Epilogue
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Adora
Shadow Weaver’s painful grip on Adora’s face disappears as she’s tossed onto the ground like garbage.
"Why did I expect any better from someone as weak and helpless as you are."
Adora tries to defend herself, “I’m-I’m not w-weak.”
Shadow Weaver chuckles darkly, “Oh, come on, Adora. You and I both know how pathetic you are. The evidence is on your arms.”
Adora's teary eyes widen at that and more tears pour out. Shadow Weaver sneers at the crying blonde on the floor, "Look at them." Adora looks up, confused. Shadow Weaver elaborates with a sigh.
"Take off your jacket and look at the proof of how weak you are."
She takes off her jacket and rolls her sleeves up.
There, on her inner forearms, lie angry, scarred lines that go from left to right across the entire width. Shame and guilt overrun her as she looks at the marks. Her sobs get louder. Tears and blood drip down onto her arms. She barely even feels the frigid temperatures on her jacket-less body and the freezing snow falling onto her bare forearms.
Above her, Shadow Weaver crosses her arms with an angry scowl, "See? Weak. Pathetic. Worthless. Unlovable.”
Normally, this would be when Huntara and Lonnie would stop Shadow Weaver from going any further, but that’s not the case in this nightmare.
Shadow Weaver continues to shout demeaning words at the blonde as she kicks her while she lays in the snow. This continues to go on until blood comes out of Adora’s mouth into the snow and there’s searing pain coming from her abdomen.
She turns to leave, but not before sighing, “You deserve this, Adora.” Shadow Weaver walks away.
Adora looks up at the apartment above the tattoo shop and sees Catra watching in the window with a disappointed scowl on her face. The look on her face hurts more than the bruises and bleeding.
Catra walks away.
Adora’s blood continues to seep into the snow, the contrast of the deep red on the perfectly-white snow stark.
She knows then that she’s spent her entire life alone, and will continue to spend her life alone forever. How could anyone care about someone as stupid and helpless as her? How could anyone love her when she’s so incredibly weak?
----
Adora doesn’t awaken with a gasp, or by quickly sitting up in the bed she shares with her wife. Her eyes flash open wide in fear, but that’s the only indication that she’s awake. She stops breathing so that Catra, sleeping peacefully beside her, won’t wake up from her sobs. Her entire body is shaking, but she’s frozen in place.
She hopes, prays, that she’ll relax eventually. When, after ten minutes of trying to conceal her panic, she only feels worse, she knows this won’t pass any time soon.
Adora turns to her wife, Catra.
She looks so beautiful right now, asleep as the slight moonlight from outside gleams down on her body. Adora doesn’t know what she did to deserve someone as amazing as Catra. She looks down at her wedding ring, the ring that Catra gave to her on their wedding day.
After waking up from fainting at work, Catra was there to help Adora. There, on that fateful day, the two of them decided to stay together. They dated for four years before Adora finally proposed. Catra said yes, obviously, and the couple got married a year after that. Their wedding was two years ago, and Adora couldn’t be happier with the life she’s built with her wife and friends. Her family.
She did have some bad days, though.
Coming back to the present, Adora realizes that she’s still crying and that she’s shaking uncontrollably now.
Adora promised Catra years ago that any time she had a nightmare or a bad day, she would tell her. For the most part, she kept her promise. Every single time, in fact. But Adora can’t let Catra see her right now. She’s being too weak, and she doesn’t want to burden Catra with her problems.
She very slowly stands up and, while still trying to hold in her tears, tiptoes to the washroom of their shared apartment.
A few years into their relationship, Catra and Adora moved out of their respective apartments and moved into one together. It was mainly to just go to that next step in their relationship, but also because it was a lot closer to Brightmoon University.
