October
Emma slicked her hair back into a high ponytail deciding that the rainy weather outside necessitated the change. She slipped her black biker jacket over her favorite black and red dress, grabbed her backpack, and headed for the door. Augie blocked her exit, soaked to the bone.
"Hiya, Em," his half-cocked grin warmed her heart.
"Stay. There let me grab you a towel." She came back in a minute, tossing a large beach towel in his direction. "Your bedroom is the blue one in the back. I hope you like what we did with the furniture. We stacked your boxes in the walk-in closet."
She eyed the growing puddle on the floor before turning her gaze back on him. "Hey, I gotta get moving. School waits for no one, and my new boss is a total bitch. I will see you later." She waved at him on her way out and hoped it didn't bother him that she couldn't drop everything to spend time with him.
"See ya later, Em. I'll catch you for dinner one night." She heard his voice penetrating the rain and hoped she could find the time.
*****
Regina plastered a smile on her face as she continued with her lecture. She waved her principal to an empty seat on the far side of the room as she continued her lesson describing how rhetorical devices persuade people to change their viewpoint. Once she finished, she eased them into seeing how rhetoric gets used in commercials. "Now, class, I have placed a packet of advertising campaigns in six colored folders at the front of the room. Please, look at the card you drew coming in this morning. Now, everyone stand. I want the purple group in the far back corner. Green, you should meet here. Blues, could you assemble by the windows. Yellows, you're next to Miss Blanchard-Nolan, Oranges, if you could meet next to the door. Black and white stripes, you are next to my bookcase. Please send one group to grab your folder. Follow the directions you find inside."
She shook off the fear gnawing in her belly. Teacher evaluations happen every year, multiple times a year. Over the years, she should have grown used to the constant overseeing of her abilities. 'Honestly, how do you expect us to behave as professionals if you never treat us as such? School children are given more leeway and trust on a daily basis than most teachers.' Finishing the tirade in her head, she circulated from group to group to make sure they stayed on task.
"Dr. Mills, I didn't realize you were one of those paranoid teachers who wish students to feel like the world is manipulating them all the time. Do you think this lesson is important? I am 100% certain the state would agree with me that this is inappropriate and inflammatory." Blanchard-Nolan tore off the carbon backed form and gave Regina an evaluation form that clearly stated 'Needs Improvement.'
"Miss Blanchard-Nolan, be advised that I will check with Ms. Wolf when the three of us can meet. This lesson is not only one of our state 'Power Standards,' it is the state's suggested activity to be done with it at the introductory level," Regina gritted out between clenched teeth. "Are you going to correct your markings for my eval, or is this another one of those moments where the superintendent will have to intervene?"
Mary Margaret raised an eyebrow. "You're mistaken if you think threatening me with a meeting will affect how I graded you. This is an accurate representation of what I witnessed in your lesson. Your students are not engaged. Your standard is not on the board. You have no classroom management skills."
Regina's head swiveled, taking in the room. Everyone appeared to be working. Her standard glowed from the screen.
She turned back to her principal. "I guess we have differing opinions as to what you mean by classroom management."
"We must." Blanchard-Nolan triumphantly grinned as she walked out the door. "I will say hi to Dr. Swan for you. I wonder what chances people of your persuasion can expect on the unemployment lines."
Dr. Mills looked down her nose at the woman. "I suspect my odds are better than you think."
*****
Emma snagged Michael by the elbow, escorting him out of the earshot of the other kids in ISS. She shook her head, watching the group cleaning the cafeteria after the fourth lunch. Leading him to a blank space against the wall, she motioned around them. "Why aren't you protesting this? You weren't involved in the food fight?"
His cheeks pinked as he looked anywhere but at her. "I'm not in here for that."
"I know you haven't been skipping classes again. So, what did you do?"
The teacher's worried tone threw him off guard enough to answer. "I memed her. And, she's apparently not a fan of serious fish."
