Loving and trusting another person is a reckless thing. Even insane.
Ekuni Kaori, Twinkle Twinkle
The spotlight wasn’t something for Manamo. She preferred being a hermit who observed from the sidelines, carefully choosing when to make an interaction with someone she took interest in. She wasn’t boring by any means, but if there was something to learn from all the literature she’s read, it was to know as much as you can before making a decision.
This cautious way of living still netted her a fair amount of friends from her highschool days. She does place a decent amount of trust in each and every one of them, a small testament to how much she treasures these handpicked relations she had. Coincidentally, these friends found themselves to be friends with each other, forming a circle of friends which Manamo could feel at ease with. The ‘leader’ of this circle, Watanabe Miho, types an announcement in their LINE group chat.
bemiho!
let’s meet up this saturday!!
suzy-
i’ll be coming with konoka!
hyr
might be lazy wwww
nibu
wow ok sure!!!
manamo are you coming?
manamo-e
ok!
She has a special kind of trust in Nibu Akari.
The sun was setting when Manamo was reading the last few pages of her copy of “Tokyokaikan to Watashi” to fulfil her ‘monthly quota of books read’. She was alone in the classroom as class had ended hours ago, but reading didn’t have to take place at home, she thought. Once she gets engrossed in a book, she could very well stay in school until the next day and often required others to get her out. The love she had for reading and literature since young had culminated in her current lifestyle of eat, read and sleep.
Her immersion into the book’s setting of the Tokyo Kaikan was promptly broken by the slamming of the classroom’s sliding door. There stood her classmate Nibu Akari all sweaty from baseball practice.
“I knew you’d still be here, Manamo-san!” Nibu’s voice needed no loudspeaker to make its rounds around the room. Manamo puts her bookmark at the page she stopped at to focus her attention onto Nibu, which was rare for her to do. At this point, Manamo was still in her phase of ‘selective interactions’ and she had not thoroughly analysed Nibu Akari yet, so their relations were more on a surface than not. What she does know so far was that Nibu was one of the extroverts in her class and it was hard NOT to become her friend, so she perceived her to have refined social skills.
“Oh, hi… Akari-san.” She tries to make herself seem sociable as compared to her bookworm side. Nibu was slightly taken aback at her remark before walking up to Manamo’s personal space to the point where Manamo could very notably hear her panting from training.
“C-Can I help you, Akari-san?” Manamo was now before a Nibu who towered over her in her chair, back facing the windows. Naturally she felt slightly intimidated by the sheer presence of her despite how harmless she looked. Nibu’s expression changed from bewilderment to joy.
“Normally people call me Nibu or Nibu-chan or whatever, so it was quite pleasant to hear you call me Akari!” Nibu was a ball of happiness which never seemed to die down and it was influencing how Manamo processed the situation. This sort of character was unknown to her even with her decent knowledge of literature, though it could do with her mostly reading old Japanese literature filled with samurais and court ladies and such. This comment from Nibu did serve as a self-reminder - why did she call her Akari instead of what was common?
“Oh… I just didn’t know everyone called you Nibu instead of your name.” Manamo had a panic cough. “It’s really pretty…”
“What’s pretty!”
“Your name, what else? Don’t make me laugh, Akari-san.” Manamo did end up laughing at what Nibu was insinuating towards. Nibu laughed in response too, much like she does to many other things because that was just part of who she was. She found herself in a comfortable position with Nibu now despite this being their first official interaction. Manamo did observe her in class from time to time, noting that she does have this happy-go-lucky character which normally didn’t interest her too much. But Nibu did often try to make Manamo feel included in class discussions even when unasked. Manamo was grateful for that.
“Anyways, Nao wanted me to return the notes you lent her…” Nibu began searching through her bag to bring out the notes.
“Oh okay, thank you. Akari-san.”
Manamo took an interest in Akari.
Saturday night came and Manamo was waiting for Nibu at her apartment’s car park, as she had offered to drive Nibu to the dinner location. She takes the waiting time to put on her lipstick with the help of her car mirrors; Manamo preferred darker red lipsticks over the lighter ones. She puts on one of her pairs of fake glasses to appear as her image of an ideal woman, definitely warranted when she was going for an all-girls night out.
Nibu knocks on the passenger seat car door, dressed up in a modest dress also with a pair of fake glasses. Manamo unlocks the vehicle in excitement as Nibu takes her seat next to her.
“Ehh are those the glasses I gave you? They look good on you!” Manamo was delighted to see a fellow member of the fake glasses clan. Nibu couldn’t help but let out an embarrassed laugh at her comment.
“You’re too kind, Manamo-san! Hahahaha '' She was being her cheerful self as usual, not to Manamo’s surprise anyway. If the world was ending at this very instant, Nibu would probably be happy that everyone is able to feel the sweet release of death together, or so Manamo imagined anyway. There could be some inaccuracies in her image of Nibu but she had her essence down for sure.