After what happened to Adora with Shadow Weaver, they filed a lawsuit against her for assault. They didn’t file it just for what happened that day outside Adora’s apartment, they also filed it for the years of abuse that Adora, and others in the Fright Zone, endured under her ‘care’. While Adora was trying to get justice for those kids, she realized how much she loved helping them. After thinking long and hard about it, Adora decided to go back to college to get her bachelor of social work. She was met with unconditional support from her friends and her girlfriend at the time, Catra. That was five years ago. Now, Adora’s gotten her bachelor’s and is working on getting her master’s.
Adora walks into the washroom and shakily closes the door. She would have locked it in her shaky hands didn’t make it so difficult.
Her tears come out more as she turns back to look at her reflection in the mirror. There's a red ring around both her eyes, and tear tracks going down her face. Her entire face is blotchy red from trying so hard to keep her emotions inside. She looks like a complete mess.
As she looks at herself, crying in her bathroom in the middle of the night, she can’t help but be reminded of what Shadow Weaver said to her in her nightmare.
“You deserve this, Adora.”
Adora very slowly opens one of the drawers and pulls out a pair of scissors. She’s already wearing a tank top, so she doesn’t have to worry about rolling her sleeves up or getting blood on them.
She pauses when she realizes where her thoughts are going. No, she can’t do this. She won’t. She promised Lonnie she would never do this again. Despite that, Adora does want to. Maybe it’ll make her feel better. Maybe it’ll help her release some of her emotions. Maybe she deserves it.
Adora shuts her eyes tightly in an effort to quell those thoughts. Instead, she thinks of how Catra would react to seeing even more scars on her arms. The heartbreak in her eyes as she looks at her arms, thinking it’s her fault. She can’t do that to her. She refuses to ever hurt Catra again.
With a loud slam of metal on porcelain, Adora throws the scissors into the sink. She can’t believe she almost threw away all her progress over a silly little dream. She walks backwards shakily until she hits a wall and slides down so she’s curled up in a ball on the floor.
Faintly, Adora can hear herself crying loudly. She knows she has to stop, to not wake up Catra, but she can’t. She can’t move, she can’t think, she can’t breathe.
It’s then that she realizes she’s gasping for breath as she sits on the cold floor, but she can’t do anything to help herself.
----
Catra
The first thing she registers when her eyes blearily open is the blanket, which is supposed to be up by her shoulders, down by her waist.
Catra swipes a hand over the space in the bed that usually has her wife on it. When all she feels is wrinkled sheets under her hand, she sits up. She looks around their shared bedroom for Adora as she turns on one of the lamps on their nightstand.
She knows that Adora’s probably just getting a glass of water or something. It’s ridiculous that she still doubts Adora, after all these ye-
Her thoughts are cut off by a loud clattering sound in the direction of the bathroom. Catra waits to hear another sound, hoping it was just her imagination or maybe a raccoon outside. When she hears someone crying loudly and gasping for breath, Catra shoots out of bed and leaves her room quickly to find the sound.
Catra runs in front of the washroom door and is about to open it quickly when she remembers that that might overwhelm Adora right now. She instead opts to slowly open the door and tiptoe in so as to not scare her away.
She’s so quiet when she walks in, in fact, that Adora doesn’t even notice her. Catra’s heart breaks at the sight in front of her.
Adora’s curled up in a tight ball with her hands looped around the top of her head, as if protecting herself from a hit. She’s shaking enough that Catra can see it from across the room with the only light source being the fluorescent lights above them as she sobs into her knees quietly. It’s obvious she’s desperately trying to muffle her cries, which only works to make Catra sadder.
The brunette has done everything she can to get Adora to understand that she doesn’t have to hide her vulnerability from her. Usually, Adora knows that and trusts Catra when she’s vulnerable. Sometimes, though, her brain will convince her that everyone is judging her for her weakness and that Catra will leave her one day.
Catra vows to herself then that she will do absolutely everything she can to convince Adora that she’s not weak and that she deserves the love and support Catra and all her friends give her. She'll do whatever she can to convince Adora that she'll never leave her.
