Before Us

Your name is RUFIOH NITRAM. You live in... An OPEN-AIR APARTMENT, leased to you by your indigoblood LANDLORD.

...

Okay, full disclosure, you live in a stable. Your "indigo landlord" is just your long-time friend Horuss Zahhak, who is responsible for your REGRETTABLE STATE OF BEING. You used to have a COOL CLUB in the woods, but those days are behind you. You miss the LOST WEEABOOS, but you're happier like this, in your new HORSE BODY.

Did I mention the HORSE BODY? You have a HORSE BODY. It's a little bit like a centaur, but instead of the troll torso, it's just a troll head on a robotic body.

Before THE ACCIDENT, you were a normal bipedal, non-mechanical troll, and you even had a cool pair of wings! You felt so free, flying through the air, evading the drones when they tried to cull you. But it wasn't to last... You had a HORRIBLE ACCIDENT which rendered your legs unusable. As a result, a passing troll named HORUSS patched you up! In your opinion, he kind of did overkill? Like. Your ankle was just broken, he didn't need to replace your whole body with a robo-horse.

Even still, being a ROBO HORSE is awesome, even if you lack opposable thumbs and it puts a strain on your MATESPRITSHIP...

You speak with a well spoken yet rad1cal l1lt, and your online handle is antlersTitanic.

What will you do?

Talk to your matesprit. ==>

You decide to talk to your matesprit. It's been a long time coming, but you have a feeling you need to do this now. You can't keep living a lie.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This conversation has been translated from Troll-Japanese. Because that's the language they're speaking.

--- antlersTitanic began trolling anatanoAkuyaku ---

AT: damara-chan. we need to talk.

AA: This is fine. I assumed we would have to talk soon, regardless. After all, it seems the game is starting.

AA: If my information is correct, then most players are already in the game.

AT: yeah, about that...

AA: In fact, everyone but you, myself, and Aranea appear to be inside.

AT: uh huh.

AT: but ser1ously, let's chat.

AA: I believe the order will be as follows. Please take note.

AA: Latula will get you in. Then you will get me in. Then I, finally, will get Aranea in, which will complete the loop.

AT: r1ght totally. cha1n of operations. aha.

AT: just before all that no1se, can 1 say someth1ng?

AA: Oh, my apologies, Rufioh-kun. I was speaking over you.

AA: Forgive me. I was just excited at the idea of meeting you.

AA: It has been so long.

AT: um yeah totally just.

AT: haha you know what? gett1ng 1nto the game 1s more 1mportant r1ght now.

AA: Very well. It does take precedent, but do not feel like you cannot speak to me.

AA: I love you.

AT: haha.

AT: love you too.

AA: Is... HE already in the game?

AT: he?

AA: Zahhak-san.

AT: oh. yeah, he got 1n a wh1le ago. 1 th1nk meul1n was h1s server player.

AT: 1 can st1ll see the crater where h1s mans1on was.

AA: Tch.

AA: He is a despicable man.

AT: dama... come on. he saved my l1fe.

AA: He saved nothing. He put you in that perverse shell and took you from me.

AA: We were happy in the woods.

AT: 1 know, just... be1ng a cool horse 1sn't so bad. 1t's k1nd of cool! runn1ng around, w1nd through my ha1r... sure 1t k1nd of blows not hav1ng hands or anyth1ng, haha, but l1ke. 1 can st1ll talk to you us1ng my bu1lt-1n w1f1 ch1p!

AA: Whatever. I do not want to have this argument again.

AA: I am just used to losing my friends.

AA: You're right, Rufyo. I should not worry. I should trust my own matesprit.

AA: Talk to Latula. Enter the game so I may as well.

AT: haha... r1ght!

--- antlersTitanic ceased trolling anatanoAkuyaku ---

You sigh. You weren't strong enough to bring it up. You can't keep it from her forever... You feel terrible, but you just don't have the heart to break hers! You look out of your stable forlornly at Horuss's crater, where his mansion was spirited away just hours before.

Damara has had enough pain in her life. She doesn't need to know you cheated on her.

Get into the game. ==>

You figure you might as well do what she says, for now. Maybe if this game allows you two to meet in person, you'll be able to break up with Damara in person!

Author's note: This conversation has been translated from horrendous leetspeak. Which is what both trolls are speaking.

