Chapter 23
Noah walks through the front door just as Charity is coming down the stairs from getting ready. "Alright Mum."
"Hiya Noah, you okay?"
"Yeah fine. Just gonna get changed and then head to Jacob's.....if that's okay?"
"Yeah, course. Don't be too late though, yeah?"
"Yeah, okay."
Noah doesn't move towards the stairs like she expects but stands slightly awkwardly in front of her still. "See you later then." Charity says, trying to step past him.
"Where are you...?"
"Just going to the Woolie with Diane for some dinner, why?"
"No reason. It's just you look erm....well, I thought maybe you were going out or something.." he says hesitantly.
She looks at him confusedly. "I am going out, Noah. I just said: I'm going to the Woolie.."
"No, like, I thought you might be going out. With someone. Like together." Equally as vague.
"You do know the hammer is for hitting nails into the wall, not for knocking yourself round the head with? Should I be worried..?"
"No. No, I just mean, like, on a date or whatever.." he mutters embarrassedly.
That's what he was trying to get at! "Nope. Just me and Diane getting some food."
"But you could though, couldn't you? Cos you haven't been out with anyone for ages have you? And obviously Vanessa's....moved on. So you could too.."
Charity bites her lip. She doesn't really know how to respond to that
"I mean. Do you not want to find someone else and be happy again?" He questions.
"It's not that simple, Noah." She'd rather not have to have this conversation with her teenage son.
"What do you mean? You've done it before tonnes of times"
"Cheers for that!" she replies indignantly
"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that. Just that, you're never normally on your own for this long."
"Keep digging, kid." Still rather offended.
"Ergh.....you know what I mean."
"Yes! I know what you mean, alright?! I used to bounce from bad relationship to bad relationship and back again! But this was different. Vanessa was different. And I just don't feel like trying again yet, okay?"
"You don't......you don't still love her do you?" He asks her nervously.
"Noah" she says warningly.
"Do you?"
"Does it matter?" Trying to avoid the question.
"Are you going to try and get her back?"
She doesn't expect him to keep questioning her so directly. "What?"
"Are you going to try and get her back?" He repeats.
She pauses and sighs before giving in to his questioning. "No. Yes. No. I don't know! Look, just leave it, yeah?"
"Okay. Whatever. You could make worse decisions than trying to get Vanessa back though. She's good for you, Mum."
"You think I don't know that?! Sorry. I just....I don't want to get my hopes up, okay? She's with someone else, and I don't deserve her. I'll just keep on.....keeping on, and make you and Moses my priority and eventually it'll hurt less. I'm going, okay?"
"Yeah. Okay. Have a nice time."
Great, now all she'd be able to think about during her meal with Diane is Vanessa.
She was right when she said she didn't know it was possible to love someone this much.
She was right when she said she couldn't imagine being able to function without her.
None of that mattered any more though. She'd have to get over her eventually.
Maybe.