Groaning, Dani slumped into a seat at the front counter after dusting off her coat. Snow had started falling heavily on her walk and she'd decided to take refuge in a small diner. She was somewhat grateful because it was dark out, even though it was only early evening, and she was feeling slightly unsafe.
Normally, going for a little walk wouldn't have made her feel so uncomfortable. See, this wasn't an everyday casual stroll. This was an almost sad walk because she'd just broken up with her boyfriend, Eddie.
They'd been together since they were children, but Dani was nineteen now and she was starting to accept who she was. For years she'd kept how she felt locked up and stored away deep inside of herself, telling herself the feeling would go away one day. But she knew deep down it wouldn't.
She'd told Eddie she couldn't be with him anymore. She'd told him she didn't love him how she was meant to, didn't love him like the way he loved her. That she only loved him as a friend. She'd told him she was gay.
He'd gotten angry of course, slammed the breaks on his car and told her to get out. Now that she looked back on it, she probably shouldn't have dumped him while he was driving. Lord knows what kind of accident could have occurred.
But Dani knew she had to tell him at some point and it had been bubbling inside of her during the car ride. She'd stayed at his parents house the night before and so he was driving her back to her own home. Dani didn't want to go home though. She'd came out to her mother the day before and she hadn't taken it well. That's why Dani had stayed at Eddie's.
"You alright there?"
Dani jumped at the voice and her head shot up from the counter. She didn't know when she'd rested it there.
"You look a bit peaky," the woman, owner of the unusual voice, on the opposite side of the counter commented. Her accent was unfamiliar.
"Oh, uh," stammered Dani. "Fine - I'm - I'm fine. Could I have a water?"
The brunette gave a gentle nod, draped the small towel she was holding onto her shoulder, and shuffled about getting the drink.
"Here," said the woman and placed a glass of water and a mug in front of Dani.
"Oh, just the water will do. I, uh, I don't have any money for the coffee."
"S'all good. I'm paying for it."
Dani raised an eyebrow, but the woman just smiled and leaned her folded arms against the counter.
"Its freezin' out there. Gotta warm you up."
Dani could've sworn she saw her wink.
She gave the woman, Jamie by the looks of the tag on her chest, a small smile and cupped the mug. A content sigh escaped her.
"See," said Jamie, and shot her a smile even warmer than the coffee. "Why you out when it's so dark anyway?"
Taking a quick glance around the diner, Dani realised she was the only customer.
"Oh... Uh - long story?" she tried
"I'm all ears," said Jamie, and Dani could tell she was interested in more than just the gossip. It was like she wanted to put Dani at ease by lifting some weight off her shoulders. It was kind of working.
"I," sighed Dani, looking down at her coffee. "I broke up with my boyfriend."
Jamie made a hissing sound and moved back, her hands now resting on the counter.
"Ouch, and in the weeks before Christmas," tutted Jamie. "You naughty thing."
Dani just smiled. Why was she amused?
"Wasn't doin' it for ya, then?"
Dani shook her head.
"He's a great guy. I've been friends with him since we were kids but... But I just don't see him in that way. As someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, you know?"
"Well," sighed the brunette, moving back in closer to Dani. "You are only... Eighteen?" she chanced, dragging out the last word and squinting a little, hoping she didn't get the age wrong.
Dani laughed. "Flattered. I'm nineteen."
"Nineteen, eh? Same here. You've got your whole life ahead of ya," she said with a shrug and started scrubbing the counter with the rag from earlier. "May as well do a little exploring, maybe some experimenting, before ya too old for it all."
"Is that what you're doing?" asked Dani before she'd really thought much into it. Perhaps she was prying?
But Jamie let out a breathy laugh.
"Don't get much exploring done behind a counter. Though, I've tried - learned I can fit my whole body in that cupboard down there."
Trying to disguise her laugh, Dani sipped her coffee.
"Feelin' a bit warmer?"
"Oh - yes, thank you."
Jamie smiled.
"Anything else to this story then?"
Dani raised a questioning brow.
"Well, ya did say it was a long one."
"Right... Right, I-"
"Just tell me if I'm being too nosy," said Jamie, and it felt genuine. "Just thought I could be you're outlet. Y'know?"
