the light seemed brighter than it did the first time, but everything else was dimmer. the grass had less life in it. the leaves in the trees didn’t blow in the wind the way they used to. the steps faith stood on seemed faded, as if they weren't as real as they once were.
but reality didn't have to be all that solid, not in this moment. not in this memory. because in front of faith was the woman standing on the grass by the edge of the lake, the woman who had been by faith's side for years, the woman who faith remembered more vividly than she remembered herself.
"hey, b." faith called out to her, her face holding something that could be called either a smirk or a smile, depending on whom you asked. as she called out, she began to walk towards buffy, as the world disappeared behind her. buffy looked towards faith, and grinned softly.
"hey."
"whatcha doing?" faith asked, her voice quieter now that she was closer. buffy turned away from her, and faith turned to look with her – at the lake they were standing near, at the trees on the other side. and, for faith, at the sky which just seemed to be faded and empty now.
"i'm... just thinking, y'know. with my brain."
"traditionally that is where you think, if i remember correctly." faith chuckled softly, causing buffy to look back at her and give one of her 'really?' glances.
"so," faith started, words already coming out of her mouth as she remembered the context of the situation. "i'm going to take a guess and say that you're worried about dawn getting married."
"how'd you know?"
"slayer intuition," faith replied wittily causing buffy to hit her arm softly. "or maybe it's just that we have such a strong bond, you and me." buffy gave another one of her 'really?' glances, but faith could see that she wasn't really annoyed. knowing what the look didn't show wasn't a trick of memory. faith really did know buffy that well.
"sure, sure, that's what it is."
they stood in silence for the few moments that followed.
"you can't keep her from doing this, y'know. she isn't really your 'little' little sister anymore, b." faith said, breaking the silence and eliciting a knowing noise from buffy, before her proper response.
"i know, i know, but you know how i just worry about her. i hate to say i've turned into my mom, but unfortunately that seems to be what is happening."
"true," faith said in response, looking down before looking back up and smirking at her. "but hey, if you are becoming your mom, just know that you are a mother i'd like to-"
"faith, no. language."
"what, worried that the precious little woodland animals are gonna hear us and pick up some bad habits? maybe i'll teach them how to smoke next." faith laughed, and could see that buffy was holding a laugh in too, even under the stressed if worried look on her face. "you gotta let dawn be her own woman, b. i know it's hard, but you gotta do it."
"it's not that i'm not happy for dawn. i am happy for her. i'm proud of her, even. but if... if i don't have her to look after, what am i meant to do? mom died seven years ago. she's been such... such a big part of my life in such a specific way and i don't think i'm ready for that to end."
"hey, it's not like dawn's dying or anything. heck, she's not even dying to get rid of you." faith walked closer to buffy, and put her hand around her shoulder, pulling her close. her voice quietened as this happened. "she's still gonna have a relationship with you. it's just... gonna be a new one, it's gonna be different. she's her own person. she’s actually been her own person for awhile now, b. you just gotta accept that and everything that comes with it." buffy sighed, and rested her head on faith's shoulder.
"i know you're right, you don't have to keep rubbing it in with valid points. dawn's my sister, i love her... so of course i'll support her. she’s come so far... i just- it’ll be hard to let her go like this… be hard to let her go into the world without me.”
"you've dealt with way worse than hard before. plus, everyone knows you're never gonna stop worrying about her. in fact, that's one of the things i'm certain about one hundred percent." faith looked down at buffy, her face softened at the sight. "also, she’s in good hands. that newton chick seems pretty cool." buffy glanced up at her.
"you know her fiancé's last name, but not her first?"
faith chuckled. "sometimes it just be that way."
"idiot."
faith smiled, and she thinks buffy did too, but they didn't continue speaking, or at least if they did the memory wasn't coming to faith's brain anytime soon. in what faith was seeing, they just stood there. and god, was that enough for faith. even when she looked around and saw that the sky wasn't there, that the trees were fading away, it didn't phase her because she was standing there with buffy. this was one of the moments she could just live in forever. the trust between them, no doubt that they would be by eachother's side. they were together, it was peaceful, it was good.
but she didn't stay there forever, and not just because she couldn’t.
the world around her twisted and faded, the white void of the sky blurring into different shades as time fast forwarded, and soon she found herself sometime later that afternoon. she and buffy were near the same spot, laying on the grass next to eachother, looking up at what-was-then the sky. they were close to each other, and faith soon remembered that buffy’s hand was held in her own.
