January Part 1
Regina carried her piping hot lasagna encased in a carrier while Emma held onto a sack filled with wine bottles.
"I can't believe you talked me into this," the brunette huffed, trailing after her girlfriend. She sighed dramatically while the blonde used her key to let them in the front door of her condo.
"I know spending the evening with my brother, his girlfriend and your ex isn't ideal, but I think we can make it work." Emma attempted to sound hopeful, but the longer she thought about this evening's potential, the more she regretted accepting Augie's offer. "Look at this way, after tonight, Augie's going to disappear for a month or two. They are sending him to Europe for most of the winter. Christie and Dani are rarely invited to any of our get-togethers anymore. You won't have to deal with any of three for several months at least."
Closing the door behind them, Emma followed the other woman's swaying hips into the kitchen.
"You are so whipped."
The blonde froze, then turned her glare on Christie. The woman sat curled in Augie's chair in front of the large screen television. "Augie's at the airport picking up Dani. I didn't feel like going."
"Please tell me that you are wearing more than his robe," the blonde teacher exclaimed, annoyed by the woman's presence and her consistent casual disregard for her home.
The woman shrugged. Deciding she didn't like Emma's attitude, Christie's lips twisted into a sneer. "It figures. She's turning you into a prude."
Growling, Emma stomped closer to her not very welcome guest. "No. You don't get to insult Regina to change the subject. I paid for all of this." The blonde gestured widely, hoping the woman understood that the whole place had been furnished and decorated by her. "I'd prefer it to remain body fluid-free. Disease-free wouldn't hurt either."
"Fine. I will buy you a new fucking chair!" Feeling uncomfortable, Christie dropped her feet to the floor. A wave of hurt washed over her face. "Then, I can sit in this one, however I feel like sitting. I'm not some disease-riddled tramp. I'm his girlfriend. You should remember that."
With her lower lip trembling, Emma covered her eyes with both hands and sighed. "You don't get it. Of course, you don't," she quietly replied. She sat on the coffee table not too far from the other woman. "I grew up throwing my few belongings in a trash bag every few months moving from one foster home to another."
Christie swallowed, quietly gawking at the woman in front of her.
"I never had more than three pairs of anything. Ingrid's house was the first time that I had personal things that were mine." Emma scrubbed at her eyes, refusing to let the irritating tears fall.
"I had no idea." Christie's nervous fingers fidgeted with a stray curl of her hair.
"I know you didn't. I'm struggling here, okay? One of the few people who gave a damn about me died. She was sick and twisted, but she fucking cared. And, yes, that is only a fucking chair, but it is the first damn thing I bought with money I earned. I know you don't get that. You've always had more money than you knew what to do with, but I haven't. I need you to respect that."
During Emma's tirade, Christie's expression shifted from offended to sympathetic. "I'm--I think I ought to go." She stood to leave, but the blonde stopped her.
"You don't need to do that. Actually, I would like you to stay, but I would appreciate it if you could slide on a pair of his boxers or something. I could have happily lived my whole life not knowing that you maintain a landing strip."
Quickly, she hopped up as if her skin were on fire and flattened the robe to her body; Christie blushed. "I didn't realize--"
"Now, you do." Emma sighed again. "We don't know each other. I think that's why Augie wants to keep having these little 'family' things, which I'm on board with, but that means you and Dani need to quit bad mouthing Regina. And, I want you to respect my space."
The woman nodded sheepishly and darted from the room.
Emma put her head in her hands and fought to regain control of her emotions. She felt two arms wrap around her from behind and the rasp of Regina's voice in her ear, "I didn't realize Ingrid's death was so painful for you."
She shook her head. "Funny. I didn't either until the words came out of my mouth. Suddenly, it was all I could feel." She cleared her throat and leaned back into Regina's form. She squeezed her eyes shut, absorbing all the strength she could from her girlfriend. "It feels weird missing a woman who almost killed me. I don't know what to do with that."