Dani decided to jump at the chance. She'd never really had anyone to talk to. She wasn't very close with anyone in her family and she didn't feel like she could trust her friends either. Not one-hundred percent anyway. But with a stranger, with Jamie, it felt right. So she told her about the past few days. Told her of how her mother had almost slapped her when she told her she was gay. Told her how she'd went completely red and screamed at her louder than she ever had before. Told her how her own mother had scared her.
"Coming out's never easy."
Again, Dani didn't question with words but with a look.
"I didn't have any family to come out to. But I did come out to a friend when I was fifteen and she... She wasn't very happy about it."
"You're gay?"
Dani felt surprised but at the same time... Not surprised in the slightest.
"As gay as the day is long," she said with a smile. "Look, Poppet, don't let others get ya down. You are who you are and nothing can ever change that."
Dani smirked. "Poppet?"
"Thats all you took from that?" laughed Jamie. "I don't know ya name do I."
She sat up straight and offered her hand.
"Dani."
The brunette shook it.
"Jamie. Although, I'm guessing you've learned that by now what with the way you keep looking at my name tag." She dropped her hand but didn't look away from Dani's eyes. "Or were you checking out something else?"
Dani rolled her eyes and raised the warm mug to her face in an attempt to disguise her blush.
They talk for a while longer as Jamie shuffles about behind the counter doing bits and bobs. Jamie had told her that she'd moved to America as soon as she'd gotten out of Juvy. She'd told her that there was nothing left for her in England, not after she'd been split up from her brothers and dumped into care. She'd mentioned that she'd tried to find her younger brother once she'd been released from juvy but that it was no good. She would never see him again. So she left. Dani told her that she'd always wanted to be a teacher and so had taken up babysitting as a way to gain some experience with children. That had made Jamie grin and knighted her with the name "Poppins." Dani liked it.
Dani doesn't notice how much time has moved by until Jamie is telling her she has to lock up.
"I'll give ya a lift," said Jamie, double-checking the door was definitely locked.
"Oh, no, that's - that's okay."
"Poppins, I insist," she said with a smile and, with her hands stuffed in her pockets, offered her arm to Dani who gladly took it.
"That nicknames never going to leave me now, is it?"
"Nah," laughed Jamie, her breath visible in the cold air.
Once they arrived at her jeep, she opened the door for Dani and helped her in by holding her hand before running round to her own side and immediately turning everything on.
Dani rubbed her hands together, holding them as close to the heater as she could get.
"Here."
Before Dani knew it, Jamie was covering her hands with her own and rubbing them. She moved close to their hands, breathing warmly on them before rubbing again.
Dani's stomach twisted in an oh so pleasant way.
"Better?"
Dani hummed. Jamie smiled.
"Thought that coffee might've warmed up ya little hands."
"The colds never agreed with me," said Dani, her body shivering as proof.
Jamie reached into the back of her car and pulled out a blanket, placing it over Dani's lap and telling her to tuck her hands under. The only reason she let go of her hands was because, "Need mine free to steer this thing, sadly."
Having told Jamie where she lives, Dani took a moment to think about the evening as they drove.
It had started off badly. She'd felt miserable. Primarily, because she was frightened she'd lost a good friend. But somehow, she'd managed to gain another person in her life within the same evening. The same evening which had turned from crappy to one of the best she'd ever had.
Jamie was a complete stranger, yet Dani felt like she'd known the woman her whole life. She wondered if Jamie felt the same. Part of her was scared she wouldn't hear from or see Jamie ever again.
"This you?"
They'd stopped moving and Jamie moved from looking out the window to looking at Dani. It was like she was looking into her very soul, Dani thought.
"Oh, yes - yeah, it is," she stumbled over her words. She had a habit of doing that. Something that had instilled in her over the years because of how anxious everything in her life made her.
"Want me to walk you to ya door, or?"
"Oh, no, that's okay."
Jamie nodded and, it was as thought a switch had been flicked, because the brunette was now looking away from Dani and tapping on the steering wheel.
"Think you'll be poppin' back to the diner anytime soon, then?"
There it was.
Dani smiled.
"Of course."
