Chapter 40
Amity POV:
Chasing this shadow is like chasing a ghost; one minute it’s there, the next it is gone. I almost allow myself to believe that I imagined the whole thing. Almost.
Taking off running in the direction the figure was is not a good idea. Now, I’m just standing alone amongst students that I haven’t seen in almost a year.
I turn again, twisting through the crowds of people to try and catch sight of Luz again. It’s so hot in here, I feel as though I could melt at any moment. Everything is too much. The music is deafening, and my brain is distracted between trying to decipher the lyrics, stumbling through these crowds and falling into the arms of-
This isn’t Luz. I know this isn’t Luz, so why is he pulling me into him? Why are we dancing? Why can’t I walk away?
“Hey,” he says, as his hands find my waist. I squirm against his grip, but he only holds me tighter. “You look familiar, have we met?” When I say nothing, he chuckles. “I’m sure I would remember you.”
His hands grip my waist firmly as he holds my body close to his. For the first time, I look down at him. He’s shorter than me, by a fair amount, and his spiky black hair stands on its ends. He clearly used too much hair gel when he left for this dance. He smells of cheap cologne and cigarettes, and I find myself almost gagging at the scent. The suit he wears is tightly fitted, presumably a hand-me-down that doesn’t quite match his skin tone. The only thing I like about this boy are his earrings that hang in half moons by his neck.
“Wow,” he breathes, as my eyes scan over him, “you have the most beautiful-” He stops, and the breath catches in my throat. He’s frowning at me now, a mix of confusion and familiarity. “Wait…” he mutters, clearly trying to place me. All at once, I want the floor to eat me up. “Oh my gods, you’re that Blight girl!” he realises, a little too loudly. I shush him, as his discovery distracts him enough for me to slip from his grasp. He lets me go, watching me with a level of disgust that I’ve never seen before. “Aren’t you supposed to be on the run?” he asks me with a sneer. I say nothing, as the tears burn at my eyes. As if noticing me for the first time, he lets out a hollow laugh. “I heard you left your position at the Coven for a human.” he continues to sneer, as I’m too scared to move from my spot. I stand, frozen, as his words hit me like bullets of truth. “Was the perfect life on a silver platter not enough for you?” he asks, a hint of malice in his tone. He reaches forward to grab my wrist again, but this time I step away from his aim. He laughs, not kind laughter, the kind of laughter that will stick with me for weeks. With a final hiss, he adds words which dig the knife in deeper, twisting until I can taste the blood. “Rich bitch.”
Swallowing hard, I stagger away from him, allowing the crowds to eat me up until his face is only visible in my mind. His words haunt me, hanging around me like an unfinished rhyme. Is this how everyone on the Isles views me now? Some rich, stuck up, selfish brat who couldn’t just take what she deserved. I gave up so much to be with Luz, I didn’t even think about what I was leaving behind. Turning my back on my family, my home, it’s the most despicable thing I’ve ever done, and I’ll never forgive myself for it. Although I still don’t remember anything about my time with the Emperor, I know that I never want to go back there. I thought that’s what I wanted, power and greatness, but I was wrong. This is what I want now. Luz is what I want.
I keep moving backwards, only stopping when I feel the gentle bump of another’s shoulder. As I turn around to apologise, the breath is completely knocked out of me. All reason goes away, and my head feels so light.
“Dance with me,” I say breathlessly to the figure in front of me.
She smiles with a sense of knowing. “It would be a pleasure.” Her voice lights up something inside of me, a dark space that has been left empty all this time. She stands, tall above me, her dark hair falling all around her shoulders. “You look beautiful.” Her smile lights up her whole face, as she pulls me into her and we begin to sway together. I hate myself for missing her. I hate myself for swooning as her hand finds the small of my back. I hate myself because it shouldn’t be Serena, it should be Luz.
“It’s you, isn’t it?” I ask her, despite already knowing the answer. “You’re the one who left Lilith that note, of course you are.”
“I didn’t know how else to talk to you.” she sighs, regretfully. “I know she was your teacher and I- well…” she hesitates, pulling me closer to her. The familiar smell of her perfume fills my lungs, and I breathe in as much of it as I can, aching to remember this feeling forever. “I promised I would take you to Prom.” she tells me, her voice wistful and far off, as though I’m listening to her from behind a sheet of glass. “I didn’t want to break that promise.”
I want to lean into her embrace, to forgive her over and over, but I can’t. “You didn’t take me to prom.” I tell her as I pull away, my heart racing inside of my chest. “Luz did.”
She meets my gaze with unsmiling eyes. “I bumped into Luz earlier and explained everything.” she tells me, shifting her eyes away from me.
I nod, so lost in my head that I don’t hear the words Serena tells me. I don’t understand. I can’t think. I never thought I’d see her again, yet here she is, standing in front of me like she never left. But she did leave. She did, and she can’t take that back. So then, why is she here, saying all the words it’s too late for me to hear? I can’t listen. It’s too late, and it’s just getting later. I have to get out of here. I need some air. The noise in this room is deafening and I feel suffocated and scared all at once. I don’t look back this time, pulling away from her and making a break for the big double doors at the edge of the hall. I hear my name being called distantly behind me, but everything feels so far away.
As I burst through the doors into the night, the cold air hits my face, stinging my cheeks. Traces of frost hint at the grass, but the night is still young. I lean my weight against the lowest branch of one of the apple trees. As I try to take deep breaths, they catch in my throat one by one, suffocating me.
“Amity?”
Hearing a voice behind me, I try my best to compose myself. After one final attempt at a breath, I turn slowly to steal a glance at whoever the voice belongs to. I feel a breath escape my lips that I didn’t even know I had been holding. A myriad of questions pollute my mind, but I push them aside, instead focussing on the familiar face before me.
Pink hair, pink skin, pink suit. I know those familiar blue eyes, all three of them.
“Hey,” she says softly, reaching a hand out to me. “What’s wrong?”
“I can’t do this.” I blurt out, all emotion and no logic. “I can’t, Boscha, it’s- there are just-” I swallow the lump in my throat, taking another shaking breath. “It’s too much.”
I allow her to rub gentle circles into my back, leaning into her touch a little. I try my best to follow her instructions as she softly tells me to breathe. Once I have composed, bringing my shaking down to a minimum, and the tears have dried on my face, Boscha speaks softly to me.
“Serena already told Luz everything we need to know.” she explains slowly. Her eyes are soft, carrying a weight of understanding in them. “You can go home now, if you want to,” her voice is low and gentle as she brings a hand up to touch my arm. “Or, you can go back in there and dance with your girlfriend at your last ever senior prom.”
As I look down at her with big eyes, I have never felt like a child more. Planning battle strategies at the kitchen table all night long sounds exhausting, but dancing with Luz, feeling her close to me as we sway together, that sounds more fun. I can feel my heart in my throat, so I swallow it back down, turning towards my friend.
I nod with a smile, feeling Boscha’s worried eyes on me. “Okay,” I tell her, my voice wavering just a little. “Let’s do it.”