The tattoo artist slowly walks closer to the blonde. She must have been walking a little too loudly because the blonde’s head suddenly shoots up and her eyes widen so much they look like they’re about to pop out of her head. Adora’s breathing quickens significantly as she stares at the brunette.
Catra kneels down in front of Adora as she tries and fails to breathe, “It’s okay, Adora. You need to breathe, okay?”
Adora just shakes her head. Through her panting and crying, Catra can just about hear Adora’s shaky voice, “No- no you can’t s-see me like this. I-I almost...” Adora trails off as she looks up at the sink. Catra stands up slightly and peers inside to see a pair of scissors laying inside of it. She connects the dots instantly as she looks down at Adora’s forearms to make sure she didn’t do any harm.
Despite not having done anything, Catra feels her heart crack a little more at the thought of Adora almost hurting herself again. If Shadow Weaver weren’t rotting in a jail cell somewhere right now, Catra would love to beat the ever-living crap out of her for everything she did to someone as amazing, strong, and kind-hearted as Adora. She deserved so much better than Shadow Weaver.
Catra shifts closer to Adora, “No, honey, it’s okay to ask for help. Can I touch you?” Those kinds of terms of endearment have become common for the couple, but they're especially common when one of them is vulnerable. Like now.
Adora looks up at Catra with more relaxed eyes, as if really looking at her for the first time tonight. She nods slowly. Catra moves up and grasps both of Adora’s hands in her own. The blonde seems to immediately relax under the touch, which brings the ghost of a smile to Catra’s lips.
“We’re going to take deep breaths now, okay? Four in, four out. I’ll start.” Catra takes in a deep breath for four seconds and then exhales slowly for another four. Adora watches intently as she breathes quickly in front of her. Catra looks at her with a small smile, “Now we’re going to do it together. One, two, three, breathe…” She counts down slowly, giving Adora enough time to prepare.
Adora tries to inhale slowly, but instead, she gasps out in quick breaths. She starts panicking again at the loss of breath and begins hyperventilating.
Catra quickly takes her hands out of Adora’s and instead places them on the sides of her arms, “Adora, you can breathe. You just need to take in one big breath, okay? Just keep trying, you’ll get it. Breathe at the pace of my hands.”
Her hands rub slowly up and down Adora’s arms at intervals of four. Slide up for four seconds, slide down for four seconds, and repeat.
Adora tries, and tries, and on the third try, manages to take in one big breath of air. She almost looks surprised that it finally worked and that she didn’t just collapse.
Catra continues her motion, “Great! That was great, Adora. I’m proud of you. Now let’s keep going.”
Adora seems to relax more at the praise as she manages to take a few more ragged breaths while looking down. Catra follows the same pace as Adora as she continues her motions up and down her arms.
After a few minutes of Adora and Catra breathing together, Adora looks up with a shaky smile. Catra stops her motions and the two sit together in silence as Catra waits for Adora to say something.
Adora’s voice is weak and raspy from crying, “Thank you.”
Catra smiles warmly at her, “Of course, Adora. I love you.”
Despite all these years of hearing Catra say those three words, Adora still always smiles brighter when she hears them. Today isn’t an exception. “I love you, too.”
Catra brings the subject back to what just happened, “You know you don’t have to hide from me when you have a panic attack, right? I won’t think any less of you.”
Adora looks down again with a frown, “I don’t want to make my problems you’re burden to carry. I should be able to deal with them on my own.”
Catra grabs both of Adora’s hands tightly. Adora looks up, slightly confused. “Adora, please make them my burden to carry. I don’t want you to carry the weight of all your problems by yourself. I don’t want you to deal with that alone. Let me help you, okay?” Her voice gets quieter at the last sentence. The last thing Catra wants is for Adora to think that she has to deal with all her problems by herself, without the help of her wife of all people. It stings slightly to think that Adora doesn’t trust Catra enough, even after all these years.
