Chapter 18
A whimper.
Vanessa snaps her head up.
A breath being sucked in. And then released with a slight groan.
"Charity?"
An unintelligible mumbling.
"Charity, can you hear me? Open your eyes, Charity."
She sees a flash of that beautiful green for just a second before they close again. Charity tries again, blinking rapidly against the bright lights above her, her eyebrows crinkled in confusion as she tries to figure out where she is.
"Ness?" She slurs and tries to move her hand towards where the voice came from
Vanessa stands up and leans over Charity so that she's in her field of vision, a hand grasping the one that's looking for her.
"Where am I?" Charity questions
"You're at the hospital. You got knocked down, remember?"
Charity stares at her, before slowly shaking her head.
"You saved little Johnny" Chas chips in
Charity hadn't realised Chas was there too. Too fixated on Vanessa, as always. She slowly turns her head to face Chas.
"Johnny? Is he okay? He's not hurt, is he?"
"He's fine, love. Thanks to you!"
"Oh thank God" she flops her head back down onto the pillow behind her. "What happened?"
Chas looks at her for a moment, wondering if they should be worried that Charity can't remember. "Well, it seems he was rather excited to see his Mummy Charity and ran across the road in front of a car to get to you." Charity looks stricken and turns to Vanessa who has tears slowly running down her face. "You saw it happening and ran across too to push him to safety but ended up taking the impact yourself. Made a right mess of their windscreen, mind" Chas tries to joke
Charity still doesn't remember any of it but she loves that kid something chronic so it does sound like something she would do. For him. For any of her kids. "And he's definitely okay? You're not lying to me?" She pleads with Vanessa
"No he's fine, honestly Charity"
"Okay, good" she whispers, her bottom lip wobbling whilst she squeezes Vanessa's hand tighter in her own.
There's silence for a moment or two until Charity realises:
"Ness! What are you doing here?!"
"You saved Johnny. I just wanted to make sure you're alright. I couldn't just leave you."
"But your cancer, the chemo. You might catch something! You should be at home where you're safe"
Vanessa and Chas look across the bed at each other with matching shocked looks on their faces.
"Charity....it's....I got the all clear in October, I video called you to tell you.."
"Ness, what are you talking about? It isn't October yet. You're still in the middle of your treatment.."
Vanessa opens her mouth to speak but doesn't know what to say so closes it again. Luckily, Chas steps in.
"Charity?" Charity removes her gaze from Vanessa and turns her head towards Chas. "What month do you think it is?"
"It's August.." she states, confused as to what's going on
"August 2020?"
"Yeah"
Chas takes a deep breath. "It's June 2021, love"
"What? It can't be.."
"We should get a Doctor" Vanessa manages to say.
Chas nods in agreement and stands up to head out of the room.
"Ness, what's going on? Why isn't it August?"
"It doesn't matter right now Charity. Let's just speak to the Doctor and see what they say."
"What do you mean: it doesn't matter?! I've apparently just lost nearly a whole year of my life, of course it flippin' matters!!" She shouts, sitting up with a wince as her ribs sear with pain and her wrist throbs, but starting to pull off the various wires that are attached to her regardless.
Vanessa jumps up "Charity, no! Stop! Charity please, just stay here for a minute until the Doctor gets here"
"No, I want to know what's going on! Now!" wincing again - this time as the sound of her own shouting makes her head pound.
Luckily Chas walks back in with a Doctor in tow just as Charity is trying to swing her legs off the bed to get up.
"Ms Dingle, please refrain from exerting yourself. Your body needs time to recover"
Charity stops her efforts. "And what about my head, eh? How long does that need to recover?"
"Well" the Doctor signals for Charity to get back into bed, which she does - albeit rather huffily. "It's always hard to say with a head injury. For some people it can be a matter of weeks, for others years, and of course there are some cases where the memories never return. I'd like to keep you in for a couple of nights so we can keep an eye on you, and do another brain scan now that you're awake."
"Can't I just go home?" she pleads "I just want to be with my fiancée and my kids"
It hits Vanessa like a brick to the face. Of course. God, how had she not realised..?