Emma's eyes bugged out momentarily. "YOU. DID. NOT!" Her mouth continued to move as she fought back a snicker. "You are in big trouble, young man.' A snort snuck out, and then another. "Please, don't post any more of those. She'll be watching you." She sighed and pointed to the table. "You should return to kiddie prison. Oh, and high five, dude."
They slapped hands as she walked toward her class. A few minutes later, he realized that she'd applauded his crime, which made Michael's mouth twist into a grin.
"What are you smiling at, cheesy ball?" LeFue asked, shooting him a deathly glare.
He shook his head. "Nothing, sir."
"Next time, use a VPN and not the school network. I'd also recommend changing your Twitter handle." The man winked at him before he walked away. "Oh, and Michael, yours was the best in the bunch. Creative."
The boy stood frozen, staring after the man in confusion. 'He didn't just say--Nah--the teachers wouldn't find that funny, would they?' He wondered but also knew that no one would willingly answer that question.
*****
Sighing, Emma collapsed into her chair after work and dropped her head to the desk.
"Emma, are you alright?"
She knew that husky drawl. "No, babe. I'm not. I'm exhausted, and my feet are killing me."
Regina slipped into the room, closed the door, and flipped the lights off to make it appear vacant.
"Did your day get any better after the little nazi's visit?" The blonde asked, hoping that Eugenia would solve the problem.
"No, Ms. Wolf won't be on campus until tomorrow, but she's promised to come to visit me during planning. She said you were next. Did she evaluate you too, or was she playing mind games?"
Emma laughed, a soulless, exhausted sound. "Oh, she came to my class alright, but she forgot to check and see when the county people scheduled their observations. She walked in and greeted me. I believe her words were 'I hope you are more impressive than your girlfriend.'"
Suddenly, the history teacher snorted. "Oh, God, it was so funny because as soon as she stopped speaking, Dr. Giles from Human Resources stepped in and said that you and I are two of the best teachers the county ever had. She said something about the state level superintendent gave you top marks when he visited your class two years ago. MM went pale. I mean white, like Clorox-brand-bleach-WHITE. Then, she said something about there being too many people in the room and left."
Regina smiled down at her. "Do you want to come over for dinner? I can whip something up while you soak in a hot bath."
"Oh, how I wish I could," Emma's ponytail shook limply. "I've got a preliminary Teacher of the Year interview to do at the county office. It's one of those recorded things, so it will take a while. And, Augie appeared this morning, so I should go home and try to say hi while I can."
Regina bit back her offer of ‘please come over later,’ knowing that the blonde would feel obligated, and she didn't want that. But, Emma seemed to sense it anyway. Standing from her desk, she walked over to Regina and wrapped her arms around her, bringing their bodies flush. "What if I pack a bag for tomorrow? After work, I can tutor the kids, then head to your place?"
"What about Augie?" Regina shifted on her feet and attempted to pull away, but Emma anticipated her move and clung to her tightly.
"I don't know how long he's in town. But you are more important than he is." She planted a kiss along the delicate stretch of skin just beneath her lover’s ear and waited for calm to take root. "I'm sorry I am disappointing you, but until the Teacher of the Year celebration happens on the 22nd, I will have a bunch of these annoying things to do that keep popping up out of nowhere."
"The big event is on your birthday?"
"Yep."
"That could be fun, I guess," Regina's scowl disagreed with her words. "When did you learn about tonight's interview?"
"2:15 or maybe 2:30. After my feet had decided that they hated these shoes."
The brunette lifted an eyebrow at her. "Please tell me you weren't silly enough to wear new shoes to impress people while teaching."
Emma's loud silence answered.
"Honey, you are smarter than that."
"Apparently not. I'm feeling like an idiot."
Emma ducked her head in embarrassment, but Regina snagged her chin, making the woman look into her eyes. "But, you are my idiot."
"Guilty." The blonde smiled and poked her girlfriend in the side. "I've got to get moving, or I'll be late."
Reluctantly, they pulled away from each other. "Will you at least text me later?"
"Of course, I will. Don't be shocked if I blow up your phone while I'm waiting."