Manamo recalls the examination period of one of her senior years at highschool. The results just came out and as expected Manamo did well, ranking second in the cohort, but she wasn’t one to celebrate or brag about it. It was more of an assurance that she was still who she was, the literary girl who did well in her studies. With some social circles here and there.
People who didn’t do well would normally sulk about it and vow to study harder for the next examination. Manamo knows all this as she’s seen it in her classmates for the passing years, it was like seeing the seasons change, with distinct features of her surroundings routinely adapting to the time of the year. However, every now and then comes a phenomenon that messes with the uniform flow of events Manamo has gotten so used to.
“Manamo-san!! Guess what?” Nibu Akari makes her appearance for the day beside Manamo who was well immersed in her book. There was a slight irritation that Manamo felt because she doesn’t like being straight up broken out of her mental involvement in a text, but she gave some chance as it was one of her then closer friends, Nibu Akari.
“What is it, Akari-san? Couldn’t you see I was reading my book here…”
“I failed three out of the five subjects!”
“...and how is this a good thing? I already told you to study harder instead of playing that F-Fortnite or whatever it is…” Manamo tried to pretend not knowing what game Nibu plays but her research into the game ever since Nibu mentioned it has failed her pretense.
“Hey I really did try my best! Some things just don’t work out… but anyways you know what this means!” No, Manamo did not know what that meant.
“It means you get to help me study for the next tests!” Nibu cheered as if she was a magnanimous leader offering help to an underling, thereafter flaunting her generosity. However, Manamo had the most confused look on her face.
“When did I say I’ll do that?? And why do you sound so happy about it… you failed sixty-percent of the subjects, you know? I, myself, have never even failed-”
“Yeah cause you’re so smart, Manamo-san! I used to be failing even more subjects before I met you!” Nibu bragged about her incapabilities. “Anyways the main point is, you’re a greaaat teacher, so I’d love you to teach me your studying ways!”
If there was one thing Miyata Manamo could not do in this world, it was to reject any of Nibu’s requests when she asks them in such a pure manner. Part of it was also due to the affection and praise Nibu displayed in her request.
“...Fine. I’ll tutor you.” Manamo sounded reluctant which contrasted what she felt internally, but Nibu was happy enough to hear her say yes. Manamo was happy enough to see her smile so brightly.
“How’s you been doing, Manamo-san!” This never-before-heard Japanese was a first for Manamo. She very much wanted to temporarily park the car somewhere to scold Nibu for her dismemberment of the Japanese language but they were already running late due to Nibu taking too long to get ready. Cultural redemption had to wait. Manamo simply groans and continues driving while coming up with a reply that would satisfy Nibu.
“The usual I guess… Starira, reading… oh I recently downloaded Clash Royale…” Manamo was keeping her eyes on the road but her mind was engaged with Nibu’s question, which was not the safest way of driving. But of course Nibu had to ask mentally demanding questions in return.
“Ehh isn’t that the game Kono-chan was trying to recommend to all of us??” Nibu’s sudden outburst shook Manamo and properly woke her up from autopilot. “I’ve been trying to get you into Fortnite for SO long and you STILL haven’t downloaded it!!!”
In fact, Manamo had downloaded Fortnite on the same day Nibu mentioned it to her during highschool. She hasn’t brought it up yet because she knew Nibu would practically beg her to play it with her and she didn’t want to drag her down by being bad at the game. Even now she spends time playing bits of Fortnite to sharpen her skills to potentially play with her one day. But for now she had to pretend she simply forgot about it.
“I-I’ll get into it when I have time… I promise! Stop yelling at me like that when I’m driving, Akari…” Manamo makes a left turn. She didn’t want to outright show she’d accommodate whatever Nibu wanted. There’s this feeling that exists between two good friends where one party doesn’t want to give in to the other, as if it was a sign of weakness or submission. As such, every time Nibu talks about a recent interest or hobby, there’s a mental note that Manamo makes to remind her to research it or even take it up.
Was it an obligation?
‘ “What did he mean by ‘society’? The plural of human beings?”
Osamu Dazai, No Longer Human ‘
“Okay, so why did you bring this line up?” Manamo stared at the highlighted sentence in Nibu’s otherwise clean text.
“Isn’t that what society is? What’s this guy on about?” Parts of Manamo died on the inside upon hearing this sentence from Nibu’s mouth. She took the time to sit down and answer any of Nibu’s queries on literature and the first question she had was already an ear-sore if that was a thing.
“Is this book even part of our syllabus?” She questioned how the book looked brand new when it was three-quarters in for the academic year. Nibu’s shifty eyes suggested otherwise, subtly signaling that she just got a random book so that she had stuff to ask Manamo about. At that point in time, Manamo had no idea whether to be flattered or disappointed.
