes them to make it to a less crowded area of the house. Catra gives her hellos to a few of her other friends, and a couple of people she recognizes.
When Adora nearly gets pulled off a fourth time in the two minutes they’ve been there, Catra intertwines their fingers together and leads Adora to the kitchen. She’s not jealous — in their past years of highschool, she definitely would’ve been — but now, she doesn’t really mind all of that attention being on Adora, it’s just that she would rather it happen after they get a drink.
“Jeeze,” Adora huffs when they finally do make it into the kitchen where it’s significantly less stuffy. She smooths down the top of her head, and Catra can’t help but tuck a piece of blonde hair behind her ear from where it’s fallen from her ponytail. “That was a lot. I forgot how crazy Sea Hawk’s parties can get.”
“Wasn’t it your idea to come?” Catra points out after offering a drink to Adora, and then pouring something for herself. “You can’t complain.”
“Hey,” Adora protests, “technically, it was Mermista’s idea; Sea Hawk mentioned something about his parents leaving for one of their monthly business trips and she immediately suggested he throw a party, so of course we were all invited.”
Catra curls her fingers around the plastic cup just to hold onto something. “Even though Mermista doesn’t like to admit it, they can get pretty chaotic when they’re together, so I can’t say I’m surprised.”
Adora stares at her for a few more moments, a dumb smile on her face. Catra lifts a brow and is about to ask what’s so funny when some guy with what looks like a basketball jersey suddenly barges into the kitchen, all but knocking a poor freshman out of the way. He wraps a friendly arm around Adora’s neck and says something about a competition going on in the dining room, and then attempts to drag her off once again.
Adora apologetically looks back over her shoulder, mouthing something that looks like text me? before disappearing through the door. Catra fondly rolls her eyes, tightens Adora’s jacket around her shoulders, and then slinks away to find someone she knows in the mass of bodies currently flooding Sea Hawk’s house.
An hour and two drinks later, because apparently everyone has seemed to have forgotten they’re no longer in middle school, Catra finds herself sitting on the floor between Bow and Perfuma as they crowd around an empty space with a Budweiser beer bottle in the middle. Catra had been outside with Lonnie, sitting on one of the chairs by the pool when an over enthusiastic and quite obviously drunk Glimmer came to find them and insisted they come inside to participate.
She had followed both of them inside, only to see a table that had previously been littered with red solo cups now cleared over and currently housing what appeared to be an arm wrestling competition. Adora was going up against a guy who had been shouting something about there’s no way I’m going to lose to a girl!, so when Adora inevitably slammed his arm against the table, Catra had, also inevitably, felt a rush of pride.
Now Adora is sitting on the other side of the circle that’s currently crowded around the beer bottle, and Catra sort of wishes she was sitting next to her instead.
Nothing too exciting happens in the beginning. Rogelio spins first and lands on Kyle, and after a lot of incessant hollering from some guys Catra doesn’t know the names of, the two head into the closet. Seven minutes later, Bow spins and lands on Glimmer, and the two of them share an incredibly embarrassed look when they get up. Catra makes sure to file that information away for later.
Lonnie spins and lands on some jock, who looks put out when she immediately wrinkles her nose in disgust and chugs a hearty drink from the beer bottle they’re required to take if they pass. Catra sort of loses interest by the time Octavia spins and lands on a cheerleader, and spends the majority of the game in a fairly interesting conversation with Perfuma until the bottle is suddenly thrusted into Adora’s hands.
Perfuma seems to notice her sudden interest in the game, and gives Catra a teasing smirk. Catra rolls her eyes and watches Adora whirl the bottle around in the middle of the circle, hoping in equal amounts that it does and does not land on her.
Of course, because this night couldn’t possibly get anymore cliche, the bottle lands on Catra.
A couple of the football players do their boisterous cheers, Perfuma nudges her shoulder and ironically says at least it won’t be anything you two haven’t already done, right?, Catra sees one of Adora’s teammates enthusiastically pat her on the back, and Bow and Glimmer share an amused glance.