--- antlersTitanic began trolling galCoolest ---

GC: ruf1oh! b1g r! roof on 4 h1v3! wh4t th3 fuck 1s up?

AT: latula! 1 am glad you're 1n a good mood. 1 am 1n the need for such 1nfect1ous enthus1asm r1ght about now.

GC: oof. yeah. 1 heard about you and horuss's b1g smooch. how'd your matespr1t take 1t?

AT: ...

GC: oh. oh wow. bumm3r...

GC: dud3. you'v3 s3r1ously got to t3ll h3r. you c4n't str1ng h3r 4long l1k3 th4t.

GC: w41t, who 3v3n 1s your m4t3spr1t? you'v3 n3v3r told m3 h3r n4m3.

GC: 1s 1t aranea??

AT: grody. no way.

AT: 1 actually can't tell you her name. for some reason she sa1d 1 wasn't allowed to.

GC: 1s sh3 l1k3. you know.

AT: what?

GC: r34l?

AT: what! yes!

GC: ok4y dud3, just m4k1ng sur3! 4ft3r 4ll 4 g1rl m4g1c4ly 4pp34r1ng 1n purpl3 p4j4m4s 1n th3 m1ddl3 of th3 woods 1s 4 sus 4s fuck story.

AT: 1 know. 1 don't understand 1t, e1ther.

AT: she was speak1ng troll-japanese and talk1ng about some "p1nk demon." 1f you don't bel1eve me, 1 understand.

GC: p1nk d3mon, huh? m1tun4's 4lw4ys pr4ttl1ng on 4bout th4t consp1r4cy th3ory!

GC: w3ll, 1 gu3ss m1tun4 w4s r1ght 4bout som3 proph3c13s. 4ft3r 4ll, 1t looks l1k3 h3 w4s r1ght 4bout th3 world 3nd1ng. m4yb3 th1s p1nk d3mon 1s r34l.

AT: maybe.

GC: m4yb3 your g1rlfr13nd 4nd m1tun4 would g3t 4long!

AT: um. haha. yeah. totally.

GC: w3ll 3nough y4kk1ng! l3ts g3t your hors3s 4ss 1nto th1s fuck1ng g4m3!

AT: t1ght!

You and Latula collaborate to get into the game. It is exciting and fun, but for the sake of brevity, let's just say you narrowly escape meteoric doom and enter your land: The Land of Tracks and Wind.

AT: 1 can't stay long, latula, but... thank you.

GC: no probl3m buddy! you sur3 you'll b3 ok4y th3r3 w1thout, uh- h4nds?

TA: for sure! w1th t1nkerbull at my s1de, 1'm unstoppable. poss1bly l1terally. 1t's very d1ff1cult to stop myself when 1 start runn1ng 1n th1s body. haha.

GC: uh! cool!

GC: l4t3r, dud3!

--- galCoolest ceased trolling antlersTitanic ---

You don't have time to lose. Damara has been texting you off the hook since you began, here. Her situation is probably urgent. You're not surprised, as a meteor shower was spotted in the area of the forest. Before you left, you saw that your old home in the woods was totally on fire!

Author's note: East-Alternian. You get it.

--- anatanoAkuyaku began trolling antlersTitanic ---

AA: Rufioh, this is urgent. Please respond.

AA: I don't mean to be a pest, but please get into the game fast.

AA: Rufioh!

AA: RUFIOH I DO NOT MEAN TO BE ALARMIST.

AA: BUT MY HIVE IS ON FIRE.

Fuck. Looks like you don't have time to talk about your feelings at the moment. Hastily, you boot up the server app and get Damara started.

AT: wow. 1t looks ser1ously bad over there, dama. you weren't k1dd1ng, about the f1re.

AA: No shit.

AA: Thanks for putting the alchemiter inside my firey hungerblock, by the way. Very elegant.

AT: oh. 1'm sorry.

AA: It's fine. Just. Don't touch anything. I'll do this myself.

You watch as Damara works around your inconvenient alchemiter placement. Tiny meteors are pelting through the ceiling of her hive- A hive which was already tiny and humble. It probably won't survive the trip to the Medium.

AT: hey dama?

No response. You decide to just sort of. Get your feelings out there while she's preoccupied.

