Chapter 9
The rest of the drive is done in relative silence. Everything Clarke and Bellamy need to discuss, like the prisoners, can’t be done in front of Madi. Madi sits on Clarke’s lap and looks back and forth between her mom and her dad like she can’t believe this is real. Bellamy smiles at her, or makes a face, and Madi smiles. Clarke already knows they are going to get along well. She can see Bellamy’s walls be lowered with Madi around. He already loves her. Which isn’t a big surprise to Clarke. Madi is not hard to love.
“So here we are,” Bellamy tells the girls as they pull up to the campground. Clarke loves her friends, she really does. They’re family. But even with all the love and trust, she’s nervous. She hasn’t seen them in over six years, not to mention that she has a whole child now.
Monty and Harper are waiting for them. Bellamy gets out first, giving them a tight smile. Next is Clarke, who gives them a little wave, before reaching into the rover to grab Madi. She holds Madi on her hip, and Madi puts head automatically on her mom’s shoulder. She’s tired, Clarke knows, not only is it way past the time she usually goes to bed, but also with all the events of the day.
Even though they have already met Madi, Monty and Harper are still surprised when they see Madi with Clarke. Something about Clarke being a “mommy,” is still strange. When they make their way over to them, Harper jumps forward giving Clarke a hug. “Hi Clarke.” Madi immediately recoils. “Sorry, little one,” Harper says with a little smile. Madi turns to her mom with a smile.
“That’s what I call her too,” Clarke explains, with a small laugh.
“Nice to see you, Clarke,” Monty tells her quietly as he hugs her too.
“Madi, this is Harper and Monty, remember I told you about them?” Madi nods. “This is Madi, my daughter.”
“Nice to meet you, little one,” Harper says. Madi smiles at them.
“My mom told me all about you,” Madi explains. “Do you know my dad? I just met him.” Madi asks, pointing over her shoulder to Bellamy. Monty and Harper make eye contact quickly, before sharing a look with Bellamy and Clarke. They give a small nod of confirmation.
Emori and Echo sit by the fire. As soon as they see Bellamy, Clarke and Madi near, they stand.
“Good to see you Clarke,” Emori says. “Looks like you’ve been busy,” she jokes, gesturing to Madi. Clarke laughs, moreso out of the pure awkwardness of the situation. Bellamy steps closer to the girls.
“If you want to catch up with them, I can take Madi to bed,” Bellamy volunteers. Emori and Echo look up at them in surprise. Harper nods, like Bellamy and Clarke had, in confirmation.
“Thanks, but I should go with her. She’s never slept without me, so I don’t know how she’d do alone.” Clarke answers. She knows she should have put Madi in her own bed a long time ago, but she kind of loved her nighttime snuggles. “Oh and, um, where’s Lexa?”
“Heda! Heda! Heda!” Madi chants. Lexa has always been one of her favorite “characters” in her mom’s stories. Clarke may have something to do with that. She made Lexa the hero in all her stories, which, for the most part, she was.
The rest of the group points to the left of Madi and Clarke.
“She’s sleeping,” Echo tells her. “Anyway, Bellamy I think we need to talk.” She takes Bellamy’s hand and drags him away from the group.
“Oh, are they together?” Clarke asks. Last thing she knew of Echo was that she was a spy for Azgeda and she was trying to kill Octavia. Six years is a long time, she reminds herself.
“Yeah, happened not long after we got to the ring,” Emori explains. Clarke smiles to herself.
“Wow,” Clarke says with a laugh. “Anyway, we’ll just go,” Clarke points to her right, “to bed.” Clarke turns to walk away before adding, “it’s good to see you Emori.”
When Clarke wakes up in the morning, it’s quiet. Madi is still asleep and for a moment it feels as though nothing changed. The sun has just risen, so Clarke thinks she should as well. She kisses Madi’s head lightly, and walks over to the fire. It is recently lit, Clarke can tell. She notices Lexa sitting on the far end. Now or never, Clarke tells herself.
