Crescent Moon
REMUS
There is some fascination that drives us to the one thing we fear the most. It’s like playing with fire. Or sticking a metal fork to a power outlet. Remus smiled to himself imagining the scenario where he would have to explain to the other Marauders what electricity was. The tree pureblood boys were clueless when it came to muggle phenomena. Funny enough, they were also oblivious to one certain magical phenomenon happening right under their noses. Remus’ lunar complication was tiptoeing around their shared dorm on its claws. No one seemed to suspect anything, yet. The first time was simple. No one doubts when you cry the wolf for the first time, so to speak. It was the second full moon he was afraid of. And many more coming after that. There were an awful lot of full moons in 7 years.
Remus sat on the windowsill in their dormitory and looked up to the sky. His relationship with the moon was complicated. Before his fifth birthday, he had never paid much attention to lunar movements. Everything changed after that one night. His whole life revolved around the moon now. All of his parents' hopes and plans for their only son went down the drain. They were substituted by hidden lives and constantly changing locations. Remus barely even remembered the life before the bite, He had lived most of his young life in isolation and fear. He glanced at the silver moon above. There were times when even a glimpse at the moon drove Remus to rage. Other times he found himself staring at with involuntary obsession.
In the beginning, only the full moon affected him. The older he was the more he realised how much his life was bound to the silver particle. The full moon was only the grand finale. The rest of the phases were ongoing indications of the looming crescendo. Physically, the closer the full moon was Remus would sense his body tense up and senses intensify until the ultimate night. Everything became amplified and he felt ready to burst after the slightest irritation. After the moon, every cell in his boy felt deprived of sleep, food and warmth. It was also an emotional ride from hell. Every month Remus went from easily enraged to blatantly impassive. It was the time of the crescent moon when he felt most himself. It was a relief to watch the moon waxing away. During this time Remus caught himself staring up at the sky the most. He wished he had the power to freeze all the celestial bodies in the sky. Yet, way too soon the moon would appear newly waning. Time and tide waited for no man - or wolf.
“Already up to no good?”, Sirius whispered. It took Remus a few seconds to see his figure in the dark. Sirius’ head was peeking through the velvet drapes around his bed. His hand was raised to block the rays of the rising sun.
Remus wasn’t used to sharing a bedroom with three other boys. As a matter of fact, he wasn’t used to sharing anything. He had never had anyone to share with. This was not only about shower shifts or dividing treats into four. For the first time, Remus had people to share his life with. People who wanted to be in his life. Be his friends. Remus had to really work on starting to perceive the boys as friends. not strangers.
“Can’t sleep”, he wasn’t lying but it felt like it. Carrying secrets is exhausting after all.
Sirius checked the clock on his bedside table. “It’s barely seven o’clock”, he buried his head back in the pillows.
“Well, we might as well go get some toast to survive Transfiguration”, James said from the other side of the room. His voice was already filled with energy and he was fully dressed. No one knew how Potter did it. He seemed to be immune to human weaknesses.
“Ugh, Transfiguration. I swear McGonagall spends the whole time side-eyeing me”, Sirius complained, still under covers.
“That might have something to do with you levitating notes to James the whole time.”
“Lupin, leave me out of it! I am a model student.”
“Ah, yes. Potter. You are Head Boy material. If I looked under your bed I definitely wouldn’t find any dungbombs.” Sirius teased, finally getting up to face the day.
“Oi, I am trying to sleep over here, would you mind”, Peter squeaked drowsily.
“C’mon, Petes. Breakfast time. Think about all the pancakes you are missing out on”, James jumped on poor Pettigrew’s bed.
After half an hour and a lot of persuasions, the four of them headed to the Great Hall. They found it mostly empty. A couple of seven-year Ravenclaws were curled up in blankets, pouring themselves big mugs of coffee. They were going through what appeared to be N.E.W.T. level books.