Regina kissed the top of her head. "Maybe you should consider going to therapy. You know I've been seeing one for the last year. She's helped me through a lot." She felt the blonde stiffen in her arms. Then, slowly Emma let her shoulders fall.
"I think you might be right."
"I could give you her number. Or, I can help you find someone else."
The blonde pinched her nose and sighed involuntarily. "I think I'll use yours. At least we know she's good."
After a few minutes, Regina coaxed Emma into the kitchen, where she handed her a cup of coffee and urged her to take a seat at the breakfast bar while the brunette started making a pie.
"Oh, my God, Reggie's baking!" Christie's excitement shined in her eyes. "It's been a long time since I've had her dessert." She hopped onto the barstool next to Emma, wearing one of Augie's button-up shirts and a pair of his boxers. The sleeves were rolled to her elbows, and her hair stayed in a disarray.
Regina, covered in flour up to her elbows, looked at her friend, then down at her stylish dress sprinkled with the powder and turned up her nose. "I think this isn't going to work."
"I agree. I think we should take a page from her book." Emma hooked her thumb at the woman next to her. "We aren't going out. Why not have a more honest stay-at-home night?
Emerald eyes watched her girlfriend battle with etiquette drilled in since childhood before she offered a shy smile to the blonde. "Do you have anything here that I can wear that won't lead to Dani making cutting remarks? I don't want a war, but I'm also not in the mood for her bullshit."
Christie's eyes cut over to where Regina worked. "Come on now. Be fair. Dani's not that bad. She hasn't said a harsh word to you in months."
Regina's eyebrows rose. "Just because you didn't hear it doesn't mean it didn't happen." Sighing and pulling off the waist-high apron and dropping it on the counter, the brunette turned toward Christie and softened her voice. "I tell you what. I will not pick at her or antagonize her in any way, but I bet she has a lot to say. Especially once she's been drinking."
Choosing not to respond, Christie slipped off her stool to pour a fresh cup of coffee while the other two women went to change. She glanced at the clock and wondered what state Dani would arrive in since the last two times she'd picked her up; she'd been too drunk to walk and handle her luggage at the same time.
After a few minutes, Regina came into the room wearing a pair of Emma's sweatpants and a half-shirt hoodie.
"It's truly amazing how much you look like that same little girl from school," Christie said wistfully. She chewed her lower lip before restarting the conversation that she dreaded. "Do you think Dani is an alcoholic?"
"Christie, you've been a borderline alcoholic for years. But then you met August. I can see that he changed you. And, it was a good thing. I like this version of you. You seem happier. You don't need three strong whiskeys before you smile."
Regina paused. Reluctant and more than a little concerned about how to continue answering the question, Regina focussed on rolling out the pie dough. Tiny creases formed above her nose as her furrows deepened while she thought. "I don't know. I've been out of her life for a long time, but when I think back on us, I see that when she lost control of her temper or became erratic around me in the past, she was either drunk or had taken a pill. She always had a justification for whichever it was--but doesn't everybody. And, the pills, I never found the bottles." She looked meaningfully over at Christie and shook her head.
"One night, I came home from work, and she'd passed out on the couch. I remember brushing the hair out of her face, and she woke up in a rage. She lunged at me. For the first time, I was afraid of her. She looked like she meant to hurt me, so I ran up the stairs. She stumbled after me faster than I thought she'd be able to do. My bedroom door doesn't have a lock on it, so I ran to the master bath and locked it. She wasn't acting like herself. I've seen her drunk so many times. You know that. You were there for a lot of them. But that she was different. She was mean and violent. She repeatedly slammed her body into the door until it broke. She knocked herself unconscious toward the end. I tucked her into bed and went and spent the night at Kat's. I never knew what caused it. When I came home at lunchtime, she acted as nothing had happened. I'm not even sure if she remembered any of it."
Christie paled. "I've seen her be like that. There was a night when the three of us were in New York. She clawed at Augie. We laughed it off because she passed out soon after, but if it's happened before, she must have a bigger problem than I thought."
