Chapter 16
The next morning Clarke didn’t want to wake up. Madi is already up and dancing around their room. Clarke turns around to face the wall. Her stomach is sore. She really wants to stay in bed all day.
“Mommy,” Madi says, walking over to her mom. “Please can it be wake up time now?” She asks, shaking Clarke.
“I’m asleep, Madi.” Clarke responds, annoyed.
“No, you’re not, you can’t talk in your sleep.” Madi explains, laughing, and hops back on to the bed.
“Maybe I’m sleep talking,” Clarke argues, opening one eye. Madi laughs.
“You’re not!” Madi jumps on the bed, and flops on top of her.
Clarke groans, “Madi. That hurts mommy.” She finally sits up. Madi cheers and pushes Clarke’s hair out of her face.
“Why are you big here?” Madi asks, pointing to under Clarke’s eyes. “And your cheeks are red. Is something wrong mama?” She snuggles into her mom’s lap.
“I’m fine, little one. It’s just because I didn’t sleep well.” Clarke lies. Well, not completely. After she came back from Lexa’s room, she was up for another two hours. She let tears fall on her pillow and cried quietly, trying her best to not wake up Madi. “Mama’s, fine baby.” Madi looks up at her mom with suspicion, her eyes had never been big like that, or had they been red. She gets an idea, a way to cheer up her mom.
“Mama, let’s go see Lexa!” Madi says with a big smile. Before, when her daddy and her mommy’s friends were still in space, and it was just her and her mom, her mom loved to tell her stories of Heda. Now that she’s on the ground, she sees the big smile her mom gets when she’s around Lexa. Madi is surprised to see her mom’s face drop, her growing smile turning to a frown.
“Not today Madi, maybe tomorrow.” Clarke says with a sigh. How can she explain the complexities of her and Lexa’s relationship, or lack thereof, to a five year old who doesn’t even know what a relationship is? “Let’s go see what Harper and Monty are doing, yeah?” Madi knows something is wrong, she might be five but she’s not dumb (though she’d never that, Madi never says bad words, she's a good girl). She can see her mom’s eyes light up at the idea of going to see Auntie Harper, so Madi plasters on a smile and nods.
“I’m sorry Clarke,” Harper tells her after Clarke explained what happened last night with Lexa. They are in the cafeteria in the bunker. Someone had gone hunting, the smell of the meat cooking seeps through from the kitchen. It’s been a couple days since Clarke, or Madi, had a proper meal. Clarke’s stomach rumbles at the smell.
Clarke shrugs, “it’s understandable.”
“It doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt,” Harper points out. It’s true, Clarke knows, that emotions are not always connected with logic. “What did you tell Madi?” Madi, hearing her name, abruptly stops her conversation with Monty.
“Tell me what?” Madi asks, literally sticking her nose into the conversation, pushing her head over the table between her mommy and auntie Harper.
“Nothing little one, keep talking to Monty.” Clarke says. She can hear the tiredness in her own voice. Madi turns back to Monty, even though she really wants to keep listening. Her mom didn’t use to exclude her from things. Now that everyone is here, she’s treated like a little kid.
“The forest is filled with fairies!” Madi explains animatedly. “I haven’t seen any, though.”
Clarke shakes her head and turns back to Harper. The fairies is something Clarke made up a while ago. It was when Madi was in her terrible twos and she was having tantrums all the time. She told Madi that the fairies brought good little girls presents. It was mostly sweet berries, or a teddy bear that she found in one of the other houses, just something small. Not her best parenting move, but it worked.
“I’m just going to try to give her space, and see how it goes.” Clarke says with a shrug.
“I got to know Lexa pretty well while on the Ring. She didn’t get mad often, but when she did, we learned that it was better to give her space.” Harper gives her insight. “I think you're doing the right thing.” She gives Clarke a sympathetic smile. “Where is she anyway?” Harper asks, looking around.
“Probably meeting with Octavia. She said she wanted to negotiate peace.” Clarke remembers. “O’s not going to like it. Lexa’s peace includes her being commander,” Clarke says quietly, not wanting Blodreina loyalists to overhear.
“What’s going to happen if Octavia disagrees? Which she probably will,” Harper asks.
“Both ‘Blodreina’ and Lexa are known for violently taking what they want. They both think they’re right, and they both are. I really don’t know what’s going to happen.” Clarke says pessimistically.
“Mommy?” Madi asks, leaning onto Clarke.
“Yes, little one,” Clarke responds, stroking back Madi’s hair.
“Can we go home now?” Madi asks innocently. Clarke looks at Harper, hoping that together they can come up with the perfect response. Harper, instead, looks above Clarke with wide eyes.
“Yeah, kid, we can go home.” Octavia says, from behind them. Clarke and Madi whip around to look at Octavia.
“Auntie O!” Madi exclaims. She stands up and hugs around her hips. Octavia taps Madi’s back awkwardly.
“We’re going back to the valley now.” Octavia commands. She’s frustrated, Clarke observes. Lexa, she realizes with a smirk. No one can say no to Heda. “Without weapons this time,” Octavia adds, begrudgingly.
“Yay, we’re going home!” Madi says, clapping her hands. Clarke grabs her hand and sits her back down. Madi’s confused, doesn’t her mom want to go home?
Octavia, stiffly, grabs Madi’s other hand, standing her back up. Madi snuggles into Octavia’s side. “Lexa and I have discussed the matter, and we’ve agreed a small number of us return without weapons to negotiate splitting the valley.”
“Do you need me, or can I stay here with Madi?” Clarke asks, watching Octavia and Madi closely.
“We need you. Lexa said your presence is necessary.” Octavia responds. Clarke turns to Harper. Harper gives her a smile, this is a good sign. “In case we need a medic, you know, if things go south while we’re over there.” Clarke’s face drops, of course, not Clarke herself, only her skills. Clarke regroups, and pastes on a neutral face.
“Harper, can you please keep Madi for me?”