AT: so 1've been th1nk1ng. you and me. haha.

AT: l1sten. you're great, really. 1t's not you, honest, 1t's me. l1ke 100% me, my fault, why 1'm say1ng th1s. you're great! so great.

AT: but yeah 1'm just th1nk1ng l1ke, maybe 1'm not ready for a relat1onsh1p l1ke th1s, y'know? maybe 1 should run free and see the world, sorta.

AT: okay, well not the world, but more l1ke... my planet. the game. the world 1s gone, now, wh1ch... wow.

AT: anyway yeah 1 guess all 1'm say1ng 1s maybe we should sort of... part ways!

AT: l1ke a break!

AT: but a permanent break. one that lasts forever.

AT: l1sten, you look k1nda busy, so 1'm just go1ng to go ahead and go. horuss 1s messag1ng me.

AT: also 1'm dat1ng horuss now. 1 hope that's cool! see you soon damara!

--- antlersTitanic ceased pestering anatanoAkuyaku ---

Whew! You feel amazing. You finally got that off your chest. Horuss was right, it's better to just rip the adhesive healing strip off quickly instead of prolonging it. You weren't lying about Horuss messaging you, either, so you quickly switch tabs.

--- capaciousTool began trolling antlersTitanic ---

CT: 8=D < Greetings, my noble steed. Latula tells me you are inside the Medium. That is wonderful news. Stay put and I will make haste to come to you as soon as is possible.

AT: oh jeez l1ke r1ght away? my land 1s k1nd of cool, and 1 just was reun1ted w1th my lusus t1nkerbull. 1 thought maybe 1 could run around for a wh1le 1n th1s n1ce hoofbeast bod you gave me bro. }:)

CT: 8=D < Nonsense! As usual, Rufioh, darling, you are unaware what is really good for you. You are incredibly lucky to have a matesprit like me to tell you how to behave.

CT: 8=D < Like when your legs were tragically taken from you, you insisted that you didn't want a robust musclebeast chasis, but lo and behold, it is the best thing that's ever happened to you!

AT: no yeah! that's. mostly r1ght!

AT: maybe we should l1ke. meet up after all! you're r1ght, horuss. 1t'll be n1ce to see you.

CT: 8=D < E%cellent! I will see you soon, my radiant horsefriend.

AT: you mean boyfr1end?

CT: 8=D < No!

--- capaciousTool ceased trolling antlersTitanic ---

Man. Horuss is so cool. He's a little bossy, but you're sure that's normal in a matesprit! Damara was kind of bossy, too. Maybe it's because Horuss is a highblood! Well, either way. Things all worked out in the end!

Wait for Horuss. ==>

You start waiting for Horuss. It might be a while.

This is boring. Be someone else. ==>

You are now someone else! To be precise, you are now Kurloz.

The past few sweeps have been interesting. You've come to understand so much, you and your beloved learning the way of the hand signs, both of you becoming in-tune with the righteous path. The path to the scratch.

You are sad it took deafening your lover to get to this level of clarity, but you have amended your transgression by embracing the way of the mime. Your final act on Beforus before entering the fated game was to take the vow of silence and sew your mouth shut.

Drinking sopor smoothies to survive ain't half bad, either!

Meulin is sleeping soundly next to you. She just finished getting Horuss into the game. You are together on her land, the Land of Lithe Contortions and Tabbies. It's a place you're comfortable in, filled with big tops packed with tents, in which salamanders leap from flying trapezes, putting on circus shows for you both. Cats meow gently nearby, Meulin's massive kitty lusus snoozing calmly beneath her head. You kiss Meulin's forehead, hopping out of the circus tent. You have work to do.

--- thunderousCaterwaul began trolling tragicAeons ---

TC: I understand YOU have EXPERIENCED your TRAUMA, mituna.

TA: >kurloz.

TA: >y3ah. i don't know. i just. i don't know.

TA: >i feel fucked up.

TA: >i killed him, kurloz. my lusus. there wasn't even enough of him left to prototype him.

TC: WHAT did YOU prototype INSTEAD, brother?

TA: >oh, um.

TA: >nothing. i didn't manage to. i only prototyped something after i entered the medium.

TC: HM.

TC: that IS a BIT worrisome.

TC: YOU yourself TOLD me IT was A necessary STEP.

