Fear
It wasn't like the weather at Hogwarts was wonderful, in fact Seola didn't think it even came close to being good, but there was something different about that day. The clouds were heavier, the cold made it seem like it was in the middle of winter.
She didn't want to admit it, but inside her thoughts were just as bad, she really didn't want the thought circling in her head that this was her death announcement. It won't happen, she repeated in her head, the last tournament had ended disastrously, but she really hoped the ministry had everything in order this time, there was no way to make the same mistake for two championships in a row, right?
Then she remembered everything her parents did, how they left a dark trail wherever they went, to the point that there were people who hated her for having the same blood as them, wouldn't there be people who would take that opportunity to end it all? She knew Hogwarts had people against her at least.
For the first time since the ball, all the girls were sitting together for breakfast. Xuanyi had decided to sit a little further away since the whole incident with Eunseo, apparently they hadn't really gotten along, and the others didn't have time between their studies and helping Seola so they could finally get this discussion in order; Exy was keen to find a way to make this task easier, had even skipped a few meals to sneak into the library, Seola had to remember to ask about the third-year student, who, according to Soobin, took some hidden meals to her in the library; Dayoung had also disappeared after being caught playing tricks with the owls, Seola really didn't want to ask her about that.
She tried not to think about the task that was coming, tried to think about the girl sitting a few tables away next to Xiao, even though Jiyeon sent her all those confident smiles, she still felt her whole stomach turn.
In fact, directing her gaze to Cheng Xiao made her even more terrified, she was certainly the one who looked the most confident, she didn't even look like she was about to face a task that could kill her. It wasn't like she didn't know what was coming, she probably knew exactly what was coming, Seola really imagines the girl had no fears hanging around her.
She left the hall as quickly as possible, she could feel her tie tightening more and more, hearing the noises of the crowd going to the place of the task, as she went in the opposite direction, it was also driving her crazy.
"I found you" Jiyeon approached her, the same sweet smile she always gave her every time she realized the girl was close to burst.
Seola hadn't realized that she'd walked closer to the forest, but she found herself looking into the trees when she heard Jiyeon's voice calling her, maybe her fear was getting even more present. She let Jiyeon hug her, and let herself melt into her arms.
"Are you thinking too much?" Jiyeon asked as her fingers drew shapes on the girl's back.
"It's impossible not to overthink this situation" Seola's voice came out as a whisper, her lips being deposited through Jiyeon's hair, hard, as if to remember that moment, she could feel the girl frowning.
“You are scared…” She couldn't tell if that had been a question, a statement, or just a loose thought she'd blurted out.
"A lot".
Jiyeon didn't say anything else, just pressed her tighter against her.
Seola tried to remain as firm as possible as the voice in the prime minister announced the start of the next task.
Her eyes found Jiyeon to watch her smile one last time.
The crowd that had come to her favor after the first task had diminished considerably, she couldn't pretend she didn't know it would happen, she saw it with her own eyes, it started with people greeting her and saying they were rooting for her, then the number dwindled, some were no longer carrying their cheerleading items, at least Dayoung had said she had made a lot of money from her fleeting cheering wave, for the last week all she could see were people of her own school walking behind the champions of other schools. At least she didn't care as much about it as she should, she was a loner before, coming back wouldn't be a sacrifice or a hardship.
"The champions..." The minister's voice awoke her from her reverie, she just followed Cheng Xiao to where they should go, to the middle of the lawn, the crowd was on her back as they looked at the three doors in front of them “the winner will be the one who completes the task in less time”.
Seola should have paid attention to what the minister was saying, so maybe she wouldn't be as lost walking toward her door like the others. The doorknob was so cold it hurt her hand, so she opened it at once, throwing herself into whatever was inside, the sound of the door closing behind her making her jump in fright.
It was dark, not like in a dark room, but it was at night where who knows if where the portal took her, the clouds looked thick enough to cover the stars and moon so it couldn’t at the least bit of illumination. She pulled her wand from her robe, doing a quick spell to get a light out of her, then pointed to the sides, she couldn't see any of the other champions, had they run while she was recovering? She threw that possibility away when she realized that even her portal door was gone.
Great, she thought, even if I can't complete the task, I'll still be stuck in this place somehow.
She started walking, faster and faster as her frustration increased, she stopped a little gasping a few minutes later, maybe it would have been a bad idea to have refused Dawon's invitation for some walks, surely that would have helped more than the naps she had taken it during Transfiguration class and Magical Creatures class. She took the opportunity to point her wand at her hand, it was reddened and hadn't stopped burning since she had touched the doorknob, she tried three different spells, got no result with that, maybe the task forced her to feel everything.