*****
An hour later, August led a staggering Dani into the condo. Although she still wore a business suit, the professional effect diminished with the wine stain on her blouse. She reeked of hard liquor. As soon as he shut the front door, she pushed him into kissing him hard. He forced her away with careful hands and looked sheepishly to the left, where the other three women moved around the dining table making preparations.
"How was the drive?" Emma asked him, trying to cut through the growing tension.
Dani pursed her lips at what she saw. In a desperate attempt to regain Augie's full attention, she grabbed the man by the balls.
"Ouch! What the fuck, Dani?"
The woman completely ignored her shocked and wounded lover. "Why are you people being so boring? It's New Year's Fucking Eve. Time to par-tay." Dani kicked her shoes off then moved around excitedly. She stopped when she saw Christie hovering in the kitchen doorway, looking more relaxed and at home than she usually did. "What the fuck are you wearing? We aren't cleaning the house. Hanging around with Regina must be making you lame." She scoffed, then commanded," Put on your party clothes so we can go out--"
August shook his head. "We're staying in tonight. Emma and I agreed on a family night together. Regina and Emma made dinner."
"Family? I don't know what you think this is." She motioned between the three of them. "But, we sure as hell aren't family." Dani scoffed, then looked between both of her lovers. While August's face showed immense exhaustion, Christie looked hurt. "Okay, I guess we can try to make this work," she placated.
The whole room relaxed a little with her willingness, but Regina and Emma remained wary. Dani's antics over the recent months worried them. Christie had spent the previous hour talking them through a series of events that left both women wondering how soon until she spun out of control for good.
"Why don't you two slip into something more comfortable and join us for dinner?" Regina asked politely. She hoped giving August guidance might snap him out of his disheartened stupor. "We thought a relaxing night of talking, drinking, and playing Cards Against Humanity could be a fun way for all of us to get to know each other better."
"She really knows how to suck the life out of people, doesn't she?" Dani stage whispered while locking eyes on Regina.
The brunette chose to ignore Dani loudly, telling Augie that she'd left Regina because she sucked the fun out of living.
"I don't know how I survived being with her. Be careful, Emma. You are next. She'll destroy you!" She hiccupped, walking away. "Destroy, I say!"
Christie stared after the two women as he guided Dani down the hallway to his room. "Has she always talked about you that way? I used to think she was joking, but now," She leaned closer. "She said it so loudly so that you could hear it. It was intentional."
Seeing the stunned look on Christie's face, Regina laughed. "Yes. Yes, she has. I know she used to complain about me to you. I always thought you knew she said the same or worse to my face."
"I can't wait to find out what she says when she finds out this is my idea," Christie muttered, pulling at her clothing, her fear, and insecurity on full display.
Emma shook her head. "Don't." She put one hand on the other woman's shoulder. "Don't try to second guess a drunk. Let's get her fed and comfortable. If we're lucky, she'll sleep it off. Or, maybe she won't. But, we will never know if we don't give her the opportunity to grow up."
Ten minutes later, August returned in sweatpants and a t-shirt. "She's taking a shower." He looked down the hallway toward his bedroom. Emma watched the shadow cross his features, but then it dissipated.
"Is she okay?" Christie asked, walking over and embracing him.
"I don't know." His eyes held a fathom's deep sadness. "I think she's losing it. You know how she said she had another court case in Chicago?"
Christie pushed her hair behind her ear before bringing up a topic she wanted to share but was afraid of the fallout. "I called her office instead of her cell yesterday. Meribel said, 'Mr. Granger's office' instead of 'Miss Colter's office' when I called. I think she's been let go again."
Pulling Christie in for a tighter hug, his face had a pinched look when he buried his nose in her hair. "I thought she agreed to quit shutting us out."
"Me too."
Regina and Emma held their tongues and set the table while the couple took comfort from their embrace. With everything on the table, Emma cleared her throat and asked, "Should we skip the wine this evening?"