*****
The blonde's head pounded, and her body ached. If she'd realized the amount of personal time the Teacher of the Year Nomination process would take, she would have refused or removed her name from the list. The five essays of more than one thousand words apiece defending her as the school choice had been ludicrous enough. Why should anyone feel the need to write essays about their own greatness? Then, the county committee began sharing their expectations: the observations, photography sessions, interviews, and making a personal video.
Now she endured the last of the 'hard part' where she had to share her life with people she didn't know or trust. The Teacher of the Year Committee consisted of two school board members, a city councilman, the head of Human Resources, and a Chamber of Commerce member. Of the group, the city councilman and Dr. Giles from HR seemed human, the others, not so much. She managed to keep the pained expression off her face as the grueling questions continued.
"Dr. Swan, can you tell us more about growing up as an orphan?" She internally flinched; the committee of five asked yet another question dealing with the past she wanted to leave behind her.
"Sure. Imagine never knowing when your home would be changing, whether or not you would have food to eat or if you still had clothes you can wear. Imagine having nothing that is actually yours. Everything belongs to either your foster parent, one of their kids, the state, or whoever. Nothing is yours. No decision is yours. That was my life."
"And, yet you have come so far. Is that why you choose to help at Covenant House?" The older black man's kind eyes expressed embarrassment at the question.
Emma shrugged. "I can't answer that. First, I would love to know how you know about my volunteer work. I left it out of my personal information for a reason. But, I volunteer because the kids need someone who understands what it's like being cast aside over and over again. The people who run the shelter have a better concept than most, but unless you've lived it, you have no idea what it's like to have no one want you."
"Thank you for coming, Emma. We appreciate your candor." The group smiled, and each offered their hand to shake, but the blonde wanted to be anywhere but here. She turned on her phone only to realize hours had flown: 8:26 p.m. She didn't have a minute to herself for the last four hours. She sighed, grabbed her keys, and left.
When she opened her front door, the smell of a home cooked meal wafted her way. She stepped into the kitchen and found her plate sitting next to the microwave.
Sorry. Ran out of time. Off for my date.
Augie.
She put her food in the microwave and turned to face the mess he'd left. The roasting pan: roast, vegetables, and all still sat on the stove. The kitchen island and counters lay dusted in a thin white coating; a sack of flour sat opened and spread to prevent sticking. She did admit the pie looked delicious, but having to clean this mess by herself made it a higher price than she wanted to pay. She ate; however, she'd rather have ordered pizza than clean up after a grown man.
When she put the last dish away, 10:42 glowed at her from the clock on the stove. Too tired to care, she left the pie where it sat uncut.
Seriously uncool, brother. Don't make it a habit, or you'll be looking for a new place to live.
Em.
In the dim recesses of her mind, she remembered making a promise to Regina, but for the life of her, she couldn't remember what it was.
She poured three fingers of whiskey from Augie's bottle and wandered to her room. She kicked off her shoes and face planted onto her bed, losing herself to Morpheus's insistent tug.
*****
"She didn't text me. She didn't call. Nothing. It's like I don't exist," Regina spat out between sipping her coffee and marching down the hall. The heat from the mug mimicked her fiery mood.
Mal rolled her eyes. "Didn't she have her ToTY interview last night?"
"Yes," Regina huffed. "But that doesn't explain why my girlfriend didn't say goodnight. She always texts. ALWAYS."
The older blonde grabbed her friend by the arm and stilled their progress. "Maybe, she lost track of time. Didn't you say Augie came home?"
She ground her teeth together. "That's no excuse. She said I come first." She hissed, but felt only slightly childish.
"Talk to her." Mal looked over the other woman's shoulder. "And here's your chance. God, she looks awful. I'll see you at lunch." The French teacher disappeared around the corner, feeling the couple needed privacy.
Emma's wan smile triggered anxiety for Regina. The dark circles under souless jade eyes brought a fear of betrayal creeping beneath her skin.
"Morning, babe."
"Don't." Regina stormed away, leaving a confused blonde in her wake.
