Chapter X
“How did it go with Dr Belcombe?” Ann wondered as she came inside the room, shutting the door to give them privacy, before turning completely to Anne on the bed.
“It went alright, but I suppose he told you. He didn’t dare leave me to instruct you.” Anne smirked, and Ann lit up, biting her lip beaming,
“He wasn’t wrong though, was he? If he’d left you to it, you would’ve done it your way.”
“True!” Anne laughed, twisting on the bed to get herself more comfortable. Ann came straight over, sitting down on the edge of the bed, stroking her hand with hers,
“Dr Belcombe seemed very happy with you. He said that he expected a full recovery.”
Anne bobbed her head, and offered Ann a kind smile,
“I’ll be glad when it is over! It… I would like to remember.”
“I understand that. But…” Ann silenced for a second, focusing her eyes on Anne’s fingers as she played with them absentmindedly,
“But what?” Anne tried to capture her eyes with hers, and Ann looked up, seemingly nervous,
“If you, for some reason, didn’t get your memories back. We’d create new ones, and I’d tell you about the past and we could have a read from your journals – where I could offer my perspective…”
Anne brought her hand to her lips, placing a fond kiss on top of it,
“Thank you. Yes, we’ll get through this. No matter the outcome. As my Aunt said, my endless journaling might finally have served a purpose.”
“Well, I think they have always served a purpose… for you! They are after all your journals – they aren’t novels or something for other people’s eyes. They have helped you cope and allowed you to pour your heart out when there have been no one to tell – they have been your constant friend.” Ann told her considerately, and Anne melted a bit, running her fingers down Ann’s chin,
“You are too kind, much too good for me!”
“I’d do absolutely anything for you!” Ann countered with a gaze of utter affection, “And you would deserve every last bit of it.”
Anne’s heart filled with such adoration for the woman in front of her. Ann had evolved so much as a person, and really come out of her shell. She was much more confident and at ease. They were good for each other. They brought out the absolute best in each other.
“Kiss me?” Anne whispered, eying her attentively, tenderly, and Ann grinned at that, turning properly towards Anne and getting up in bed on her knees. Ann leaned forwards pecking her cheek, just by her ear, softly, moving to the other side to repeat. Then Ann placed both her hands on the sides of her face, pressing her lips against her brow, feeling herself almost tear up, her thoughts filled with ‘what if’s’ ‘what if Anne hadn’t made it?’. Ann pulled back, hands still resting on Anne’s cheeks, she looked into her dark eyes, and Anne raised her lips to hers and Ann caught them with lips, kissing her wife for the first time in a while. It began tenderly, slowly but soon grew more passionate, more urgent but then Anne’s wound stretched, and she groaned in pain against Ann’s lips and she drew back worried.
“Did I hurt you?” Ann was looking at her wide eyed and troubled but Anne, though her eyes were shut to cope with the pain, shook her head once,
“No. It’s just… I got a bit too excited and moved to quickly.”
“Do you need anything?”
“No! Just don’t leave me.”
“I won’t!” Ann reassured her, but then she frowned, eying Anne who was evidently in great pain despite her trying to put on a brave façade.
“Can I do anything? Cold compress? Brandy?” Ann’s voice faltered as she looked at Anne whispering, “Opium?”
Anne couldn’t help it, the laughter came flowing out of her mouth, quite startling Ann, who became red faced, but Anne stroke her over the cheek so fondly, so amused,
“No! That’s quite alright. I don’t… I’d rather cope with the pain. But thank you!”
Ann was still embarrassed that she had even suggested it, and Anne placed a kiss on her nose, sneaking her arm around her, resting her own head against Ann’s shoulder,
“You really would do anything for me!”
Ann glanced down at Anne who grinned though her eyes were shut.
“I have never… I just thought you… I don’t even know where to…”
“Shush you, I’m not offended, and I know you haven’t and wouldn’t.” Anne kissed her neck before nuzzling nearer her again, something so familiar about her, and being near her that calmed Anne and almost seemed to settle the pain. Ann were about to ask her something when she felt her calm breathing on her neck and noticed that Anne had fallen asleep against her shoulder. She smiled down at her, placing a gentle kiss on top of her head, mindful not to move too much – she didn’t want to upset Anne’s wound accidentally and disturb her sleep.
Anne approached a woman, not any woman but Lady Harriett, Vere’s half-sister. She is feeling giddy, and she leans in to confide in her,
“I just spoke to the Princess Caroline for more than ten minutes.”