Jamie's eyes met hers again and that brilliant smile was back in her face.
"Well... Good. Suppose, I'll see ya around then, Poppins."
Dani playfully rolled her eyes and tucked the blanket from her own lap into Jamie's. Only thinking it over for a second, she leaned across and kissed Jamie's cheek then hopped out of the jeep.
She waved Jamie off and watched her drive off until her car was lost in the darkness.
Right. Time to face mother.
___
Only two days went by before Dani was back at the diner. She was tucked into a little booth by a window, sifting through papers. She had a lot of studying to do and simply couldn't be bothered.
That night, the night she'd met Jamie, she'd sat her mother down and spoken to her. Tried to explain how she felt. It had gone better than she thought it would have. But her mother still didn't understand why she had "chosen to be this way" so Dani had given up. For now.
Now, she was sat in a booth fretting over practice lesson plan she was meant to have finished the night before. She hadn't even started it yet.
Not only was she anxious about that, she was anxious about seeing Jamie again.
She'd adored the few hours they'd gotten to spend together but part of her worried that Jamie had only shown interest in her then because she had been bored. The diner had bene empty the entire time she was there afterall.
Not knowing when Jamie's shift started was only adding to the anxiety because Dani was worried she may not show up at all. Perhaps it was her day off. Right now there was a man behind the counter. He was friendly looking, a jolly smile on his face everytime he greeted a customer, a terrible pun leaving his mouth.
Just as Dani was mindlessly watching him flip a pancake, her chin tucked nto her hand, she caught sight of Jamie slipping past him. She was tying an apron around her waist and Dani couldn't help but bite the inside of her mouth as the top of Jamie's shirt pulled down slightly with the pull of the apron. But the woman quickly adjusted it and Dani was snapped out of her trance. When she looked up, Jamie was staring at her with a light smirk. Dani cursed those lips.
Part of Dani worried that the attraction she felt for the brunette was wrong. She'd never felt this strong of an attraction for anyone before and she wondered if it wasn't meant to feel that way. Or perhaps she'd just never been truly attracted to anyone before. She didn't know.
"Poppins, you checkin' me out?" asked Jamie, now beside Dani's booth, and Dani could hear the teasing lilt in her smooth voice.
"Nope. I was actually getting a look at your friend over there."
"Who? Owen? Pfft, please."
"No, no, I really was. He really knows how to toss a pancake."
"Tosser," mumbled Jamie, but Dani chuckled.
"Can I get some of that?" she asked, gesturing to the pot of coffee in Jamie's hand.
"This?" she asked, raising it a little. "Nah, we don't do table service."
Dani narrowed her eyes.
"You're a diner."
"No. I'm a Jamie."
Dani bit back her laughter. She was terrible.
"Very funny. Can I please have some coffee?"
Jamie pretended to think it over.
"Excuse me?" Someone called from across the room and Jamie quickly winked at Dani before heading off.
The cheek of her.
Dani watched as Jamie poured the man some coffee before heading back over to her.
"I thought you didn't do table service."
Jamie gestured towards the man.
"Oh, that! That wasn't table service."
"Then what was it?"
Jamie leaned close to Dani, resting her hand on the back of the booth behind her head.
"That was an assassination attempt," she whispered. "See, this coffee is laced with cyanide."
Dani rolled her eyes but grinned all the same.
"Give me the coffee , Jamie."
Jamie held up her hands in mock surrender.
"Fine, if you really wanna risk it."
She finally poured the black liquid into her mug and then slipped into the opposite side of the booth.
"What we got here, then?" she asked, playing with the edges of the papers on the table.
Dani sighed.
"I've got to think of lesson plans. And I have papers to grade from the work placement I'm doing."
Jamie stole a piece of pancake from Dani's plate and popped it in her mouth.
"I'm sure you'll think of something. I would try to be more help but I've no idea where to start," she spoke as she chewed. "But with the grading, just slap a smiley face on."
"Jamie."
"What? I'd have been chuffed with that as a kid. All I ever got was caned."
She laughed but Dani could see the hurt in her eyes so she reached across and places her hand on top of Jamie's.
Jamie looked down at their hands and for a moment Dani thought she'd taken a step too far.