TA: >it will be fine. i hope.

TA: >we're all in and we're all safe.

TA: >sorry if i seem a li77le strange.

TA: >i feel like i'm losing it.

TC: brother, ITS important TO mourn.

TC: NORMALLY i WOULD say TAKE your TIME...

TC: but TIME is NEARLY upon US.

TC: TIME to BATTLE her.

TA: >the pink demon.

TA: >i... i'll do my best, kurloz.

TC: OUT of CURIOSITY.

TC: what DID you PROTOTYPE?

TA: >er...

TA: >it's a weird story?

TC: the BEST motherfuckin KIND lil DUDE.

TA: >w3ll, i was getting my apartment into the game. when right before i entered...

TA: >this. uh.

TA: >adult troll burst in.

TA: >she was covered in sheets and she looked pretty much feral.

TA: >but she made a beeline towards me and she came with me, into the medium.

TC: whoa.

TA: >after she entered, she leapt into my kernelsprite and just. floated off.

TC: FUCK dude.

TC: SO some OPPORTUNIST just GANKED your FUCKIN kernel?

TA: >seems l1ke.

TC: SHIT.

TC: well THATS unexpected BUT im SURE its JUST some RANDOM happenstance.

TA: >you're probably right. she kind of looked like... damara.

TC: SHIT. im SORRY bud. I know YOURE still BUSTED up ABOUT your DEAD ex.

TA: >it's okay. she was a great moirail, but... i've got a new one, now.

TC: HEH. damn STRAIGHT brother. <>

TA: > <>

TC: LETS not WORRY about RANDOM mummies THOUGH.

TC: weve GOT work TO do.

TC: DO you STILL have THE thing I gave TO you BEFORE we ENTERED?

TA: >yeah.

TC: hold ON to IT when YOU fall ASLEEP.

TA: >got it.

--- thunderousCaterwaul ceased trolling tragicAeons ---

Everything is in place. You know just where to find the Pink Demon for your final fight. And you have an ace up your sleeve.

You look back at the tent. You wonder what players dream of after their dream self gets killed? Meulin looks happy enough when she sleeps. Next time, you'll ask her.

She still thinks Derse was just a dream. You wish you could have saved her back there... You've hurt her so much, but she still loves you. It's humbling. You only hope you can love her back just a fraction of the way she adores you.

You press your stitched lips to her forehead before settling in to sleep yourself.

Seriously? They're just sleeping? Be someone else. ==>

You are now someone else. Aranea, to be precise.

You're not excited about this. You're the last person to enter, and you don't know who the hell your server player is. It's making you nervous, pacing back and forth.

Kankri already entered the game, brought in by his moirail, and he took your garage with him! You even helped him along, operating the alchemiter while he tried to uncap the cruxtruder. Good thing, too, since he had the shortest time limit of anyone. Your phone beeps and your heart hammers. It must be your server. To your shock, the name on the screen is familiar.

--- anatanoAkuyaku began trolling arcaneGnowledge ---

AA: これを早く終わらせましょう。

AG: See here! This isn't a very good prank.

AG: You can't imperson8 Damara Megido, it's not appropri8.

AA: 静かに。

AG: Hold on, let me fire up Grubble Translate...

AG: Look, whoever you are, I don't have time to argue. Just... If you're going to get me into the game, do it quickly.

AA: 私が言ったように。これを早く終わらせましょう。

AG: Fine.

Despite the dire circumstances, you need to get to the bottom of this. You message someone you know will understand what this means.

--- arcaneGnowledge began trolling tragicAeons ---

AG: Mituna. Does anyone know Damara's login credentials to her trollian account?

TA: >uh.

TA: >no?

TA: >why? aren't you supposed to be entering the game, now?

AG: I am!

TA: >you are?? like. as we speak?

AG: Yes!

TA: >fuck. aranea, focus on the game, not me!

TA: >jesus, you're a m3ddler.

AG: I'm just saying. Someone must, 8ecause my server player has logged in as Damara. She's even speaking to me in East Alternian.

TA: >ugh.

TA: >that's such a shitty prank. they'd better not messag3 me.

TA: >1'm already up7he7 enough.

AG: I just thought I'd let you know! Perhaps get to the 8ottom of things.

AG: You don't think it could 8e really her, do you?

