Fukuzawa X Mori angst
Ougai Mori has had a long, troubling past. 5 years before he met Yukuchi Fukuzawa, at the age of 12, his innocence and childhood were taken from him.
When he was younger, his parents would argue constantly, his mom would often get herself drunk and his father tried his best for him, but it wasn’t enough. Finally, Mori’s parents got divorced. This gave him hope, perhaps, things wouldn’t be so bad anymore!
After Mori’s parents divorced, and his mother lost custody when he was 11, he thought he’d have a better life living with just his dad. But it didn’t last. Mori’s father met another woman, Nobuko Yoshiya.
At first, Mori was happy for his dad; she wasn’t an addict like his mother was; she seemed kind, and she had a cat. Mori loved cats.
But after a few months of her and his father dating, she moved in with them. Around this same time, Mori was figuring out his own identity. He realized that he liked boys, and not girls.
One night, he decided to tell his dad and Nobuko, who he was already considering his stepmom. His father reacted positively, saying that he’d always support his son no matter what, and Nobuko nodded along, smiling.
Mori was happy. That went so much better than he thought it would. He fell asleep with a smile on his face.
Late that night, Nobuko creaks his door open, shuts and locks it behind her. Mori’s room was very far away from his father’s due to the layout of the house, so he wouldn’t hear a conversation coming from there.
“Hello there little Rintaro,” she says in a soft voice with a hint of...something else to it.
“Hm...? Nobuko...? What time is it...?” the 12-year-old asks sleepily.
“Time for you to learn a small lesson,” she says, her voice becoming darker and quieter. “You know I think you’re a very handsome little boy, right?”
Mori sits up to look at her, thoroughly confused at this point. “What time is it, Nobuko?” he asks, a little scared now. This is his dad’s girlfriend. The woman he’s growing to love as a mother, why is his heart beating so fast? Why is he shaking so hard? It’s something about her voice...
“I already told you dear, it’s time for you to learn a lesson,” she says. “I’m going to show you how great women are,” she purrs.
“W-what?” Mori’s voice is small and scared. “What do you mean?”
That night, the woman he was learning to trust broke him permanently, scarred him for life. Her hands will always be burnt onto his skin in areas where her hands NEVER should have been.
While breaking him, touching him, murdering his innocence and childhood with a scalding hot touch and dangerous green eyes and black hair tied into a bun.
Ougai Mori lost control of his ability in his agony and fear. Uncontrollable due to uncontrollable emotions, Elise ripped his house, and everyone in it to shreds.
Mori is there, standing in the middle of the wreckage, nothing on him but socks. The blood of his father and Nobuko on his hands. The remnant feeling of Nobuko’s hands on him.
He sinks to his knees, he’s too shocked to even cry. He can’t feel his emotions; he can only feel the burn of where those hands were. Those wretched, soft, slender hands.
Distantly, he can hear screaming, broken sobs, and screams. He realizes it’s him. He’s the one screaming. He’s the one sobbing.
He feels his consciousness fade away into the night, before he’s woken.
“Ougai! Ougai, wake up!”
His eyes flutter open, meeting gray ones. Beautiful, gray eyes. He sits up, remembering where he is. He’s in his boyfriend, Fukuzawa’s house.
“Y-Yukuchi...” he mutters.
“What’s wrong? This is the 10th time you’ve woken up like this since we started living together!” Fukuzawa says.
12 years ago, when these two men met, Mori was only 17. He fell in love with Fukuzawa, but the “incident” was too recent... and Fukuzawa was too old. Then they led enemy organizations, and they were forced to drift apart.
During the cannibalism curse, when they fought, they couldn’t muster the strength to hurt Fukuzawa badly. He couldn’t kill him. He just couldn’t.
After that, they reconnected and Mori confessed how long he’s loved Fukuzawa, and they got together. It had been a while since he’d had the nightmares, but being in a relationship... the first relationship of his life... had dug up those memories he had tried so hard to bury.
“Yukuchi... I haven’t ever told you my past...” Mori says softly.
“No... you haven’t. I haven’t asked since I don’t want to bring up a bad time or anything...” Fukuzawa whispers back.
“You deserve to know now...” mumbles Mori.
So, he tells his boyfriend everything. Starting from when he was born, how his mother was drunk all the time, the divorce. About how nice Nobuko seemed. How, his unnecessary hatred and fear of cats is due to her (a point that has come up before due to Fukuzawa’s love of the animal). And finally, that terrible night. That awful, traumatizing night.
After he finishes, he doesn’t notice the tears streaming down his face until Fukuzawa gently wipes them with his finger and hugs him tightly. He also didn’t realize he’d started to hyperventilate until Fukuzawa mutters: “Breathe, you’re ok,”
“I’m sorry...” mumbles Mori.
“What for?” Fukuzawa asks, concerned.
“I... I don’t know. I’m just sorry,” he mutters.
“May I ask a question?” asks Fukuzawa.
“Mhm,” he hums.
“How did you stay out of jail after Elise... went crazy...?” Fukuzawa asks.
“Natsume felt my powerful ability, and that’s when he found me, and set me on the path of life I followed...” he mutters.
“Oh, I see” says Fukuzawa. “If you want, I could try and help... with the nightmares at least,” he says
“Oh really?” Mori cocks his head to the side.
“Yes. I know a good therapist. She’s not officially recognized, because she’s a spy as well, but she works with Dazai and Atsushi from the agency. I could set you up! She’s an old friend of mine, and would cost no money,” Fukuzawa says.
“Really? Thank you...” Mori murmurs. He leans forward and hugs Fukuzawa. “I love you...” he whispers.
“I love you too... no matter what...” Fukuzawa whispers back.