Inside of the closet, it’s small, cramped, and sort of musty. Catra barely even has time to find her footing before the door slams shut, leaving them in almost complete darkness. There’s a dim light bulb hanging from the ceiling above them, but it flickers every few moments, and seems like it’s seconds away from completely burning out. Catra can barely even make out Adora’s figure when she turns around.
It’s quiet for exactly six seconds before Adora lowers her voice, clears her throat, and goes, “So… come here often?”
Any possible awkwardness or tension in the air just dissipates, and Catra finds herself laughing heartily. “God, you’re so dumb,” she says over the sounds of her and Adora’s laughter, making sure to shove a hand against her shoulder for extra effect. “Why am I friends with you again?”
Adora grips Catra’s wrist and pulls it away from herself, shoulders still shaking from laughter. “Because you—”
“If you say it’s because you love me one more time I’m going to break up with you, I swear,” Catra threatens, but she’s still laughing.
“Fake break up, you mean?” Adora corrects. Catra’s eyes have adjusted now so that she can see the smug smirk on Adora’s face.
“Yeah, fake break up, whatever. You’re still dumb.”
“But dumb and funny, right?”
“Just dumb, I think.”
“But you laughed!”
“Only ‘cause I was thinking about your massive forehead.”
Adora smiles and shakes her head, and then moves to flick Catra’s nose, much to her dismay. It’s quiet between them for a while, the only other sound being the heavy bass from outside of the small hall closet, shaking the room every few moments.
When Catra looks back up to meet Adora, she finds that the other girl looks sort of nervous now, a stark contrast compared to the cool and collected demeanor she had been sporting less than fifteen seconds ago.
“What’s up?” Catra asks, taking a small step closer. Adora blinks like she’d forgotten where they were for a moment, and then takes a deep breath.
“Nothing.” Catra narrows her eyes at the obvious lie, and even Adora seems to know that she isn’t buying it, because she adds, “okay, fine. Can I ask you something?”
Catra lifts a playful brow, even if it does seem to feel a lot hotter in here than it did a few seconds ago. “Can I stop you?”
Adora seems to take that as a yes. “Why did you agree to this?”
It’s quiet for even longer than before, and Catra feels herself tense. She knows Adora’s asking why she agreed to all of this, not just the game: the fake dating, the party she had little to no interest in coming to, everything.
“I don’t know,” she eventually murmurs, averting her gaze and stuttering like a moron. “To— to help you get into BMU.” Adora, to her credit, is doing a horrible job at hiding her disappointment with Catra’s answer, so Catra rolls her eyes. “Fine. Because… you’re my best friend, and I guess that means I care about you, and I wanted to help.”
The corner’s of Adora’s mouth turn up in fond amusement. “I’m sure that was excruciating for you to admit.”
“It was. Thank you for acknowledging that.”
This time, it’s Adora who gives her a playful shove. It’s not even hard, and the hall closet is so small that Catra is barely even able to move anywhere, but she still somehow manages to trip over something that she briefly thinks might be the bottom of an old vacuum, and before she knows it, she’s rushing straight for the ground.
Great. Now she’s going to have a beat up face and Adora probably won’t ever let her live down this embarrassing moment.
Except she doesn’t seem to quite get either. There’s a warm hand gripping her arm and an even warmer arm wrapped around her waist, and before Catra knows it, she’s being pulled up and even closer to Adora than she had been before.
All Catra can really do is sort of stand there, glancing up at Adora’s slightly concerned face. There’s another long moment, slightly more awkward than the last since Catra has no idea what to say and Adora looks like she’s struggling to say what she wants to say.
“Hey, Adora,” is apparently the best Catra can do.
“Are you alright?” Adora asks, letting go of the tight grip she had on Catra’s arm and letting the arm previously wrapped around her waist fall sort of uselessly to her side. Catra finds that she really, really misses it.
She’s quite proud of how steady her voice is when she speaks. “I’m fine.”
Adora doesn’t look very convinced. “Are you sure?”