TA: >no.

TA: >i don't know how many times i have to re-live that day, but i saw her die, aranea. her body was disintegrated.

TA: >i know you bozos don't believe me, but it was the pink demon.

TA: >please don't bring this up again.

AG: Very well! I'm sure it's just some 8ad-taste prankster.

TA: >wh473v3r.

AG: ...Pardon?

TA: >sorry. "whatever."

--- tragicAeons ceased perstering arcaneGnowledge ---

You almost forgot you were still talking to Damara! You switch tabs back.

AA: だれと話しているの？

AG: Speaking to? I was just talking to Mituna. He's not happy that you're impersonating his friend!

AA: 物事を放っておくことはできません。

AA: 彼と話をしないでください。

AG: I'll speak to whoever I please!

--- anatanoAkuyaku blocked arcaneGnowledge ---

AG: Hey!!!!!!!!

Looks like you're on your own. Fine, then. There's something weird, and you'll get to the bottom of it!

In the meantime, you, as your twelve friends before you had, enter the medium. It's done. The chain is finished, your old teams having been abandoned.

You arrive in the Land of Glow and Libraries, and decide to tell Meenah the good news. After all- You're both d8ing again!

You sigh wistfully, watching the sky above you.

--- arcaneGnowledge began pestering cruelCondescension ---

AG: Meenah! I'm in the game. We're safe. All twelve of us made it!

AG: My land is so wonderful! Shelves of 8ooks, as far as the eye can see.

AG: ...

AG: Meenah?

CC: what

AG: Aren't you happy I'm in?

CC: ya

AG: ...

AG: I know! You must 8e distracted 8y your land! I 8et yours is a8solutely wonderous!

CC: its p cool

CC: sorry i had to give a mummy directions

AG: A... Mummy?

AG: Is your land some kind of desert where the undead roam?

CC: nah it was like

CC: a mummy ghost

CC: unrelated to my land

AG: ...I see.

AG: Well, mummies notwithstanding! We're all here. I suppose we ought to do our 8est to conquer this game.

CC: yyyuup

AG: Are you alright? You seem... Distant.

CC: psh

CC: nah

AG: Oh. Okay! I'm sure it's all just in my head. I should trust you!

CC: sure

CC: look i gotta go

AG: I'm sure! The denizens of your land are no dou8t assailing you.

CC: not reely

CC: bye

--- cruelCondescension ceased trolling arcaneGnowledge ---

AG: That's okay! I'll just catch up with Spidermomsprite.

SPIDERMOMSPRITE: I think your girlfriend h8s you.

ARANEA: MOM! >::::(

SPIDERMOMSPRITE: Just callin' it like I see it, toots.

Be someone else. ==>

You are someone else. That someone being me. But also, I'm me.

Professor Scratch.

Looks like things went to plan. The twelve saviors are in the game, as am I. Ruling over Derse.

Things are progressing smoothly. Sadly, one of the kernelsprites was unable to be prototyped. Under normal circumstances this would spell disaster, as the Black Queen wouldn't know to start the reckoning.

But, simply put. I'm in charge, now.

This is it. The culmination of eons of planning. I'm finally here, in the game. In a place where even I cannot see the future. I'm learning so much. Flying blind. It is impossibly exciting, being without my omnipotence, but it is all so I can see what the game has to offer.

At long last I can fill the final void in my infinite sight.

I will activate the reckoning when and only when my pupils are ready, and they will win this game. No need for the Scratch. No need for anything! Just me. Just the saviors. Everything will be perfect.

There is only one loose end to tie up. The Mummy seems to have made it into the session, and she's making a beeline for Damara.

I say let her. There's no stopping this now. Let that decrepit bag of bones do whatever she damn well pleases. 

I'm sure you share in my triumph, dear reader. Thank you for bearing with me for this long. It looks like now, we will both be able to watch my success unfurl. No one can oppose me.

No mummies. No shitty mimes. No teens with psiionics. No men from the moon.

I am eternal.

The Scratch will never come to pass!

But it's not quite over yet, dear readers. While I cannot stop the Mummy, I predict I will have to do some damage control.

A pity. I thought all my loose ends would have been tied up by the time the game began.

I'm sure you can stay with me for one chapter more, though, right, dear reader?

I'll see you there.