August thought for a moment and shook his head. "No. If we did, she'd go looking for it anyway. Why don't you open one bottle for all of us and tuck the others away."
Emma smiled. "That's exactly what I thought you'd say. And, she has no idea how many bottles I bought or what they were."
"I have an idea that might work."
*****
Dinner started out quietly, even if most of them anticipated a meltdown of Chernobyl proportions. Everyone took their places and filled their plates with delicious home-cooked food. Emma and Regina whispered conspiratorially back and forth, teasing each other about the dishes each had made.
"Who cooked this disgusting sludge?" Dani asked.
Her eyes rested on her ex-girlfriend and gave her a devilish grin. Regina responded with a fake smile that Emma and Christie easily saw through, but neither woman called her out on it.
August focused more of his attention on Dani than his food. Her mild agitation seemed to grow as the prongs of her fork stabbed at each morsel on her plate though few made it to her mouth. Rather than rising to the bait, the other three women ignored the constant plink of metal against the ceramic plate, but the man's patience wore thin.
"Do you have to jab at it like a toddler?" The exasperated words lit her short fuse
Seething, blue eyes flashed in a challenge. "Did it feel like you were fucking a baby against the shower wall? Hmm."
"Dani, that's not--"
She pushed back from the chair and stood too quickly, losing both her and the chair's balance. She managed to stay upright; her chair thwacked the floor with a mighty crack caused by the force behind her movement.
Knowing her ex a little too well, Regina slipped in behind Dani and righted her chair while the others gawked at the semi-hysterical woman. Then lifting the almost empty pitcher, Regina poured the woman another glass of her homemade sangria. "Dani, he's worried about you." She softened her voice and held the chair out for the other woman. "We all are. You are out of sorts, and we don't know why."
She deflated with the explanation. "Thanks, Reg. You always know how to settle my nerves." In a massive gulp, Dani emptied the glass and held it out. "Darling, would you get me a refill?" Her eyes taunted Regina. "I know how much you must miss serving me."
The brunette took her glass back from Dani. Knowing the bottle she'd used a minute ago was empty; she went into the kitchen for another decanter of the dark red liquid.
Regina fought against her demons; Dani always brought negative thoughts and memories to the surface. She leaned against the cabinet and allowed herself a few minutes to breathe before rushing into Dani's cruel remarks. Sensing another presence, Regina's eyes fell on Emma, who'd slipped into the room to check on her. "Dani is still snipping at Augie, but I don't think she's escalating."
"That's good. Now, aren't you glad that I made a non-alcoholic beverage? Whatever she's on, it isn't alcohol. I know drunk Dani, and this isn't it."
"How long do you think until she realizes the switch?" Emma wondered.
Regina grabbed the remaining carafe and led back to the dining room. "Your guess is as good as mine, but if you think that's the last outburst for the evening, think again."
As soon as they entered the dining room again, Emma felt Dani's eyes tracking their progress. "Swannie, I bet you get so bored in the sheets, don't you? Regina looks like the hot librarian but fucks with the skill of a nun."
Regina sighed and dropped into her chair, refusing to respond. Emma, on the other hand, sipped her sangria and set the glass down heavily. "Watch your mouth. You may be their girlfriend, but I'm not a fan of yours, and this is my house."
"Ooh, is this the big bad Emma I keep hearing about from your fake brother?"
"No, that version of me would have knocked a few of your teeth out already. But, I'm older now," the blonde shrugged.
Dani, in an uncoordinated move, roughly pushed her hair back from her face. "But, don't you miss a good pounding. Augie's cock is so big. He just fills me so tight, hard, and deep. You know, sometimes I'm lucky enough Christie puts on the strap, and well, I get the best of both worlds."
Christie's face glowed fuschia.
Emma snorted. "You do know I'm a lesbian. Nothing you said has any appeal, but I promise you that Reggie's skill and stamina are far greater than his or any man for that matter."