“Morning,” Clarke greets. Lexa looks from Clarke, back to her fire. “We should talk.” Clarke, says, sitting opposite her.
“We do not have to,” Lexa tells her coldly.
“No, we really should. I want to explain.” Clarke continues.
“You don’t need to, it’s perfectly clear.” Lexa tells her. “I always wondered if there was something more to yours and Bellamy’s relationship, but now I know. You always insisted that you were only best friends.” Lexa finally looks up at her, and it reminds Clarke of the first time they met. If looks could kill.
“He was! Or is, I’m not sure. It wasn’t like a thing. And it wasn’t like we were together, if I remember that was you,” Clarke reminds her. “It was just the one time thing, right after you told me about what happened on the victory tour. When I got home, we were drinking and it just happened, apparently, I don’t even remember it.” Clarke admits. She takes a deep breath before continuing, “and then the world ended, and I wasn’t able to talk to you about it. I didn’t find out I was pregnant for like two months after you went to space.” Clarke pauses again. “I’m sorry if I hurt you,” Clarke adds sincerely.
“I know I hurt you first.” Lexa relents. “After getting shot and having the flaim in and out, I think it changed me. Something in me was just different. When I was on tour, for a while it was like I felt nothing. I would look at these crowds of people and I thought they didn’t deserve it,” Lexa admits, looking away, ashamed.
Clarke knows Lexa. She loves her people. Everything she’s ever done was to help them. She would give her life for them, if it meant saving them. Clarke never spent too much time on psych rounds with her mom, but she doesn’t need to to recognize what Lexa is saying as potentially PTSD.
“Heda!” A little voice from behind Clarke shouts. “Oh and hi mommy.” Madi plops herself onto her mom’s lap. “Wow mommy you were right. Heda is beautiful.” Madi admires. Lexa smirks, while Clarkes blushes. “You’re the commander of the thirteen clans?” Madi inquires, even though she already knows the answer. Lexa nods, and opens her mouth to respond, but excited little Madi continues, “one day I’m going to be the commander, mommy told me,” Lexa raises an eyebrow at Clarke.
“Are you planning to take me out and replace me with your kid?” Lexa jokes.
“No, obviously not,” Clarke says with an eye roll and a smile. “Madi, little one, I said that you might be heda one day. But Lexa has to die first.”
“What?” Madi asks, her bottom lip quivering.
“No, no Madi that’s not what I meant, she, and you, and,” Clarke stutters trying to explain.
“Anyway, Madi. Did your mom really say I was beautiful?” Lexa asks with a small smile. Madi nods.
“Yeah, like all the time!” Madi tells her.
“Wow!” Lexa laughs.
“Maybe, like once or twice.” Clarke corrects with a red face.
“A day,” Madi interjects. Clarke pokes Madi’s side, tickling her.
“Anyway,” Clarke collects herself. “How was it up there? Honestly?”
“It was a big change,” Lexa answers. “None of my knowledge or training prepared me for that. I even had to turn over leadership.” Clarke looks at her suspiciously.
“Well, at least for a little while.” Clarkes laughs.
“I knew you wouldn’t be able to hand over command that easily-not to mention you hate being told what to do. You have to be in charge all the time,” Clarke jokes.
“Not all the time, remember?” Lexa asks. Clarke takes a deep breath. She remembers.
“I don’t think I was supposed to hear that. I’m going to pretend that I didn’t,” Emori laughs, walking over to them.
“Emowee?” Madi asks, looking at her mom. After yesterday and the reaction she received from her day and getting confused about who he is, she thinks she should ask first.
“We’re still working on her ‘r’s’” Clarke tells both of them.
“Yeah, I’m Emori. Did your mom tell you about me?” She inquires. Emori never felt like part of the group. She thought everyone only saw her as John’s girlfriend. Being in space did change her place in the group, and strengthened her friendships, but Clarke was from before.
“Well, yeah,” Madi tells her. “She told me about all her friends.” She turns to Lexa. “She told me about you the most. She said you weren’t friends, more than a friend, I think, right mommy?”