Chapter 35
Amity POV:
As soon as the door shuts behind her, Serena moves to sit beside me. “Shall I go first?” I nod in response, and she continues. “Last night, when I left, I went to see the Emperor.”
I stop, frozen, the words echoing around my head. I assumed she had gone to visit her parents. Clearly, I am wrong.
“He wants to make a deal with us.” she tells me, as I struggle to take in what she is saying. “He wants us back on his side, and is willing to go to any lengths to make that happen.” She pauses, waiting to hear my response. “Well? Isn’t that exciting?”
No, not really. What does she mean, any lengths? Does that mean he’ll come and find us? What if he gets his hands on Luz? I don’t want to imagine what could happen then.
“So that’s it? You’re going back to the Emperor?”
She frowns. “We both are.” Taking my hand, she brings it up to her chest, watching me with her eyes. “It’ll be just like it used to, just the two of us. You can forget all of this nonsense.” She sighs, looking around the room with disgust. “Leave it all behind and come back with me.”
I hate myself for thinking that the offer is tempting. Not because I want to go back there, not because I want to leave this place. Just because it could be the safer option. If I stay here, the Emperor won’t rest until he’s found me, and that will be easy with Serena on his side. If he finds this place, he’ll find Luz and Eda and little King. I can’t let them get hurt because of my mistake.
There was a time I would have done anything to be a part of the Emperor’s Coven. I can’t help but wonder what changed. I guess I did.
“You know I can’t do that, Serena.” I tell her, pulling my hand away from her grip. “I can’t just leave all this behind.”
She looks surprised, then offended, then angry. “The Coven is your home. Do you really think you belong here?” she scoffs. “You’re a Blight. Or have you forgotten what that means?”
A moment of quiet passes between us, as her anger fades away. Now, she wears a look of desperation in her eyes, and has never seemed more vulnerable.
“That was always our dream, to rule the world together.” she sighs, her glassed-over eyes looking far off at something that isn’t there. “What changed?”
I swallow, hard. Honestly, I’m scared. Everything is telling me to give in and let the tears flow freely down my cheeks, but I keep my pride.
“I found a new dream.” I tell her, my voice breaking slightly. “And this one is even more beautiful.”
She turns her head to look at me with a wet smile, her eyes holding all the words she’s too scared to say. We’re both silent for a long time, until Serena breaks it. “You know, you don’t realize how much you love someone until you’re forced to watch them love someone else.” she sighs, her voice far off. She speaks softly, in a tone I’ve never heard her use before. “You love her, don’t you? That human girl.”
For a moment, I say nothing, caught off guard by her words. “How did you…?”
She smiles softly, a knowing look in her eye. “I see the way you look at her.” she tells me, with a dry laugh. “You’ve never looked at me like that.” A stab of guilt passes through me at her words, and I feel my cheeks flush with shame. I never wanted to hurt her. I never meant to make such a mess of things. “She’s just a distraction, Am’” she tells me, her voice suddenly more serious than before. “She isn’t one of us. She doesn’t belong here. Do you really believe she won’t leave you again?” She smiles at my silence, knowing that she’s in my head. “Come on, Amity.” she says, rising to her feet. She takes my wrist, pulling me to my feet. “Forget this place and let’s go home already.”
Twisting my wrist from her grip, I pull away from her, trying to maintain our distance. I want to protest, but deep down I know she’s right. I don’t belong here. I’m a Blight. I haven’t forgotten what that means. “If I go with you, will the Coven swear to leave Luz and Eda alone?”
Serena looks down at me, a glint of sympathy in her eyes. “The Emperor is willing to do pretty much anything to bring you back, so yeah, probably.”
A deep breath settles my nerves as I take a moment to think it through. I don’t want to go back there, but I also don’t want Luz to get hurt. My parents are counting on me to not let the family down. Not like Edric did. Luz is only holding me back.
Or is she? Luz has done nothing but help me since she came back to the Boiling Isles. She promised she wouldn’t leave again, and I believe her. Maybe this time it might work out between us.
Serena’s staring at me. I know she’s waiting for me to say something. She’s waiting for me to tell her I’ll go with her.
“Come on, Amity.” she sighs in exasperation. “You can’t seriously be considering staying here.” When I don’t respond, instead blinking up at her with a blank expression, her eyes darken. “You can’t. I won’t let you.” she growls. She reaches out to take my wrist again, but I step away from her. “You’re my girlfriend Amity, we can’t play for different teams.”
“Then maybe I shouldn’t be your girlfriend anymore.”
The words escape my mouth before I realize I've said them. It’s only when Serena steps backwards, a look of surprise and hurt on her face, that I am able to read the situation again.
“You can’t do that.” she tells me. “You can’t just-”
She has nothing to say, because she knows I can. I can and I did, and there’s nothing she can do about it. Still, I feel guilty for ending this all so abruptly, even though it’s been coming for a while.
“It’s because of that human girl, isn’t it?” Her voice is loud, her eyes burning. “I told you before, you’re just confused, Am’. You don’t know what you want.”