"That's the thing about you gold star lesbians. You aren't willing to give it a try. Play for both teams just once, and you'll never go back." Dani licked her lips and reached over into Augie's lap. The man swatted her hand away. "You know we could grab Christie and show them how it's done. Regina really has no talent. Before this night is over, I bet I could convince Emma. I need a taste of Emma's pussy."
"Shut up!" Regina shouted at her ex.
Emma's jaw flexed as her anger grew. "Leave her out of this. Seriously, if you can't keep her name out of your mouth, then you need to leave."
"She's such a pillow princess. Seriously, she doesn't even give good head," Dani laughed hysterically while August leaped to his feet.
"Enough, Dani. I wanted us to enjoy the evening together. Act like a family, but you've ruined any chance of that." August's face grew stormy as the words rolled off his tongue.
Trying to will him into play along, Dani ran a hand down his chest, "Come on. I thought it would be the more, the merrier kind of thing, and we could all teach Regina what real fun is."
Christie's eyes took in Regina's hunched appearance. She slowly stood and looked Dani in the eye. "I don't know what's changed. This is not what you agreed to when the three of us were together last weekend, but I am sick of you treating us like we are fuckbuddies. You've hurt August. And, you keep insulting Regina. Not to mention how you have made all of us feel about you. I'm with Emma; I think it's time for you to either shut up or leave."
Scoffing, Dani's eyes flicked to hers, then away. "You don't mean that."
"She so fucking does," Emma growled. "Find the fucking door, bitch."
"Augie?" she giggled, hoping he would turn the tide.
"Dani, you've ruined our night."
Stumbling away from him, she attempted to slap Emma but only caught air. "Hey. She moved." She swayed on her feet and fell onto the edge of the table. "She fucking pushed me."
"No, she didn't. Go sleep it off, Dani."
She swayed on her feet between the dining room and the foyer by the front door.
"It's New Years'. I am going to find a real party. Someone in this God-forsaken town knows how to drink and screw. When did you people become so dull?" She pushed back to her feet and stumbled out of sight. In another minute, they heard the front door slam.
"Should we go after her?" August asked.
"No," Christie shook her head. "Dani has to want help. And, she's not hit rock bottom yet."
Emma flinched. "She's wearing flannel pajamas and no shoes. Tonight might be the one if she plans on going very far."
Augie shook his head sadly. "Everybody, I'm so sorry."
"Don't be. You had great intentions." Regina pet him on the shoulder. "Besides, our evening is just beginning."
*****
"Come on. Wakey, wakey, sleepyhead." Regina poked at Emma's ribcage, tickling the younger woman.
"What? It's like the butt-crack of dawn early on New Year's Day. Why are you awake?" the blonde whined.
"Because we have somewhere to be. It's tradition. Slip-on a hoodie, coat, and gloves." Regina smiled at her girlfriend affectionately.
"Is it just me, or is it weird that the night person is waking the morning person?" she continued to grumble.
The two women sneak out of Emma's condo. When she makes it to Regina's car, she stares skeptically at the basket, thermos, and blankets in the back seat.
"Mills, what do you have planned?"
Looking angelically innocent, Regina fluttered her lashes at her companion. "Whatever do you mean?" Then, she giggled nervously. "Patience. You will have to wait and see."
In a few minutes, she parked her car as close to the boardwalk leading to the docks as she could. "We need to move a little faster, or we will miss the sunrise." Regina opened her door and stretched. "I'll grab the basket if you can get the blankets."
Still more than a little lost, Emma complied, following closely on Regina's heels. They stopped at the last bench. Their bench. "Oh." She tossed a thick woolen blanket over the heavy wood and sat down. Regina mirrored her, then poured two cups of hot coffee while Emma wrapped the other blanket around their legs and pulled another blanket around their shoulders.
Cocooned in the warmth, the brunette sighed. "Just in time." She pointed at the pink streaks forming on the horizon. They sat in silence, watching the tendrils of purple and pink spread through the early morning gray painting the sky with warmth. It brought rays of hope, making both women's hearts clench with promise.