No, Catra thinks, but the only reason she might not be fine is because she’s pretty sure Adora’s gaze just dropped to her lips and they’re standing really close and even she can’t stop herself from looking at Adora’s lips.
“Yeah,” she says, and then everything after that just sort of happens.
In the moment before Adora’s mouth touches her own, Catra gets the absurd idea that she’ll taste like the milkshakes they like to drink at the diner, or those strawberry lip balms she’s seen on her dresser. Instead, Adora tastes like the beer they had drank before and a bit of something else — something quiet and gentle, something that must just be Adora.
Her lips are soft, and her hands are even softer when they find Catra’s waist. Catra sort of follows her lead and moves to wrap a hand around the back of her neck, opening her mouth wider so Adora can slip her tongue past her own. One of them — Catra isn’t quite sure who — makes a noise that’s not exactly a moan, but it’s something close.
It takes Catra a few moments for her brain to register what’s happening, and when it does, the only thing she can really think is oh my god oh my god I’m kissing Adora.
She can hear their breathing. It’s fast and hard like they’re close to running out of air, but Catra doesn’t think she ever wants to stop—
Catra’s pretty sure she nearly falls over again when Mermista suddenly bangs on the door and tells them to stop making out so other people can use the closet. The only thing that stops her are the hands that still linger on her waist, but even Adora seems to have forgotten they’re at a literal high school party if the look of surprise on her face is anything to go by, followed by the way she immediately recoils like she’s been burned.
It takes Catra a couple of moments to get over her initial shock, but when she does, she glances back up at Adora, who’s very obviously fidgeting and looking everywhere but her.
“I— um, I just— I’ll—” Adora seems to realize she’s not going to be able to get out a complete sentence without stuttering, so without another word, she moves to open the closet door, glancing back at Catra questioningly.
Catra swallows, and then steps past Adora. She considers heading back toward the main circle where it’s considerably more crowded than it had been when Catra had left it, before ultimately abandoning the idea all together and making her way back outside.
(Adora doesn’t follow her out.)
ix.
Luckily the party was on a Friday, so Catra doesn’t have to face Adora and think about what happened the next day. She still has Adora’s letterman because Adora had opted for getting a ride home from Bow instead of Perfuma, who drove Catra and a couple of others home. (Catra knows it has to do with what happened, but she chooses not to think about it.) Now, the stupid jacket hangs on the chair of her desk in it’s white and gold colors, the last name Grayskull mockingly staring back at her from it’s place stitched into the back.
She spends the rest of the Saturday lying around the house, alternating between thinking about what happened last night and trying to hype Scorpia up for her date with Perfuma. Her aunt is at work too, so it’s not like she can go anywhere without asking someone to pick her up.
On Sunday, she actually manages to distract herself by cleaning when her aunt starts chewing her out for not having done anything for nearly the entire weekend. She’s in the middle of sweeping the kitchen sometime after dinner when her phone buzzes.
Assuming it’ll be another message from Scorpia describing how her date went with Perfuma, Catra’s moderately surprised to see that it’s actually a message from Adora. She quickly finishes sweeping, before grabbing her phone and sliding it open.
Hi, Adora messages, like she always does when she starts the conversation. Can I come over?
sure, Catra tells her, and furrows her brows together when she glances at the time. It’s almost nine, which is sort of an odd time for her to come. you okay?
Adora doesn’t respond for nearly ten minutes, before she says, Yeah. Weaver’s just making it unbearable to stay here.
At least fifteen different alarms simultaneously go off in Catra’s head. what’s she doing???
Just claiming this whole thing is a phase again, and that I owe everything I have to her so if she doesn’t want me to go to BMU then I shouldn’t, etc. It’s not that bad, I’m just tired.
Catra runs a single hand through her hair, before sighing. okay, do u need a ride?
