Chapter 20
Amity POV:
I have to wait until Luz and I are a couple of blocks away from Edric’s house to talk again, so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I don’t even notice her stop walking. I turn to see why, lifting my eyes from the pavement long enough to see her shove a piece of battered paper into her pocket.
“What’s that?” I ask, as she looks up at me.
“Nothing,” she lies with a smile. “Are you alright?”
I nod, not really having the energy to say much else as we continue walking. We walk in silence for a while and Luz kicks the run away stones beneath her feet. Even in the dark, I can just make out the features of her face, the delicate curve of her lips, her olive skin, her dark hair falling messily as it always does. Even in the dark, I can see my favourite things about her, the way she sticks out her tongue slightly when she’s thinking, how she smiles like she’ll melt the world’s stares into a standing ovation, how, when I’m with her, everything just feels right, like the planets have aligned and everything is as it should be. Even in the dark, I think she’s beautiful, and the butterflies in my stomach agree.
“Hey, can I ask you something?” she asks, reaching a hand up to rub the back of her neck nervously. With a nod of my head, she continues. “Do you remember, back at the Coven, the conversation we had in my cell?”
I blink back at her blankly, my face enough to tell her that, no, I don’t remember and, yes, she sounds insane.
She lets out a soft chuckle. “Yeah, I didn’t think so.”
“Why?” I ask, curious now. “What did we talk about?”
With a shake of her head, she smiles down at me, a look of sympathy in her eyes. I hadn’t even noticed, but she’s closer to me now, as we walk side by side. Her hand brushes against mine, perhaps by accident, but I feel her fingers linger for a moment before she pulls her arm away to play with her beanie.
I want to remember, and she knows it. Maybe that’s why she looks so guilty. It’s not fair that there are things I have forgotten, memories that have slipped my mind, gaps in my knowledge that will never be filled. I wasn’t me for a while, and I can’t think of anything worse than that.
She’s biting her lip. I can tell she wants to say something, but I’m not sure what. I’m not sure what happened in the moment she described, but I can only assume it isn’t good.
“You told me you loved me.” she says all at once, an explosion of truth from a once silent exterior. I stop dead, my feet unable to take another step, my eyes wide and unfocused, looking at nothing in particular. She stops walking too, and is suddenly even closer to me than before. I feel the heat flush my cheeks and her gaze on me, though I’m too scared to meet it. “Do you still feel that way?” she asks me, a certain hopefulness in her tone.
I’m surprised by the scoff that escapes my lips as I build back up my walls. I cross my arms over my chest, eager to appear uncaring. “You think I loved you?” I want to laugh, I want to cry, but one glance up at her innocent eyes is enough to melt away my cold facade. She’s looking at me, so intently that I think my heart is one beat away from exploding. It doesn’t; of course it doesn’t, but I can still feel it beating in my chest. “I- I don’t know.” I stutter as I uncross my arms.
The wind ruffles through her hair and I can feel myself drowning in the hazel of her eyes. I look away, the cobblestone path bringing me less comfort than I hoped. I can’t bear to keep eye contact, I can’t bear to come face to face with the truth that I’ve been denying ever since she left the Boiling Isles two long years ago.
I feel her close the gap between us. I feel her lift my chin up with her fingers, forcing eye contact. I feel my heart skip a beat in my chest. She watches my face for a torturously long moment, her eyes seemingly taking all of me in. Then, she leans in.
Her lips are on mine before I can process it, and I just let it happen. When her hands find my waist, pulling me into her, I seem to come to my senses, and before I know it, I’m kissing her back. My heart doesn’t want to stop playing hopscotch inside of my chest, so I just let it. My hands reach up around her neck, and I twirl the ends of her hair around my fingers. I feel her smile against my mouth, and all at once I’m smiling too. Her familiar scent fills my lungs, the feeling of her skin against mine as her hands snake up my shirt, just a little. I never want this moment to end, so when it does, my heart sinks a little. She pulls away, but doesn’t go far, as she holds me against her chest. I press my forehead against hers and we breathe in time with one another.
“You don’t know, huh?” she whispers into my hair, and I allow myself to laugh.
“Shut uppp.” I pout, sticking my tongue out at her as I pull away to look in her eyes. They are deeper than I have ever seen them, a multitude of stars I never thought I would get to explore.
She smiles softly, bringing her hands away from my waist to zip her fingers into mine. “I hope you know how much you mean to me,” she tells me, but I don’t get the chance to say it back before a burning pain becomes apparent in my chest. I let out a cry as my legs give out beneath me. Luz catches me, and I fall against her, groaning from the agony. I try my best to stifle my cries, aware that we can’t bring attention to ourselves, as Luz looks down at me with a worried frown.
Thinking quickly, she lifts me up in her arms, carrying us both into a small crevice just off from the main path. She lowers herself and me to the ground, rubbing circles into my back the whole time as I squeeze onto her hand.
After what seems like forever, the pain dies down, and I lean back against Luz, the energy drained from me. Her hand stays latched into mine as I pant gently, my eyes still tightly closed.
“Are you alright?” she asks, and I nod, trying to turn the corners of my mouth up into a smile. I feel the blood pumping through my veins and, when I open my eyes again, I see Luz looking down at me. She’s watching me closely, holding me like a bomb that’s about to explode. I give her a questioning look which she responds to after a deep exhale of breath. “Your eyes,” she says, reaching a hand out to touch my face. “I don’t understand, we severed your ties with the Emperor.” Worry lines her voice, and I try my best to process what she’s saying. “This shouldn’t be happening.”
“What shouldn’t be happening?” I ask, wincing as another wave of pain washes over me. It isn’t so bad this time, but I clutch my stomach anyway, letting out a quiet groan.
“Your eyes, they’re glowing red again.” she tells me, as I look up at her with wide eyes.
Neither of us know what to say, so for a while we say nothing at all. That is until the pain dies down and I’m left leaning against her warmth, exhausted.
“Can we go home now?” I ask her, my voice small, and she nods.
“I just have to get some things from the market first.” she lifts her gaze to the cobbled stone path leading towards the main square. “Why don’t you stay here?” she suggests, standing up slightly. I shiver as her warmth is taken away, instead resting myself against the cool stone archway. “I won’t be long.”
I watch as she stands, her footsteps echoing against the quiet houses in the darkness. Her figure gets further and further away until she is just a silhouette in the distance, and then all at once she is gone.