Chapter 4
The front door opens and closes but Charity barely even notices. Much more interested in her wallowing and the glass of wine she's clutching onto as if it holds all the answers.
"Mum!" Sarah exclaims
Something cuts through the fog and Charity's eyebrows crinkle in confusion. She clumsily manoeuvres herself round on the sofa and sees Debbie standing next to the table, then immediately turns herself back round. She knows she looks a mess and she doesn't need Debbie telling her so.
"What's going on?" Debbie asks
"We're just making dinner" Sarah replies innocently
"I can see that. Why isn't she making dinner?" pointing at Charity
"Granny's not really....in the right frame of mind to cook"
"Yeah, so I've heard. So, come on then, mother. Do you want to explain why my daughter and little brothers are having to fend for themselves?!"
Charity sinks lower into the sofa and doesn't reply, but at least has the good grace to look slightly embarrassed.
"I've had to leave the garage and lose business so that I can come home and babysit this alcohol-fuelled mess?!"
"I've just lost the love of my life!!" She finally replies
"Yeah, and whose fault is that?! Grow up!"
Charity hugs her knees to her chest, silent tears spilling down her cheeks as Debbie heads over to Sarah and Noah, giving them both a big hug.
"Is dinner nearly ready guys?"
"Yeah, we're pretty much done" Noah replies
"Okay, well, do you want to take it up to your rooms whilst we have a little chat?"
"Yeah, okay"
"I'll come and see you properly once I've sorted her out, okay? I'm so proud of how well you've handled this."
They share a sad smile before the kids head upstairs
"Right. Are we doing this the easy way or the hard way?"
"Do what you want. You always do"
"Fine. You need to sort yourself out"
"Says who?" She knows she's acting like a petulant child but she doesn't care.
"Says me, Mum. Says half the village. Says your kids and your grandkids, who need you!"
Charity shrugs and looks away.
"Come on, Mum. You're so much better than this"
"I'm not though, am I?! Messed everything up once again because I'm a useless, horrible person!"
"That's not true"
Charity gives her a sceptical look and Debbie sighs.
"Do you know why I felt I could stay away from the village for so long and concentrate on the garage?"
Charity doesn't answer
"Because of you, Mum. Because whenever I called Sarah she seemed so happy and she'd tell me how amazingly you were doing, even when Vanessa took a break and went to her Mum's. You were looking after four kids by yourself! And one of them wasn't even yours yet!"
Charity's lip wobbles at the reminder of Johnny
"I was so proud of you and how much you've grown up, and really taken responsibility for your family."
"But I was only that person because of Vanessa. She made me better" Charity counters
"No. She gave you love, and understanding, and support, and showed you who you could be, but you made those changes yourself. And you can still be that person. Please don't throw it all away now. You've come so far"
Charity studies her daughter, trying to take in what she's said.
"Doesn't change the fact that I cheated on her though, does it? I mean, what kind of monster does that to the person they love?" She sighs and hides her face in her hands for a moment. "I just want her to come home so I can try to explain"
"And if she did come home....do you really think she's going to listen to you and take you seriously when you're like this?"
Charity looks down at her lap, embarrassed.
"So are you going to clean yourself up and stop drowning your sorrows in alcohol?"
"I can't"
"Why?"
"Because it numbs the pain. I'm not ready to feel it. I don't want to feel it."
"So, what, you're just going to drink forever? Mum, you're going to have to face up to it eventually"
Charity's lip wobbles "I just miss her so much" she sobs, and throws her arms around Debbie, crying out her pain with her face buried in her daughter's shoulder.
"I know Mum, I know" hugging her tight, with a tear snaking it's way down her face.
It was going to be a long and difficult few months.