"Ms Dingle, your body has been through a very traumatic event. We'll keep you in for a couple of days and, of course, get you back to your family as soon as we're satisfied it's safe to do so."
Charity huffs. "Fine, whatever. Can they come and visit though? I want to see them."
"I'm sure we can manage that. I'll leave you with your family for now but I'll be back soon and we'll have a proper chat and I'll answer any questions you might have" the Doctor smiles kindly before leaving the room.
"Well, that's something at least" Charity mutters
The other two people in the room are radiating nerves at the thought of the conversations they know they need to have.
"Charity" Vanessa starts, timidly. "I need to tell you something. There's......it's.....some things have changed since last year"
"Like what? Are the kids okay?" she asks in a panic
"Yes, they're fine. They're fine, Charity. It's....erm....it's us"
"What about us?"
"We....we're not together any more, Charity" she says gently
"What? What do you mean? Why?" Charity blurts, confused and upset. This can't be happening.
"Well, because.....because you kissed someone else"
"As if" Charity scoffs. But Vanessa isn't laughing. Vanessa is barely even looking at her. "No" she states. "No" she says even more adamantly. "Ness, you know how much I love you. I would never do that! I wouldn't. I couldn't. Ness?" But Vanessa just looks at her sadly. "Chas?" She turns towards her cousin who gives her the same sad look and bows her head. "No. No no no no no" she sobs. "Vanessa please? I don't know who it was and what happened but you know I only want you. You're it for me. I can't do this without you. Please?" she tries to grab Vanessa's hand but she pulls it away this time. "I've wanted you home every day since the moment I left you at your Mum's. I wanted to look after you. I wanted you to get better. I wanted to adopt Johnny. And I wanted to be your wife. I had everything else. Everything I didn't even know I needed. There is no-one else that I could possibly be interested in" she begs
Vanessa swallows. "Charity I....I've moved on"
Charity stares at her in disbelief for a second and the tears start falling anew, and Vanessa swears she can see the exact moment Charity's heart breaks. Her face crumples in despair and she brings her good hand up to cover it as she sobs unreservedly. Vanessa thinks she can feel her own heart breaking for a second time too.
Charity rolls over and buries her face in the bed sheets and her crying becomes muffled.
"I'm going to go" Vanessa whispers before shuffling out of the room. She finally lets her own tears fall then with her hand clamped over her mouth so that no-one can overhear her.
"How could I be so stupid, Chas?" Charity stutters once she finally starts to get herself back under control
"I don't know, love. But that's not the end of it I'm afraid."
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, you blew everything up as well when you lost her." She sighs. "The long and short of it is: you drank yourself silly so Moses has been with Ross for months now, the other kids are only just starting to talk to you again, you're living with Diane and you've signed your share of the pub to Marlon" she winces at how bad that all sounds.
Charity covers her face with both hands this time before rolling to face the other way. This can't be real.
"Anything else you want to rub in my face?"
"Charity I'm not trying to rub anything in, you needed to know and I thought it would be better telling you now than you finding out when you get back to the village."
"Whatever Chas. Bet you loved getting to be all high and mighty about it. Good old Charity mucks up again. Just go."
"Charity, come on"
"Go home Chas. I don't want you here" she snaps moodily
Chas sighs and stands up to leave. "You know where I am if you change your mind" Stubborn old cow.
A week later and Vanessa knows Charity should be back home by now but hasn't seen hide nor hair of her so she eventually decides to brave it and go and knock on her door. It's Diane that answers. She sees Vanessa and rather than inviting her in she steps outside to join Vanessa and closes the door behind herself. That's not a good sign she thinks to herself.
"How is she?" she asks cautiously
"She won't come out of that room of hers. All she does is cry and sleep - she's heartbroken, pet. Other than that I don't know"
Vanessa sighs
"Bet you wish you hadn't asked now, eh?"
She grimaces but doesn't deny it.
"I'm just thankful she doesn't seem to have the energy or the inclination to start on the alcohol like she did last time. God knows we don't need a repeat of all that!"