"Hyunjung" the voice a little farther away from her made her stop what she was doing, she had to hold her wand tightly so it wouldn't fall.
She saw the figure approaching, as quickly as she remembered, steps purposeful, but light, posture impeccable. Seola looked down so she couldn’t see the details on her face more clearly, she felt like she was about to throw up with so much discomfort she was feeling.
“Look at me” her voice said in an authoritative way, like when she did something she shouldn't as a child, “I said look at me, what happened? Did you do something wrong?” the voice said again, her fingers grabbing her face forcing her to look up.
Her mother's face remained the same as when she saw her that last time, a few minutes before the ministry of magic dragged her far away from her, leaving little Seola alone in the same place for long hours, with adults throwing facts she didn't knew in her direction, only stopping when the then headmistress of Hogwarts told them that it was too much for a little girl's head.
It was scary, how could anyone say her mom was bad when all she saw was love?
“My little one,” her mom said pulling her into a hug, Seola left it as she had left Jiyeon hours ago “look how at you, so grown up,” her mom pulled back, her hands gripping her shoulder as she looked at her with a proud smile “the best student in the school, I suppose.”
"Maybe…" Seola replied in a small voice, her mother didn't seem to notice her discomfort.
"Of course you are, not just anyone can make it to the Triwizard Cup, you must be the best of champions too, for sure, I always knew you would be proud of the blood that runs in your veins, a real Kim".
Seola felt her stomach turn over, for a few seconds she let herself be carried away by the shower of praise, not realizing what was behind it.
"When your father sees you...".
"No…" Seola's voice came out louder than before, her hand held her wand ready for whatever was coming, her mother seemed to notice the movement, taking her hands away from her.
"Is there something wrong?"
"No".
Seola would never shove her wand towards her mother, her mother knew that too, but there was still the torment of her holding her wand in an unknown situation.
"Actually, I also heard that you're seeing a witch...".
"We're dating" Seola corrected, was beginning to wonder if that was really part of her task.
"I'm not against it, you dating a pure blood, outstanding student, with her whole family with wizards who played a big role in her country's history".
"I'm not dating because of this".
"Really?".
It's a test, Seola repeated in her head, don't let it into your mind. She still felt terribly scared.
"I like it because she doesn't care who I am, she doesn't care about my last name, much less who my parents were" her mother raised her eyebrow in her direction, she felt her heart speed up just for that, like when she had said that an auror was weird in front of him, her father had given her a two-hour lecture about how she couldn't say that sort of thing to an important member of the ministry of magic, especially if that member is a pure blood, times later the same Auror had actively participated in her father's court, the heavy look in her direction as she testified, it showed that if he could he would throw her into Azkabam along with her parents.
"Talking like that about your parents”.
"You didn't leave me as many things as you think, in fact, most of your will are horrible things, left me bad thoughts, my name is dirty with things I didn't even participate in, they treat me like a criminal, as if I shouldn't be in the same room as them, I'm what you wanted for others”.
Seola's mother smiled again, stepping forward and touching her daughter's face again. Seola felt her stomach turn over so much that she could taste the bitter in her mouth, there was nothing but love and care in her mother's eyes.
"You don't understand, that was their plan from the beginning, they want you to feel small so you do not see your true worth, you're bigger than them, so they make you feel smaller, don't let these bad bloods put you down, they will never scream your name, no, they would never accept that they are inferior”.
Seola's head spun, her mother's words hammering in her head with a weight that even she hadn't imagined they would have, each word imprinted in her mind permanently, mingling with her aunt's words. She was her mother, it was part of her even if she didn't want to, her mother loved her more than she could love anyone, and as much as her words carried a bad weight, they still gave her a comfort, like a tight hug after a long and bad day at school.
Seola came awake with difficulty, not like a snap, but rather slowly.
It hadn't been a long day at school, it had been long, excruciating years, all because of the things her parents did with the same speech her mother was giving her now. She's part of Seola's life, and she was what she was part because of her mother, but that didn't erase anything bad she'd done during all the years she was free, it didn't erase the minds she'd distorted and the souls she had reaped apart, it was okay to love because she was love and to hate her for having been a bad witch.
She took two quick steps backwards, her mother looking confused, her hand still raised in the air where her face was.
It was even faster when her mom pulled out her wand, lifting it toward her. She held her wand as elegantly as any other aspect of her life, Seola didn't have the same elegance with her wand, in fact she carried it more heavily, it was one of the spots she thought her mother would hate about it, but Jiyeon had told her that she thought it was cute once while they were playing duel, how she wanted to kiss Jiyeon at that moment, because of her the grip on her hand had gotten stronger, more than enough for her to be able to do a quick protection spell, enough not to be hit by her mother's spell and for her wand to fly away.