“are we just going to lay here all afternoon?”
faith turned her head looked at buffy. “i’m sure we could. giles is still probably giving his toast about how proud he is of dawn, i’m sure they haven’t even noticed we’re gone yet.” she said. buffy was still looking up, at a sky, at a sun she could probably see.
for faith there wasn’t a sky, wasn’t a sun.
“i feel bad we left in the middle of that.”
“b, it’s not our fault his speech was 100 pages long.”
“well i mean he is a librarian, so it’s not out of character.”
faith snorted. buffy laughed.
“the sky’s pretty today, isn’t it?”
faith couldn’t see the sky. she continued to look at buffy. “sure is.” faith didn’t even notice the trees had disappeared as well.
some silence passed between them. it was comfortable silence, as it always was between the two of them. it stayed that way for awhile, but eventually it was buffy who broke that silence.
“there’s thousands of slayers in the world, but do you ever feel like it’s still just us two?”
faith nodded. “sometimes. i mean, we’ve been slaying longer than any of them. we’re the og’s, you and me.”
“i think you said it as a joke before, but that slayer intuition thing… i think it’s there between us. of course we all have like, the slayer dreams and stuff, but me and you… there’s something special there.”
“maybe it’s that. maybe it’s that we really do just such have a strong bond.” faith replied, before taking a short pause. “maybe it’s that… you know me better than anyone,” faith smiled, and saw that buffy did too. “i wouldn’t have that any other way.” faith said. “as long as i got you,” she paused. “i’m alright.”
“i guess that means you’re always gonna have me, faith. even when i’m not with you physically, apparently i’ll still be with you.” a pause. “thank god we’re hot chicks with superpowers.”
faith chuckled, though she understood that buffy’s words were honest. she turned to the side and looked at buffy, unaware that the grass beneath her was disappearing. she looked at her hair, the side of her face, the way she laid. “i love you, b.”
“love you too faith.”
and faith closed her eyes.
and she heard a voice in her ears. her own voice. whether it was her thoughts, some manifestation of her consciousness or perhaps the voice of god was unknown. but it was there.
“why did you choose that memory?” was what it said. faith thought about it for awhile, but she didn’t respond. the voice continued speaking.
“there were hundreds of memories you could’ve lived.”
and in her mind, faith glimpsed those memories. so many of them.
the first time she heard buffy’s name, from one of her watchers.
the night she met buffy, behind the bronze.
those nights they spent slaying and hunting down monsters.
their first date, at a small café just outside of los angeles.
when they moved in together, awkwardly sharing a mattress that was too small.
the night she proposed.
their wedding.
their many game nights, with not just buffy but all of the scoobies, all of her friends.
the mornings they spent together, waking up day after day without it ever getting repetitive.
and of course, the many, many, many times they had-
“faith. faith please, please don’t go.” the voice echoed louder than anything she had heard, breaking the chain of memories faith was walking through. faith opened her eyes. the sky was back, and it was black. the stars seemed to have left, leaving everything dark - but everything around her was new. everything around her was wrong. and dead in middle of her sight was buffy, tears falling down her face.
“please don’t go faith, please hang in there for me, please.” buffy said, her voice breaking. faith vaguely remembered there being chaos around them. there wasn’t anymore. there was just the sound of buffy’s voice, and various sobs and snifflings around her.
“faith…” buffy sobbed, and faith closed her eyes again.
her hand returned to being held in buffy’s. everything around her vanished. the only thing she could feel was the memory she had chosen to be in, lying next to buffy that one autumn afternoon.
“why did you choose that memory?” the voice asked her again, and faith thought on the question for a moment, and found that she didn’t have an answer. it wasn’t her favorite memory of buffy. it wasn’t her greatest. it wasn’t the closest they had ever been.
but, perhaps, it was just the memory faith needed to remember as reality unfolded around her. it was one last step into life, one last step into the many normal days she had spent with the love of her life.
soon the colors around her merged, disappearing into each other until they weren’t there anymore. and the nature faded, as life faded. and soon it was all gone.
the world was gone.
and the last thing faith felt was her wife's hand in her own. but when she opened her eyes and sat up, b was gone.
and faith was left alone with her memories, just sitting there, in the void, all alone at the end of her time.
it was quiet. it was empty. it was lonely.
but she knew she wouldn't be alone for long.
she had somewhere else to go.
so, putting on one of her trademark smirks - although one that was more honest than snarky, she stood up and walked forwards into the light ahead of her.