Lady Harriett gives a pleased nod,
“I’ve kept meaning to ask, Miss Lister. Did you ever hear any more about your friend in Scotland?”
Anne feels as though she’s been punched in the stomach, and as though all air has escaped her, she has tried to not think of Ann, for a second she had thought herself happy and having a good time but now…
“No. I didn’t. I can only conclude that her sister didn’t like my advice.”
“Oh dear. Oh, I’m sorry.” Lady Harriett replies her, and she looks as though she might’ve realised it was a touchy subject, but Anne merely mumbles a ‘m’ in response before seeking something to distract her from thinking of Ann and how much she misses her.
She had been unsuccessful thus far, neither London, Paris nor Copenhagen had made her at ease she thought. Whirling around the room, suddenly dancing, though she scarce remembers how she came to do it. If it wasn’t for the nights, she thought, I might have done alright.
The ballroom grew blurrier, as she spun around the room with this woman in her arms, Sophie Ferall, the name popped in her head, but she became blurrier, faded and everywhere Anne turned she saw Ann’s face before her inner-eye.
“Anne.” Ann roused her gently, running her fingers through her hair to soothe the brunette who twisted and turned in her dream against Ann’s shoulder mumbling things, incoherently. Her dark eyes opened, and she seemed a bit delusional at first. Sitting up, running her hands over her face and eyes, looking around herself, as if she didn’t quite comprehend where she was.
“Anne?” Ann held her still, and she turned to her and exhaled loudly,
“You’re here!”
“Yes…” Ann became a little concerned, hoping Anne hadn’t lost any more memories, but the woman closed her eyes and leant against her again.
“It was just a dream.”
“What did you dream about? Ann questioned, pressing her lips to Anne’s forehead, more out of habit than anything else.
“I… I was in this ballroom... there was this feeling of joy at first, I think I’d talked to a princess. I know that sounds odd…” Anne smiled up at her, but Ann didn’t return her smile, she looked serious,
“You said a ballroom? A princess? Not by any chance Princess… oh what was her name…?” Ann pressed her fingers to her head,
“Oh, right, not Princess Caroline?”
“Yes, how did you know?” Anne lifted her head from Ann’s shoulder,
“You told me, when you came back from Copenhagen. Well, you told me of this ball you attended – the Queen’s birthday ball.”
“In Copenhagen?” Anne realised that this might have been a memory after all, and not just a silly dream where she had hung out with royals.
“Mm, you had to dress head to toe in white satin.” Ann smirked, and Anne laughed,
“I must have looked ridiculous. I did, in my dream, that’s why I thought it weren’t a memory. I thought about you, in my dream or memory, a lot. I couldn’t seem to get you out of my head. Everywhere I turned – there you were.
Ann looked saddened at that, but smirked slightly,
“It was terrible being apart. But it makes me appreciate you even when you lose your temper ten times a day.”
“Ah, I never!” Anne gasped at her, and they looked fondly at each other,
“Do you remember anything else?”
“Names, Vere’s half-sister, Lady Harriett, I told her...” Anne paused, her forehead scrunching in thought,
“I was in Vere’s townhouse, she had a baby, and she told me I should go to Copenhagen because her half-sister Lady Harriett was gagging for some decent company.”
“Good. Vere had a baby yes, Anne.”
“She named the baby Anne?” Anne raised an eyebrow, and Ann nodded,
“Yes, we met them last we were in London. She was very kind.”
“Hm.” Anne agreed, Vere was everything lovely and kind, and a good friend to have, after all Vere hadn’t exposed her even after Anne had gravely misread her intentions.
“I was trying to distract myself from my disappointment, my heartbreak – over you.” Anne sighed, and Ann turned her face to hers with her fingers, pressing a kiss to her lips gently,
“It wasn’t a great eleven months, the nights were the worst though. I don’t know how I got through!”
“I’m glad I have you! You know, you might just be the best thing about this whole ordeal with the memory loss.”
“Is that so?” Ann smirked at her and Anne chuckled,
“Yes. From what I remembered, it seemed hopeless, like I’d do better to just forget about the whole thing – to then wake up, still thinking that was the case and find out you’re my wife – now that’s what I call a pleasant surprise!”
“Sometimes I think you just say things like that to see if you can make a permanent blush appear on my cheeks.” Ann blushed, and Anne seemed pleased with herself, and leaned down kissing the corner of Ann’s lips. Though she’d rather rid herself of the pain, and regain her memories, it wasn’t all unpleasant. She had Ann by her side, and she was certain they could face absolutely anything together.
Amor vincit omnia.