It’s fine, I can just walk
adora it’s already dark out and it takes nearly twenty mins to walk from ur house to mine
Catra watches as the gray little bubbles that indicate Adora’s typing disappear and appear a few more times, before she responds with a simple Okay.
great, Catra tells her. i’ll be there in a few mins
Six minutes later, Catra pulls up to the front of Adora’s house, phone in hand. She texts the words i’m here, and not even a full minute later, Adora walks out.
She has her backpack on, which lets Catra know that she probably isn’t intending on coming back tonight. Behind her, Catra can see Weaver in the doorway, so she makes a point in stepping out of the driver’s seat and heading around to the other side to open the door.
“Hey,” Catra greets her. Adora looks a little frustrated, but she still gives Catra a small smile when the other girl ushers her into the car.
By the time they get back to Catra’s house, the air between them has morphed into something very, very awkward. Adora waves her hello to Catra’s aunt, and when they get to Catra’s room, she sort of awkwardly glances around as if she hasn’t been here more than a hundred times.
“Um, are you… alright?” Catra eventually asks, sitting down on the edge of her bed. Adora only nods and shuffles her feet. “You don’t really look—”
“I’msorryforkissingyouattheparty,” Adora practically blurts out in a mess of words. Catra widens her eyes, before Adora sheepishly rubs her neck and then sits down. “I’m sorry… for kissing you. At— at the party. We were drinking, and I didn’t ask before I did, and… I’m sorry.”
“Oh,” Catra says, kind of dumbly, and then nods. She’s not exactly mad about it, being that she was barely even tipsy, let alone drunk, and she had kissed Adora back. “Oh, okay. I’m sorry, too, then.”
Adora gives a small smile, but it doesn’t quite reach her eyes. “It’s… it’s okay.”
Catra shrugs. There’s a few more moments of awkward silence, before she eventually stands up and clears her throat. “So, you’re staying over?”
Adora frowns. “Yeah, is that— is that alright? If not, I can just call Glimmer or Bow—”
“It’s fine, Adora,” Catra reassures her. Adora doesn’t look very convinced, so Catra adds, “I don’t like sleeping alone anyway, so… you’re basically doing me a favor.”
That makes her smile, at least.
(Afterward, they don’t talk anymore about the kiss, and Catra has a fleeting feeling it’s going to blow up in their faces later.)
x.
On Monday morning, everything sort of resumes as normal. The only difference is the feeling that Catra has been hyper aware of for the past few weeks returns in full force, and strengthens every time Adora touches her or so much as even looks at her.
By the end of the day, when Catra completely zones out of eighth period and realizes the bell rang nearly a full minute ago and she didn’t even realize because she was too busy thinking about how soft Adora’s lips are and the way her letterman smells exactly like her, Catra decides she really, really needs to talk to someone about this.
Declining Scorpia’s offer to drive her home, Catra settles on walking to the diner she and Adora had eaten at back when this mess had all started. She’s about to ask Bow what he’s doing tonight as she steps inside, only to spot Lonnie near the back, alone with a basket of fries and a laptop. Squaring her shoulders, Catra makes a beeline in her direction and settles down on the opposite side of the booth.
Lonnie looks moderately surprised to see her, being that they don’t interact as often as they used to. When they were much younger — like, still in elementary school, back when Adora had promised Catra they’d get married to stay together forever — Lonnie had been one of her closest friends. They’ve drifted since then, although they still occasionally talk, and Catra thinks she sees her and Adora together every so often.
“Um, hey?” Lonnie starts, raising a brow. Catra sighs, leaning against the back of the booth. “Are you… good?”
Catra shakes her head, not quite sure how she plans on going about this.
“Trouble in paradise?” Lonnie asks, pushing her laptop to the side. Catra nods, because that’s technically what this is, right? “What’s up?”
“I… um,” Catra starts, staring down at the wood of the table. It’s dark, and probably a little dirty, she decides. “I think… I think I have feelings for Adora.”
There’s a breath of relief that seems to escape her when she admits it out loud. For some reason, she feels sort of lighter, even if her problems haven’t been solved in the slightest.