"What did I do?" The few teachers standing around shrugged, but she left Emma feeling lost and lonely. She sighed and trudged toward her classroom, hoping her day would get better.
Seeing the time, Dr. Swan knew she didn't have the time to sort out things with Dr. Mills until much later in the day. She slipped her key into her door as the bell rang. She growled inwardly, then sprinted across the room to login to her computer, pull up the day's lecture and activity.
Ten minutes later, the announcements ended. Feeling fatigue still lapping at her bones, Emma leaned against her stool at the podium. "Okay, class. Today, we are going to use an exercise in trust, and you are going to have an awesome tour. Are you ready?"
The group nodded, not noticing their principal sneaking in the back of the room.
"Can anyone tell me what we learned about yesterday?" Emma asked while picking up a large plastic tub at the front of the room.
Hands shot up around the room. But, Johnathan almost fell out of his seat, hopping up and down in place, so she turned to him. "I need one cool thing we learned about yesterday. What did you learn?"
"During the time of the Greeks, China also made cool art?"
The room snickered. "Can someone else tell me more about this 'cool art' in China?"
Jekyll stood from her seat. "May I, Dr. Swan."
"Yes, by all means, please tell us."
The girl beamed. "My dad worked in China when I was a little girl, so I used to have a book on Emperor Qinshihuang's Army. He had artisan build terracotta warriors to represent his entire army, horses and all."
"That's correct. Now, if everyone that has a cellphone, place it on your desk."
"Peter, can you give every student with a phone one of these?" She held up virtual reality goggles fitted with a phone slot.
"Students. If you open my Google Classroom on your phone, you will find a link to the app I need you to download. I have also included my code to use with the app. Once it's open, you will have a virtual walkthrough of the dig site and mausoleum." A small cheer rolled through the room. "Before you put on your goggles, check and see if anyone near you does not have a phone. I see four students without one. It would be nice if all of you would share so everyone can have the experience. I will strongly suggest staying in your chair. Nausea and dizziness can be side effects. When you are done with the tour, you have a Google Form to complete with a partner. Please begin."
Dr. Swan made her way through the room, watching the kids chatting and working together. Her eyes shine with pride, seeing the economically disadvantaged students experiencing the same opportunity as the kids pass the headsets back and forth between them, discussing what they see at every turn.
"I cannot believe you think that this is a productive use of a class period."
"How is this any different than taking students on a field trip?" Emma raised her eyebrows in question. "But, at least now, it costs them nothing, and they don't miss any other classes. They are enthralled, which means when I lecture about these soldiers in twenty more minutes, they will have a much better idea about what I'm talking about; they can envision it themselves."
MM's face grew stormier with every word. "Your nomination must be going to your head. Not only did you sit down in class, but you are wasting class time with frivolous activities. I am thoroughly unimpressed."
"Have you ever taken a virtual tour?" Emma asked, sounding innocent.
"No, but why should I? They are a waste of time."
"This is so SWAG." Tyrone bumped into his principal, attempting to walk through the mausoleum. "Oops. Sorry, would you like to see it?"
"No."
"But, Miss Blanchard, it's so neat. Here, try mine."
He shoved the set in her hands. Emma caught the gasp, and for a few minutes, the woman appeared spellbound. Then, she removed the goggles and handed them back. Thank you for letting me have a try." She shook the boy's hand then turned around to Emma. "This changes nothing." She handed her an evaluation with NEEDS IMPROVEMENT checked before walking out of the room.
"Isn't that just effing spiffy?" Emma muttered before turning back to her kids.
*****
When Emma's planning period finally arrived, she grabbed her evaluation's duplicate and trudged to the superintendent's new office. She stuck her head in the lounge, hoping Eugenia would be free.
"And, what do you need, Swan? I'm a little busy today." The older woman waved her hand dismissively, pushed her glasses further up her nose, and continued reading the document lying on her desk.
"Miss Blanchard tanked me on my eval today because I sat down next to my podium for five minutes."
"Hmm," she responded blandly. "Make me a copy. Leave it on my desk. We can discuss it later. I doubt speed will make much difference. It isn't like these are seen outside the building anyway." The older woman sighed and barely glanced in Emma's direction.