I do, actually. I think on some level I’ve always known. I just shake my head. “Did you really think she wouldn’t tell me what happened last night? What you did to her?”
She takes quick steps towards me before I can escape, and I am frozen on the spot. Her hands grip around both of my wrists tightly as she holds them out in front of me. She is so close to me now, I can hear her angry breaths as she hisses in my face. “Did you really think she wouldn’t tell me what’s been going on with you two? Did you really think she wouldn’t rub it in my face?”
My eyes are wide, and I swallow hard. “I don’t know what you-”
“Don’t play dumb with me.” She laughs dryly, letting go of my wrists. I rub them where her grip once was, willing the tears stinging my eyes to leave me alone. She turns away from me, pacing a little. “Little Miss Perfect hasn’t been quite so perfect after all, has she?”
My mouth is so dry, I lick my lips to try and feel some moisture. Hot shame burns at my cheeks in what I can only assume are several shades of red. “It wasn’t like that.” I protest. “I didn’t mean for-”
She scoffs, turning back to me with fire in her eyes. “Oh, please. You’re a Blight. This is just what you do. You take whatever you want and you don’t stop to think about who you’re hurting.”
“That’s not true!” My voice is louder than I intended it to be, as hot anger joins with hot shame in a hot mixture aching to be released.
“Isn’t it?” she continues, just as angry as I am. “So you didn’t kiss her?”
“I-” I don’t know what to say. “I didn’t-” It’s true, I did, and I’m a horrible person for it. “Luz told you that?” I can’t believe Luz would tell her that. I thought she was being considerate, giving me time to figure all this out. I guess not. “Why would she do that?”
“The question is, why didn’t you?”
A long silence passes between us. A necessary one. Neither of us really know what to say that won’t just make the situation worse. I want to tell her how sorry I am, for all of this. I want to beg her to stay here with me, because I don’t know what will happen if she leaves. I can’t bear to lose anyone else. I want to explain everything, but I know that isn’t what she wants to hear.
“You’re not coming, are you?” I look up at the sound of her voice, so soft and low. “There’s nothing I can say that will change your mind, is there? You’ve already made your choice.”
I nod my head sadly, taking a cautious step towards her. “I really am sorry, Serena.” I tell her sincerely. “I never meant to hurt you.” She brings her eyes up to meet mine, saying nothing. “Stay here with us. We can take on the Emperor together. It can be our new dream.” She smiles half heartedly for a moment, clearly thinking it all through. Then, her expression changes, growing darker. “Please, Serena.” I whisper, just loud enough for her to hear me. “I don’t want to lose you.”
Her eyes stare through me for a long moment, before her soft response comes through. “You already have.” her voice breaks, and I can see the tears in her eyes that she tries to blink away. “I would rather watch the whole world burn than stay here with you.” She turns quickly before I can process it, slipping out of the door.
“Wait!” I call out, chasing after her. “Wait, Serena, please don’t go.” I turn the corner just in time to see the front door slam shut behind her. “Please.” My voice is gone, taken over by the sob that escapes my lips. Breathing quickly, deeply, I force back the tears that threaten to fall from my eyes. I will be stronger than this. I won’t break.
My whole body tenses as I feel warm arms envelope me in their embrace. Luz’ familiar smell fills my lungs, and I can hear her heartbeat. “You did the right thing.” she lies, planting a soft kiss on my head.
I want to break down. I want to sob into her chest, just let her hold me as she plays with my hair, but I can’t. I’m too angry. Instead, I push away, the fire visible in my eyes. I’m shaking, I know it, but I can’t stop it. She looks down at me, eyes wide with confusion.
“Why would you tell her, Luz?” I ask, my voice breaking. Another sob tries to escape my lips, but I swallow it back into some kind of whimper. “How could you?”
Her eyes darken, as shame invades her expression. “I’m so sorry, Am’.” she tells me, genuinely. “I swear, I didn’t mean to.”
She makes another move towards me, but I shake my head, somewhat hysterically now. Serena was there for me when no one else was. She was my comfort when Luz left, she supported me when Edric moved out, she was my everything, and now she’s gone.
Another sob escapes my lips, and I don’t swallow it back this time. More follow until they’ve taken over me, shaking my body and burning my chest. I fall to my knees on the floor, a crying mess with no morals left to lean on. This time, I don’t push her away when Luz joins me on the floor and pulls me into her chest. This time, I allow her to hold me, as I let out every last ounce of emotion I have left.
I cry for the twins, and my parents and the life I could have had. I cry for the Coven and everything I could have been. I cry for Serena and the person I was. I cry for Luz. I cry until I am numb, and my sobs dissolve into shaking breaths. Luz whispers softly to me, her hands stroking through my hair, but I’m not listening. I can’t listen. I feel so weak.
My lungs burn with every shaking intake of breath, and I wish more than anything for the pain to stop. I wish more than anything that Serena would turn around and come back through the door. That her presence would fill the void that’s leaving me numb and cold.
She’s gone, and this time she isn’t coming back.