Lonnie looks moderately confused. “Okay, so what’s the problem?” she asks, and Catra thinks, right, she doesn’t know that they’re not actually dating. “I mean, isn’t it good that you have feelings for your girlfriend?”
The word girlfriend makes Catra flinch, and she sighs. “Maybe, if she were actually my girlfriend.”
Lonnie looks even more confused. “What do you mean?”
Catra takes a deep breath. “Okay, when I tell you this, you have to promise not to talk to anyone else about it, okay?”
Lonnie furrows her brows and chuckles. “Wow, okay. Didn’t realize you trusted me so much.”
Catra shrugs, bringing a hand up to rub her eyes, because she didn’t even realize it either.
“We’re not actually dating,” she begins, trying not to pay attention to the way Lonnie’s eyes widen. “We… um, it’s a long story, but Adora asked— well, okay, technically Glimmer asked me to fake date Adora to prove a point to her adoptive mother, and it’s— it’s worked, so far. The problem... is that I think I actually like her.”
It’s quiet for a moment. Lonnie’s eyes are still wide.
“That’s… definitely not what I expected you to say,” she admits, before shaking her head, seemingly taking a few more seconds to think before speaking. “Have you told Adora?” Catra shakes her head. “Why not?”
“I don’t know. What if she doesn’t feel the same way?”
Lonnie hums. “While that’s a valid point, if you don’t say anything, the only way this is going to end is with one or both of you getting hurt.” Catra frowns, even though she knows that Lonnie’s right. “You should probably tell her.”
“I don’t know,” Catra sighs. “We kissed during seven minutes in heaven at the party, and things were really awkward after that. I don’t want to make things awkward again if she doesn’t feel the same way.”
“Um, no offense, but... Adora isn’t exactly the best actor. She could barely pull off that skit we had to do in sixth grade; there’s no way she would’ve been able to pull off everything you two have done had the entire thing been fake. Like, even I thought you two were dating for real, and that’s saying something.”
Catra narrows her eyes. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I think there’s an entirely possible chance Adora feels the same way about you,” Lonnie simply tells her, like it’s not a big deal. She grabs a fry, and then pushes the basket closer to Catra to let her take one. “You said you two kissed during seven minutes in heaven? A game where literally no one sees what you actually do? There’s no way she would’ve done that if she didn’t reciprocate those feelings.”
Catra takes a bite harder than necessary, attempting to take Lonnie’s words into consideration. Now that she thinks about it, there is a possible chance Adora could feel the same way, but there’s also a chance that this is all just a part of the act. Maybe Adora wants this whole plan to work so badly she’s just… becoming a good actor.
Yeah, okay. The more Catra thinks about it, the more unbelievable it sounds. Adora’s a terrible actor.
“I just… Lonnie, what if I tell her, and she doesn’t feel the same way?” Catra asks, glancing back up. “What do I do then?”
“Adora’s not exactly the type to cut you off just because you have feelings for her that she doesn’t reciprocate,” Lonnie points out. “I get that you’re scared of being rejected, but I think you’re over complicating this. The worst that could happen is she says she doesn’t feel the same way, it’s awkward for a while, and then you two go back to how it was before and you start getting over her. I mean, come on. You two have been through worse.”
Catra takes a deep breath. She supposes Lonnie’s right — the situation they’re in really can’t get much worse than this, and Adora isn’t someone who would just cut her off because of her feelings. And besides, Catra’s been trying to work on being more vulnerable and open ever since she restored her friendship with Adora.
“Okay,” she says, and then stands. “Thanks for everything, Lonnie, but I’m probably just gonna head home now.”
Lonnie gives her a two fingered salute, and Catra makes her way out of the diner. Although she’s not much closer to figuring out how to move forward than she was an hour ago, at least she feels a little lighter having gotten some things off of her chest.
She spends the trek home mulling over Lonnie’s words; the idea of just coming right out and telling Adora about her own feelings; how it’s possible Adora might even reciprocate those feelings. The idea sounds terrifying, but not… horrible.
