Chapter 20
"It was only because of you though. You made me that person."
Starting to get frustrated: "I didn't do anything, Charity. I didn't ask you to change. I didn't force you to change. Any difference in who you were was down to you. So you can be that person again. You don't need me."
Yes I do, she thinks. I'll always need you.
"Fine, maybe you didn't actually change me but it was only because I was with you that I wanted to change and be better. If I don't have you then what's the point? Might as well be the me that everyone else thinks I am."
"And does that make you happy?"
"As happy as I can be.." (without you)
"Really? So you're telling me that if you had the kids back in your life properly and your own place to live you wouldn't feel happier than you do now?"
"Even if I did, the kids wouldn't be better off would they? They deserve someone better than me."
"Charity, of course they would! You're their Mum. There's no-one better for them than you, when you actually put them first." She pauses. "Just try it. Just for one month, and then you can tell me I'm wrong. Stop with the stupid scams and put that business brain of yours to some proper use; spend time with the kids, love them, be there for them and show them you can be a positive part of their lives. And hey, if you want to go the whole hog why not get some counselling so that you can actually believe in your own self worth and not keep going round in these ridiculous circles! You're so much better than this, Charity."
"No I'm not. There's only you that's ever thought that. I was stupid to let myself believe I could be better. You don't have to try and save me, Ness. I know who I am, what I am. This is where I belong."
"You're wrong, Charity. I know the real you. The one that had been hiding all those years. This isn't what you really want. I can see it in your eyes."
"Of course it isn't, Ness! I can't have what I really want though, can I?! Look, just leave it, yeah?"