But before she could quickly remove her hand and apologise, Jamie started playing with her fingers.
"Anyway," said Jamie and cleared her throat. "I know it's all still fresh for you - being out I mean - and you've known me for, well, less than twenty-four hours but... Fancy a trip to the roller rink with me this weekend? They've got bowling too. And arcades."
Dani's ears felt like they were ringing. Had she heard her right?
"If not - completely understandable."
Jamie had stopped playing with Dani's fingers and started to slip away. Dani caught her before she could.
"I'd love to!"
It came out a little more eager than she intended but at least it put the point across.
Jamie smiled and Dani was sure she felt her heart skip a beat.
"Good," said Jamie, giving Dani's hand a squeeze. "Best be getting back to work." Then she was standing, and Dani missed the warmth of her hands. "That means you too, Poppins," she said, tapping the paperwork on the table before walking away.
Dani was so excited. Jamie had just asked her on a date. Was it a date? Dani thought she might die.
___
Roller rinks and bowling aren't scary. Definitely not scary. At least that's what Dani was telling herself. And dates aren't scary.
Yes, she'd only known Jamie for a very brief amount of time but, for a reason Dani couldn't explain, she felt like she'd known her all her life. She felt closer to her, more comfortable around her, than she ever did with Eddie. And she'd known Eddie since they were tiny.
She wondered if that's why she felt so scared and nervous. Perhaps it was because she felt so much around Jamie. She'd never felt this much before. Ever. Every time Jamie had touched her or even looked at her, she could feel a sensation within her that was unfamiliar but exhilarating and wanted.
Planning what to wear didn't worry Dani, she just sported what she felt comfortable in and made sure her hair looked perfect. Her hair, in her mind, was her best feature.
Walking to the roller rink was proving to be quite anxiety inducing. So much so that her palms felt clammy, despite it being freezing outside and her fingertips feeling numb.
Though when she saw Jamie waiting outside of the building, her hands in her pockets, rocking on her heels, the anxiety subsided.
To be honest, Jamie looked just as nervous.
"Poppins!"
Jamie waved at her, a big smile on her face so Dani made her way over.
"Hey," she said, her voice quivering.
"Blimey, the cold really doesn't like you, huh?" said Jamie, a concerned crease in her brow as she put an arm around Dani's shoulders and rubbed her arms. "C'mon, let's get ya inside and let the fun begin!"
Dani smiled to herself. Why did this feel so natural?
"'Ey up, Hannah!" Jamie greeted a woman behind a counter. She hadn't removed her arm from around Dani and it was doing all sorts to Dani.
"Jamie, darling, how've you been?" Hannah greeted her back, warmly, with a gentle smile.
"Not too bad. This is Dani."
Dani gave a small wave and Hannah smiled at her.
"Beautiful scarf," she said and Dani played with the ends of it.
"Oh, thank you."
"Always bloody freezin' this one. Don't suppose you've got any spare tea hangin' around have ya?"
"Out back. Help yourself."
The smile hadn't left Hannah's face, even when she'd tutted and nodded her head at the back room.
Jamie took Dani's hand and let her to the room.
"How do you know her?"
"Hmm?" hummed Jamie, searching for the tea. "Oh, Hannah? I do her gardens."
"You garden?"
Jamie turned back to Dani, now holding a flask.
"Certainly do. If you ever need me to tend to yours just, uh," she winked. "give me a call, yeah?"
Dani swatted her shoulder, laughing, then Jamie lead them back out of the room and towards a bowling lane that was free once they'd collected their shoes from Hannah.
Dani sipped on the tea Jamie had handed her, content, as she watched Jamie bowl. It was nice, how considerate she was. How she didn't want Dani to be cold. Dani felt cared for.
"Yes!" Jamie cheered and pumped a fist in the air.
"A strike?" Dani raised a brow. "Looks like I'm in for a challenge."
"Didn't think I was gonna be any good?" asked Jamie, a small smirk on her lips, slouching in the seat by Dani.
Dani didn't say anything. She just got up and took her shot. A strike.
"Game on."
___
Dani lost. She blamed it on the fact that Jamie bowled first but Jamie rolled her eyes and attacked her waist from behind, tickling her, making Dani squeal.