She’s been spending the majority of this year trying to focus on opening up to the people who are there for her. She could probably talk to Bow about this, like she planned on doing a couple of weeks ago. He’ll definitely listen, and they could come up with a plan together.
Yeah, Catra thinks, lips curling up to a smile. I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna tell Adora I might love her.
-
xi.
It’s late, too late, and Adora is exhausted after hours of practicing. It’s not exactly uncommon now that she’s been practicing a lot more than usual because that they’re nearing the end of the season, and this’ll be her last one before she heads to actual, college basketball. She has no idea what to expect, but being that college is far more professional than high school, she wants to be ready for anything.
The only problem is her body usually feels sore and tired afterwards, and as of now, she feels like she’ll fall asleep if she doesn’t get some sort of energy in her system on her walk home. Weaver will probably wonder where she is if she shows up later than usual, but Adora figures their plan must be working, because recently, she hasn’t been pressuring Adora nearly as much.
The thought makes the tiniest of smiles form on her lips as she drags herself into a convenience store for a pick-me-up drink in hopes that it’ll keep her from falling asleep on her feet.
Straying as far away as possible from all of the energy drinks, Adora settles instead on a plastic cup of tea. When she heads to the counter to pay, she finds Scorpia, which isn’t surprising, being that Adora’s pretty sure she got a part time job here a few weeks ago, and Catra, which is surprising, because Adora is pretty sure she doesn’t have a part time job here.
“Oh, hey, Adora!” Scorpia calls, interrupting whatever Catra had been saying. Catra whirls around in surprise, and Adora offers them a sheepish wave. “What are you doing here?”
“I stayed after school to practice for a little longer than usual,” she explains, opening the bottle of tea almost as soon as Scorpia hands it back to her and taking a long drink. Catra still hasn’t said anything, and when Adora turns back toward her, she finds that Catra sort of like a fish caught out of water more than anything else. “Catra?”
Adora swears she sees a sudden bit of color in Catra’s cheeks, but that could also be the fact that Adora is currently exhausted and probably seeing things by now. Besides, the idea of Catra blushing because of her is too good to be true.
“Oh!” Scorpia exclaims as if she’s just come to a sudden realization. “You two are a couple now!” she grins. “Sometimes it just slips my mind that two of my best friends started dating. I’ll give you guys a bit of privacy.”
All Scorpia really does is move away to the other register, but Adora appreciates the effort. If she and Catra were actually dating — only in her wildest dreams, Adora begrudgingly thinks — she’d appreciate it a lot more.
“What are you doing?” Catra eventually asks, still looking a little baffled. Adora briefly wonders if she should’ve just showered after practice like she usually does. Maybe Catra’s looking at her like that because she just looks like that much of a mess.
“Um… drinking tea?”
Catra rolls her eyes. “Well no shit, Sherlock. I just mean, why right here?”
“Why not?” Catra narrows her beautiful, beautiful eyes, and Adora smiles. “What? I came here to get a drink to give me a bit of energy, which means I need to wait a while for it to kick in. If I leave now, I’ll probably fall asleep on my feet and then I’ll get, like, mugged or run over or something, and then it’ll be your fault for making me leave and you’ll have to deal with that guilt for the rest of your life.”
“Literally none of that is going to happen.”
Adora shrugs, and enjoys the way Catra’s lips tighten in the way she knows Catra must be trying to hide a smile. “You don’t know that.”
“You’re such an idiot.”
“Yeah,” Adora smirks and takes another sip of her drink, “I know.”
Catra walks her home. Adora had protested against it — although her and Catra’s houses are only about a twenty minute walk from each other, it’s still a bit out of the way for her to walk with Adora.
“Aw, I can’t believe you like me,” Adora had teased once it was obvious she wouldn’t be able to change Catra’s mind. Catra simply rolled her eyes and grumbled I just want to make sure you don’t fall asleep and hit your dumb head.
Later that night, she crawls into bed after a long shower and an awkward dinner. She thinks about everything that’s happened in the past month and a half, from the sleepover to the party to now and everything in between; how she had begun to feel that it might be possible that she was — is — in love with her best friend, and to how now, she knows she is.