Emma's thoughts race to her early morning run last New Year's morning. Nightmares, memories of Ingrid and Elsa, had forced her from her sheets into the icy daggers of the early morning air. Her mind had dwelled on a drunk Regina at the Christmas party. Angry, possessive, and so very damn cute. Her lips twisted into a half-smile. "You know, a year ago, I thought you might be a burgeoning alcoholic."
Regina's lungs belted out a hard laugh. "I thought the same of both of us. But, then, Dani happened, then Henry." She paused and let her words blow away in the breeze. "I think we proved in April and May that tough times don't require stiff drinks."
Emma grinned, laying her head on Regina's shoulder. "No, they need cuddles. Lots and lots of cuddles."
Clearing the tightness from her vocal cords, Regina's voice held its early morning rasp. "You know, last year at this time, I sat here drowning in my memories. I felt alone. Lost. Unwanted in the world. And then you dropped next to me and wrapped me in your sweaty, cinnamony warmth. I felt cared for the first time in what felt like an eternity." She sighed. Her eyes met Emma's in an all too familiar dance. "Last time, news of Dani nearly destroyed the joy and hope that only a new year can bring. This year, I have you, and it has made all the difference."
The wind chafed Emma's cheeks, bringing a rosy hue to the surface. "I agree." She scooted a little closer so that her hip pressed into the other woman's. She turned her head so that open honesty floating in sea green shined openly. "I think it's time to have the discussion."
"I'm sorry. I don't follow." Regina's nose crinkled, showing concern and intense interest.
"Do you believe in marriage?"
The words fell from pale pink lips and landed like an unexploded live bomb. Anxious and with an intolerable hunch in her shoulders, Regina pushed to her feet, spilling her coffee all over the dock. "Shit!"
"Hey, calm down. It's only coffee, and I'm not proposing today. I only want to know if it would be something you wanted. Ever." Emma worriedly watched her girlfriend flailing her arms as if she'd been burned, yet she knew not a droplet had landed on the woman's skin.
After a few minutes of nervous pacing, the brunette slid back into place next to her lover. "I'm sorry. I overreacted."
"Don't be." Emma's melancholy tone made Regina's heartache.
"No. It's--" she sighed and rubbed her thighs where the cold air hit the thin fabric.
Emma shook her head and wrapped the blanket around the two of them again. "It's what?"
Regina sighed and looked up at the sky. "I dreamed of marrying Dani for the longest time. When that dream died--well, the dream died. I gave up hope for marriage and kids and the whole 9 yards." Then, she pulled her glove off, entwined her fingers with Emma's, and let the warmth of her fingers seep into pale ones. "Then, I met you, and my world flipped upside down. I think you and I have an amazing partnership. Marriage isn't an impossibility, but I don't think I am close to being ready yet."
Emma's lips curled in a warm smile. "What about kids? Are they part of the equation?"
"Is it a deal-breaker if they are not?" The unsureness of Regina's voice caused Emma to squeeze their fingers together.
"Neither question was a deal-breaker either way. But, I wanted an idea of what going the long haul with you entailed because I think I am ready to sign up for whatever that means."
Regina brushed her lips against Emma's cold ones. She dropped her head onto the other woman's shoulder. "You are it for me too. But, I still need to work on myself before I can say more than I am committed to this relationship. I can't move in with you, not yet."
Emma nodded. Her princess curls teased Regina's nose, causing the other woman to sniffle. "I know. But, I wanted you to tell me that you felt it too--that neither one of us has to look further. We've found our one and done. Now, we need to heal ourselves enough to be able to give each other everything."
"You already give me everything I need," Regina admitted.
Emma hummed in response. "You save me from myself so often that I don't know who I am when you aren't there to remind me. New Orleans was hard. I didn't like it."
Taking comfort in each other's warmth and strength, they greeted the new year together.