Adora looks up slowly, “Are you sure? What if you get tired from dealing with my problems? What if you start hating me for forcing you to deal with my problems?”
It’s then that Catra realizes that this has nothing to do with trust, and everything to do with Adora not wanting Catra to suffer. It warms her heart that, even when dealing with her own issues, Adora is still always thinking of Catra. It also makes her even angrier at Shadow Weaver for forcing Adora to believe that she has to suffer alone just so nobody else will.
Catra smiles warmly again, “Yes, I’m sure. I’ll tell you if I get tired, okay? And I could never hate you, Adora.”
Adora nods sheepishly, “Okay.”
They sit there in silence as Adora looks down at the floor and thinks way too loudly.
Before Catra can ask her what’s wrong, Adora murmurs, “I can’t believe I almost-” Tears well up in her eyes again and she cuts herself off.
Catra moves forward, “Can I hug you?” Adora can get very touch-averse after a panic attack, so Catra always makes sure to ask before touching her at all. Adora nods and pulls her knees down. The brunette slides forward and pulls Adora into a warm hug, which the blonde immediately reciprocates by wrapping her arms tightly around her wife. She buries her face in the crook between Catra’s neck and shoulder.
Catra brings a hand up to stroke her head and run her fingers through the silky golden hair underneath her. “It’s okay that you almost did, love.” Adora hugs her tighter, seemingly getting frustrated, “No, it’s not! I was being so weak-” Her voice is muffled by Catra’s t-shirt.
Catra cuts her off, “You weren’t being weak, Adora. You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met, and you’re not any less strong just because you almost relapsed.”
Adora brings her head up to look Catra in the eyes, “Do you really think so?” She sounds genuinely curious, which makes Catra frown.
“I’m absolutely certain. From now on, can you please tell me when you want to hurt yourself? I won’t think you’re weak. I want to be here for you.”
Adora brings her head back down to rest on Catra’s shoulders, “Are you sure it won’t annoy you?”
Catra can’t even imagine a universe where Adora telling her when she gets the urge to self-harm would be an annoyance. She leans her head down on Adora’s, “I could never be annoyed at you for something like this, Adora. I would much rather you tell me than deal with it all by yourself.”
Adora thinks for a moment, then nods, “Okay, I’ll tell you.”
Catra smiles gently, “I’m so proud of you, Adora. I’ve never met anyone as strong as you.” Adora blushes slightly at the praise as she smiles and burrows her head further into Catra’s shoulder.
The couple sits there for what could have been three seconds or half an hour. Eventually, Adora brings her head up slowly. Her eyes are half-closed, as if she was seconds away from falling asleep on Catra’s shoulder. “Can we go to bed, now?”
Catra smiles sleepily and nods. She stands up slowly, while also pulling Adora up with her. Adora looks completely exhausted right now and leans most of her weight on Catra, who is happy to be Adora’s support.
The two slowly make their way to their bedroom. Once they arrive, Catra leads Adora to her side of the bed and makes sure she’s comfortable under the blanket. When she’s certain her wife is comfy, Catra goes around to her side of the bed and slides in.
Immediately, Adora pulls Catra closer to her and puts her head on Catra's chest. Adora wraps an arm around Catra's waist. The brunette smiles warmly and wraps her arms around the tired blonde.
The tattoo artist looks down to see Adora’s eyes drooping closed, likely exhausted from having spent so much energy in her panic.
Catra kisses the top of Adora’s head, “You don’t have to be ashamed of yourself, okay?”
She feels Adora nod under the crook of her neck, “Okay. I love you so much.”
Catra smiles sleepily, “I know. I love you, too. So much.”
Adora hums happily as her breathing evens out and she falls into a quick and nightmare-free sleep. Catra leans her face into the soft wheat-coloured hair under her as she follows Adora into a calm slumber.
The last thing both of them think before falling asleep is: “How did I get so lucky to meet someone as amazing as her?”