Despite the fact that she had been exhausted on the way over here, Adora seems unable to sleep, staring up at the ceiling of her room. She finds herself missing Catra’s presence, and the warmth of her body from the last time they had shared a bed.
God, Adora thinks, covering her eyes with her arm. What have I gotten myself into?
With a sigh, she rolls over, reaching for her phone underneath her pillow. She stares at the screen for a few moments, thumb hovering over the call button next to Catra’s contact, before shaking her head and clicking out. She clicks on Glimmer’s contact instead, and messages the words You awake?
Unsurprisingly, Glimmer replies fairly quickly. Adora had briefly considered messaging Bow instead, but he’s more likely to already be asleep. Yeah.
Adora doesn’t respond for a long time. By the time she’s typing on the small keyboard again, nearly fifteen minutes have passed.
I’m in love with Catra.
The constant feeling of heaviness that’s been lingering in Adora’s chest ever since she came to that conclusion finally seems to lighten. She has about ten seconds of ease before Glimmer’s contact picture appears on her phone, and her ringtone fills the room. When she slides her phone open to answer it, Glimmer’s voice is loud and shrill on the other end.
“YOU’RE WHAT?”
Adora takes a deep breath. She still isn’t sure what compelled her to tell Glimmer about her feelings for Catra — or even more so, why she chose now of all times — but there’s really no going back now. “I’m in love with Catra.”
“Like— like, in love in love? Like, romantic love?”
“Yeah,” Adora says, eyes fixed on the ceiling. “Like, in love in love.”
Glimmer’s voice is at least a couple of octaves higher than normal. “What? When? How did this happen?”
Adora sighs. “To be honest, Glimmer, I really don’t know.”
“Are… are you sure?”
Adora pauses. Now that she’s acknowledged it, said it out loud, there’s nothing to stop her from thinking about how completely and irrevocably smitten she is.
She thinks about Catra’s smile, and the way her squeaky and sharp laugh always manages to entice her and pull her in no matter the circumstances. She thinks about the butterflies that erupt in her stomach when she sees Catra wearing her letterman or hoodie, and how it always smells like her when she gives it back. Thinks about how she felt when they were cuddled up that one Saturday morning, and how she wouldn’t mind spending every Saturday morning like that for the rest of her life.
Adora thinks about how she’s never felt so comfortable with someone like she does with Catra. How Catra knows so much about her, more than perhaps anyone else does, even if they’ve changed in these past few years of high school. She thinks about how she’s comfortable enough to let Catra spend the night with who’s basically the devil incarnate in the next room, curl into her side and steal most of the blanket while they watch something on Netflix — a superhero action movie: Adora’s choice, or a classic horror: Catra’s choice — and how it reminds her of when they used to spend Saturday mornings watching cartoons together.
Adora thinks about the fact that it’s quite possible that she’s always been in love with Catra, and never realized it until now.
“Yeah,” she breathes, and even though this is all so scary and sort of new, she feels a smile begin to split her face. “I’m sure.”
“Huh,” Glimmer says, after a minute of silence. Her voice is a lot more calm than it had previously been. “You know, the more I think about it... I’m not surprised. Like… at all.”
Adora chuckles. “You sure? You sounded like you were freaking out.”
“I mean, yeah! Come on, Adora. You, Bow, Catra — you’re all my closest friends. Imagine one of your best friends admitting they’re in love with your other best friend. That’s— that’s crazy.”
“Like you and Bow?”
“That’s— that’s not… anyway,” Glimmer eventually stutters, “speaking of Bow… oh, he’s going to absolutely have a field day with this.”
“Don’t tell Bow!” Adora immediately exclaims, wincing when she hears Glimmer pause whatever she had been doing on the other line.
“Okay,” Glimmer says, voice more gentle. “Okay, I won’t. Can I ask why not?”