Our four boys sat down at the unoccupied Gryffindor table. Peter leaned on his hand heavy-eyed. Sirius was yawning while helping himself to some omelette. He placed his plate back on the table and reached for the fork next to it. However, it didn’t move. He tried lifting it again. Nothing. Peter rubbed his eyes. Sirius’ hand reached Peter’s cutlery now. Remus saw James’ wand flick under the table. The boy was trying his very best to contain his laughter. Now Peter’s fork refused to move. Remus grabbed his own knife. It worked. Fortunately, the span of James’ magic seemed to be short. Sirius watched in confusion as Remus started buttering his toast. James was practically red by this point having trouble controlling himself.
“Did you try saying please?” Remus smiled. This made James burst out with laughter. The fork Sirius was currently trying to lift hit his face with a force.
“You’re a proper tosser, Potter”, Sirius rolled his eyes.
“How did you do it?” Peter asked, eyes wide.
“Mum used to do it to stop me playing with knives back at home. Picked it up from her.”
Sirius made a face that in the future would mark the moments a life-changing masterplan formed in his mind. Black didn’t want to be the spell's only victim. “We could do it”, he said, eyes filled with excitement, “to everyone in the Great Hall!”
This made the rest of the boys perk up. They had got a taste of pulling jokes on others and learned they liked it. Last time it was on a smaller scale, though. This time they had a chance to get the whole school. Remus had been hesitant to involve himself in the troublemaking. After all, this was not why he was at Hogwarts. But wasn't part of the reason to make friends? Of course, Remus did not have any experience in that department so he was not entirely sure what friendship meant. That tends to happen when you spend most of your childhood as a hidden secret even if it is for your own protection. But bonding over shared laughs and supporting each other unconditionally was what being friends meant to Remus. Although he had nothing to compare it to, the marauders were pretty damn close to his idea of a friendship.
Their first mission had been greatly in Remus’ favour. He had persuaded them into changing the date of the prank to align with the full moon. Cancellation of morning lessons granted him time to catch up on his sleep after spending the night of his first Hogwarts full moon without any.
Remus had feared that day since the headmaster had appeared at their doorstep promising magical education and a safe environment for the transformation. Remus didn't get his hopes up for the latter. After all, how would any normal wizard know a thing about what the transformation required? To Remus’ knowledge, which was provided by his father, wizards’ intentions laid closer to controlling werewolves than caring for them. So it would be an understatement to say Remus didn’t expect much. On the first full moon, he had escaped from the boys claiming a headache. He had checked in at the Hogwarts infirmary. A surprisingly pleasant witch had guided him out to the grounds towards a fearsome tree moving like its sole purpose was to keep everyone away.
Of course, Remus realised shortly after, it indeed was the tree's purpose. Madam Pomfrey made the tree freeze by firmly waving her wand once. The witch seemed to be a lot stronger than one would think at first. She led Remus into an entrance below the tree which led to an old and seemingly unused house. It was very modest but a lot better than a cage.
Madam Pomfrey explained to him how all the doors and windows were enchanted and not even as powerful a creature as a werewolf could break out. He was no harm there. Neither of them mentioned the obvious harm that would be done there. To Remus himself. He had realised people saw him as separate from the wolf. It was easier that way. It implicated that Remus was not the one locked away once a month. People only saw what he was not who. That way it was acceptable to cage an 11-year old child alone for a night. Human minds work in mysterious ways to justify the fault in their moral code.
When she left, the Healer had a very similar look like the ones on Lyall and Hope Lupin when they left Remus alone in his darkest hours. Distant eyes and a resigned expression that was trying to forget the humanity of the person they left behind the door. Remus resented that look. He couldn’t face his parents when they had that look. He knew it was for his safety. He knew they were just protecting him. But he also knew this wasn’t what they had signed up for in a son. It was excruciating to watch the pain in his mother’s eyes or the silent disappointment in his father’s. He knew they didn’t blame him but Remus himself did. He felt like he let everyone down by being a constant source of worry.
Hope Lupin dealt with her pain by overdosing Remus with affection. This was her way to even up the inevitable neglect when her son needed her the most. He was, of course, grateful but sometimes all he wished for was a bit of space. Lyall Lupin had put all his energy towards finding the solution for Remus’ problem ever since the attack. He blamed himself for some reason. It was equally suffocating to watch his father sacrifice all the time, money and energy to fix a problem that didn’t have a solution. Remus often had the urge to grab his father's shoulders and shake him to make him realise there was no cure. He just had to accept the fact that his son was a werewolf. Acceptance. That was all Remus wanted, craved for. But he knew he had no right to demand it. Especially since he had room for improvement himself.