She had managed to save herself from a spell by her mother, who had been considered the fastest school witch in her day, she had even made a last year student fly ten meters when she was only in her second year.
Seola's feet should be a lot faster to get out of there, she had managed to deflect two spells before turning her back and running as fast as she could, she had managed to dodge most of the spells, but when she was already seeing trees appearing, she was hit by one.
She flew for meters in the air until her back hit the hard and cold ground, in that moment she had discovered how that student had felt when it received the blow. She grunted in pain, reaching out to try to look for her wand, but only the tall, careless grass hugged her fingers, she turned to her knees, her head still spinning and she could feel something wetting her temples to her cheek, even so she could still make out the silhouette further down, each faster towards her, she stretched out her hand, as soon as the wand found her hand she got up, three more spells defended, she stumbled back, but managed to get turn and run again, this time going through the trees, she felt some trees exploding behind her.
Her ears buzzed a little, she tried not to hear the trees being hit or her mother's screams calling her name, focused on something not far away, just a few hours before she was in that place. Jiyeon's voice was sweet, it sounded like a melody to her, Seola almost smiled as she remembered, but a spell hit her left arm and a tingling sensation started to creep up from her fingers to her shoulder.
“I'm sure you'll do fine, none of your fears could be bigger than you” Jiyeon told her still near the forest before the competition.
Seola couldn't let Jiyeon down, she had someone to turn to at that moment, she had someone who had seen her without even knowing her and loved her without caring about the weight of her blood. That's why she needed to win, putting her life on the line was no longer an option.
Even not being able to think of a plan she turned around, instead of leaving the direction of the spells she started to defend them with her wand, it was good that she had acquired a stronger grip on the wand, her mother's spells were strong and sure, she was starting to get the feeling the wand was going to snap in half any minute. There was no need to go that far, she had been hit in the chest after a wrong move, she felt her body fly again, this time it stopped when her back hit a tree, she tried to get away from there, but she was still trapped, it was difficult to call for her wand when your left arm was no longer worth anything after being hit by a spell, and your left was trying to disengage itself from its position.
Her mother figure appeared again, this time clearer thanks to the spell that came out of her wand, she had a big smile on her face, those of pride.
“Was this whole scene really worth it? You even got hurt” She lifted her finger to her temple, Seola tried to pull away when she felt the pain of the act, with no success, there really was no way out of there “Don't make another scene, I can take care of this quickly”.
Her mother raised her wand again, this time towards her face, Seola held her breath, she could even feel her heart racing with the movement, but nothing happened, only the pain sensation in her head had passed.
“I'm proud” her mother said lowering her wand a little, Seola realized that even though she tried to keep the wand out of her sight, it was still pointed in her direction all the time “I knew you would be a great witch, I thought maybe you were more knowledgeable, as was your father, but I'm glad you're so good at a duel like that, even though you only use defense spells".
“I can’t lift my wand against you,” Seola stopped struggling, letting her hand relax, she felt an object touching her fingers, she pointed it at the ground below her foot “so I know you aren’t exactly you, because my mother would never point her wand at me too”.
She would buy Dayoung a big meal after that, she would never think that a spell she had learned after seeing so many pranks would be of such use.
The ground had exploded, a crater had grown, the dust that had been raised caused her mother to take her attention away from her, coughing a few times and trying to clear her vision. Seola went down with a dull thud, she didn't expect anything, just ran to the side, her vision must have been as bad as the other woman's.
It looked like whatever she'd done was enough for the task, the door she'd entered was a few feet away, like a hand rising as she drowned. She didn't know how fast she'd run, but she sure as hell had broken her personal record even throwing herself out the door.
She crashed to the ground, this time in a clear spot, the grass below her well take care and short, she jumped up, turning back to where she had come from, the door wasn't there, let alone her mother.
"It's okay" McGonagall's voice brought her back from whatever her mind was "it's over, you finished it".
She listened to the voices of the others, the crowd cheering and cheering, the school band playing, but still she couldn't take her eyes off the place where the door was, only when McGonagall pushed her into the infirmary tent did she take her feet from that place.
They sat her on a bed and left right away, she looked around, there was no one but her and Cheng Xiao, the girl was on the other side of the tent, sitting on a bed like hers, her body was wet from head to toe, it looked like she had fallen into the lake.
"Something wrong?" Seola asked when she noticed the girl watching her curiously for a long time.
"You're crying" Cheng Xiao spoke cautiously.
Seola brought her hands urgently to her face, then watched her fingers, she almost laughed when she noticed the mixture of tears and dirt that were on her face.