Adora sighs. “It’s not that I don’t trust him,” she starts, because it’s true. She trusts her best friends with everything. “It’s just… I don’t think I want more than one person knowing. It was either gonna be you or Bow I told, but I’m pretty sure he’s already asleep.”
Glimmer chuckles. “Staying up late actually paid off for once.”
Adora sighs, rolling over so that she’s facing the window of her room. It’s cloudy tonight, and a thin layer of snow coats the window.
“Well?” Glimmer asks. “Have you told her yet?”
“What? Have I told who what?”
“Adora, what have we been talking about this entire time?” Adora can practically hear Glimmer’s eyes rolling. “Have you told Catra you’re in love with her?”
“Um… no,” Adora frowns. “No, and I don’t think I’m going to.”
“Wait, seriously?” Glimmer sounds genuinely surprised. “Why not?”
“Glimmer,” Adora starts. “Don’t act so surprised. Why would I tell her?”
“...Why wouldn’t you tell her?”
“Because… because I don’t want to lose our friendship,” Adora admits, a shaky sigh escaping her. “I mean— come on, Glimmer. I practically begged her to fake date me. Like, can you imagine someone begging you to fake date them, only for them to tell you they’re in love with you nearly two months later?”
“Okay, I see your point,” Glimmer says. “But technically, I begged her to fake date you. So—”
“It’s basically the same thing.”
“—it’s not reallythe same thing.”
“I can’t say anything to her, Glimmer,” Adora protests. “I don’t wanna scare her away. I just got her back after trying for so long, I can’t… I can’t lose her again.”
“Okay, fine. Even if I think you should tell her… I’ll respect your decision.”
“Thanks.”
“But you have to look out for yourself, too,” Glimmer quickly continues. “The only way this is going to end is with someone getting hurt.”
“I know,” Adora mutters. “I’ll... just try to get over her, I guess.”
“And you plan on doing that… how, exactly? You’re literally in a fake relationship with her.”
“I… don’t know.” Adora scrubs a hand down the side of her face. “The idea of fake breaking up with her makes me feel weird—”
“Wow. You’re in deep.”
“—but maybe we should?” she asks. “It’s already past the time we originally agreed to break up.” As much as the idea sort of makes Adora’s chest ache and make her feel like she wants to be torn into two, she still says, “the sooner the better, right?”
“Right,” Glimmer echoes on the other side of the phone, despite the fact that she doesn’t sound at all convinced. “The sooner the better.”
But the next morning, Catra meets her at her locker with a smile and an extra cup of coffee in hand, and when Adora asks her what this is for, Catra just tells her it’s for no particular reason. They spend lunch in the music room instead of out in the courtyard or in the cafeteria like they usually do, and Adora shares half of the bench in front of the piano with Catra.
Their thighs are touching, Adora registers, and their arms brush several times as Catra moves her hands, fingers stroking the keys of the piano. She’s playing something she wrote — something’s that’s simple and delicate, like watching the sunrise and feeling the gentle morning breeze against your skin. With each note Catra plays, Adora falls just a little bit more in love with her.
Eventually, the final notes ring out in the near empty music room, just about as lovely and elegant as it had been in the beginning, and Adora sort of feels like she wants to cry. Instead, she turns to Catra, face inches away, and tells her how beautiful the song is. She almost tells Catra about how beautiful she is, but she stops herself at the last moment.
Catra smiles, quiet and soft like coffee on a rainy day, and Adora is filled with the overwhelming urge to kiss her. She doesn’t; instead, she just leans her head on Catra’s shoulder when the other girl begins to play something else — Debussy, she thinks she hears Catra say — despite the fact that there’s no one else in the room with them, and therefore, no one around for them to act like a couple in front of. In the back of her mind, Glimmer’s voice rings loud and clear.
Someone’s going to get hurt.
Later, Catra stops playing. She reaches for Adora’s hand and wraps it around her own waist so that she can lean further into the blonde, and Adora gets the fleeting thought that she needs to end things now before it gets any worse and she manages to mess things up between them the same way she messed things up the first time.
*