Chapter 27
It's Tracy and Nate's wedding day. The girls are all at Tug Ghyll helping the bride get ready and talking about dresses and vows and wedding nights and happily ever after and it's all. just. too. much. Tracy makes up some excuse and removes herself from the house. She just needs to gather her thoughts and she can't do that with them all wittering on and making a racket! She makes a dash for it across the village, barely noticing Charity as she goes, and only stopping when she finds the bench outside the church. Charity follows her the last few steps and, not seeing anyone following Tracy, gingerly approaches..
"Trace?"
Just who she needs. "Ergh. Go away, Charity." She responds frustratedly.
Not one to be deterred quite so easily, Charity moves a step closer so she can see Tracy's face and the worry etched across it. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine." She says dismissively.
"Yeah, you seem it. Do you....do you want me to get someone for you?" She asks with her thumb pointing behind her towards the village.
"No. I just need a minute."
Great. "Okay. Well, I'm just going to sit here cos you don't look like you should be on your own right now." She says sitting down at the opposite end of the bench.
"Oh cheers, what's that supposed to mean?!" Tracy replies indignantly.
"You just....look....upset." She's not really sure what else to say.
"Right. What do you care anyway?"
"Well I'm sorry for trying to be a good neighbour! I did actually quite like you Trace, believe it or not. I liked having a sister in law. Until you threw me under the bus and then ripped my son away from me.." she adds.
"Errrr, excuse me! You cheated on my sister!! You deserved everything you got!"
"Yeah, maybe I did. Or....maybe I deserved a chance to try and explain myself." She offers.
"What is there to explain?! You saw a bit of fresh meat and you just couldn't help yourself!"
"Is that honestly what you think?"
"Well, what else am I supposed to think? It's true isn't it?"
"No Trace! You saw what I was like that morning! I thought your sister didn't love me any more, didn't want me any more. I couldn't handle that because she was my whole world and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. It was like my brain just....short-circuited and I did the stupidest thing I could think of. Queen of bad decisions, me. But it wasn't an affair. And it wasn't about feelings or attraction. It was just a stupid, reckless, impulsive decision because my heart was breaking thinking I'd lost her."
Tracy looks at her for a second, her face scrunched up in thought. "That doesn't make any sense. Or make it okay."
"No, I know that. And if I could take it back I would. Cos then maybe we'd be happy, and married, just like we planned and I wouldn't have lost everything important to me." She says sadly, before checking herself and trying to add some brevity to the moment. "And I'd be sat in there with you sipping Champagne and making sarcastic comments."
Tracy scoffs. "You're not as funny as you think you are, you know."
"Oh please, you loved my sarcasm and sass!"
"If you say so."
There's a silence for a moment.
"So....cold feet?" Charity ventures.
"No." Tracy replies quickly.
"Okay."
"Maybe." She admits.
"Right. Why?"
"I dunno. It's normal isn't it?"
"Not always. If your gut is telling you something's not right, though, maybe you should listen to it."
"As if I'm going to take marriage advice from you!! You've been married like a hundred times!"
"Exactly Tracy! That's why I know what I'm talking about! I've been married four times and nearly married another four and all but one of them were for the wrong reasons. So if you're going into this out of a sense of duty or something then, trust me, it's not going to work."
"Why would you think that?"
"I dunno. It just.....everything happened so quickly with Frankie, didn't it, and you guys seemed happy enough but it never seemed like the romance of the century....no offence."
"Errr, rude! What would you know about romance anyway?!"
"Trust me, no-one could ever feel for anyone like I did for your sister. It was beyond anything I'd ever imagined." She pauses. "Do you love him?"
"Yeah. Of course I do."
"Are you in love with him?"
"It's the same thing.."
"Not really. Is he the first thing you think about when you wake up? Do you want to spend every minute of every day with him? Do you thank your lucky stars every day that he's yours because you don't know what you'd do without him? Does your stomach tie itself in knots every time you see him? Would you kill or die for him?"
"You're ridiculous. He's a good guy. He makes me happy. He loves Frankie to bits. And it's none of your business anyway."
"Fine. Don't say I didn't try." She huffs and gets up to walk off.
"Is that how you felt about Vanessa? All those things you said?"
Charity pauses for a second. "Yeah." She replies sadly.
"Do you still love her?"
"Doesn't matter does it, she's moved on."
"Do you?"
"What do you care? You hate me."
"Ergh. It's a simple question! Why do you have to make everything so difficult?!"
"Fine! YES! Okay?! I still love her. Always will. But it makes no difference does it? Because I broke her heart and her trust and she can't even step foot in the same room as me without looking like she'd rather die than spend time with me."
"Maybe cos you're shacked up with the idiot you cheated on her with!" She accuses. "What you supposedly feel and what you choose to do don't exactly match up do they? You must have been at least a little bit interested in him if you're together now.."
"I'm about as interested in him as I am that dry stone wall." She says pointing out across the grounds. "But it's a distraction from how much it hurts seeing her with someone else. And maybe it'll help me move on." She adds with a sad shrug.
"You're an idiot."
"Yeah, tell me something I don't know, kid."
"Just get your act together. Think about what you're doing and what you want and make it happen.." and with that she gets up and starts walking back towards Tug Ghyll.
Charity stands rooted to the spot, stunned. Does she mean..?