"The other champion hasn't left yet, it took almost an hour between you and me, but I believe you passed that door with more dignity than me, I left like a tsunami"”
"I fell face down on the ground”.
"So we're tied”.
Seola smiled at her "Do you think they know what happened in there?"
"No".
Seola felt relieved, the last thing she wanted was an interrogation from the ministry asking why she had seen her mother, even if it was the most obvious thing in the world. She felt even more relieved that the girl didn't ask what she had seen, maybe because she didn't want to talk about what she had seen herself, Cheng Xiao smiled at her after that, she smiled back, they both knew that none of what had happened would pop out of their heads, and that they would probably have to relive for the next few weeks every time someone asked about the assignment.
The nurse hurried back a short time later, cleaned Seola's face, and brought Cheng Xiao some extra towels. As the nurse looked at the bloodstain on Seola's face, Luda arrived and took the other champion away, making a point of wrapping her in some coats.
"Are you good with healing spells?" The nurse asked wiping the blood from her face.
"No".
"So I think don’t think I need to be doing the spell to heal you, the spells you suffer during the match don't stay with you after you go through the door, but what happens physically does, bumps and cuts do, it took me a long time to fix a cut on Miss Chen Xiao's arm, I can see that something happened to her head, but I have nothing but dried blood, whoever did the repair spell did a great job”.
Seola felt herself get nervous again, she had noticed that her left hand had returned to normal, and the pain she had felt with the second spell in her stomach no longer existed, she even knew that what she suffered in her head had been more than a cut on her face, her head had hit hard enough to have a worse result than that. Her mother had helped her in some way, just as she had attacked her.
“Hyunjung” Seola heard someone shout her name, then a small body slamming against hers.
“My love.” Seola smiled as she pulled her closer, her nose trapped in her hair.
That night, after she had taken a long and warm shower, Seola lay down on her bed, Jiyeon had shown up a few moments later, she would never have dared to ask how she managed to get into Slytherin so easily, but hoped she didn't teach her tricks for Eunseo or Dayoung, at least she knew the other Slytherin students would never dare to betray her. The other students were outside, she could hear the newly completed homework party in the distance, Seola had gotten second place, but the point difference between her and Cheng Xiao was stronger than ever, but she knew that that the party had nothing to do with her, the fact that they weren't cheering for her was more and more declared, they were having a party just for the sake of it.
"Are you really feeling good?" Jiyeon asked giving her a kiss on the cheek, making her giggle at how light it was that "the champion of Durmstrang has been hospitalized until now".
"I'm fine".
“Great, and how was it there? Was it as scared as it sounds?”.
"Worse, it all felt pretty real".
“The minister said it's real, I mean, a lot of it is real or was made to look real, it wasn't an illusion,” Jiyeon was silent, Seola knew something was coming, she also knew Jiyeon had the right way. to ask what was on her mind, she was just waiting for her to get ready to answer “It was your mom, wasn't it? I mean, your biggest fear."
"Yes, how did you know that?"
"I thought it was obvious, your biggest torment is they thinking you are similar to your mother to the point of doing the same things, I thought your biggest fear is that the gossip would come true”.
"It wasn't her" Seola said in a small voice, as if she wanted to make sure no one would hear "I mean, maybe it was just part of her, but it wasn't her."
"I know, I mean, she's still in...".
"I know, but for a moment I thought it was her, it was just as I remembered, then she pointed her wand at me, my mom may have done a lot of bad things but she would never do that".
"They have very strong spells for just that, to drive you crazy… I can feel your head spinning, I know you won't forget what happened, the image of your mother raising her wand against you will probably haunt you for the rest of life, but you need to know that it's just an image, she's not your mother, and you're not her.”
Seola felt Jiyeon's hand on her face pulling her harder, placing a kiss on her cheek, this time hard, which made Seola laugh again openly, then a kiss on her lips.
"You were there" Seola commented still with her eyes closed, her hand on the girl's waist so she wouldn't move away "not in person, but in my head, you were saying the same thing as now."
"I'm glad to know I'm right even in your nightmare".
"You would definitely be a Slytherin if you studied here".
"Do you really think that or are you trying to boost your house's name?".
"I really think that, your ego is just like mine".
Jiyeon chuckled, hiding her face in Seola's neck, soon after placing kisses in the same spot. Seola didn't care about the students on the other side of the door, nor when Yeonjung opened the door, squealed a little shrill and kicked out the other students before they could enter the room, she had just gone through a Triwizard Cup task, she had the rights to get her room privileges for a few nights.
She had Jiyeon and that was all that mattered to her, even when she woke up at dawn sweating after a nightmare, she let herself take a deep breath and relax because Jiyeon was still beside her on the bed.