Reeling from the dismissive gesture, Emma responded, "Right. Thanks."
Within the hour, the copy sat in the superintendent's box, waiting for her to consider it. She left school without having contact with Regina. She sent her a text and hoped whatever stressed the woman that morning had dissipated.
ES: Regina, are we still on for tonight? I have tutoring until 5:30. I miss you.
The kids at Covenant House perked up as soon as she entered the room. Raven greeted her but then disappeared to do Physics homework. Josue stormed into the room. Not losing his speed, he kamikaze hugged her on the spot.
"I was afraid you'd quit coming."
"Nope. I might miss a night or two here or there, but I will be here as often as I can." She squeezed the boy tighter. "Do you have anything you need to work on, or did you just miss me?"
He shrugged. "I have to write a stupid essay about myself."
Emma's eyebrows scrunched together. "Is it a personal essay or a narrative?"
"What difference does it make? My life sucks. Why would it matter what I put down?" The boy's dark eyes filled with tears that he refused to let fall.
"You're looking at this all wrong. When I was your age, I wrote one of these, and a little later, I entered it into a contest. I got a full ride to college off of that essay. Your life doesn't suck, but it's hard. It's character building. And, it's what you do with the opportunities you have that make the difference. Are you going to throw away a good shot at getting out of this life?"
Wiping furiously at his face, he trembled in place. "If I can't find a scholarship for this kinda thing, could you help me?"
She blinked, shocked that he admitted to needing help. "Sure, Josue. I'd love to do that."
An hour later, Emma left the foster home feeling more accomplished than she had all day. She checked her phone again, but once again, Regina hadn't responded. She bit her lower lip and wondered if she should assume Regina canceled their date night activities. Instead, she shook off her insecurity and drove to her girlfriend's condo.
****
Emma's stomach knotted, seeing that Regina hadn't turned on the front porch light. Ignoring the hint of things to come, she grabbed her bag of clothes for tomorrow and knocked on the door.
"That's exactly what I'm saying," Regina said, opening the door while holding her phone in her other hand.
It worried Emma when the brunette didn't greet her with a kiss. In fact, she didn't greet her at all. She simply allowed the woman into her home and left her standing at the open door. The blonde began nervously chewing on her bottom lip. She placed her bag carefully at the end of the couch, then sat and patiently waited.
Regina resumed her seat in her favorite wingback chair; she continued to listen to whoever it was talking away on her phone, nodding her head and occasionally humming in approval.
The blonde's stomach growled, earning a scowl thrown in her direction, but she didn't say anything. She didn't want to interrupt whatever important business the other woman had. She slipped her phone from her pocket and began to read from her kindle app, but she checked the time first—5:05 p.m.
Emma knew she might have some time to kill, so she used her favorite app. She hated to admit her ridiculous obsession with Plague Inc. appeared to be worsening. After killing off the human race with a nano-virus she lovingly called Fkr42, she glanced up at Regina, who still held her phone to her ear, then back to check the time on her phone. She'd successfully killed an hour and ten, and Regina still had yet to acknowledge her existence. She frowned and shifted in her seat. Again, she received little more than a disgruntled look, and the other woman turned her back to the couch and her.
"Huh," Emma commented. When the brunette ignored her, the blonde realized that her girlfriend intended this cold reception--it might be planned. She'd made no efforts to interrupt the person on the phone. She'd taken no notes on what was being said. It had to be personal. Either Emma was no longer privy to important events in her girlfriend's life, or Regina didn't feel it necessary to end an unimportant conversation to spend time with her.
The horrid truth slowly sunk into her bones. Regina didn't want her here.
Feeling the futility of the moment in her soul, Emma's eyes welled with tears. She was much too mentally and physically tired to push the brunette into the necessary conversation. Without a sound, she slipped from the room and went out the front door.