“Oh, ha ha ha ha, silly me got the wrong book!” The robotic and awkward laugh by Nibu confirmed Manamo’s earlier suspicions, along with her preconceived hunch that Nibu was bad at lying. All of their interactions only helped Manamo to download vital information about Nibu’s mannerisms and behaviour, though this seemed like a really shallow way of being friends with someone.
For the longest time, her friendship with Nibu Akari could be seen as more of a ‘study’ as plain as that might sound for her connection with someone. Miyata Manamo did not like to unintentionally cross borders that aren’t meant to be crossed and misunderstand actions that just simply weren’t meant to be misunderstood. A well-planned way of life was what she sought for for the longest time as she believed that all her literary knowledge ought to be put into place somewhere.
The study of Nibu Akari seemed to be rather inconclusive; there didn’t seem to be much depth to her personality, or rather Manamo couldn’t find out more than what she already knew. Maybe she should finally stop treating Nibu as a test subject and more as an actual friend, or companion.
Nevertheless, she learnt something from Nibu Akari.
“Wanna come over to my house after dinner? I bought this new beer I saw online the other day, maybe we can drink together…!” Manamo tried to casually invite Nibu over to stay the night but Nibu is particularly weak at picking up on these signs from her.
“But I need to go home to play the game you don’t want to play with me…” Nibu was still outright petty at Manamo’s earlier comment and wasn’t planning on letting it go any time soon. Manamo sighed as she turned into the restaurant parking lot, seeing the familiar cars of their friends already parked in place.
“Woah, even Nao is here… thought there was Haikyuu airing tonight.” It was indeed rare to see Kosaka Nao attending one of their outings - she’d usually much prefer staying at home. Maybe Miku had encouraged her to come here with her, making Manamo realise that most of the people in their circle of friends are paired up, both parties acting as a driving force for the other.
“Isn’t it nice how most of us are paired up? Like there’s Suzu and Konoka, Nao and Miku…” Manamo was secretly celebrating the presence of female relationships around her.
“Who are you paired with!” Nibu blurted out her question but at this point her whimsical actions didn’t faze Manamo anymore. Instead she was more taken aback by what she had asked - did Nibu not feel like she was paired up with her after all the time they spend together?
“Today…. is our first location shoot!!!” Watanabe Miho shouted out the day’s agenda in broad daylight much to everyone’s embarrassment. Fortunately the shame was brief as the message empowered the members to speak up.
“We aren’t idols, Miho! Can you be normal and call it a day out?” Matsuda Konoka showed up to set things straight. Miho loved watching idol variety shows and would refer to anything similar to whatever they show on TV as what it is shown as. The other seven laughed in agreement.
“I’m just trying to make things fun around here, and I guess I did! Aren’t you guys excited to be here at Universal Studios Japan???” The livelihood didn’t come from Miho’s ‘location shoot’ comment but whatever floats her boat, Konoka guessed. The fact remains that the group of friends are indeed at USJ and fun was the agenda. Manamo couldn’t believe that she herself was here, she was never one for amusement parks and the like as mediums of enjoyment - nothing beat a good book for her, as lame and ‘boomer’ that sounds. Apparently, Nibu Akari was this ‘nothing’. In the buffer time before Miho announces what the group will be doing, Manamo rereads her conversation with Nibu from the night before.
Akari
Are you coming tomorrow??????
22:00
I finally get to sleep-in after staying
up so late every night… probably not
22:01
Akari
Don’t be a spoilsport! Even hiyotan is
coming tomorrow! So you better be
there too >:(
22:01
Akari-chan please…
22:02
Akari
Whatever, if I don’t see you there
tomorrow, i’m burning that book
you gave me, Manamo!!!!
Okay i’m not going to but
you get what I mean!!
22:03
What exactly made Manamo appear at USJ at 8am in the morning? The threat of a book she gifted Nibu being burnt or the fact that she referred to her without honorifics? She puts away her handphone and lets out a yawn, of which she covers her mouth as a form of courtesy, not before Nibu picks up on it.
“Manamo are you tired already??? The day has barely started!!!” Her relationship with Nibu was one of the two things preventing her from throwing a straight at her face - the other was the law.
“WELL….nevermind forget it. Let’s hope today will be fun.” By now Manamo had learnt that arguing with Nibu normally led to nothing so she gave it a rest. The pure cackle Nibu released after was slightly annoying to Manamo but by then, Miho finally made her next announcement.
“I think it’ll be quite hard for all of us to go on the same rides at the same time… so how about we just split ourselves into groups or pairs?” After the announcement, Hiyori and Hina already made their way to each side of Miho, giving the idea that this arrangement was planned prior. Not much was said before pairs were formed - Miku was already with Nao while Suzuka was standing with Konoka from the very beginning. Naturally this meant that Nibu was paired with Manamo, but Manamo felt embarrassed.