The Shrieking Shack was in fact an improvement. Dumbledore was right. Remus thought that was something he ought to get used to. Now he was relieved that he was alone and no one was outside witnessing his transformation. It still wasn’t pleasant, though. Madam Pomfrey had offered him a soothing potion. Despite taking the drought, Remus didn’t feel very calm. The pain that had crept in his bones and muscles in the last few days reached its full force. Remus bit his lip and clenched his fists to fight back. There was no point in fighting since the wolf always won. He fell on his knees and felt like he was bursting out of his seams. The last thing he remembered was the warm tears on his cheeks before his conscious mind slipped away.
Afterwards, he lay on the floor and fought the urge to close his eyes. He didn’t dare to. Every inch of his body felt drained. He was afraid the remaining of his energy would follow it if he fell asleep. It could have been minutes or hours but eventually, the Healer witch returned. Remus noticed the distraught expression she tried to conceal. She cleaned the newest additions to Remus’ scars. After swallowing some Pepperup potion they were on their way back to the castle. Remus was ordered to go back to sleep. Of course, the marauders had other plans. The boys were already awake when Remus entered the dormitory. The boys were relieved to have the full squad at their disposal. Everyone disregarded the questions about Remus’ so-called headache that had demanded overnight stay at the infirmary. The plan was in the works. They would slip away without anyone noticing. Peter would bring all the self-duplicating slime he had hauled on his last visit to Zonko’s. The boys would distribute it to as many classrooms on today's schedule as possible. Afterwards, they would come back to the common room and work on their innocent and surprised faces.
James had one last ace up his sleeve. Just as the boys were ready to leave, he revealed his dearest secret. The invisibility cloak. Sirius didn’t believe him at first. But when James disappeared under the cloak, there was no more objection. Remus felt a bit dizzy. He already was having a hard time trying not to faint. Optical illusions didn’t exactly help. Somehow he managed to keep up with the boys. The logistics worked surprisingly well considering the plan was made by four 11-year-olds.
After their mischief, the boys returned to the common room. Remus sat on the velvet couch and closed his eyes. He quietly enjoyed the excited voices of the rest of the boys. They were revising the incidents of Peter almost throwing slime right at Sirius and the Hogwarts caretaker almost catching them on their way back.
After a while, first-year students started returning to the common room and discussing the event that granted them a free period. Peter giggled until James had to nudge him severely. Many suspected Prewetts but why would they target only first-year classes? Could there be new troublemakers at Hogwarts? These questions were answered soon as Professor McGonagall walked into the common room looking positively furious.
"Mr Pettigrew, I assume this belongs to you. I took the liberty of performing a scouring charm since it was soaking in the Zonko's special ingredient.", McGonagall held up a white piece of fabric.
Turns out, Peter had left his handkerchief in the Transfiguration classroom after wiping his hands. Behind McGonagall's shoulders, Sirius was losing himself. Who carries a handkerchief, Pettigrew?
The initials P.P. on the monogrammed handkerchief was the Achilles’ heel that ruined their plan. Peter turned as red as the cushion he was holding. He didn’t know whether to apologize to McGonagall or his friends. They weren’t too mad at Peter, anyways. Sirius and James were actually quite delighted about the attention this caused. The pair were oddly satisfied for getting credited for their fine work. Even the little lecture about respecting others they received from Lily Evans didn’t seem to bother them. In fact, they adopted the name Lily had called them, marauders. The word tasted strangely alluring.
Mercifully, the rest of the boys took the blame with their poor friend. This resulted in a week of detentions for each. However, to Remus, the result had also been time to sleep without anyone asking questions because the classes were still very much cancelled. Solely this was enough for him to aid whatever their next project was.
Even if it involved getting up the next day before sunrise and sneaking out of the common room in James’ cloak. Practising the spell continuously the night before and performing it roughly a thousand times for every piece of cutlery one by one. Though all this resulted in yet another scolding from McGonagall and more detentions now separated from one another. All this was worth the crescent moon shaped smile the marauders had brought on Remus' face.