An instant relief rushed over her when she arrived home to an empty house. Emma stumbled into her bedroom. She stripped quickly; the scalding stream burned the stress of the day away but failed to rid her of the longing in her heart. Her mind reeled, trying to determine where she'd wronged her girlfriend. How had everything fallen apart so quickly?
Emma stepped out of the shower when the water turned cold. She found comfort in her favorite old t-shirt and sweatpants. Then, she moved to the kitchen to find something to eat. She couldn't face cooking alone since she and Regina had planned to do it together. In desperate need of comfort, she grabbed a can of creamy chicken noodle soup, which she ate in bed while searching for something to binge-watch on Netflix. Emma drifted off to sleep after more than an hour of watching Liv Moore solving crimes by eating the victims' brains.
*****
Emma shot up from the bed and looked at her bedside clock glowing 3:01. The pictures on her walls began to rhythmic bounce.
"Oh, Augie!" An overly feminine screech made Emma cringe. For a second, the house went quiet before Augie's headboard repeatedly slammed into the wall, increasing its pace with every contact.
The noise continued for the better part of thirty minutes. By that time, anger flowed through her veins. Giving up on any chance of sleeping, Emma put on her running clothes and tore away from her home in hopes of finding peace in the darkness. She ran away from her regular route toward the docks choosing the boardwalk and closed shop fronts instead of quiet neighborhoods. She refused to admit that it had anything to do with a beautiful brunette sleeping a few miles away.
She returned home shortly after 5. By that time, her jaw had unclenched, and her feet had gone numb. Emma stopped in her kitchen, and none to quietly made a breakfast omelet and coffee.
"Hey, do you have to be so loud--" Augie snapped, stepping into the kitchen. Then, his eyes landed on the dark circles under her eyes and the tension on her face. The unspoken fury in her eyes made him take a step back.
"Did we wake you?" he asked cautiously.
She dropped the heavy blade of the chef's knife onto the cabinet. "What do you think? Do you remember my work hours? Hmm? I am a teacher. That means I sleep at night and work during the day. This is my house, Augie. If you can't respect me enough to keep it quiet and to do your own Goddamn dishes, then you may need to reconsider where you live."
"Shit, Em. I'm sorry. I didn't think--" he sighed. "You are right. Let me make it up to you. I leave Saturday. Why don't we order a pizza Friday night and hang out together--just you and me, like old times?"
The kicked puppy look on his face melted the hardshell she had formed around her heart. "I thought I was going to a girls' night with Regina and her friends Friday, but--you know what--you are right. We'll order in and watch-- knock a few more movies off our horror list. I've still got the guidebook if you want to see what we haven't seen yet."
He grinned. "I would have thought you'd lost that thing by now."
She shook her head. "Nope. You gave it to me for Christmas one year. It's a prized possession."
*****
Regina watched her girlfriend disappear into her classroom on Friday morning without a single glance in her direction. Judging from the monstrous thermos the woman carried, she wouldn't be making an appearance in the lounge any time soon.
"Have you apologized?" Mal asked, knowing Regina didn't feel she needed to do so.
Instead, the brunette sighed and leaned against the wall. "I still haven't responded to her text. Maybe, I should. I could ask her how her week has been going?"
Piercing gray-blue eyes bore into fearful chocolate. "You are an idiot."
Regina shrugged. "When she shows up at your house tonight, I will. I will apologize and tell her how much it hurt when she forgot to text me goodnight."
"Oh. My. God. You can't be serious." The older blonde stared at her incredulously. "Seriously, you are still upset because, after a day of work and a long evening of being questioned, she forgot to send you a goodnight text. You cannot be serious." Mal huffed. "I will see you this evening. I hope you have managed to get your head out of your ass by then. JESUS. MARY and JOSEPH."
Regina considered knocking on Emma's door, checking on her girlfriend, hearing her voice, getting a hug, or a kiss. But, fear kept her feet glued in place.
"Tonight." She promised herself, saying a silent prayer to any goddess, god, or everything in between that would listen. She needed to find the bravery to speak. She couldn’t lose Emma, not over something so petty, could she? Her blossoming doubt sent a dreadful shiver down her spine.