“I-I’m sorry you’re kinda forced to pair up with me… You probably wanted to be paired with someone more fun, right?” Although she felt that she and Nibu were on rather close terms, she felt that she wanted ideally a more enthusiastic person, someone who could match her energy while they were having fun today. She felt that there was a mismatch.
“Nonsense! I really, really, reallllyyyyy like being with you, Manamo! I’d take you over anyone else!” Nibu grabbed Manamo’s hand as she dragged her towards the viking ship ride. Nibu seemed set to steal Manamo’s heart as with how pirates plunder ships, but it felt like Nibu doesn’t do it on purpose. This feeling was unfamiliar to Miyata Manamo though she accepted it all the same - the feeling of sincere trust, and perhaps the feeling of having a partner.
“Ehhhhh~ I never knew you and Manamo got along, Nibu-chan!” Suzuka asked the question everyone had in their heads. Manamo blushed harder when Nibu’s grip tightened.
“Of course we do! She’s my best friend!” Nibu declared proudly to the group. Amidst the surprised comments and people claiming that Nibu was their best friend instead, Manamo sort of basked in the ‘glory’ of being genki-girl Nibu Akari’s best friend.
It’d be best not for these feelings to grow into much more.
The car remained in silence from where it left off. Manamo was perplexed - did she understand Nibu Akari or not? The monotonous roaring of the car engine acted as the only sign of life in the vehicle; Nibu was wondering why Manamo wasn’t answering but Manamo felt like she was getting a reality check by her supposed best friend. A very awkward tension was building up if she were to drag this silence on any longer, a tension concerning various parts of their relationship, but she just couldn’t think of how to phrase her concerns. She was really thinking if she was just dramaticising things - throughout her study of Nibu Akari, there would have been signs of their feelings not being mutual by now if it were really the case.
“Are you there?” Nibu pokes Manamo in the cheek as an attempt to bring her back into the real world. As if playing a visual novel, Manamo contemplates two choices: asking her the same question or denying she had a “pair”, the latter decision fueled by her wild imagination.
“...How about you, Akari? Who are you… paired with?” Manamo immediately looked away after completing her sentence. The immediate regret she felt acted as a recoil and made her sink into the driver seat. Why did I ask that? I dodged the question and asked her something so awkward… Self-loathing was on the menu tonight for Miyata Manamo and depression could be the main course depending on Nibu’s answer.
“E-Eh? Well I really like Miku and Miho and all…” Manamo’s heart was sinking.
“...But I think it’s gotta be you, Manamo!” Nibu declared proudly.
Manamo thanked the gods who made her choose the first option. She was visibly relieved which seemed weird to Nibu, prompting her to poke her nose into things.
“So you haven’t answered my question, Manamo! Who are you paired with?”
Now the question was much easier to answer for Manamo, though she now had to ponder on something else. A certain emotion and feeling erupts when someone you adore and cherish makes you feel special and loved. Manamo was still figuring out what it was. The feeling she was sure that she had to reciprocate here was gratitude, gratitude that Nibu sort of settled the animosity lingering in the car’s atmosphere, and also gratitude that she truly chose her as her ‘pair’. But there had to be a way to repay this gratitude and Manamo had an inkling of what she could do at the very least. She cracks a soothing smile and moves closer to Nibu.
“Of course it’s you, Akari.” She whispers into Nibu’s right ear as she gently kisses her on the cheek. The physical contact was brief but the feelings transferred seem significant enough to make Nibu blush immediately. Manamo tried to be the calm and collected person and proceeded to touch up her hair using the mirror, even though she was visibly shaking and her actions were frantic.
“Ahhhh yokatta….. I really thought the feeling wasn’t mutual!!! But I didn’t expect that from you, Manamo…” Nibu was back to being her vibrant and joyful self even though it barely left. As it turns out both parties had the same thought lingering in their heads the whole time, with this episode finally settling it to an extent.
“Expect what? It was just a… friendly gesture.” Manamo unlocks the car, feeling the happiest she’s been in awhile, now pumped up to have a good night’s out with their friends. Is Nibu her friend, or more than that? Manamo started to see beyond the realm of ‘being friends’ as she was about to leave the car. But before that, she finds an opportunity and re-locks the car doors, leaving Nibu puzzled as she was just about to open it.
“Akari…”
“Yeah, Manamo?”
“So do you wanna come over to my house tonight?” It was the same question from before. Nibu puts on an exaggerated thinking action before she finds her “Eureka!” moment.
“Sure, that sounds good!”
Maybe trusting and loving someone is not a reckless thing after all.