She felt Jamie kiss her neck. It was no more than a second but it was enough to send a jolt of warmth through her.
"Ready to get your groove on?" asked Jamie, now at her side as she nudged her playfully.
"I've never been to a roller disco before."
"Well, you're missing out." She took Dani's hand. "Come on!"
___
It had been fun. More than fun, really. She'd never laughed so much before. And when Jamie had rolled in front of her and fell, very slowly, into the splits, Dani could've sworn her own sides split too. She ached from laughing.
There had only been one moment, when Jamie's hands had been clutching hers guiding her, that she'd felt uncomfortable. Though, it hadn't been because of Jamie. It had been because of the men watching them.
Dani knew that holding hands with a woman wasn't anything unusual. She'd held hands with her friends plenty of times. But she felt as if the men could tell. And they didn't look happy about it. It frightened her.
But Jamie had pulled her closer and moved them to the side of the rink where she'd asked Dani if she wanted to go for a walk and Dani had nodded.
Somehow their walk had turned into a snowball fight and now Dani lay on her back, Jamie on top with her legs either side of her and an evil grin on her slightly flushed face.
"Surrender?"
Dani huffed, trying to wriggle out from under Jamie but Jamie tightened her legs around her and leaned down. Their nosed almost touched.
"Surrender?"
Dani couldn't help it. The warmth of Jamie's breath against her lips, the smell of her perfume, the hazy look in her Hazel eyes; it was all too much and so Dani kissed her.
At first, Jamie stiffened and Dani wondered if she'd done something wrong. But then Jamie was pushing harder into her, easing her tongue into her mouth and a pool of heat formed low in Dani's belly.
But then she had an idea.
"Oi!" screeched Jamie, almost leaping right off Dani when a handful of snow slipped down the back of her shirt.
"Surrender?"
Jamie narrowed her eyes. Dani couldn't help it. She laughed. She knew her face was red, and her back was soaked from lying in the snow for so long but she didn't care. She was too happy.
"Oh, you'll pay for that, Poppins."
Dani squealed and squirmed as Jamie tickled at her neck and flicked snow at her.
___
Dani had only ever gotten high twice before. She'd found she liked it, but not too often. If she was honest with herself, she hadn't felt completely safe when doing it before. Mainly because she had done it with people she didn't trust entirely.
Now though, she was with Jamie. And Jamie was a person she trusted with her whole heart, despite having only been seeing each other for over a week.
They haven't exactly confirmed that they're dating, but they haven't confirmed that they aren't either.
All Dani knows is that they make-out, a lot, and spend pretty much all of their free time together. And she loves it.
Even now, getting high on Jamie's bed, she couldn't be happier. Simply because she was with Jamie.
She coughed slightly, handing the joint back to Jamie.
"Jamie?"
The brunette hummed, continuing to play with Dani's hair with one hand. Dani was sat in Jamie's lap, in between her legs with both her own legs thrown over one of Jamie's, her head tucked into her shoulder.
"I'm glad you came here... To America."
There was a moment of silence and then,
"Me too, Poppins."
A warm kiss was pressed into her hair.
"You - you make me really happy, you know?"
She turned her head a little to look into Jamie's eyes.
"Like, really, really happy. I was so... Broken before."
"You're not the only one, Poppins," said Jamie, smoothing some of Dani's hair behind her ear. "You make me happy, too." there was another moment of silence as the two kissed gently. "But y'know what would make me even happier?" Dani raised a brow. "Lots and lots of chocolate."
__
Dani shrieked as something hit her in the back.
"What the - Jamie, what the hell?"
Jamie shushed her and hit her again, this time on the arm, with a baguette. In the middle of a supermarket.
A baguette.
Two can play at that game.
Dani grabbed a baguette from the stand and swung it at Jamie. Jamie just ducked and laughed, sticking out her tongue.
Somehow, a baguette sword fight started and Dani found herself questioning what on Earth she was doing. But then something smacked her bum and she squealed.
She glared at Jamie who was laughing and trying to shush her at the same time. Her shriek had echoed through the store and intrigued a worker, who was fast approaching their aisle. Jamie, still laughing, tugge on her hand, taking the shopping cart with them.
