Chapter 25
Amity POV:
Luz is on her way, that’s what Willow said. That’s what Willow said half an hour ago. She should be back by now. Why isn’t she back?
I shift slightly in my bed, groaning from my aching muscles. The room is dark, despite it being mid afternoon. A layer of cloth hangs over the window preventing the natural sunlight from entering the room. This was supposed to help me sleep, but I know I won’t be able to until Luz is home. Still, it’s the thought that counts, I suppose.
I don’t look up when I hear the door open, instead choosing to close my eyes and feign sleep. Unless it’s Luz, I don’t want to talk.
It isn’t Luz; I can tell by the heavy footsteps on the wooden floor. Serena kneels beside the bed or perhaps she’s just bending over, I can’t tell. What I do know is that she runs a hand through my tangled hair, brushing it gently with her fingers. I can feel her eyes on me, and I want more than anything to open my eyes and peek a look, but I resist.
When she pulls her hand away from me, I think she’s going to leave the room, but she doesn’t. Instead, I feel her weight at the end of the bed, where she sits. I can’t feel her watching me anymore, but I don’t want to risk opening my eyes.
Instead, my mind wanders, trying to put back the pieces of my memories that have fallen apart. I don’t remember much from before I came to the Owl House. The only things I am sort of sure about are what Luz has told me, which isn’t much. The rest of it I have to piece together myself.
I remember sitting alone in my room with all the lights off. I remember the music playing over, in a loop of memories, a loop of the drums. The tears seemed unstoppable, the pain seemed endless and I remember wishing never to feel again. She was my chorus, while I was a lonely verse. Without her there, pushing the beat along, somehow I couldn’t move.
I remember Serena dancing under the stars, the light from the moon illuminating her face. She was all smiles, half singing, half laughing, half going too far. Dark curls cascade down her back like a waterfall, brown ringlets dancing as she spun round and round. I remember watching her and smiling.
I remember our first fight, my name foaming madly at her mouth. I didn’t point out the irony as she told me how unhealthy our relationship was between drags of her cigarette. I remember how we made up, and she promised never to lose her temper with me again. She lied.
I’m pulled from my memories by the shift of weight on the bed. It takes me a while to realise it, but she’s moved to lie beside me, wrapping an arm around my waist. I don’t resist, though a part of me is telling me I should.
How ridiculous it feels that I am so upset over something that only ever sort of was.
When I hear the door to the room creak open again, it takes all my energy not to sit up. I know it’s Luz; I recognise the way she pushes the door shut softly, her tiptoed footsteps as she is cautious not to wake me. She is quieter than Serena, more careful.
I don’t think she has noticed Serena yet, and a part of me dreads the moment she does. How am I supposed to explain this? Why my ex-lover is lying beside me, why I kissed that human girl in the street, why I’m not sure what I want. If Serena is staying, for good this time, does that mean we’re back together?
This time, I wish I really was asleep so I wouldn’t have to listen to the interaction between the two objects of my affection. Unfortunately, I’m not, and I do.
“It’s true then.” Luz speaks first in a low voice. “You’re back.”
Even without looking at her, I can tell she wears a scowl. Disdain fills her voice, perhaps because Serena is back, or maybe because I am wearing her arm like a seatbelt.
Serena hums her repy, her grip around me tightening. I can’t tell if it’s her protective instincts kicking in or whether she has just tensed from the sound of another’s voice. She’s never trusted Luz, on account of being a human. Not only that though, she understands how much it hurt me when Luz left. It seems I have a problem with getting people to stay. Serena doesn’t say anything else, so Luz fills the silence.
“And Amity?”
I tense at the sound of my own name, silently praying for the conversation to change, silently praying for sleep to come, silently praying Serena didn’t feel me move against her.
To my relief, she doesn’t seem to, and instead responds to Luz’ half-question. “What about her?”
Luz scoffs audibly, and I hear her feet moving across the floorboards away from us. “Do you really need to hold her like that?” she asks, irritation palpable in her tone. “I think she can sleep on her own.”
“Jealous?” Serena asks, her smirk practically audible. I try to swallow back my blush, reminding myself that I am supposed to be asleep.
Luz laughs dryly. “No way.” she lies.
Another silence passes through the room, one that neither tries to fill. As I lay in the dark, waiting for a response, my mind flicks through snapshots of what little I can remember.
I don’t even realise I have fallen asleep until the sun drowns the room in its rays, eager to wake us all up. For me, however, awake is the last thing I want to be. I don’t want to see the look on Luz’ face. I don’t want to hear what she’ll say when we are alone.
I can hear Serena’s steady breathing beside me, and I know she is still sleeping. Her grip around me has loosened overnight, but I can still feel her weight against me.
It is not the sunlight that wakes Luz, but rather the persistent knocking at the door. At first, I wonder if the noise is just in my head, but when Luz’ quiet and muffled ‘come in’ rings out through the otherwise empty room, I know I must have heard correctly.
Eda stands in the doorway, taking a long look around the room before speaking. “Wow, this place is really getting crowded; how many kids do I have here now?” Luz murmurs something in response, still half asleep in her cocoon on the floor. “Anyway,” Eda continues with a smirk, “there’s someone at the door. He says he’s here to see Amity.”
Luz sits up quickly, shaking herself awake. Her hair is a little messy, her eyes tired and now wider than I’ve seen them. “Who is it?” she asks, reaching for her hoodie and pulling it over her head as Eda answers.
“I don’t know, some kid.” Eda rolls her eyes. “It may come as a shock to you, but I don’t know ALL of the children in the Boiling Isles, although half of them are now living in my house!”
Luz doesn’t laugh, instead staggering to her feet and making her way towards the door. She stretches with a yawn, but doesn’t stop, and before I know it, she’s out the door.
I expect Eda to leave too, but she doesn’t. She just watches me for a moment with a strange look on her face. “Are you good, kid?”
Her question surprises me. Not only did I assume she thought I was sleeping, but I also haven’t been asked that for as long as I can remember. For a moment, I think about lying to her, but I decide against it.
“I’ve been better.” I tell her with a soft sigh. I sit up, gently peeling Serena’s arms off me. My head is spinning and every part of me aches, but I am able to bring myself to look at Eda. “I’m sorry for everything.” I say, sincerity filling my voice. “I never meant to make such a mess of things.”
The Owl Lady shrugs with a small smile. “My life would be so boring without you kids.” she chuckles. “You make me feel young again.”
I’m not sure what to say to that, so I simply return the smile. We share in our contentment for a moment, before she looks past me at Serena. The corners of her mouth turn down with a sigh. “You want some advice?” she offers, and I nod my reply quickly. “You need to think about what you want. You never know who you might end up hurting if you don’t.”
Her words hit me, hard, and I feel them sink in as she turns back out of the room. I can hear her voice faintly calling out to Luz, but not the words that she says.
What do I want?
I turn back to look at Serena, that question polluting my mind like a cloud of doubt. Although a part of me wants to hide in my bed and avoid addressing the problem, the better part of me knows I need to talk to Luz about all of this. That kiss meant everything to me, but I’m with Serena now, or maybe I always was. It’s for the best that Serena never finds out about us, and I’m sure Luz will understand that. I can’t even begin to imagine how Serena would react if she knew the truth, so I won’t tell her. Then, maybe, everything will stay the same.