Vanessa sighs again. She doesn't really know what to say. "Just let me know if there's anything I can do, okay?"
"Course, pet"
Vanessa heads off into the village, her mind in turmoil.
The next night there's an insistent knocking on her door. It's not particularly loud so she doesn't think it'll wake the kids but she hurries to the door anyway just in case. When she opens it the sight she sees knocks her for six. Charity's there in her pyjamas and a blanket, hair flat to her head with grease and eyes red from crying. She's swaying slightly at the effort it takes just to stand after barely eating and drinking for days. Eventually she manages to sob: "I kissed him, Ness. I remembered. I kissed him. I'm so sorry" before her knees give way and she drops to the floor. Vanessa steps out and without even thinking she crouches down to join Charity and wraps her up in her arms, rocking her like she does with the kids to try and soothe her. Charity sags into her, a dead weight with exhaustion. She lets Vanessa hold her for a while before voices from inside the house jolt her back to reality.
"Sorry, I should go" she stands quickly, too quickly, and promptly pitches sideways into the hedge, her eyes rolling back. Vanessa tries to catch her and break her fall and they end up in a heap on the path. After rubbing her elbow where she'd cracked it against the wall on her way down she tries to shuffle Charity into a slightly more comfortable looking position and then heads inside to get help.
"No way, V. I'm not helping her. Have you forgotten what she did to you? She deserves to stay out there in the cold where she belongs!"
"Tracy!" she exclaims. "Look, she's clearly struggling to come to terms with everything right now. We can't just leave her out there. Just help me get her in. Please?"
"Fine" Tracy huffs. "But I'm not doing anything else for her. And don't think I'll be being nice to her when she wakes up either."
Vanessa sighs. At least she'd agreed to get her inside.
Charity's eyelids flicker and Vanessa rubs a hand up and down her bicep gently. "Charity?"
She's slowly dragged back into consciousness and tries to get her bearings. She's in Tug Ghyll. With Vanessa. What on earth? Then it comes back to her. The memory. Coming over to apologise. And then everything going black. She tries to push herself up into a sitting position with a groan but the action makes her feel dizzy and her arms struggle to hold her weight so she drops back down again.
"It's okay. Just stay there a minute. And when you're ready we'll get you sat up and get a cup of tea down you"
"It's fine. I'll just go. Get out of your way"
"At least she knows when she's not wanted" Tracy pipes up. Vanessa just glares at her.
"Ignore her. Just take your time. You can barely even sit let alone stand. Let's get you sorted first."
"Here you go" a voice says. Charity doesn't recognise it.
"Ta" Vanessa replies as she takes the proffered cuppa from whoever is handing it to her.
Charity freezes. Tears prick her eyes again. "Is that her?" she whispers to Vanessa, unable to turn around and look at the woman that's replaced her.
"Yeah" she replies gently, looking almost apologetic as she hands Charity the tea
Charity nods, biting her lip to stop the tears from falling and bringing the tea to her mouth to hide the wobble she can feel pulling at the edges of her lips.
She drinks the tea as fast as she can, despite the sickly feeling in her stomach.
"Right, well, I'll get going. Thanks for the tea." She mutters before carefully standing up and then rearranging the blanket around herself.
"I'll walk you back"
"It's fine. You don't have to."
"I'll walk you back" she says more firmly this time
"Okay" she whispers
They walk to Diane's in silence until they're almost at the door.
"I hope she makes you happy. Looks after you. Cos you deserve that, Ness. You deserve everything. The opposite of me."
"Don't say that"
"It's true though, isn't it? I was never good enough for you." She pauses. "I'll never stop loving you though. You know that, don't you?" she says sadly, and before Vanessa has time to realise what's going on Charity wraps her hand around the back of Vanessa's head and gently pulls her towards her to kiss her forehead reverently. "Night, Ness" she whispers before disappearing into the house.
Vanessa stands staring at the door for a moment then stuffs her hands in her pockets and starts making her way back to Tug Ghyll, her heart beating just a fraction faster.
Two weeks later, Diane eventually gets Charity to relent and let her take her to the Doctors so that she can get help for the depression she's clearly suffering with.