Dani couldn't help but laugh also. The image of Jamie doubled over with the biggest smile on her face is something Dani wanted to make sure she committed to memory.
Jamie mimicked the shriek Dani had made and Dani smacked her, playfully.
Dani felt something deep within her chest. Something she truly had never felt before. It made her warm, made her tingle, made her want to cry but not out of sadness. She simply didn't want this moment to end. It was so full of joy. And that was all because of Jamie.
Once Jamie recovered, they finally bought what they had came for and ran out of the store.
"Oi, Poppins! Get in!"
"What?"
"Get in the trolley!"
Dani couldn't seem to deny Jamie when the look in her eye was so dazzling, despite the red surrounding them.
So Dani hopped in and Jamie started running around the parking lot, pushing her, spinning them around.
They were laughing again, even harder when a worker came out to tell them to get out and go away.
Dani just jumped into Jamie's back and let her carry her away. One could never be too old for a piggy back ride.
___
It had officially been two months since Dani and Jamie had started dating. Dani had realised they were in fact dating after that night at the supermarket.
She'd woken up the next morning, Jamie's head in her lap, still sat on the couch after they'd fallen asleep watching a movie. She'd never felt so good, happy, content, calm, and Jamie was to thank for it. All her life, Dani had been looking for someone to make her feel normal, cared for, safe. Now she'd found the person.
She'd leaned down, kissing some chocolate from the corner of Jamie's mouth, waking Jamie in the process.
"Mmm, I wouldn't mind waking up to that more often," Jamie had mumbled and snuggled in closer, nuzzling her face into Dani's shirt. Dani had chuckled and stroked a hand through the woman's hair.
"So, you want me to stick around then?"
She knew Jamie knew what she meant.
"Always, Poppins."
And that's when Dani knew.
Now she was stood, in a house she was unfamiliar with, listening to live guitars. Jamie had invited her to a house party that her friend was having. She'd joked that she was going to be in the band that were playing but then admitted that she was completely tone deaf and Dani would never catch her touching a mic nor an instrument.
"You know, I'm sure you could play the guitar just fine. You do have very skilled fingers."
Dani was thankful the music was loud enough so that nobody else, only Jamie, heard her comment.
"Oh, really?"
She felt Jamie wrap her arms around her waist, the heat from her body warming Dani's back. Dani hummed as Jamie peppered her neck with kisses and she leaned into the embrace.
Content.
Happy.
"Come 'ere."
She was pulled out of the small crowd by Jamie and dragged to a balcony.
"I, uh, have somethin' I wanna tell ya."
Jamie sounded nervous.
"What is it? Are you okay?"
Dani clung to Jamie's hands, worried.
"Yeah, yeah, am all good. Just, uh, well... Got a problem."
Dani's brow knitted together.
"I... I'm probably saying this way too soon but when it feels right it feels right, y'know?"
Dani let Jamie compose herself.
"I'm in love with ya, Poppins," she finally managed to say and watched Dani cautiously.
Words didn't seem to want to leave Dani's mouth so instead she pulles Jamie flush against her and kissed her.
"I'll take that as an 'I love you, too'," Jamie laughed against her lips.
Dani just hummed, not wanting to stop kissing Jamie, promising herself she would tell her once she was finished with her here.
She never wanted the moment to end. She wanted to live in it forever.
___
Dani had wondered, since she was a child, what it was like to have someone love you. She'd heard of soulmates before but never believed in them. As far as Dani knew at the time, her life was planned out for her already. She was only a child and her mother had pressured her into being with Eddie, telling her he was good for her. He was her best friend, and she loved him, but now that way. He didn't feel like a soulmate. She'd always imagined her soulmate to have a contagious smile, something that set happiness deep into her bones.
Finally, she found that smile. She found it in Jamie. Jamie allowed her to realise she was normal. With every smile, every look, every kiss, every touch. Jamie had made her feel things in her heart that she'd never felt before. It was like something had set alight in her and she never wanted it to extinguish.
Looking down now at her finger, a shining gold ring wrapped around it, everything felt right. She finally felt happy and normal. She finally felt herself with Jamie. Jamie and that smile.
It had always been Jamie.