Chapter 7
"Where's Johnny?"
"He's upstairs with Moses. I'll go get him."
She turns to head towards the stairs but stops in her tracks when Vanessa says:
"You two looked cosy together the other day. Found someone exciting enough for you now, then?"
"What?" She looks at Vanessa for a second before realising what she's insinuating. Mack. "No. It's just business"
"Ah, I see. Back to the scams. Well, you need to get your thrills somewhere after being with boring old me for three years, eh?"
"That's not....you weren't....you were never boring"
Vanessa scoffs and rolls her eyes, shifting her gaze to settle elsewhere
"You were everything I ever wanted" she whispers. Almost surprised that she had let the words slip out
Vanessa's eyes spring back to Charity "Oh yeah. Clearly. You wanted me so much you went off and kissed someone else. Just admit it: sensible Vanessa with her boring job and her boring cancer - I was never going to be enough for you, was I? I was an idiot to think otherwise"
"It wasn't like that"
"How was it then, Charity?"
Charity sighs "You weren't there.."
"Oh, right, and while the cat's away the mice will play?!"
"No! Please....please stop putting words in my mouth"
"Fine" she crosses her arms huffily "I'm listening"
"You weren't there and I missed you. So much. When you didn't answer my calls my mind would run away with itself and I'd end up thinking you were losing interest in me. Then the day of the hearing came round and I was so....nervous, and happy, and excited. I'd organised a little welcome home party and I was stressing over what to wear because I just wanted it to be perfect for you. And for Johnny. Because we'd finally be a family. But you were so quiet and distant during the hearing, and then you ran off back to your Mum's instead of coming home. I was heartbroken." Her voice wobbly and tears threatening
"Didn't take you too long to get over it"
Charity glares at her for a moment before swallowing past the lump in her throat and continuing
"I cried myself to sleep that night"
Vanessa takes a breath as if she's going to say something but Charity gets there first.
"And no, I wasn't watching Titanic before you say anything!"
They both stop for a second, thinking back to their early days and the arguments they'd had before they finally admitted their feelings.
"I tried to speak to you the next morning, but you ignored my calls again. Then your Mum answered the landline, sounding pretty damn well to me I might add, and told me you'd gone out. And that was it. My mind went into overdrive. I was convinced that you'd come to your senses and you didn't want me. That we were over"
"But why? Why would I not want you?"
"Because I'm me, Vanessa! Because I'm hard to love. Because I'm a mess! Because I'm a rubbish partner, and a rubbish Mum! Because there's a million people out there that deserve you so much more than I do!"
Vanessa studies Charity for a second
"You're wrong. Falling in love with you was the easiest thing I ever did. You made me so happy. And yeah, you'd get things wrong sometimes. We all do. But I knew how much you loved me and how hard you were trying. Or at least I thought I did"
"I did. I.." I do, she wants to add but it catches on her tongue. It's not her place any more.
"That still doesn't explain why you did it though. Why you kissed him"
Charity shrugs. "I don't really know myself. He was just there, and being flirty, making me feel wanted for a second. I guess I thought that if the person I loved more than anything didn't want me then at least someone did. So I took the attention he was offering, and before I knew what was happening I'd kissed him."
Vanessa closes her eyes and swallows hard, trying not to picture the two of them together. She takes a deep breath.
"Why did you lie? When I asked you about it why did you lie?"
Charity sighs. "Because I didn't want it to be true. I've hurt a lot of people in my life, most of them deliberately, and not given a stuff how they might feel. You were the one person in the whole world that I didn't want to hurt. But I did. And I knew I'd lose you because of it. I couldn't bear the thought of losing you so I tried to pretend it wasn't true."
"And the drinking and the scamming made you feel better, did it? Back to the old, carefree Charity.."
"No" she takes a deep breath. "I couldn't stand the pain. The alcohol numbed that. Helped me forget what was happening. And the scams were just.....I don't know.....an escape. Something I knew how to do. Because I didn't know how to do anything else without you there." She pauses for a second. "I told you I couldn't function without you"
"Well, I'm sure you'll get used to it"
"Yeah" she whispers sadly. "I'll just er.." pointing towards the stairs
When she comes back downstairs with Johnny they both try to act more normal in front of him - asking if he's had a good time, and making sure everyone says goodbye. Johnny and Vanessa head out of the door and Charity closes it behind them, resting her forehead on it for a second before heading over to the sofa and flopping down onto it with a sigh.
Oh well, at least Vanessa knew the truth now, instead of Tracy's version of events..